Finding Hope (21 page)

T
he
girls were in the common room watching a movie. Huddled together on the couch and in chairs, their shrieks and giggles reached me in my dorm room. Ravenhurst was a different place now that Lizzie was gone. We weren't prisoners to her threats, gossip, and backstabbing. Once she left, the poison she'd spread had disappeared, dissipating like a foul smell.

Emily and Vivian tried to make amends, but it was hard for me to forgive them. They'd been complicit in Lizzie's schemes, standing beside her as she sent texts and emails pretending to be Devon. They'd watched as she sent the photos and done nothing to stop her.

But, they'd told Ms. Harrison and the investigators the truth when they were questioned, confessing their guilt. Lizzie was the only one of them to get expelled. There were no excuses for what she'd done.

Normally, I would have joined the girls in the common room, nestling into the space Cassie had saved for me, but I couldn't tonight. Mom and Eric were coming to pick me up. Dad would arrive later and we'd spend the weekend together at the apartment. Some moments were stilted and full of regret and anger, but at other times, wisps of the family we used to be came back, flitting around us. Giving us hope for what we could be.

A new crop of poems decorated my walls. They weren't hidden against door frames or gouged into the wooden bed frame. I left them out in plain view.

There are no

Empty chairs

At the table.

We sit,

All of us,

Bursting with life.

Our presence a shout

For the joy of it.

Through the window, I saw two figures walking across the parking lot towards school. Eric, lanky and stooped compared to the hockey player he once was, and Mom, her frizzy mass of hair poking
out from under her toque. As they walked, their boots left a trail in the fresh snow.

Every day, Eric got stronger. A light shone in his eyes that I hadn't seen in a long time. A wave of hopefulness washed over me. We would never be the people we once were. Our lives had been twisted. Diverted. But, we were finding our way back to each other. My fractured family would heal.

S
ome
authors make writing look effortless—as if novels leap from their fingers to appear fully formed on their computer screens. Sadly, I am not one of them. My stories come out kicking and screaming and have to be beaten into submission. 
Finding Hope
 began as a very different story, but through many, many (many!) rewrites, ended up being the one that made its way into this book. Thank you to my agent, Harry Endrulat, for his faith in the original 
Finding Hope
 and for the gentle nudge that sacrificed 40,000 words to make it better. Thank you also to my sister, Nancy Chappell-Pollack, and wonderful friend Cindy Kochanski, for generously giving their time to read and comment on early drafts. 

One of the most enjoyable parts of seeing this book come to print has been working with the stellar crew at Dundurn. Thank you to Jennifer Gallinger and Laura Boyle for their artistic talents. A special thanks to Carrie Gleason, Kathryn Lane, and freelance editor Natalie Meditsky for their editorial guidance.

As always, to my husband Sheldon and my boys, James and Thomas, thank you! Writing is a slightly tortuous endeavour, but sharing the journey with them makes it worthwhile.

 

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