Finding Her Way (16 page)

“Stop that, you’re not a prostitute,” Lauren commented, trying to think. “I don’t think either one of you are at fault, honestly. You two just met, you needed someone, and I’m guessing she did too. You’re both consenting adults, things just happened. That doesn’t mean you have to hide from her. You’ve changed your complete working career just so you won’t see her, that’s a little extreme. Don’t you think?”

Jerrica took a couple of seconds to contemplate Lauren’s words as she watched her stand. “The evening with Madison was just the straw that broke the camel’s back per se where work is concerned. The past few months have been hell for me at MHD. It takes everything I have just to get out of bed to go to work. Then once I get there, all I want to do is come home. I’m beginning to re-evaluate my career choices. Then add Devin into the situation and now Madison, I needed an undetermined leave of absence from that place.”

“Jerrica, re-evaluating your career is a good thing. Everyone does it in their lifetime at least once, maybe some even more. I know I have, plenty of times throughout my career. I do believe a break right now would be good for you. I’ve noticed your heart hasn’t been in your work for a while now. Nevertheless, you left Jaime and me in the dark. I thought we were all friends and you left us just dangling in the wind. Then out of nowhere we get a formal e-mail announcing your plans and nothing, but work correspondences since then…and,”

“And what?” Jerrica’s low tone interjected.

“I still stick with my first analysis, two consenting adults just enjoying one another. That’s it, not complicated.”

Lauren grabbed the cup off the table. “I need some coffee. I’ll refresh yours while I’m at it.”

“I’m sorry about not taking you and Jaime’s feeling into consideration. It just happened so quickly I went into self-protection mode. Upper management suggested the formal e-mail. That was not my idea. I am so sorry.”

Jerrica tried mustering a smile but felt a little relieved when Lauren was busy with the coffee. She wouldn’t have to think or talk for a few minutes.

“So, do you feel any better?” Lauren’s voice sounded from the kitchen.

“Not really. It’s more complicated than that. Nothing is ever simple in my life.”

“See, that’s your problem,” Lauren said entering the room and placing the cups on the table. “You make this situation more complicated in your head than it really needs to be.”

In almost a whisper, Jerrica tried to explain the biggest complication. “She told me she loved me.”

Lauren choked on her coffee and fetched a napkin to cover her mouth. Lauren was baffled by this new information.

Before Jerrica could turn her head, Lauren gently touched the bottom of Jerrica’s chin. Slowly lifting her head, making her keep eye contact, “Jerrica, I’m only going to ask you this once and I want you to be honest with me. This is very important. Do you love her?”

Jerrica tried tilting her head, but Lauren prevented her from looking away. Jerrica closed her eyes in a desperate attempt to hide her emotions. She paused, taking her time to answer truthfully. “I don’t know.”

Lauren sat back in her chair, perplexed at what had just happened.

The tears started to slip out behind Jerrica’s closed eyelids. “I don’t really know what I feel. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with anyone before, so I can’t honestly answer yes or no. I just don’t know.” Jerrica laid her head on her crossed arms on the table and started to sob openly.

Running her fingers through Jerrica’s hair, Lauren spoke softly. “Honey, are you sure you’re not confusing a great night of companionship and sex with something more?”

Raising her head, Jerrica brushed tears from her cheek. “It wasn’t just sex, Lauren. I craved her touch and ached to touch her. When she stared at me with those deep brown eyes, it was as if she was looking right into my soul. It’s really hard for me to explain all the feelings that were going on.”

Oh my friend, you have it bad,
Lauren concluded.

Chapter Ten

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month and still Jerrica hadn’t return to work. Madison was getting discouraged of ever seeing Jerrica again. “Hi, Mom, it’s me,” she said into the receiver one day at work.

She had been dreading this call since she moved back. She would have to tell them she had been in New England for a little while and why she hadn’t called until now. “Yes, Mom, I’m working in Boston now, with Olivia.”

Her mother started complaining about something going wrong at the house, but Madison had tuned her out until she heard her name being repeated in a high pitch. “Sorry, I’m at work right now, trying to do two things at once.” She tried to pay closer attention this time. “I know its last minute, being Thursday, but I was planning on coming this weekend. Maybe stop by early Saturday and leave on Sunday. How does that sound?”
 

The ecstatic voice on the phone made her feel warm inside. “That’s great. I’ll call when I’m on my way. Okay, I will, you too. Love you.”

Hanging up the receiver Madison released the breath she had been holding in since she dialed.

“I’m glad you took my advice and called your parents.”

Frightened, Madison spun around in her chair to see a grinning Olivia leaning on her cubical wall. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack,” Madison said as she put her hand on her breast in surprise.
 

“Baby, your heart’s more toward the middle of your chest.” Olivia flashed a naughty grin in Madison’s direction. “If you have a minute, would you mind coming into my office?”
 

Not waiting to hear an answer, Olivia turned on her heels, leaving Madison bewildered.

Madison shook her head, wondering how she had worked for this woman for so long. Closing the door behind her, she relaxed in her normal seat in Olivia’s office. “Ok, I’m here. What can I help you with?”

