Finding Gary (The Romanovsky Brothers Book 4) (7 page)

“You confessed to stop Val from selling Novsky to me,” Reggie said.  “Didn’t you?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.”

“Do you really think I give a fuck what matters to you?” Unable to keep his cool for another second, Gary leaned forward just enough to catch Reggie from a different angle.  His mouth fell as the shadows moved away, casting Reggie’s face under the brightest light of the sun.  His swollen, protruding eye came into stark view, surrounded by scar tissue even darker than his skin.  His lip was split right down the middle, which explained why he’d been licking it subconsciously since the moment he’d stopped in front of Gary.  The deep gash across his eyebrow looked like it had plans on becoming permanent.

Reggie looked away and licked his split lip again.

“I hope it was worth it,” Gary said. 

“You should see him.”

“I watch the news.  Dear old dad’s face hasn’t been rearranged with nearly as much “love” as yours has.  I guess some things never change, huh?”

“I want to help.  I don’t want to be at war, anymore, Gary, and if you’re going to tell the truth, then I will too.  I’ll do whatever it takes to help you.”

“What a great man you are. What a saint.  What a martyr.  Did he beat your ass so badly this time that he, literally, knocked some sense into you? It’s about time.  Unfortunately, he knocked that sense into you a week too late.” Gary shifted.  “Here’s the thing.  You don’t wait until ninety percent of the village is engulfed in flames before you decide to show up with the extinguisher.  You don’t get to reap havoc for years and then decide, out of the blue, that you’re ready to be a good person.  Fuck off.”

“I’ll tell them I was driving.”

“Fuck off.”

Reggie moved toward him.

“Don’t sit down next to me.”  Gary clenched his teeth when Reggie did just that.

Two parts of him immediately went to war.  The part of him that wanted to get up and walk away before he murdered this person with his bare hands and the part of him that wanted to just go ahead and do it.  Murder Reggie.  He was already going away for the rest of this life. Might as well start stacking all of the bodies he’d been fantasizing about stacking all his life.  First, it would be Reggie, then that cashier at Whole Foods who always had a terrible attitude, and then every asshole who had ever left their ringer on at the movie theater…

The blonde jogger passed, again. Gary watched her go, ignoring the five-fingered wave she waggled at him.  She craned her neck, again, to keep her eyes on him until she couldn’t anymore.

“He told me it should’ve been me,” Reggie said.

Gary kept his eyes on the retreating blonde, doing everything he could to fight the feelings that came alive at the sound of Reggie’s voice so close.

Reggie continued.  “Said her blood was on my hands. ‘It should’ve been you.’”

Gary’s teeth ground and he forced his eyes shut.

“I always knew he felt that way,” Reggie said.  “But that was the first time he said it out loud.  That it should’ve been me.  It was the first time I realized I agreed with him.  That I would’ve rather died while she was having me than be forced to live in this… this hell…”

“You think you’re the only one in hell?” Gary looked over his shoulder and caught Reggie’s eyes.  His green orbs ran over Reggie’s face, and for the first time, the cuts and bruises didn’t bring him peace.

Reggie swallowed.  “I don’t want to be in that place anymore, man.  And I’m sorry…”

Gary snatched his gaze away.  “My family won’t speak to me.  Not even my mother.  Val wants my head on a stick.  I don’t give a shit about your ‘I’m sorry’. ”

“I’ll tell the police it was me.”

Gary smiled a halfhearted smile. “Why isn’t anyone hearing me?  I was behind the wheel of that car.  That’s the truth.  It was the truth yesterday, it’s the truth today, and it’ll be the truth at my arraignment this afternoon.  I’m done lying.  If I have anything to do with it, I’ll never tell another lie for as long as I live.  Lies have been eating me alive for ten years.  Lies are the reason my family is in shambles and hate my guts.”

“I think we both know your family could never hate you.  Not even for this.  Take it from the guy who never had it; you’ve got six people who love you unconditionally.  They’ll forgive you because they have to.  They will never stop loving you because they have no clue how to do that.  And, you know what?  That includes Zoey.”

The sound of her name made Gary jolt.  He felt Reggie leaning forward, trying to make eye contact, and craned his neck to avoid it.

“You say you’re done lying, Gary, but you’ve yet to tell the whole truth about what happened that night.  Rumor has it you don’t plan on it.  You’re just happy to plead guilty; let them toss you in a cage, and throw away the key.  You say you’re done lying while still withholding the whole truth.  A lie by omission is still a lie, isn’t it?”

