Finding Hope in Texas (28 page)

“They are beautiful,” I beamed.
Oh, I like
the impressing Jason
. “Would you like to take a seat?”

“Sure. Nice place you have here.”

“Thanks.” We sat down on the sofa and a
moment later, Mags made her appearance, taking time off from
cooking in the kitchen. Jason stood like a gentleman and I think I
also noticed Mags’ eyes widen just a bit.
Calm yourself old
woman, he’s
mine!

“Miss Kilpatrick,” he smiled and stretched
out his hand.

“The boy looking for buttons. And please,
call me Mags.”
Oh, God, is she already going to make this
awkward?

“That’s me, I guess. How are you this
evening?”

“Very good. Thank you for coming on short
notice.”

“Oh, it’s my pleasure.”

“I’m sure it is.”
MAGS!
“Well, dinner
will be done in a few minutes. Y’all just sit down and I’ll call
you when it’s ready.”

“Thank you.”

Mags walked out of the room and I snuggled in
close under Jason’s arm. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“For what?”

“That you have to go through this.”

He looked down at me. “For you, Hope, I’d
walk through fire.”

He kissed me on top of the head just as Mags
called us to the little dining table. The spaghetti was good and
was that much better with the garlic toast that Mags made. Little
was said as we all had first and second helpings. After that, we
all leaned back in our chairs, overstuffed. Sometimes being a fat
lazy American rocked!

“So Jason, how long have you been at the
hardware store?”

Jason wiped his mouth. “Around six months.
Since I got home, anyway.”

“Yes, Hope told me you were a veteran. You
served in...”

“Iraq,” he answered quickly, acknowledging a
nod from Mags.

“Well, as always, thank you for serving. But
I just don’t understand war. Why waste so many lives and so much
money on killing other people?”
Crap! Was she really going to
start a political debate right here at the dining table?

Jason nodded. “I just followed orders and
waited to go home.”

She nodded this time. “So do you have big
plans with your life or are you just going to work at the hardware
store?”

“Mags, come on,” I interrupted. “Jason, don’t
answer that.”

“No it’s fine,” he smiled at me. “As a matter
of fact, I would like to go to trade school or maybe college, maybe
do something working with my hands. Or maybe becoming a history
teacher. Doing Civil War reenacting over the years has given me a
new respect for our past.” His eyes focused on me, “That sometimes
it may not be pretty, but we always have to keep in mind that there
are better days ahead of us, ones that will make us happy we were
here to witness the beauty in front of us.”

I had to be drooling at this point. How did
he have such an effect on me? With a humbled expression, I slowly
ran my hand across the table and clasped his.

“Jason, just one more question.”
Oh,
God.
“I think it’s fine y’all are going out to have fun this
weekend, but what are your true intentions with Hope here?”

My mouth dropped. I was turning red from
acute embarrassment from Jason and now I was turning red with
anger.
Hypocrite!
Darn, you Mags!

“Well, to be honest, Mags, if you weren’t
here right this very moment, I would’ve probably already hoisted
this beautiful girl up on this little table and had one heck of a
making out session.” My eyes went wide.
Did he really just say
that?
His face didn’t miss a beat during the entire sentence
and at the end, oh, the little smile in the corner of his mouth,
his eyes fixed on Mags just waiting for her reply. The score was
Jason, 3, Mags, 0. I turned to Mags waiting for the crap to hit the
fan, or at least the cheap little light above us. But her face
turned from a state of shock to one of amusement. Before I knew
what was going on, both she and Jason were laughing hysterically.
Mags finally looked over at me, wondering why I hadn’t joined in on
the fun.

“Oh, sweetie, what’s wrong? That wasn’t
funny?”

“Um, no.”

“So are you ready for our make-out session?”
asked Jason, making both of them start laughing again.

“Yes, right here, right now!” insisted Mags,
who began cackling so loud that she finally snorted through her
nose. I pulled my hand from his, but the amusement was contagious
and soon I was giggling along with them.

