Finding London (Flawed Heart #1) (13 page)

“Is she telling you my deepest, darkest secrets?” I question before shooting an accusatory look Paige’s way.

“I guess you’ll never know.” The way he says it sounds like a challenge.

“Oh, I’ll find out.” I send a glare full of mock disgust toward Paige. I point my finger at her. “I know where you live, Paigey Poo. Don’t forget that.”

She laughs, which breaks my charade of anger as well, and I smile back at her.

With laughter in my voice, I add, “Remember where your loyalties lie, my friend.”

She responds with, “You two enjoy all your physical activities tonight.”

“I hate you,” I say, shaking my head.

Loïc grabs my hand and leads us toward the front door.

“Lies! You love me!” Paige shouts from the living room.

“You’re right. I love you,” I call back, my free hand grabbing my purse from the table before we exit the front door.

Loïc chuckles beside me. “Girls are so weird.”

“You’re just realizing this?”

“I suppose not. Maybe that’s part of the reason I don’t date.”

“You’re dating me.” He doesn’t respond, so I continue, “I think a second date qualifies as dating, don’t you?”

He lets out a noncommittal noise, letting me know that he heard me but, at the same time, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with my question. He opens the passenger door and waits for me to jump up into his truck.

After I’ve hopped up, I look over to him. “Why are you dating me, Loïc?”

He shakes his head and gives me a weak smile. “I have no idea,” he says more to himself than anything before he closes my door.

His cavalier statement and the sound of the door shutting make me jump in my seat. I have the feeling that he didn’t mean it as rude or hurtful but more speaking to his confusion about his feelings toward me. But I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t sting.

It’s about a thirty-minute drive to the river where we will be renting a kayak. We spend that time talking about our tastes in music. Loïc is a fan of varying rock. He likes classic rock, the hair bands—including the rock ballads of the eighties and nineties—and the alternative bands from the past two decades. He listens to a station on satellite radio that plays nothing but this type of music. The last three songs have been by Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, and The Smashing Pumpkins—and the only reason I know this is because each band’s name shows on his radio display.

I, on the other hand, am a religious Top Forty Pop music fan. Loïc says I’m a sellout, and I have shallow tastes. I argue that my preferences are the best because I’m listening to what the majority of people like at the moment.

“The songs wouldn’t be among the Top Forty most popular songs on the radio if they weren’t good, right? My music is relevant.”

“I’m gonna have to disagree with you on that one.” He chuckles.

What does he know anyway?

Right next to the kayak rental is a mom-and-pop diner, so we each have a quick burger before getting started.

While Loïc is paying, I
try to be proactive, and I attempt to lift the kayak. The first thing I realize is that, despite how light and welcoming the kayak looks with its colorful plastic appearance, it is extremely heavy.

Or I’m just a complete wimp.

I grunt loudly in an unladylike fashion as I hoist one end of the kayak off the ground, but my hands slip. In an effort to catch the thing, I stumble on the wet ground. I let out a startled yell as my ass hits the slick earth, and the stupid wannabe boat falls on my legs.

Ouch! That’s going to turn lovely shades of blue and purple.

My eyes water from the event. It’s not as if I’m in excruciating pain, but it does sting a little, and my ego along with my shins are definitely bruised.

“London, what are you doing?” Loïc chuckles as he lifts the kayak off of me.

“I was trying to help.” I sniffle, completely embarrassed.

My confession causes him to laugh some more as he grabs my hand and lifts me into a standing position against his chest. He hugs me, pulling me into his warmness, while one of his hands rubs soothingly up and down my back. Against my cheek, I can feel the vibrations of the laughter he’s trying to hide, but I don’t care. I’ll fall more often to be held by Loïc.

I’m a true mess around him and extremely wishy-washy. One minute, I’m asserting my will, letting him know that I will not be walked all over, reminding him that I’m a strong, desirable woman who demands respect. The next, I’m a sniffling damsel in distress who’s contemplating what other precarious situations I can get myself into, so he’ll hold me like this again.

I’m an embarrassment to women’s rights everywhere.

He releases his hold. His hands grab on to my upper arms and push me back a bit. His amused gaze finds my embarrassed one. “You okay?”

I nod.

“Good.” He leans down and kisses my forehead before his grasp releases my arms. “Then, let’s go. I’ll handle the kayak.” He winks.

Cocky bastard.

He points to the life jackets by his feet. “Can you grab those?”

I pick up the vests and then say, “You know, it’s your fault.”

He lifts the kayak over his head, like it weighs nothing. His shirt rises with the motion, and I can see his tight stomach muscles and the V that disappears beneath his shorts. I force my eyes upward, only to be met with the sculpted muscles of his arms as they tighten to hold the kayak.

“Oh, really? How so?” He chuckles.

My focus snaps to his deep blues as he waits for my response. “Oh, well…you made me change into flip-flops, and they have no traction, which caused me to slip,” I answer petulantly.

He shakes his head in amusement and starts walking toward the water. “Right, and your heels would have been better?”

“Whatever.” I follow after him.

“You know what, London? I think you have an issue with being wrong or corrected.”

“I do not,” I protest.
I so do.

“You do, and it’s kind of a big flaw. It makes you seem spoiled.”

My mouth opens wide as I gasp in disapproval. Loïc sets the kayak down on the bank by the river.

“If you think I’m so spoiled, why are you here with me?” I ask firmly, my pride overruling my desire to shut up and be the girl that Loïc wants me to be.