Gary blinked lazily.

“Don’t plead guilty today,” Reggie begged.  “Please don’t give up like this.  I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself if you do.”

Gary licked his lips, fighting a smile.  “I’m about two seconds from punching you in the throat.”

“He called me worthless, you know…” Reggie said, after a long silence, leaning back.  “Right after he went to town on my face for the umpteenth time and told me it should’ve been me.  He told me I was worthless.”

Gary let that sink in and then leaned down on his knees, covering his face with his hands.

“All I could think about was the last time he called me that.  Worthless.  I keep hearing it, over and over, and it takes me back every time…”

“Reggie.  Stop.”  Gary lifted his head from his hands, looking over his shoulder and meeting his eyes.

“You remember that night?”

Gary laughed tightly, holding his hands out.  “No.  I don’t remember.”  He squinted a sarcastic eye.

Reggie searched his gaze.  “I’m not asking you to forgive me.  I’m not asking you to like me.  I’m not asking for things to go back to the way they were because I know they can’t.  Shit, Gar, I’m not even asking you to acknowledge me.  I’m just asking for your understanding.  Understand that I was sleeping for a long, long time, but I’m not anymore.  So if you’re biting your tongue for me?  Please don’t.”

Gary looked back and met his eyes.

A long silence passed.

Gary finally spoke.  “I confessed because I had to protect my brother, and I was ready to do that by any means necessary.  I confessed because I want that night to disappear from my life and my family’s life forever.  If that means going to prison, then so be it.  I’ll do it to protect them.”

“And you? While you’re hacking your legs off at the knees to protect them, who the hell’s protecting you?”  Reggie shrugged.  “What are you really running from?”

Gary suddenly stood, breathing deeply.  “Stay away from me.”

He walked off before Reggie could respond, and didn’t realize he’d been holding his breath until he was several feet away, sucking the air into his burning lungs.

The blonde passed again, giving him an even brighter smile and more fervent wave this time, but Gary ignored her still.

***

Gary’s arraignment came and went, and as the moon rose high in the sky, Jessica had to bite back a smile.  She held his eyes across his long glass dining table.

“I gotta tell you…” Her eyes ran his body, more cut and muscular than it appeared in his usual attire of baggy sports jerseys and sweatpants.  His bare chest was flawless like it had been chiseled with the precision of an Italian sculptor.  From his bare feet all the way up to his shaggy brown head, he was a work of art.  “I had no idea I’d be sitting across this table from you tonight.  You almost had me convinced you were going to plead guilty.  What changed your mind?”  Jessica clasped her hands on top of the table, taking in the top of Gary’s curly head as he dropped it.   “You made the right decision,” she reassured, sighing when he still didn’t look up.  “I was hoping you’d finally decided to work with me on this.”

Gary finally met her eyes.  “I haven’t decided.”

“Seems like you did when you made the choice to plead not guilty.”

“I pleaded not guilty to buy myself more time to fix what I’ve broken with my family.  I pleaded not guilty, so I wouldn’t have to go to prison knowing my mother can’t even look me in the eye.  As much as your ego refuses to accept this, it had nothing to do with you.”

“You have a chance to end this all for good, but that chance will never come if you make the idiotic decision to do nothing at all.  My superior has already spoken to the US Attorney, and he has granted your immunity.  But only if you’re willing to work with the FBI.”

Gary’s face went blank.  “He’s granted my immunity huh?”

Jessica crossed her heart.  “On my grandmother’s grave.  I can send you the official email if you won’t take my word on it.”

He nodded and thought on it for a moment before motioning to her.  “Can the US Attorney get me immunity from the debilitating guilt of killing my best friend’s parents?”

Jessica straightened at the question, and then sat back in her chair.  “We can refer you to some of the best psychiatrists in the city—”

“Can the US Attorney get me immunity from the irreparable destruction that’s been done to my family?  Can the US Attorney get me immunity from the image that plays in my mind, over and over, of Pansy and Marcus Black slamming into the windshield of that Cadillac ten years ago?”

“I can keep you, and your family, out of prison, Gary.  Anything beyond that I cannot promise, but I can ensure you remain a free man who can continue living his life.”

“Living my life,” he said as if those words had no meaning to him.  He breathed in heavily.  “Zoey was the sun in my sky.  There wasn’t a day that went by, for ten years that I didn’t see her or speak to her.  She became blood to me, more than my real blood.  I took from her, and I lied to her about it.  My mother can’t look me in the eye.  Val will never get over losing Zoey, and because of that, he will never have the heart to forgive me.  Never.  Immunity is fruitless when there’s nothing left to live for.”