With the ice well broken by that point, the
rest of the evening was enjoyable. Mags saw in Jason what I was
seeing, a good, hardworking young man who may have had a crappy
background, but was doing everything he could to right it. The
three of us laughed well into the evening.

“Well, look at the time. I probably should
get going. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow,” Jason said.

I smiled as all three of us began to get up
from the sofa. “Too bad you didn’t bring any PJs or you could’ve
taken Hope’s room and just stayed over,” Mags said. Jason gave her
a grin as I began to flush for about the fiftieth time that
evening.

“I’m not going to comment on that one,” he
said with a wink as he walked out the door. Mags gave me a nudge to
follow him on outside. When I did, she shut the door to give us
some privacy.

“Your aunt is one in a million.”

I smiled, but the words
aunt
and
a
million
only made me think of the money she wasted over the
years. “She is that,” I responded.

He smiled again and took me into his arms as
I buried my head into his chest. I still didn’t know why, but this
just felt so right to me. Jane Eyre was never this lucky. My guy
may have had a bum leg, but he did have both hands to hold me by. I
could only hope he felt the same.
Thank you for finding me in
the dark, desolate cave, my Tom Sawyer, and please don’t ever let
me go.
And as if he’d read my thoughts, he held me until with
we both decided to pull away.

“Thank you,” I gleamed.

“For what?”

“Just being...my Tom.” His head cocked to one
side, but he didn’t question my weirdness. Instead, he leaned down
and gave me a kiss.

“And thank you for helping me see again that
there is some good in this world.” He gave me another kiss. His
lips were so smooth against mine. “See you tomorrow morning.”

“Not if I see you first.”

I waited until he safely got into his old
truck and drove away, watching the taillights until they turned at
the end of the street. This had to be more than just infatuation
with my Civil War soldier, right? Whatever it was, it made me feel
alive again for the first time in quite a while.
Thank you,
Jason, for that alone.

Mags was sitting on the sofa when I came in
out of the cold.

“Well, what do you think?” I wanted to get
her rant out of the way so I could go to bed.

“He’s...nice.”

“But?”

“But nothing. He’s a nice young man,
Hope.”

“Nothing else? No ‘he’s from the wrong side
of the tracks’ or other
motherly
advice I need to look
forward to? Is his age a problem?”

“How old is he?”

“Nineteen, about to be twenty.”

“And you are about to be seventeen, so y’all
are roughly going to stay three years apart for a long time,” she
quipped. “Hope, he’s nice, attractive, funny—if he had a Corvette
you would be set.”

“He has a motorcycle.”

“Even better, but don’t ride it!”

I smiled as I sat next to her on the
sofa.

“Hope, I can’t tell you what you need to do.
I know your mother would’ve had the advice you need or wanted, but
I don’t. You know the pond scum that I attract and you have a
better head on your shoulders than I do. Heck, you act like fifty
years old most days. Just trust in yourself and I’m sure whatever
you two have going on will be great.” She leaned over and gave me a
hug, a sincere one, like she actually cared. “But if he gets you
pregnant before you finish college, I will kill him, bring him back
to life, and kill him again.”

We giggled.

The next day we were both up early. Mags gave
me a list of things to look for that she thought sold well in the
store.

“Now, you know you can haggle the heck out of
these people. Never pay full price on anything,” she told me with
all seriousness. “The less you pay, the higher the return.” Well,
well, Mags was starting to sound like a businesswoman.

Jason pulled up just after eight and sat down
to eat some Eggo waffles with us. We decided to take my car because
it got better gas mileage. That was one good thing about the
economic collapse; at least gas wasn’t four dollars a gallon
anymore. But as I slid behind the steering wheel, my hands began to
tremble as flashes of Mom driving the car came to mind. It was cold
that morning and yet it felt like I was surrounded by fire. My
breathing escalated as I dropped the keys to the floorboard.
Maybe this was a bad idea getting Mom’s car
. Before I even
bent down to look, Jason’s hand fell upon mine, squeezing it
softly.

