Finding Me (30 page)

As soon as my foot hit the last step, however, my mother called me from the kitchen. I hadn’t talked with her much since my trip to Tierra, and I wasn’t in the mood to do it now.

“Mom, I’ll be right back. I’m going jogging in the park,” I said. “On the trail,” I added to appease her over-cautious sensibilities.

“No, Chloe, we have plans,” she said. I took a deep breath, looked at the door, and contemplated walking out anyway. “Arggh,” I growled. I walked to the kitchen to see what plans she could be referring to since I had no clue about them. Both my parents sat at the breakfast table eating scrambled eggs and turkey bacon.

“Oh, there you are, stranger,” Mother said when I entered the kitchen. “I haven’t seen you in days. You seem a little different, taller perhaps. What do you think, Harold?” I looked at my father, who had his head buried in the New York Times.

“Uh, yeah,” he muttered from behind his newspaper. He never spoke in complete sentences until he finished his first cup of coffee. But even then, he stayed out of mom’s spats with me.

I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath. “Mother, I’m only going for a quick run. I’ll be back so we can primp and prep.”

“No good. I need for you to be here when I’m ready to leave and that could be as soon as I’m finished eating breakfast.”

“Mother, I just need to run one lap to ease some stress, please.”

“Oh darling, you can run another day. And what do you have to be stressed about? You don’t have any worries. I planned the party myself.”
Wow!
There it was, the crux of our problem.
She has no clue who I am.

I tried to keep the tears at bay, but it was useless. “Come and have breakfast with us, Margaret has prepared–”

“No,” I said, cutting her off.
Gulp.
I wanted to rewind time, force the words down my throat and swallow them like the shards of glass they were. But you can’t take back things you say. Now that it was out, I had to commit to it. So I stood my ground and didn’t blink or falter.

“Excuse me, I gave you a direct order, young lady,” she said. She looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. In fact, I had. I never stood up for myself. I allowed her to boss me around. I barely had a life of my own because she was wound up about everything I did.

“Is there something that maybe you should tell me?” I said, before I even realized what I was saying.

“Not now, Chloe. Chill,” Sam said in my head. “Go to your room right now. We can talk. Just calm down.”

I didn’t listen. I built a wall because if she was listening, then I was positive Chris was, too.

“Tell you what?” Mother asked. She tapped her long French manicured nails on the table and tilted her head, waiting for my response.

I didn’t say anything at first. I looked from her to my father. Hoping, praying that they’d make this easier on me and tell me the truth.

“Who am I?” I whispered. My abdomen did a perfect somersault. My father placed his paper on the table and looked up at me with a scrunched brow. As if he didn’t recognize me. Then he looked at my mother with squinted eyes for a long moment.
I wonder what that look meant.

“What do you mean, Bops?” he asked, in total control of his voice as always.

“What I mean is,” …
breathe…
“there are signs. Things that tell me I’m different from everyone else. Not just how I look, but how I act…how I think. I’m different from you both and Matt. Why?” I screamed.
Where the hell did that come from?

“Oh dear, must you be so dramatic? No two persons are just alike.” She waved her hand at me dismissively. “Go for your little run if you must.” She gestured toward the front door. Though her demeanor was casual, her eyes bulged and her jaw was set tight.
She’s such a liar.

“So that’s it. That’s all, nothing else?”

“Don’t, Chloe,” Chris said.
How did he get through my wall?
I ignored him.

“What else is there to say, Chloe?” she said, through barely parted lips.

“You two are such hypocrites. Liars,” I stormed out of the kitchen. As fast as I tried to run up the steps, it wasn’t fast enough. My parents were discussing my outburst.

“Karen, I told you…”

“I don’t know what’s gotten into her,” Mother said, interrupting him.

I threw open the door to my room.
Now what?
Too wired to sit and wait until they came to feed me more lies, I looked for an avenue of escape. I needed to go, to get out of this house. I turned, looking for an outlet for my pent-up anger. My car parked out front sprang to my mind. As if I’d called for them, my eyes flashed to the keys sitting on the desk. I flicked my index finger and they were in my hand in less than a second.

