Finding Home (26 page)

“She married me, no?” he said with a wink.

“Good point.” Propping her head on her hand, she chewed on her bottom lip while she replayed the past few months in her head, absorbing, analyzing, and wondering what the hell the next step should be.

v

By the time Sarah got home on Wednesday night, it was after six and she was exhausted. It didn’t seem like a day of meetings would be able to suck the life out of her, but that was exactly how she felt as she closed the front door behind her and clicked on a lamp. Dropping her briefcase on the ß oor in the foyer and kicking off her pumps, she said aloud, “Sorry, buddy,” toward the shufß ing sound coming from the kitchen. Hurrying in that direction, she felt guilty for leaving Bentley crated for such a long day. She hadn’t intended to stay in her ofÞ ce this late, but she’d been zoning out, staring out the window in the last minutes of the workday, and she’d become lost—worrying about anything and everything and knowing that Regina Danvers really,
really
wanted an answer from her soon about the promotion. The next thing she knew, pretty much everybody was gone and she was still staring. Alone and with no more answers than she’d had when she’d started.

She opened Bentley’s crate and accepted her usual greeting of kisses and wiggling butt, giving back as good as she got, scratching him and hugging him and talking baby talk to him. As he roamed the backyard to do his business, she watched out the window fondly, thanking her lucky stars above that she’d been able to locate Natalie and get at least some of him back. And while she knew he was technically hers and she could simply take him anytime she wanted, that Natalie would have no recourse,

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over the past month or two, she’d realized she had no desire to do that. Bentley loved Natalie and Natalie loved Bentley. Separating them would be cruel, it was as simple as that, and she was not a cruel person.

She wasn’t, was she?

She changed out of her suit and into ß annel pants and a long-sleeve T-shirt as she pondered the question. She hadn’t exactly been kind on Sunday when she’d played the role of the coward and sent Natalie away without actually looking her in the eye.

Since then, she’d thought about calling, unable to get the woman with the pink streak in her hair out of her mind. She actually picked up the phone more than once and had begun dialing, but always ended up chickening out, embarrassed that she didn’t really have a coherent explanation for why she’d treated her so badly. On the one hand, she was surprised she hadn’t heard from Natalie by now. She had to be missing Bentley after three days without contact. On the other hand, could Sarah really blame her for not calling? Who wanted to call somebody who’d tossed her out on her ass after she’d done nothing but helped?

“God, I suck,” she muttered aloud as she quick-fried some hamburger for Bentley’s dinner. As she let it cool on the stovetop, she searched her freezer for something to feed herself. She wasn’t really in the mood to cook, but she’d been eating sparsely since Sunday and was feeling the effects of it today, her body logy, her mind a bit sluggish. The veggie burgers in the freezer door could be prepared by microwave, which was quick and easy. She pulled the box out, thinking the burger and a salad would give her some much-needed vitamins, assuming the lettuce hadn’t gotten brown and slimy by now, as it tended to do before she got around to eating it.

By 7:15, she was snuggled up on the couch, her legs tucked underneath her, her bandaged arm balanced on the arm of the couch and actually not hurting all that much. Bentley was on the ß oor near her, gnawing on a Nylabone. She munched on her

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salad and watched
Jeopardy
, wondering exactly where in their brains these people could possibly store such obscure and trivial factoids.

“I don’t know why I bother with this show, Bent,” she said to the dog. “It just makes me feel stupid.”

He continued to chew, not disagreeing with her.

She was just Þ nishing her last bite when the doorbell rang, startling both her and Bentley. He jumped up, barking, and ran to the door. Sarah followed him, all the while telling him to shush, to no avail. He yipped and barked and jumped at the door until she held him by his collar and turned the knob. Her eyebrows shot up at the sight of the person on the stoop.

“Natalie. Hi.” The relief that washed over Sarah must have been obvious to anybody looking.

Natalie stood there Þ dgeting, looking nervously unsure of herself. “Don’t go,” she blurted immediately.

Sarah squinted at her. “What?”

