Finding Forever (6 page)

That was a problem. I had been methodical about building up those walls, and yet Tori had gotten in. Maybe that’s why my reaction to the news of her being a ‘matchmaker’ had been so strong. Maybe it had less to do with her profession, and more to do with my brain subconsciously latching on to a flaw that could be exploited to put her firmly back into the category of meaningless, disposable, and replaceable, with all the other woman I’d dealt with since Natalie. The comment about her husband cheating on her? That had been unnecessary, and honestly mean. What other reason would I have to say something like that, other than an attempt to push her way?

I vowed not to let another woman get her toe into the door to my heart. I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my sanity when I could find women to fulfill my physical needs and then send them on their way. I never had a problem doing that, even when, inevitably, there was a woman who thought she could ‘change’ me. She and her tears were sent packing too. So maybe Tori’s anger with me was for the best. Our flirtatious interaction at breakfast — before the blowup— left no doubt in my mind that if the meal had gone as planned, Tori would have been in my bed again, instead of just her scent lingering in my sheets.

What I needed to do was leave her alone. Send her flowers, and an apology of course, but leave it at that, and go back to normal. Before yesterday, I had barely known she existed, so I had to get back to that place. I had no delusions it would be easy.

— 3 —

— Tori —

“I know, Lauren. Yes, I know. Yes, Lauren, I’ll be sure to let him know. Well, no, I don’t usually… okay, well why don’t we try a different approach?”

I massaged my temples, fighting the urge to scream as I listened to my client vent about her string of unsuccessful dates. Physically, Lauren was very attractive, but the girl complained like it was going out of style, and couldn’t seem to understand that a grousing woman, to most men, was patently unappealing. She had been a client for almost three months, and I had coached her through it repeatedly, but it never stuck. I was honestly hesitant to put my other clients with her, because I
knew
she was going to ‘grow up’ to be a nagging ass wife.

It took another thirty minutes of fielding her gripes before I was able to get her off the phone, and I laid my head on my desk, exhausted from the effort. Working with my clients used to energize me, but now, it sometimes felt like a punishment. With a heavy sigh, I brushed that feeling to the side, knowing it was the residual bitterness of my marriage and divorce talking.

“Hey stranger.”

Startled, I looked up to see Desiree standing in my doorway. I was used to her unannounced trips from her home in Chicago to visit me in Dallas. They happened so often my assistant didn’t page me anymore when Des came in, she just let her through, but I hadn’t expected one so soon after our return from the Maldives. I had thrown myself into work as soon as we got back, not wanting to think about what had transpired between Avery and me. The frequent communication I usually shared with Des, which had already been dwindling, was an unfortunate casualty. We had talked a little, each confirming that the other was home safe, and Des apologized for Avery, but that had been it. Still, I was excited to see her, looking beautiful in her post-honeymoon glow.

“Des, hey!” I pushed back my chair and stood, greeting her with a hug. “What are you doing here?”

She hugged me warmly in return. “I came to make sure you were okay.”

Lifting an eyebrow, I led Des to my desk to sit down. “What makes you think I wasn’t okay?”

Desiree grabbed my hand, squeezing it between her own. “Tori, it’s been two weeks since my wedding, and we’ve barely talked. We used to talk every day, and that doesn’t happen anymore. I mean, I understand you being mad about the thing with Avery, but it seems like this distance started before then. What’s up with that?”

I sighed, averting my eyes away. I didn’t feel like getting into this with her. Des and I had been friends since college, and we’d been like sisters. We experienced heartaches and triumphs together, had many of the same successes, but what brought us closest together was learning from our similar mistakes, especially in love. Before, we could laugh about it after we cried, but once Des met Drew, something shifted, and she became incredibly judgmental of everything I did.
Especially
with Rafael. Yes, she had been right, but she was still supposed to be my friend. I could handle her criticism, delivered in love, but hypocrisy? Hell no. So instead of cursing out the friend I loved, I simply took a step back, and remained insular so she wouldn’t hurt herself coming up with ways to chastise.

“It’s nothing, Des. I just haven’t been feeling great. And you
just
got back from your honeymoon last week.”