“NO!” they all yelled at once.
How are they getting through my wall?
Rage overpowered every other emotion inside me. I forced them back out and continued.

I stormed out of my room and down the steps. I ran to the front door and yanked it open. It vibrated under my hand. Mother raced into the front foyer. I stood at the entrance with the door open until she reached me.
She wanted to put on a show, I would give her one.

“Chloe, what has gotten into you?” she demanded.

“My name is Amanda. At least that was the name my real mother gave me at birth,” I said. Then I slammed the door shut as hard as I could. The sidelight windows on either side of the door shattered, leaving shards of glass all over the foyer tile.

I ran to my car, which was parked out front for my party this evening. My breath was labored as I fumbled to put the key in the ignition and engage the engine. I swerved quickly out into the traffic. Getting far away from the house was my only concern. I didn’t care where I went. How could they have kept this information from me? Were they ever going to tell me the truth? How could they lie to me just now? I tried to control the car as I sobbed hysterically into the steering wheel.

Enraged, I turned down a back street and then turned down another. I swerved widely, barely missing a light pole. I pressed my foot to the accelerator, needing even more distance. I didn’t think about a cop pulling me over. Anger was in complete control.

I didn’t know how long it had been, but I noticed immediately that I’d somehow driven to a rural area of town.
Impossible.
But I didn’t stop. I pushed the pedal to the floor, with rage so great I could barely keep the car straight. My tears soaked through the front of my tee.

I took my eyes off the road for a fraction of a second to grab a tissue from the dispenser. When I looked back up into traffic, my stomach knotted.

I gasped. I’d veered the car into oncoming traffic. A huge black sixteen-wheel truck bore down on my little red car at great speed. My pulse quickened. I looked to the left, then the right as quickly as I could to see if there was any escape. There was none. I gripped the wheel until my knuckles hurt. I was barricaded in by a median wall on one side and a construction barrier around a giant hole in the ground on the other side. Every muscle in my body tightened.

Fighting it was useless.

I was about to die.

I’d never given much thought as to how I might die. Flattened by a gigantic truck on the road while driving alone hadn’t even been a possibility though.

I hoped death would be instantaneous. This would prove to Chris and the others that they could fight the ENO without me. My mind raced to Chris and how I wanted to feel his touch once more.

The tires of the colossal truck squealed.

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter.

But it didn’t come.

I opened my eyes and discovered I was still in my car. In front of my house, not on the road about to be demolished by a monster truck. My eyes closed in shock but also elation.

Then someone pried open the door. Strong arms swept me up tightly. They held me protectively. I peered up to see who it was. It was Chris. I breathed, relieved, into his neck.

“Don’t you ever, ever do that again. Do you understand me?” He shook me hard. He was really upset with me.
Shouldn’t he be happy I wasn’t dead?

“I...I–” What did I do wrong? I could barely talk. His thoughts blasted me from right to left. I couldn’t make them out. I shivered at what he could be trying to say.

“You were blocking me. I tried to pull you out of the car, but you wouldn’t let me. Don’t ever…” he said. His mouth was a straight line and his eyes glistened with unshed tears.

I looked at him, startled. My mouth fell open with realization. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. He pulled me back into his arms and held me tight. I was sure he’d crack a rib. But I didn’t protest. His arms were my haven.

I noticed everyone else then. They all appeared upset as well, especially Sam. I staggered over and wrapped my arms around her. “I’m sorry, Sam, everybody. I wasn’t trying to kill myself…if that’s what you all thought.”
How could they think that I’d do something like that?
“I was upset and didn’t watch the road. I don’t even know how I’m alive right now. But I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”

“You may not have been, but it was stupid,” Chris said. “Running out like that when you’re that upset.” He shook his head. “You’re not a normal. Your anger can make things happen. You have to be careful about what you do when you’re that upset.”

“What she was able to do….that should be the focus now.” I turned, stunned, to look at her. She was smiling. A huge grin lit up her entire face and brightened her eyes. “You did it,” Raja said. She clasped her hands to her mouth with the outline of a tear in her eyes. “You pulled a shield of protection around the entire car and then you made the car and yourself regenerate back here. You did it, Chloe, not any of us. You.” She pointed and shook her head. Like a proud teacher.

