Finding Me (39 page)

Alison and Beth and Rand are all really good people, yet they say that’s not good enough without believing in Jesus. Denice and Jones are two of the best
people I know, but they don’t really ever even think about God.

Maybe this is another area of my life where it’s time that I quit just trusting what my father told me all my life and look for the truth myself. Really seek it out.

Regardless of what I find, it does seem to me that my Tennessee family has a certain peace that my “good” friends
back home seem to be lacking. Peace is something I
could use a little more of. Right now, sitting in
a hotel room in Arkansas, it is so far removed from me that I’m not sure it even exists anymore.

I’m just sorry I won’t be around Alison and Beth or Miss Birdyshaw anymore. They seemed to
understand these answers. Perhaps in time, I would have, too.

46

O
n Saturday afternoon, Shane was wrapping up a day packed full of showings. His realty business was picking up, which was a good thing, because he needed to stay busy for the next month. Just one more month and then Kelli would be gone and maybe he could move on with his life as if she’d never been there.

In spite of the fact that he had been avoiding Dad’s store like the plague for the past week or so, knowing she was still there left him restless. He couldn’t get interested in any of the other girls in town, in spite of constant invitations from Amy and her friends. Once Kelli was gone, well, then he was sure he’d start to be interested in someone else.

He wanted to be mad at her, but even as he looked back on their time together, Kelli had really never done anything to lead him to believe she wanted to be anything more than his father’s employee. He really couldn’t blame her. In fact, maybe next week he would make a point of stopping by the store, just casually, to see if they couldn’t get some sort of friendly rapport going again. He missed being around her.

He heard his father rumbling around in the kitchen as he made his way inside. “Hey, how’s it going?” He rounded the corner and found his father at the kitchen table, wiping a tear from his cheek. “Pop, what’s wrong?” He knew his father was upset about Beth’s baby, but his father never cried. About anything.

Pop shook his head and looked away from him, toward the back window. “I’m fine. Just wallowing in a bit of regret, is all.”

“Regret? For what?”

He continued to shake his head slowly. “So many things I don’t know where to start.” He turned toward Shane then and offered a strained smile. “Don’t listen to me, I’m just an old man rambling on about nothing. What’s on your agenda this evening?”

“Nothing that can’t wait, if you’re not feeling well.”

“I’m fine. Like I said, just wallowing.”

“How are Beth and Rand holding up? And Alison?” He knew that whatever it was that had his father so upset, it had something to do with the baby.

“They’re making it through as best they can. They’re heartbroken, of course, how could they not be?” He looked up toward the ceiling as if searching for something behind the antique white paint and plaster.

Shane needed to do something to cheer him up. There was only one thing he could think of, but it was something he really didn’t want to do. Still, he’d never seen his father like this. “Why don’t you invite Kelli over for dinner tonight? She always cheers you up.”

“What?” That got his dad’s attention in a big way. “Thought you two weren’t speaking to each other.”

Shane shrugged. “It’s not that we weren’t speaking—more like we were just avoiding each other. More like I was avoiding her, but you know what? It’s time for me to get over it. Truth is, she wasn’t as much to blame as I liked to think she was. If the two of you are going to be working together for the next
month, then it’s time for me to be a bigger person and move past my hurt pride.”

Pop studied his face for several seconds and then said, “Unfortunately, you’re just a little too late for that.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s gone.”

“Gone? Where?”

“Back to California, I reckon.”

“You reckon? You mean she’s left Shoal Creek and your store?”

“Yep.”

“And she didn’t tell you where she was going?”

“Nope.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. When’s she coming back?”

“I expect she’ll call me in the next day or two—whenever she’s ready—and give me the details, but I already know the answer to the rest of it. She’s not coming back. Ever.”

47

I
t was Wednesday morning when Kelli finally pulled into the driveway of her apartment, exhausted but relieved to be home. Now she was thankful for the months of paying two rents—at least she had a place to come back to. She climbed the stairs to her little over-the-garage unit, somehow managing to drag her suitcase inside before she plopped across the sofa. The room felt empty without the six-foot bear looming above her. She both missed it and was glad for its absence, so bittersweet was what it represented. The man she’d loved but never really knew at all. The man who’d been so kind to her but had done something terrible to the rest of his family. She pulled out the remote and began to channel surf, not paying attention to anything she was seeing, just needing some mindless noise.