Olivia sat behind her desk with the biggest grin on her face. The cat that ate the canary kind of grin. Madison became a little unnerved.

“How long have we worked together?”

Madison lifted an eyebrow answering cautiously. “We’ve been together for almost six years now. Are we going to have a trip down memory lane? Or are you letting me go?”

“You always go there, don’t you? Sometimes, Madison, you can be so negative. No, I’m not firing you. You are my best employee.”

“I’m your only employee,” Madison smirked.

“Were getting off track here,” Olivia said trying to steer the conversation back. “What I am trying to say is after all these years, you seem to always underestimate my talents.”

Olivia slid a business card across the top of her desk.

Madison leaned forward placing a finger on it, turned it so she could read it.

Jerrica Kerrison

Account Executive/Business Analyst

Morrill, Hartford, and Donahue Co. Inc.

“Olivia, I already have this information. Her business cards you can get anywhere. The contact numbers on this card just ring back to the office. This really doesn’t help my cause.”
 

With her finger still on the card, Madison started to slide it back in her boss’s direction. “You have very little faith in my abilities. Turn the card, honey,” Olivia said.

Madison picked the card up, flipping it quickly. On the back of the card listed two phone numbers with a home address. “How did you get these?”

Olivia looked very pleased with herself while answering, “I made really good friends with the young man in the file department. He loves my…southern charm.”

“Oh, please don’t tell me anymore,” Madison put her hand up to stop her from continuing.

Olivia let out a hearty laugh at her comment.

Madison stared down at the business card now in her hand, suddenly feeling petrified. She had the information that she had been searching for suddenly sitting in her hand.

“Well, now you have everything you need to find her. Go get her, tiger,” Olivia said, slapping her hands on her desk in celebration.

Madison looked up from the card, “Olivia, I’m afraid. I’ve spent days looking for this information and now that I have it, I don’t know what the next step should be. I didn’t think beyond finding ….”

“That’s just something you’re going to have to figure out, honey.”

†

Friday arrived too quickly for Madison. She had barely gotten any of her work done all week and she couldn’t take it home for the weekend because she was visiting her parents. She sighed deeply at the thought of visiting them. She loved her parents, there was no question about that. What she didn’t love were the lectures she would hear during her visit. She would hear about how she needs a better job and how she doesn’t need to be working for Olivia. At least she wouldn’t have to hear the moving closer lecture. She expected to be grilled on her dating habits and if she’d had met that special person. Madison’s mind flashed to Jerrica’s face and her stomach clenched. She needed to forget about her since she obviously had forgotten about Madison. Jerrica knew where to find her and she hadn’t even tried calling her. She flipped the business card between her fingers. Madison lifted her head just in time to see Jaime walking toward her. She slid the card under her keyboard.

“Hi,” Jaime said when she reached Madison. “I was going out for lunch today. Interested in joining me?”

Looking up into an innocent expression she answered. “Sorry, I can’t. I am so far behind that I need to work through lunch.”

“Yeah, it looks like you’re burying yourself,” Jaime said as she pointed to the multiple stacks of papers on the desk. “Well, maybe next week” She smiled and just like that, Jaime was walking away.

Madison glanced over her cubicle wall, looking around the room. It looked like she might be the only one working through lunch, the department appeared almost empty. Picking up the receiver, she called Olivia. “I’m going to get supplies. Do you need anything?”

“Actually, I need more markers and a few file folders. Thanks,” Olivia drawled into the handset.

Entering the supply room, Madison started her adventure in finding supplies. Looking around the small racks, she started pulling items she needed. As she retrieved the last item, she turned to leave, stopping abruptly and staring at the figure in the doorway. Madison was in shock, dropping everything she was holding. She knelt down to pick the items up, noticing the door closing, trapping the two of them inside.

“We need to talk,” Lauren stated sternly.

Madison rose, leaving the items scattered at her feet. “I’m not sure we have anything to say to one another,” she replied coldly.

Madison noticed that Lauren was a little taller than she was, with attractive features and very strong looking biceps.

Madison’s reply did nothing to change Lauren’s mood. Lauren started walking in haste toward Madison, who backed up as quickly as she could.

When her heel rubbed against a rack, there was nowhere else to go. Lauren had her cornered. Madison tipped her head to look directly into Lauren’s eyes as she spoke. “I said we have nothing to say to one another. Now, please move out of my way.”

Annoyed, Lauren glared at the smaller woman. “I said we need to talk, and if this is the only way I can talk to you in private, then this is how it will be.”

Madison saw the challenge in her eyes, deciding very quickly she wasn’t up for this fight. “Fine, then say what you have to say.”
 

Lauren stepped back out of Madison’s personal space, “I want to get this out in the open. I don’t like you.”

“You needed to back me into a corner, in the storage room to tell me that? Tell me something I don’t already know.” Madison’s sarcasm hit a bad nerve for Lauren.

Lauren tried to stay calm. She needed to do this for Jerrica, “Here’s something you don’t know. I know about you and Jerrica.”

Madison found herself almost falling backwards into the racks in surprise. Reaching for a shelf, she regained some of her composure before replying. “I’m not going to discuss my personal life with you.”