“I’ll bet your family were really great
people,” he said sympathetically. “And it amazes me that you get
through each day as well as you do.”

“Does it look like I’m doing well over here?
Why do the simple things remind me of them?”

“Because you loved them. Because they were
your life. Because they will always be a part of you.” I looked at
him as if I didn’t understand. “Hope, you are everything they
wanted you to be: smart, funny, beautiful, and so much more. You
being here, in a way, it gives them life, like theirs wasn’t
wasted. So you have to live it the best you can.”

“And what about you? Why can’t you get past
what the war did to you?” It was a tough question and as soon as it
slipped out of my mouth, I regretted it. His hand left mine.
Oh,
Tom Sawyer, don’t let me go in the darkness
.

“Because those men,” he said and sighed,
“they died because
I
gave them an order. It was my
fault.”

“No.”

“Yes. I should’ve stayed the course, but I
made the wrong decision!” He hit his fist hard against the
dashboard, startling me for the first time.
God, was he more
broken than I was?
Would he forever feel that he’d caused
someone’s death? I reached across to him and put my hand on top of
his; it was all I could do. It seemed to calm him some, enough at
least for me to continue and try to change the conversation.

“Do you think we will ever get over any of
this?”

He gave an unbelieving huff, but smiled. “I
don’t know, sweetie, but when I look at you, I at least feel better
about this messed up world we’re living in.”

I smiled, my Tom was coming back to me. “You
are the first guy I ever kissed.”
What? Where did that come
from?

He gazed at me with a questioning look in his
eyes and I turned red from embarrassment.
Why did I say
that?

“Well, then I feel very honored that you let
me. And I hope to keep that feeling for a very long time.” He
leaned over the console and gave me a kiss on the lips, sliding his
fingertips against my jaw line, his other hand resting upon my
knee. How much time passed, I had no idea. I was lost in his touch.
Together, we drew in a deep breath that brought us back to reality.
“Come on, we’d better get going if we’re going to meet up with
Lizzy and Hunter.” He kissed my hand and released it so that I
could start the engine.

Driving through the rural part of Texas was
peaceful in a way. Even though it was the first time I had been
behind the wheel since the accident, I wasn’t scared as we made the
hour-long trip down there. I knew it was because of Jason and
wouldn’t have dared made the drive with anyone else. His calming
effect took hold of me the moment he saw me begin to lose it. I
needed him, not just for the kissing or the affection or knowing
that somehow he understood more than anyone else; I needed him to
find trust again, to find some sort of balance in my life. And I
think he needed me for the same reason. We were two screwed up
people, finding restitution in one another and feeling just a tad
normal again. But when were we going to see the light at the end of
our cave?

Lizzy sent a text as soon as we parked and
told us where they were, giving each of us a big hug as we
approached. Hunter gave a hardy handshake to his sergeant and then
me. After we had joined our welcoming party, we strolled into the
large building that was arranged with all sorts of antiques. We
made our way up and down the aisles and I pulled out the list that
Mags gave me to search for items for her store.

“Don’t let us wear you out,” I told Jason,
concerned for his leg. He squinted at me and leaned closer.

“For you, I’d walk to the end of the world
and back.”

First fire and now to the end and the world
and back, all for me. My heart jumped a little as I smiled up at
him.
How does he always know the right things to say?

Soon, we left the warmth of the building and
made our way through the lines of antique/junk dealers that had set
up shop. Lizzy explained that in the summer, the place was usually
much more packed with dealers, but that the cold kept them away in
the winter. Still, there was plenty of useless old stuff to look
at, like these people had raided their grandparents’ storage shed
and were selling the artifacts. I also found out that we were going
to have a tough time keeping up with Lizzy, who bounced from one
table to another as we slowly meandered behind.

“Oh, look at that.” I noticed some old
Confederate money in a glass box. The old man behind the table
lifted up the top and handed it to me.

“They are fifty-five a piece, but will do an
even hundred on both of them,” he explained as I looked at the
rebel one and five dollar bills. One hundred bucks, it sounded
reasonable. I brought up my purse.