Natalie stepped into the house, into the foyer, and shut the door behind her. As Bentley jumped up and put his front paws on her, she scratched the top of his head and repeated herself.

“Don’t go.”

“I don’t know—” Sarah sputtered to a halt at Natalie’s upheld hand.

“Wait. Just…let me get this out, okay? I’ve been rehearsing and I think I have it all and I just need to say it, to get it out. Then I’ll be out of your hair. Okay?”

Sarah gave a slow, uncertain nod.

“Okay.” Natalie took a deep breath and Sarah tried not to notice how adorable she looked in her worn jeans and royal blue Buffalo Bills T-shirt. Her hair was tied back in a haphazard ponytail and when she emptied her lungs, she blew the brightly colored lock of it forward. It settled back where it had been, where it always was, hanging along her right eye. Sarah fought the urge to reach out and touch it, to tuck it behind her ear, even though she knew the attempt would be useless, that it would never stay.

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“I’m an independent woman,” Natalie began. “I take care of myself. I don’t need to depend on anybody. I don’t have a lot, but I do okay. And I’m happy. I’m a happy, independent woman.”

Sarah felt the urge to nod or say “okay” or something, but managed to stay still and just listen.

“Finding Bentley was an amazing experience for me.” She looked down at the dog, who was looking up at her with a softness in his eyes that said he was totally in love, and she grinned at him. “I was never sure if I wanted a dog, but he just showed up and it was like he was meant to be in my life.” Natalie paused, seemed to gather her thoughts, and then began to pace in tiny steps around the little square foyer as she continued. “And then I met you.
Really
met you, I mean, not just served you coffee. And you were angry and I was angry and it never crossed my mind that we’d be anything but enemies. Our lives were so different, or so it seemed at the beginning. But once we started spending time together, I realized—and I think you did, too—that maybe we weren’t so different after all. I mean, we like the same movies and the same books. We like the park and to walk. We have similar values and morals. And when you told me you wanted me to be a part of Bentley’s life…” Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears that took Sarah by surprise. “I knew then that we were destined to be friends, at the very least.

“And then we spent more time together and I started to miss you when I didn’t see you for more than a couple days. I didn’t really think anything of it until…the dog attack. Well, Þ rst the camping trip and
then
the dog attack. No, wait. First Suzanne the Tongue and
then
the camping trip and
then
the dog attack.

Suzanne the Tongue because I just cringed when you were with her, but I couldn’t understand why. The camping trip because I turned Ellen away at the entrance of my tent for the Þ rst time, and again wasn’t sure why. The dog attack because…you scared the shit out of me. When I heard that horrible, awful sound, the snarling, the growling, and I saw the blood…” She took another deep breath as if to steady herself and let the memory

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of that horriÞ c event fade a little. “I know now that it was a silly overreaction of adrenaline, but my God, Sarah, I was terriÞ ed for you. I was terriÞ ed of losing you and I wanted to rip that guy’s arms off and beat him to death with them.”

At that, Sarah laughed softly, both touched and entertained by Natalie’s words, if not completely stunned by what she might be saying.

“When we got out of the hospital and came here, all I wanted to do was be by your side and take care of you, and when you kissed me…” Her voice trailed off and her eyes seemed to go out of focus, as if she was remembering the moment. “I knew you had no idea what you were doing and that you were a little loopy from the shot, but…” Her cheeks blossomed red. “It was a damn good kiss, and I had no idea what to do with it.”

Sarah inhaled as if to speak, but Natalie held her hand up again.

“No. No, I told you not to apologize. I don’t want you to be sorry, because the truth is, I’m not. I totally and completely kissed you back and I’d do it again. I’m not sorry. Not for one second.”

“Okay,” Sarah said with a grin. “Good to know.”

“When you asked me to leave on Sunday, it really stung and I wasn’t sure why.” She snorted then, and added, “Well, I
did
know why, I just hadn’t actually thought it through at that point.”

“And that I
will
apologize for,” Sarah said, this time successfully interrupting. “That was cold of me and I…” She shook her head as if the rest of her thoughts were too poignant to voice. “I’m sorry.”