She scowled. “So you’re lying to me now?”

“What?”

“Tori… are you really not going to mention that you got
divorced
?”

Ohh, screw you Avery.

I sucked my teeth, annoyed at myself all over again for divulging that information to her stupid brother. “Honestly, I hadn’t planned on it, because I don’t want to talk about it.”

Des crossed her arms over her chest as she flopped back in her chair. “So you talked to
Avery
of all people about it but you can’t talk to me?”

“I’m
sorry
, Des, but you just got married! Why would I want to bring down your wedding bliss with my crappy news, to hear you say ‘I told you so’? If it makes you feel any better, I regret ever breathing the same air as your brother.”

“We’re friends, Tori, have been for years. You didn’t have to suffer in silence, but I
did
tell you not to marry that man. And I know I’ve already said this, but I’m so sorry about my asshole brother.”

I shrugged. “It’s not your fault. I’m sure you didn’t know that was gonna happen.”

“Well, I knew he had this ‘thing’ about matchmakers, online dating, stuff like that, but I didn’t know he was gonna go all crazy and be mean to you like that. Ever since he broke up with Natalie, he’s been a mess. It was about two years ago, but they were
together
for three years. I didn’t know her that well, but he told me he was gonna marry her, but then some stuff happened between them, and it messed him up.”

Twirling a tendril of hair around my finger, I tried to fight the sudden surge of sympathy I felt for Avery. Two years was a long time to stew over heartbreak, but due to nature of
Matched
, I had a lot of experience with the fragility of the male ego. And their emotions?
Jeez
. It was a complete misconception that men didn’t get their feelings hurt, couldn’t be heartbroken, or any of that. An emotionally wounded man could be just as volatile as a woman could. If he had kept his feelings bottled up after being hurt, and internalized them, it wasn’t all that surprising that he was still working through it.

“That’s too bad,” I said, settling on a neutral response as I tucked the strand of hair behind my ear.

“It is, but it’s not an excuse. He
did
apologize, didn’t he?”

I nodded, thinking about the gorgeous bouquet of yellow orchids that had been delivered to my office, along with a handwritten apology, both of which I’d wanted to chuck into the trash, but for some reason, couldn’t bring myself to. I had
plenty
of anger about the way Avery had disparaged me and my business, but in the midst of that was a confusing amount of hurt. It wasn’t as if we actually meant anything to each other. We were two people who met at a wedding and had a one-night stand. There was nothing special, nothing life-alteringly different about that.

So why couldn’t I get him off my mind? For one, I was off the whole ‘love’ thing. It wasn’t happening, wasn’t for me. Second, Avery wasn’t a one-woman man, which was indisputable. Nevertheless, he’d definitely done a heck of a job of making me feel like I was the only one in the world during our time together. Maybe
that
was the problem. The divorce, and the events leading up to it had left me feeling vulnerable, and susceptible to Avery’s well-rehearsed act.

But could anyone act
that
well?

I was confused about most of the things I was feeling, but I could say with certainty the intense connection we’d shared that night wasn’t something that could be faked. And that was…
terrifying
. The whole purpose of spending the night with Avery had been to free my mind, so I could move forward from my divorce openly, honestly, and happily single. However, that’s not what was happening. Instead of feeling fierce, and free… if I didn’t know better, I would swear I was heart broken, and
not
over my cheating husband.

“So you’re gonna sit here and ignore me?”

My head popped up when I realized Des was talking to me, and if her raised eyebrow was any indication, she had been for a while. “I’m sorry, Des. I wasn’t ignoring you, I zoned out. Can you repeat what you said?”

“I
said
, enough about my idiot brother, I want to know what happened between you and Rafael. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Groaning, I leaned back in my chair, trying to think of a way to avoid turning this into an argument. “Come on, Des, you know how you are. You would have gone into full on super-protective-friend mode, and you wouldn’t have been able to focus on your wedding. I wasn’t about to do that to you. Besides, I’m
fine
. My marriage was over well before I signed those documents… hell, before it began. Like you said, you told me Rafael wasn’t going to do right, and I should have believed you. But I’m okay.”