Yes, I’m infatuated with him. Yes, I want him like I’ve never wanted anyone else in my life. But I’m not a good actress. I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not. Loïc would see right through it. I just wish I were someone who knew exactly who she was. My attitude is all over the place. I’m composed of a myriad of opposing emotions. In the past few weeks, I’ve realized that I’m somewhat of a train wreck. No matter how badly I want Loïc, it’d be better for him to tire of me sooner than later, right? It’s best to let my true colors shine.

Loïc takes a step toward me until we are a breath apart. He places his hand on my shoulder, rubbing his thumb across my collarbone. He stares at me with so much intensity that my heart begins to beat wildly in my chest.

“Do you know why I waited a week to text you, London?”

I shake my head, my eyes wide.

“It’s because I’m fucked up. I have issues and not small ones either. I have real ones that prevent me from having too many true relationships in my life. I hate that about myself, and I wish it were different, but it’s not.

“But then I saw this girl who was so insanely beautiful that I could barely breathe in her presence. From the moment I met her, I relied on the walls that I had put up to keep people out, but it didn’t matter. She got in. Despite all my efforts, she penetrated my walls. She was constantly on my mind, and just when I figured I would lose my mind from thinking about her, I randomly ran into her.

“I fought hard to ignore her, to hate her. I wanted to detest her. I did. Longing for someone you can’t have is nothing short of torture. So, I picked apart everything about her, looking for a flaw big enough to keep her from monopolizing my thoughts. Regardless of the negatives that popped up, the positives were always the loudest.

“I can’t describe my attraction to her because it is so much more than physical. Something about her calls to me, beckoning me toward her. It’s almost innate, unstoppable. So, finally, after deliberating so much that I thought my brain would burst, I decided to give it a chance.

“Perhaps, as she told me before, we’re truly meant to be. Just maybe, I’m meant to have happiness in this life. I know she’s not perfect. She has flaws, as do I. But I texted her back because what if my lots of fucked up and her little of fucked up can be fucked up together?” His other hand grasps my waist, and his fingers dig into my skin in the most delightful way.

He pauses a moment and regards me with burning eyes. “Maybe, where you have holes, I can fill you with my strength, and where I am ripped wide open, you can mend me. There has to be a reason that you’re the first woman in my life whom I can’t ignore. It’s a lot to hope. But there’s a small chance that, someday, we won’t be fucked up together; we’ll just be together.”

All I can manage to say is, “Wow.”

“I know.” Loïc’s voice is low. His hand releases its hold on my waist.

“I mean, like, wow, I didn’t know you had all those words in you.”

Loïc throws his head back in laughter. “I told you I’ve had a lot of time to think.”

“I guess so. Did you have that all planned out? That’s deep for a second date.” I know I shouldn’t be kidding with him after he just laid his heart and soul out for me, but I need a moment to process his words, and I’m pretty sure he needs it, too.

“No, it just sorta came out.”

“You’re a deep kinda guy, I guess.”

“I’m definitely intense. You can add that to my flaw category.”

“I’m digging your flaws.” I smile.

“And I’m digging yours.”

“Even the fact that I’m a little spoiled?” I quirk up a brow in question.

“Even that.” He chuckles.

“There is one major flaw that I can’t overlook.” I press my lips together.

Loïc’s expression goes serious. “What’s that?”

I take in a big breath. “Well, usually, when a guy gives a sweet and sexy speech like that, he follows it up with an equally as hot kiss. I’m feeling cheated without a kiss, and that’s definitely being marked as a flaw.”

Using that deliciously low voice that makes my toes curl, he says, “Lucky for you, that’s one I can fix.”

Before I can think of a witty response, his mouth is on mine. He wraps his hands around my waist and pulls me in, so our bodies are flush as our tongues move desperately against each other. I thread my fingers through the short hair at the nape of his neck, pushing our mouths as close together as possible.

I can’t get enough of Loïc. I don’t think I ever will.

As our kiss continues, my mind returns to his words from seconds ago, and my heart swells with happiness. He said a lot, and I will take it all in later. But the one thing that rings loud and clear is that he is just as infatuated with me as I am with him. Nothing could make me happier.

Loïc

“Please forget my lame attempt at a joke. I’m not remotely funny. It’s one of my flaws.”

—Loïc Berkeley

“You’ve never done this before, have you?” I can’t stop from chuckling as I watch London struggle with the paddle, like she’s slaying a dragon with a sword.

“Um, no. Is it that obvious?” she calls over her shoulder at me.

“Yep.” I get the feeling that she really isn’t an outdoorsy type of girl.
One more flaw to add to her growing list and one that I’ll gladly help her with.

I love being outside. There’s something comforting about being out in the elements, regardless of what they are. I’ve lived all over the United States and been to Iraq. It doesn’t matter if I’m sitting beneath the lush evergreens in Washington as it rains or in the Iraqi desert, covering my face as the sand whips around me. Being outside calms me.

I spent way too much time inside as a child, hiding from my fears, trying to make myself invisible to the horrors that surrounded me. A large part of my childhood passed by with me feeling suffocated between strong walls that didn’t protect me. I’ve learned that there are a lot of truly evil people in this world who will hurt others for their enjoyment. And that’s the thing I love about nature; it’s not out to get anyone. Yes, it can be powerful and even deadly, but it’s not personal. It is a force to be reckoned with, but at least it’s a fair force. And it’s always beautiful, whether it’s the waves coming onto the sandy beaches of South Carolina or a thunder and lightning storm in Georgia. Regardless of how serene or fierce its attributes are, nature is exquisite. I simply find it really intriguing.