“Ok, fair enough. This isn’t about you it’s about Jerrica, and therefore it includes you, much to my displeasure.”

“Listen, I don’t know what she has told you, but she has made it quite clear, by her absence, that her life doesn’t include me.” Her heart tightened. Madison fought back the tears that threatened to release, looking toward the floor.

Lauren caught the pain in Madison’s eyes just before she lowered her head. “If you felt or feel anything for her, go to her. You’re going to have to make the first move. She’s not that strong. Jerrica is a wonderful woman and if you don’t fight for her, well, you’re a bigger fool then I thought you were.”

Lauren backed farther away from Madison, who was still glancing at the floor. “Such fools,” she retorted, leaving the supply room.

Madison heard the door latch, realizing she was again alone. Crumbling to the floor, she started to weep, shaken by their conversation. Several minutes passed before she could calm herself enough to get off the floor. Brushing off her pants, straightening her blouse, Madison brushed the last tear from her cheek and exited the supply room with her head held high. Madison’s thoughts were no longer focused on work. Madison sat at her desk the rest of the day with a New England fog clouding her head.

“Hey, you going home sometime today?” a voice said through the haze.

Blinking a couple times, Madison was able to see Olivia standing next to her desk holding her jacket. “Ah, yes. I was just about to shut down my computer. Have a great weekend,” Madison was able to mutter.

Olivia placed her hand on Madison’s shoulder. “Have a good time at your parents’ house. Try to get some rest. Maybe call someone?”

Letting go of Madison’s shoulder, she headed toward the elevators.

Maybe the trip down to her parents would be the break she needed.

†

With a large cup of coffee in hand, Madison remotely unlocked the car door, then climbed behind the wheel. The sun was up and it was a beautiful Saturday morning. She’d had trouble sleeping, replaying her conversation with Lauren.

In fact, she’d barely slept at that apartment since that night with Jerrica. She needed to find something more permanent, maybe out of the city. She started the engine of her rental car, grabbing her sunglasses from the visor. With the car now in gear, her favorite CD blaring from the speakers, she left the garage. The streets of Boston were mostly deserted this time of the morning so it should take no time to hit the highway out of town. It would take her approximately a half hour to get home. She wasn’t in any rush to get there early, just in a rush to get out of the city, so she kept very close to the speed limit.

Images of Jerrica and Lauren fogged up her mind and she sighed in frustration. This was going to be a long trip if she couldn’t keep her mind focused on driving. The closer she progressed to her parent’s house, the faster the interstate signs began to pass.

Madison took a sip of her coffee, then adjusted her hands on the steering wheel as she took the right exit for 1-95 North, toward Newburyport, toward Jerrica, instead of left toward Collins Cove. Twenty minutes later, she clicked on her GPS as she turned onto the ramp that would lead her into downtown Newburyport. Removing the business card from her jacket pocket, Madison glanced at the address on the back. Speaking into the navigation system, within seconds she had directions to Jerrica’s home.

A queasy feeling came to Madison the closer she came to Jerrica’s. Slowing the car down, Madison gradually drove up to the front of the house.
Come on, Madison, you have to find out either way,
she told herself.

Pulling into the short driveway, she turned the engine off, her hands shaking. With a deep breath filling her lungs, she exited the vehicle, cautiously walking toward the house. Her hands were still shaking as she pushed the doorbell. Rocking back and forth on her heels, she waited for the door to open. When a substantial amount of time had passed, she rang the bell a second time. When the second bell went unanswered, she realized Jerrica wasn’t home. Disappointed, she returned to her vehicle.

Still having time on her hands, she decided a nice drive along downtown would help calm her anxiety. The sun was bright in the sky. It was a New England, balmy, fifty-four degree day and shoppers heavily occupied the streets. The hustle and bustle of pedestrians caused the motor traffic to decrease gradually to a crawl. Madison didn’t care, she was in no hurry to be anywhere right at that moment.

Every other car seemed to stop for shoppers waiting to cross the road. When Madison approached a busy crosswalk, she too had to halt for foot traffic. Pressing the accelerator to continue on, a shadow of a familiar figure entering a restaurant caught her eye. Madison quickly switched her blinker on to enter what looked like an alley to the parking lot behind the restaurant. Turning the vehicle off, Madison noticed her hands were trembling again. Heading for the entrance, that queasy feeling returned.

The host approached her the moment she stepped in the door. “Table for one?”

“No, thank you. I’m just looking for my friend,” Madison responded to the host as she cased the room.

With a grin, the host stepped back, motioning her toward the patrons. Madison walked into the dining area to get a better look around, hoping to find that familiar face. After glancing around the room with no success, Madison turned to leave. Her heart stopped as the face she now sees in her dreams, in her apartment, and just about everywhere else, strolled across the restaurant floor. She observed Jerrica walk to a table, joining a female companion. Madison stood completely still, observing the interactions of the two women. Madison felt the color in her face start to drain as she watched the women touch in a warm embrace. Jerrica’s companion caressed her hair. The pair held hands as they started talking, engrossed in one another.