“Chloe!” my mother yelled frantically from the house.

“Go,” I said. And before I could contemplate my actions, I thrust my hands forward and everyone disappeared. I glanced down the walk to see if our neighbors were watching. None were out at the moment. I released a slow breath.

“You did that, too,” Raja said in my head.

“Chloe, Chloe,” Mother said again, coming down the front walk while still in her bathrobe.

“Mom, what are you doing? You still have your sleepers on.” I turned and led her back up to the house.

“Wait, Chloe,” she said. She stopped and whirled me around to face her. I saw the pain in her eyes and guilt enveloped me. Who knew Cruella De Vil had a heart? Tear streaks ran the length of her face and her makeup was smeared. As angry as I’d been, it was gone now, my near-death experience having humbled me.

“I’m sorry. I never meant for the truth to come out like that. I was only trying to protect you. I did not want you to feel any different from any of us. Let me explain. I do not want you to hate me.”

“Oh, Mom, now you’re being dramatic. I could never hate you.” I threw my arms around her neck. We stood on the sidewalk in a loving embrace, the first of such in years.

“Do you think I could cut in?” said a familiar voice. I spun my head over her shoulder to see who had spoken, though the nervous gurgle of my stomach had already told me: Mr. Hatchet. He stood by his truck sucking in his saliva-drenched lips. He smiled. His usual I’m-a-perv grin.

I looked Mom square in the eyes. She nodded, understanding my need to do this. “Mr. Hatchet, my mother and I are sharing a moment. So please give us some privacy.”

“Oh, come on now, I’m just trying to be helpful. Two beautiful women sharing a loving embrace like that. I feel kinda left out,” he said with that idiotic grin again. Then he arched his connect-a-brow.

I rolled my eyes. “Actually, Melvin, if I were your personal attorney I would advise you to stay at least 10 feet away from all teenage girls. As the parent of this” - she draped her arm over my shoulder - “said teen girl, I would advise you to keep your comments and your eyes straight. Lest I bury you for your inappropriate behavior. I hope I have made myself clear. I don’t intend on having this conversation again. “She spun me around and we continued to the house without a glance back at Mr. Hatchet. “Mom,” I laughed. Note to self: Mother is fierce but sometimes in a good way.

As we approached the steps to the house, her sad eyes were unbearable. I realized our conversation wasn’t finished. “Mom, okay. I’m adopted, a lot of kids are. I just wish I could’ve known sooner. That’s the past now, so let’s move forward, particularly into the house. It’s taken us years to break our relationship, and it may take years to repair it. I can live with that.”

Her eyes shown with fresh tears. “How did you get so smart? So strong. Then again, I am your mother,” she said, smiling. “I lost my way with you, but we can find the right way back together.”

“We can,” I said in agreement. “Now let’s go get ready for the party of the century.”

~ ~ ~

At approximately six o’clock, Melissa and Emily arrived so they could ride to the party with me. I looked at myself in the full-length mirror that hung on the back of my closet door one last time to ensure not a strand of my new curly hair was out of place.
Why was I so nervous about this?
I knew everything would be fine. Everyone would get along. Though I’d told myself this repeatedly, the potential for disaster existed because I was introducing Chris as my boyfriend tonight.

“Why are you so nervous?” Emily asked.

“It’s this whole Chris thing and my parents,” I said, clutching the wheel for emotional support.

“Your parents are going to love Chris. And if they don’t, then so what? You’re dating him, not them,” Emily said. She hunched her shoulders and shook her head.

“She’s right,” Melissa said. “It’s your life. You’ll have to live with the decisions you make. I thought you would’ve learned your lesson with the Zack situation. You sure had me fooled.” She propped herself up between Emily and me from her position in the back seat. “Got any more secrets you’ve been keeping from us?”

“Oh yeah, I’m a superhero from another universe.” I laughed boisterously.

“If someone else had said that, I may have believed it. Not you. You would be too, um…what’s the word…a sissy. You could be the damsel in distress, though,” Emily said, laughing.