Finding Forever (16 page)

“You passed out, ma. The paramedics are on their way,” Koran assured her, kissing her face repeatedly.

An hour had passed and Koran now sat alone in the dreary waiting room, dying for answers. Whitney’s parents were on their way, but it would take them another three hours to get there from Chicago. Koran was a wreck. Moral support needed to come soon before he lost his mind and spazzed out on everybody in the hospital.

“Mr. Mcknight,” a voice said from behind him.

“Yes?” Koran spun around in his seat, and then stood up.

“I’m Dr. Rohan.”

“Nice to meet you.” Koran shook his hand. “How is my wife doing? Is she okay?”

“She’s doing okay for now, but it doesn’t look good. I’ve looked over her file and I saw that she is no longer responding to chemo. So at this point there is really nothing else we can do. I know this may be difficult to hear, but I expect that Whitney only has a couple more weeks to live, if that.”

Koran swallowed hard. He was speechless. His heart had dropped to his knees.

“Now, because of this,” Dr. Rohan continued, “and the fact that your wife is only seven months pregnant, we’re going to have to take the baby by performing an emergency C-Section.”

“When?”

“Today. In an hour or so. Dr. Chancellor is prepping her right now.”

“Does my wife know this?”

“Yes, we’ve already informed her.”

“Can I go in and see her now?”

“Yes, she’s been asking for you. She’s in room 202.”

Shaken by the news, Koran slowly made his way into Whitney’s room. The scene was like something straight out of an episode of ER. She lay in a motorized bed with IVs stuck in her arm and tubes stuck up her nose. A million machines were going at once, all to prolong her existence. One brown leather chair sat off to the side. The sound of the baby’s heartbeat echoed through the air, crushing Koran’s heart. He didn’t know if he could go on without breaking down.

“Took you long enough,” Whitney teased as he sat by her side.

“They just now let me come back. How you feelin’?” He took her hand.

“Great.” She coughed. “For a dying woman.”

“What I tell you about saying stuff like that?”

“I’m sorry, that was bad. How are you?”

“Don’t worry about me. My only concern is you. I’ma be good.”

“I know you are. That’s why I don’t have anything to worry about. Baby, you have far exceeded my expectations. You’re gonna be a great father. I just know it.”

“And you’re going to be an even greater mom.”

“No, I’m not.” Whitney shook her head.

“Yes, you are,” Koran protested.

“Koran, no I’m not. I’m dying, baby. I can feel it,” she cried. “I’m going on, but I promise I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Stop saying shit like that. You not leaving me.” Koran’s bottom lip trembled as tears poured from his eyes.

The aching pain in his chest was unbearable. He wanted to shout and throw shit around. Koran had never been so upset in his life. No matter what he did, his life always turned to shit and Koran blamed God. He was the mastermind behind this whole thing. He knew how much Koran needed Whitney, but he planned on taking her away, anyway. What kind of God would do that to a person?

“Baby, listen, I need you to be strong, if not for me or yourself, then for the baby. She’s gonna need you more than I ever did. And I know what you’re thinking and it’s not right. You can’t be upset with God, Koran. I’m not. I’ve figured it all out. God had a bigger plan for me than what I had for myself. He sent you back to me for a reason and that was so I could finish my life . . . this life . . . here on earth . . . with you.”

“But how am I supposed to deal with this shit, man?” Koran threw his head back in frustration and wiped snot from his nose.

“You’ll figure out a way. The baby will keep you busy enough.”

“I can’t do this shit, man.”

“Yes, you can and you will,” Whitney reassured him, sliding her hand down his face.

“I guess, man.” He shook his head, pissed.

“Excuse me.” A nurse entered the room. “Sorry to interrupt. I’m Nurse Jackie.” She extended her hand for a shake.

“How are you?” Koran shook her hand.

“Good, I’m here to check Whitney’s and the baby’s vital signs.”

“No problem. I’ma be outside, a’ight?” He kissed the palm of Whitney’s hand.

“Okay.”

“You love me?”

“More than you’ll ever know.”

The door to Whitney’s room closed quietly behind Koran as he made his way to the elevator. A zillion thoughts swam through his mind. Koran wanted terribly for this to all be a bad dream. The only problem was, the longer he lived in it the more things became clear that it wasn’t. Koran was in desperate need of an herbal pick-me-up. He didn’t want to think or feel anymore. He remembered he had an ounce of fresh purple haze and a brand new pack of cigarillo’s stashed in his glove compartment. Just as the elevator doors opened and he was about to get on, Whitney’s parents were getting off.

“Koran,” Whitney’s mother, Joan, exclaimed, running into his arms.

“How did ya’ll get here so fast?” he asked shocked.

“We took a red eye. Where is Whitney? How is she doing?”

Koran pulled his in-laws to the side and gave them all the information he had. Whitney’s parents were devastated, especially Whitney’s father. When she was first diagnosed with leukemia he’d tried his best to shield his daughter from pain. She was his only child and baby girl. No matter the cost, he was going to save her. Oscar had used his savings and retirement fund so she could have the best treatment known to man and in the end it only worked for a while. Whitney had been cancer-free for almost six years. But this time he wouldn’t be able to save her. There was nothing anyone could do and accepting that was killing him softly inside.

“Oscar, everything’s going to be okay. We knew this was something that might happen,” Joan consoled him. “We all have to be strong for Whitney and the baby. They’re gonna need us, so we all have to band together for them.”

“You’re right, baby.” Oscar wiped a tear from his eye, and then kissed her check.

“Koran, can I talk to you for a second?” Joan stepped off to the side.

“Yes, ma’am?”

“I just wanted you to know,” she said, placing both of her hands on his arms. “That me and Mr. Ellis are here for you. If there is anything you need from us, just let us know.”

“Okay.”