Jessica’s eyes shrunk.  “I think you’re underestimating the power of the truth.  The truth can rebuild bridges, move mountains, and change lives.  The truth can bring about forgiveness where there appeared to be no hope left.  If you really feel like you have nothing left to live for, then why not take a chance on the truth?  What the hell do you have to lose?  The results might surprise the hell out of you.”

“If you’re insinuating Zoey will ever forgive me, you’re out of your mind.”

“Again, if the stakes are that dire, what the hell do you have to lose?  Wouldn’t you rather go down swinging?”

Gary’s eyes narrowed.  He shifted in his seat.

“You know, the carbon monoxide that took Angie down in my apartment?” Jessica started.  “Someone called me and warned me that was going to happen.”

Gary’s mouth fell, and then, he frowned.

“Yeah,” Jessica nodded.  “So, regardless of what you may believe, Gary, there are people on our side.  People who are willing to stick their necks out for what they know is right.  Why can’t you be that person, too?”  She paused for a long while.  “Give me a chance to do this thing right.  To finish it once and for all.  And maybe even save your shaggy head in the process.”

Gary took a deep breath.  “I need to think about it.”

6

Angie squinted one eye open and then slammed it shut again.  She distantly heard his voice, deliciously deep, even when he was whispering.  She felt the small smile touching her face, and then finally opened her eyes again when his laughter warmed her ears.

“You’re too beautiful to wake up to,” she whispered, taking in Roman’s gleaming sky blue eyes, those plush smiling lips, and his perfectly chiseled nose.  His big hand engulfed hers like it always did. 

She reached up and touched his strong jaw, not even noticing the IV taped to her wrist.  She ran the bed of her thumb along his full pink lips when he turned his face into her hand, his long lashes hitting his cheeks.  “Swear to God, Rome, your face is going to kill me faster than a lung-full of monoxide ever could.”

His eyes opened, but this time, they were alive with anger.

She shushed the look on his face before he had a chance to put words to it, pressing her thumb into his lips to further beg the sweet silence.

“I’ll kill whoever did this to you,” he hissed against her finger, lifting his eyebrow.  “Do you remember anything, Mama?  You keep going in an out of consciousness before you can answer any questions.”

She shushed him again, which prompted her lungs to close up, eliciting a cough from the deepest part of her body.

Roman turned his head away from her completely.  Angie could admit her coughs were an awful sound, and if Roman hadn’t assured her that she was under the care of one of the finest doctors in New Jersey, she’d have guessed remnants of the poison she’d breathed in were still infecting her lungs.  When the coughs finally subsided, she clutched his shoulder.

“Roman, I’m not answering any of your questions because I don’t want you taking to the streets with the guns I know you just purchased.  I don’t want you out there putting yourself in danger.”

“Angelica, you are lying in a hospital bed right now,” he said as if she weren’t privy to that information herself.  “Whoever did this to you two is going to pay the price.  Period.”

Angie’s eyebrows pulled.  “You two?”

Roman cocked his head.

She responded to the perplexity in his eyes. “You just said, ‘whoever did this to you two’…”

Roman’s eyes searched hers for a long moment.  Then, every inch of anger left his face. 

Angie would’ve been pleased by the sight, if it wasn’t immediately replaced with moisture shining in his eyes, the corners of his lips tightening, and his brows coming down deep over his eyes.  He clasped their fingers tighter.

When he spoke, his voice was suddenly hoarse.  “Mama, we’re having a baby.”

Her eyes exploded to twice their size and her traveling fingers froze on his cheek. “What?” she breathed.

“You’re pregnant.”

“You’re lying…” Her wide eyes shone with tears.

So did Roman’s.  He shook his head wildly.  “No. The doctor said if you didn’t wake up within twenty-four hours the baby might not make it.  But you did… you woke up.  You’ve been going in and out but… but you woke up, Mama.”

“And the baby?--”

“Strong.  They’ve been keeping a close eye.”

“Oh my god,” she cried, the tears spilling over her eyes as she and Roman embraced.  When he pulled back, she laughed softly. “I can’t believe it.”

“Me either,” Roman whispered.

They wiped each other’s wet cheeks, sharing sweet smiles.

Angie blinked, still processing.