“So, are you gonna start dating again?” Des asked, not looking convinced.

I lifted my head to grimace. “Absolutely not. I’m done for sure this time. No exceptions, no special circumstances, I’m done. I’ve gotta accept my fate.”

“Your fate?”

“Mmhmm. I think I’m just one of those women that are meant to be single, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I like helping people meet their match, so I’m going to live vicariously through you guys, and avoid the headache.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not?” I shrugged, throwing my hands up in defeat. “It’s the truth.”

“It’s
not.
You deserve love like anybody else.”

“Can we talk about something else, Des? How was the honeymoon?”

“Don’t you ‘how was the honeymoon’ me. I want to know how on earth you ended up telling Avery about the divorce before you told
me.
”

I blew out a heavy breath before I lied. “We ended up talking at the reception, and I was a little emotional, so it came out. It wasn’t a big deal. I had just signed the papers before I left for the Maldives, so it was still fresh, and I needed to vent. Obviously I chose the wrong person for that, since he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.”

“Well, at least
somebody
told me. I can’t belie— ”

“Again, how was your honeymoon?”

Desiree paused for a second to roll her eyes before answering. “The honeymoon was beautiful, but the wedding isn’t the most exciting thing that’s happened this month.” She stopped, sitting back in her chair with a teasing smile.

“Oh, come on Des, spill the beans. What are you talking about?” I urged, resting my elbows on the desk. I was happy for the change of subject.

“Well,” Desiree started, crossing her legs in a dramatic flair. “The day we got back from the honeymoon, I didn’t feel well. I figured it was jet lag or something, so I didn’t think anything of it. Well, then I realized my cycle was super late, but I hadn’t noticed because I was so busy with the wedding, and—”

“So you’re… pregnant?”

“Ugh, can I finish my damn story please?” Des bit down on her lip, trying unsuccessfully to stop a grin from spreading across her face before she gave an excited nod of her head. “Ten weeks!” she exclaimed, wiggling her fingers in the air. “I left the doctor right before I got on the plane! I was already coming to check on you, so it worked out perfectly. You’re the first person I’ve told, not even Drew yet.”

“Des, oh my God! You’re gonna have a
baby
!” I quickly came around the desk to pull my friend into a hug. “I am
so
happy for you honey,” I said, frantically wiping away my sudden tears. “When are you telling Drew?”

“I want to tell him person. As soon as I leave you, I’m going to swing by Avery’s and tell him, and then I’m back on a plane to Chicago so I can try to beat my husband home and put out some balloons or something. He’s gonna be so happy!”

I was sure he would. Before he knew Des, Drew had shared with me that he was anxious to be a father, and I knew for a fact Des would make an excellent mother. Hell, she was certainly good at trying to mother
me.
I was thrilled for them, but that didn’t keep a nagging feeling of jealousy from creeping into my thoughts. This outpouring of excitement over a baby was something I would never experience with someone else. To be fair, I wasn’t sure I wanted kids, but it would have been nice to have the option. Even if I went the route of donor sperm, and artificial insemination, I would never have the happy moment Des and Drew would share later over the news that they would be parents.

I cleared my throat before I planted another smiled on my face. “That’s sweet, Des. I bet he’s gonn— wait a minute, did you just say you were ‘swinging by’ to see Avery? What, he’s visiting his office in Dallas?”

Des’ lips parted in a little gasp as she averted her eyes to look down at her shoes. “Well… about that… Avery
lives
here in Dallas.”

What?

I took a step back, suddenly feeling like the wind had been knocked out of me. Avery was right here in the same city, and all he’d sent were stupid freaking flowers, and a note that didn’t acknowledge the fact we’d slept together instead of coming in person to apologize? Closing my eyes, I shook my head a little, realizing just how stupid it was that I couldn’t get him off my mind when he
obviously
thought very little of me. Note to self: you’re not one of those girls that can separate emotion from sex.
Clearly.

“Tori, I never mentioned it because I know how Avery is. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you asking to meet him, and him trying to do you like he does other women.”