“I’ve heard nothing but good things about you, so I know you are going to give this baby everything she needs. Whitney has complete faith in you and so do I.”

“Thanks, I’ma do my best.” Koran tried to convince himself.

“I know you are, sweetheart.”

“Excuse me, Mr. McKnight,” Nurse Jackie called. “I need you to follow me.”

“I’ll be right back,” he told Joan. “What’s going on?” he questioned as he and the nurse walked down the hall at a fast pace.

“We need you to get scrubbed up and ready, because we’re getting ready to perform the C-Section now.”

“Why? I thought the doctor said in an hour.”

“We have to do it now, because the baby’s heart rate is dropping.”

Finding Forever

Ten minutes later, Koran, dressed in light blue scrubs, sat by Whitney’s side as Dr. Chancellor prepared to make his first incision. Whitney lay flat on her back, with a light blue shower cap on her head. A light blue curtain prevented her from seeing what the doctor and nurses were doing. Beeping and buzzing noises filled the room. Whitney’s entire body was numb. She couldn’t even feel Koran holding her hand. He watched intently as the doctor used a small a knife to cut across the bottom of her abdomen.

“Whitney, would you like some music?” Nurse Jackie asked.

“No, I’m fine.”

“Koran, you know you can stand up,” the nurse announced.

“Oh.” He shot up, nervous.

“As long as you don’t pass out,” she joked, trying to lift the somber mood. “Just let me know if you’re gonna be queasy. We have a vomit bag right behind you.”

“A’ight.” He laughed some.

“Okay, Whitney, you’re gonna feel a lot of pressure.”

“Okay.” She nodded, feeling it.

“You’re doing great, ma.” Koran kissed her forehead.

“I’m scared, baby.” Whitney finally let her emotions show as tears dripped from her eyes.

“No, you’re not. Remember, you’re a big girl.” He convinced himself to smile. “The baby’s gonna be fine and so are you.”

“Whitney,” Dr. Chancellor said. “We have a big ole water bag we’re gonna pop here in a second. I see some nice clear fluid and a head full of hair.”

Once the entering of the peritoneal cavity and separation of the uterovesical fluid was completed, Dr. Chancellor placed his hand inside Whitney’s abdomen and proceeded to pull the baby out. Nurse Jackie pressed down at the top of Whitney’s abdomen so the baby would move forward, toward the doctor’s hands.

“This baby’s little! She’s coming, she’s coming! Ohhhhh, she’s a beauty. We’ve got her chest out.” The doctor continued to pull.

“She has jet black hair, just like you, ma.” Koran smiled, happy, as the baby came all the way out.

“Ahhhhh, she’s gorgeous!” Nurse Jackie chimed in. “Hi, sweetheart. What time is it?” she asked her assistant.

“Five-twenty-five p.m.”

The shrill sounds of the baby crying overtook any other sounds being made. The nurses quickly wiped her off. Koran got his first up-close look at her when he cut the umbilical cord. She only weighed four pounds, but aside from her mother, she was the most exquisite creature he’d ever seen. Her skin was a rare shade of bamboo, and thick wavy black hair covered her head. Almond shaped brown eyes, a Bambi nose and plump lips made up the rest of her facial features. She was just as had Koran envisioned she would be.

“What are you going to name her?” Dr. Chancellor asked as he closed Whitney’s incision.

“Harlow,” Whitney answered without even setting eyes on her baby yet.

“You sure?” Koran said from across the room.

“Yeah.”

A few seconds later, Koran, along with Nurse Jackie, placed Harlow in an incubator and wheeled her over to Whitney. A tiny pink hat rested on her head. Like her mother, Harlow was bombarded with needles and plugs. The sight of her daughter brought satisfied tears to Whitney’s eyes. She was everything she’d hoped for and more. Her little pink lips formed into a perfect pout.

“Can I touch her?” Whitney asked.

“Sure, you can,” Nurse Jackie replied.

Two holes were on each side the incubator. Whitney stuck her hand inside the one closest to Harlow’s hand. Her fingers were so small that one of Whitney’s could touch all five of hers at the same time.

“Hi, baby, it’s Mommy.”

Harlow was sound asleep, but the sound of her mother’s voice brought an instant smile to her face.

“I love you sooooo much,” Whitney cried. Her face was soaked with tears.

“We’re gonna have to take her now,” Nurse Jackie explained.

“Alright.” Whitney nodded, waving goodbye. “Take good care of my baby.”

“I will.”

“I’m almost done, Whitney,” Dr. Chancellor announced. “I want you to be able to spend as much time with your baby girl as possible.”

“Are my parents here?” she questioned Koran.

“Yeah, they’re out in the waiting room. I’ma go tell them what’s up in a second. Are you okay?” Koran said with a concerned expression on his face. Whitney’s lips had begun to turn blue and her fingertips were ice cold.

“I’m tired, baby.” She struggled to keep her eyes open.

Whitney felt worn and feeble. She’d given all she had just to get to this point. Seeing her daughter come into the world was the last thing she’d prayed to God for. There was no more to be said or done and her body didn’t have any more will to fight. She hated to give up and leave her family behind, but God’s will had to be done.

It was her time to journey off into the sun, to a place that was nice and warm. She wasn’t fearful, timid or afraid. Heaven’s gates were welcoming her into their sanctuary with open arms. Whitney could hear Koran’s voice off in the distance, calling her name, but it was too late.

“What’s wrong with her?” he shouted.

“She’s going into cardiac arrest,” Dr. Chancellor replied. “You’re going to have to leave the room, sir.”

“No, I promised I’d stay by her side!”

“Sir, please step outside the room.” Nurse Jackie pushed Koran back.

Two huge doors closed before Koran’s face. A sense of complete and utter helplessness consumed him. Then the deafening sound of death rang in the air.