“Did you know?” he asked.

She shook her head.  “If I’d known, I would’ve never gone to Jessica’s apartment that night.  I would’ve never put our baby at risk.”

Roman’s eyes went hard again.  “But you’d put yourself at risk?  Angie, this has got to stop.  You’ve got to be more careful, Mama.  Truly.”

Angie sighed heavily.  “I went to Jessica’s apartment to try and use myself as bait.  To lure in King’s men.  She told me it was a stupid idea, but I didn’t listen.  I was blinded by the fear of losing you.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“That’s what she said.” Angie laughed and then fell into another fit of coughs.  This one brought her back off the bed, and when she slammed back down, she was still smiling.  “But I wouldn’t listen.  I was sure you would resent me for not telling you about Val’s mug shot sooner.  That it would eventually tear us apart.”

He licked his lips and went into his back pocket.  He came back up with a ring between his fingers, the only thing in the room that shone brighter than his breathtaking eyes.

Angie gasped, and her hands flew up to cover her eyes, which were already burning with tears.

Roman waited for her to lower her hands from her face, shifting the emerald green diamond ring between his fingers.  “Does this look like a man who will
ever
let anything tear us apart?”

Angie kept her hands over her lips, shaking her head no.

“When I tell you I love you, I mean it.  When I tell you I’ll never let anyone hurt you, I mean that, too.  And when I tell you I’m in it for the long haul, I’m in it for the long haul.  When you opened your eyes…” Roman had to take a moment, sniffling as he leaned deeper into the bed, cradling his big arms on either side of her body.  His voice took on a wobble.  “It was the first time I could breathe again since the moment I saw you lying in this bed.  I knew that… if you didn’t open your eyes… I would regret that for the rest of my life.  For the rest of my life, I would regret not asking you sooner.  I would regret not asking you from the moment we made love for the first time.”

“Roman,” Angie whispered, cupping his jaw.

His eyes bore into hers.  “Will you marry me?”

She bit her bottom lip and nodded furiously, unable to speak.  They shared a smile, and he slipped the ring on her finger.

***

“Oh my God…” At the Presbyterian NICU later that day, Zoey looked up at the nurse with questioning eyes.  The tears blurred her vision so much that she barely saw the nurse give her an encouraging nod.  Prompted by that nod, Zoey held her arms out, stilling herself, so the bundle had a solid place to land as the nurse bent over and eased Marcus down.

The moment he was in Zoey’s arms, she burst into tears, which prompted the nurse to laugh softly.  “The first time is always the best.  I remember when I first held my daughter in my arms.  Everything just… disappeared.  Ceased to exist.  Even myself.”

Zoey nodded, unable to break her eyes away from him.  He was still cradled in a thick foam swaddle to protect his brittle bones, so Zoey couldn’t get as close as she wanted.  She couldn’t feel his skin on her skin, his body against her body.  She couldn’t bring his cheek to her chest so he could hear the heartbeat he’d lived under for six months.  But she didn’t care.  He was out of that incubator, he could breathe on his own, his body was warmer than it had been since the day he’d been born, and even as dozens of tubes raced out of his tiny body from what seemed to be a thousand directions, that was enough.

She brushed her finger along his button nose, down the bow tie above his puckered pink lips and across the fine lashes coming in under his tightly closed eyes.  Swiping away every tear that fell from her eyes and landed on his sleeping body, she shot a look up at the nurse.

“He never has to go back in there again, right?” she asked.

The nurse reached down and adjusted some of the tubes helping keep Marcus alive, her smile calm and sure.  Before that afternoon, this nurse had always been forcing her smiles, showing her teeth as best she could, even as her eyes painted a different picture.  Now, however, the nurse’s smile and her eyes were working as one, and that was the most beautiful sight Zoey had ever seen, second only to the sleeping boy in her arms.

“Never again,” the nurse answered, tapping Marcus on the nose.  “A few more days, and you might even be able to take him home.”

Zoey’s smile fell away.

“I’ll leave you two alone for a little while, and then I have to take him for some more tests.”

Zoey nodded and watched the nurse leave, waiting until the hospital room was empty to look back down at Marcus.  The nurses had warned her that preemies had a tendency to sleep for shorter periods of time, but Marcus wasn’t fussing in his sleep in the least, and if it weren’t for the steady rise and fall of his protruding belly or the wiggling of his tiny toes, Zoey would’ve been convinced she was looking at a doll.

With a sniffle, her tears dried in an instant. 