“I wanted to be the one taking care of you. I wanted to be the person getting and giving what you needed while you were laid up. I didn’t know that then, but I realize it now.” Natalie glanced down at her feet where Bentley still sat, looking adoringly up at her. She smiled and rufß ed his ears. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that…” She hesitated for the Þ rst time since the words began tumbling from her lips and she swallowed, cleared her throat, and

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then pushed on. This time, she looked Sarah directly in the eye as she spoke. “I think we could very possibly have something good, Sarah, you and I, if we chose to, maybe, explore it. I’m not asking for a ring, so don’t get nervous. I’m not really asking for anything.

I’m just telling. Instead of waiting for something to happen like I always have when it comes to relationships, I’m speaking up.

These are my thoughts. I think we could have something and it would be cool to be able to give it a try. So, that being said…I’m going to be incredibly selÞ sh right now and tell you that I don’t want you to take the job. I don’t want you to go to New Zealand.

I want you to stay here. With me.”

She inhaled suddenly and blew out the breath in one short burst of relief, very obviously thinking,
There, I said it.
“Okay.

That’s it. That’s what I wanted to say. Thank you very much for listening to me.” She grasped the doorknob and opened the door, and Sarah got the distinct impression that she wanted to sprint back to her car as fast as possible. Sarah waited until Natalie had taken three steps and was on the front stoop before she spoke.

“Natalie?”

“Yeah?” Natalie spun around, her expression saying she wasn’t sure whether to hope or to shield herself from the impending blow.

The only feeling Sarah could coherently put her Þ nger on was warmth. Warmth from the inside out. Everything felt…

somehow relaxed and calm as she held out her hand to Natalie.

“Come inside?”

v

Natalie didn’t stay long. It was a little weird, but it was a comfortable, at ease kind of weirdness. She’d taken Sarah’s hand and gone inside. They sat on the couch—close together and still holding hands—and watched TV for a little over an hour. They chatted, but mostly about superÞ cial, unimportant things like the weather (which was deÞ nitely getting cooler), Bentley’s favorite

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toys (the pork chop–shaped chewy, without a doubt), and which actress made the best ADA on
Law & Order
(Angie Harmon, hands down). If either of them had expected more in-depth, emotional discussion, they didn’t get it, and Natalie was surprised by how okay that was. It was as if she’d shot her proverbial wad on her little speech in the foyer and hadn’t the energy to delve into the subject any deeper, at least not tonight. Sarah seemed perfectly all right with that, perfectly all right to just sit quietly on the couch together and share time and space. She even managed to almost hide her ß inch when Natalie called Bentley up onto the couch with them. Natalie teased Sarah that she was proud of her.

When Sarah tried unsuccessfully to stiß e a yawn around nine, Natalie took that as her cue.

“Not that it isn’t absolute bliss to sit here all warm and toasty with you,” she said and meant it, “but I should probably get going.” Much as she wanted to stay, she thought it would be a good idea for the two of them to absorb the events of the evening, have some time to just roll things around. She wondered if Sarah agreed, but was afraid to ask.

Expelling a sigh that sounded almost like disappointment, Sarah gave a quick nod. “Okay. I’m sorry about that. It was just a really long day at work and I didn’t sleep well last night. I think it’s all catching up with me.”

“Hey, don’t apologize for being tired.” Natalie hushed her as she stood and pulled Sarah to her feet. “We’ve all been there.

Besides, you’re still recovering from the events of the weekend,”

she reminded her as they strolled to the front door. “And you weren’t expecting company.”

“No, I wasn’t. But I’m glad I got some.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” They stood somewhat awkwardly for several seconds before Sarah leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Natalie’s lips. She kept it soft and almost chaste, but it still sent an electric tingle along Natalie’s spine, giving her ß ashbacks

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of the more thorough kiss Sarah had given her in her bedroom several days ago, and she swore she could feel it sizzle all the way down to her toes.

“Good.” Natalie felt like a teenager on her Þ rst date, all mushy and giddy inside.