Mrs. Rohling came to the door. “I thought I saw your car in the driveway. Welcome back.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ve got a message for you. There was a woman who came by looking for you a week or so ago. She asked if I would give you this when you got home.”

Kelli thanked Mrs. Rohling, who was already on her way out the door. She opened the envelope to find a handwritten note.

Dear Kelli,

You asked me to convey your message to my mother when she was ready to hear it. Now I have a message for you, from not only my mother but from the entire family. First of all, we would like to offer a heartfelt apology for betraying your trust and costing your job, when you were going out on a limb to help us. It didn’t take long for Kevin to realize that his old high school buddy was indeed cheating our mother with abandon. If he were less of a coward he would have called you himself.

Long story short, Mom’s house sold quickly, so while it’s not possible for her to return home, she did find a cute little cottage in an adult living neighborhood fairly close to Kevin. She loves the place and the people, and still has her independence after all. She asked me to convey to you that she would love to see you if you are ever in the Bay area, so please stop by sometime. As for the rest of us, we again offer our sincere thanks and our profound apologies. I’m sorry that I did not find you at home so that I could tell you all this in person.

Best wishes,
Julie Layton

Kelli shook her head. Who would have thought? So many things had happened since that incident, she found it hard to believe it was part of the same lifetime.

After a while, she pushed herself upright and got into the shower. It was time to start facing the reality of her life, of what it was going to be and what it was not going to be.

It was going to be building up a fabulous new restaurant with her two dearest friends in a charming old Victorian in Santa Barbara. It was not going to be anything to do with country stores, or sweet next-door-neighbor ladies, or family members that she’d never even known existed.

She paced around the room for a while, then drove to Anna’s Bakery for a cream cheese croissant and a large coffee. The bakery was busy as usual, but she found an empty table by the window. The sugar and caffeine flowed through her, and while it woke her up, it did nothing to give her any comfort. She watched families come in together, a mother holding a toddler, a teenaged boy with his father, a young couple holding hands. People who were committed to each other, living their lives together. Something she no longer had.

“Hey, Denice, it’s me. I’m back in town. What’s your schedule like today?”

Ten minutes later, Denice was sitting on Kelli’s couch, a bag of potato chips in hand. “Okay, start from the beginning and tell me what’s happened that caused you to stop taking my calls a few days ago, and now you’ve shown up here out of the blue.”

So that’s what Kelli did. She told her everything that had transpired, leaving out nothing. “That’s why I’m back here. I couldn’t stand to be there for even one more minute. You were so right when you said it was not the time for me to go back. Probably there never would have been a right time, I was just too blind to see it. I’ve not only messed my own self up, but I’ve hurt Beth—which is killing me. I know I hurt Kenmore, too, and Shane. I just made one big mess of it.”

Denice hugged her tight. “I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all this. You deserve it less than anyone I know. You’re back now,
a bit older and a bit wiser, but things are going to work out, just you wait and see. Jones has been working hard on the menu and the arrangements. This is going to be a fresh start for you, and that’s what you need right now.” She looked at her watch. “Oh blast! I’m late. I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

Denice hurried through the door, blowing a kiss as she went. She was such a good friend, had been for all of Kelli’s life. Maybe Kelli didn’t have any family left, but she had Denice.

The next day, Kelli decided to go for a drive by the ocean. She’d missed the ocean. As she merged onto the freeway, she thought through all her future possibilities. Denice was right—now was the time for a fresh start.

She slammed on the brakes so hard her car skidded to a stop. The driver behind her laid on his horn as he swerved around her. He made an obscene gesture as he passed by. Kelli’s heart hammered against her ribs, and she hit the gas again, only then realizing what a stupid thing she’d just done. It could have killed her and several more people on the freeway. But in that moment she’d finally realized what she was trying to do. Leave all her problems behind and start fresh. She was no better than her father.