“I guess it’s just you and me, huh?” she asked.  “They say you get to come home soon.”  Her voice lowered to a barely discernible whisper.  “Are you ready to come home, Marcus Black?  Huh?”  She blinked.  “Home…”

The tears that had dried came back with a vengeance because for the first time in her life; Zoey realized she had no idea where that was.

***

Zoey was sure she hadn’t taken her eyes off him in days.  Of course, she and Marcus had been in and out of each other’s sight many times since he’d been transferred from an incubator to a real crib.  She just found it difficult to recall any of the moments that existed between the ones he was in her arms.  Every time she put his cheek to her chest, felt his breathing matching hers, or felt him latch onto her breast, everything outside of him became difficult to comprehend.  Everything from her past, her present, even her uncertain future, seemed insignificant.

“Look at that smile.”

Zoey’s eyes flew to the door of her hospital room, where she and Marcus bobbed in a rocking chair.  She sighed at the sight of Jessica Borgia leaning on the doorframe with her arms crossed. 

“Am I smiling?” Zoey blushed.  “I didn’t even realize I was doing it.”

Jessica pushed off the door.  “Yeah, I hear babies can have that effect on people.”

“Except you.  Just as Wednesday Addams as ever.”

Jessica’s eyes fell.

Zoey cursed.  “Damn, I’m sorry.  I’m a jerk.”

Jessica waved a hand.  “Leo nicknaming me Wednesday must’ve been right on the money since even this handsome guy can’t pull a smile out of me.”  She nodded at Marcus.  “He is going to town over there.”

Zoey looked down at Marcus, who was, sure enough, eating well.  “It feels like he’s trying to gnaw my nipple clear off but… it’s nowhere near as awful as it sounds.”

“Are you sure?  Because that sounds pretty damn awful.”  They shared a laugh, and Jessica moved to the hospital bed, sitting on the edge of it and looking across the room where Zoey and Marcus were in a rocker next to the window.  “Really, how are you Zoey?”

Looking out of the window, Zoey rocked Marcus gently.  “Honestly?  If you’d asked me that a few weeks ago, I’d have had a pretty intense answer.  But now…” She shook her head and cradled Marcus closer.  “Now all I can think about is him.  What keeps him happy.  What keeps him safe.  That’s all that matters to me.”

“So you’re going to let him see Val?”

Zoey’s eyes shot up.  “Hell no.”

“Sorry.  I just assumed you were saying you were ready to move forward.”

“Gary killed my parents, and Val knew about it.  He was there the night it happened.  He proposed to me, got me pregnant, and never thought it necessary to tell me any of these things.  That is sociopathic behavior—that is insane—and I would never let a sociopath anywhere near my son.  Val’s name is not on the birth certificate because, as far as I’m concerned, he is not my son’s father, and he never will be.”

Jessica craned her head.  For a moment, she let a silence fall in, but she couldn’t help herself.  “I’m not sure he’s going to make it that easy on you.  All he’d have to do is get a court-mandated DNA test to prove he’s the father and then, legally, you’d have to let him see Marcus.”

“Not if I get a lawyer and apply for full custody.”

“He could still go for visitation.”

“Not if he’s in jail.”

Jessica whistled.  “Yeah, you may think you’re past this, sister, but you’re not.  You’re a woman scorned if I ever saw one.”

“Hell hath no fury.”

“I can’t blame you.”  Jessica nodded.  “But since we’re on the subject, Gary pleaded not guilty at his arraignment two weeks back…”

Zoey pushed her eyes closed.

“I’m sorry,” Jessica said.  “I know it’s hard for you to hear.”

“How about this… Why don’t we look at the Romanovskys from a Lord Voldemort angle.” Zoey met Jessica’s eyes.  “Let’s just refer to all of them as He Who Shall Not Be Named.”

“Seems dramatic.”

“Feeling theatrical.”

“I never said this to you, but I’m really sorry you had to find out the way you did, Zoey.  That you had to watch Gary—sorry, He Who Shall Not Be Named—confess from a television in the hospital.  I’m sorry the stress of it all made that little monster there pop out three months early.  Shit, I’m just sorry, man.  I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

Zoey’s eyes searched Jessica’s across the room, and when she felt them filling with tears, she immediately looked down at Marcus.  “Like I said. None of it matters anymore.  Nothing matters but this guy…” She shook Marcus.  “And keeping him as far away from those people as possible.  All of them.  For the rest of his life.”