Finding Fate (18 page)

We take turns rolling around in the bed.  One second he's on me, the next I'm on him.  We can't settle because we can stop having each other.  It's wild, it's sweaty, and it's loud.  We pause a few times just to kiss parts of each others bodies, making the night last longer.  Colt then rolls on me and puts my arms over my head.  He holds my wrists together with one hand and stares into my eyes.

"Bella, I love you," he says.

With that our bodies come together again.  This time it's all Colt, all in control.  It's exactly how I want it and as my body starts to shake, Colt releases his grip.  My hands go right to Colt's strong back and I hold him as he has me.

And that's where the night really begins and then ends.

When we're done, Colt rolls around in a perfect motion, pulling me on top of him.  My head finds a resting place against his chest and I fall asleep to the feel of Colt's fingers in my hair and the sound of his heart beating.

This is my life, and nothing can ruin it.

I hope.

-Chapter 20-

I’m lost in a dream.  Seriously.  Lost.  I’m standing the bakery but it’s not the bakery.  Everything is gone.  It’s just an open floor of the bakery.  There’s dust everywhere, or maybe it’s just foggy because I’m dreaming.  On the floor there’s white spots, perfect outlines of the counter, the ovens, even the tables and chairs.  They’re like the chalk drawings of victim at a crime scene. 

I kneel down and touch the floor.

It’s not dirty, it’s just used.

The walls match the floors, squared outlines of the frames that were once there.  That bothers me the most.  Where are the frames?  Who took the pictures?  The bakery could rot into a rusted shell of memories for all I care, but those pictures... I shouldn’t have listened to Colt.  Of course I can see the pictures when I close my eyes but now I can’t dream about them.  They’re missing.  And they’re going to stay missing if I don’t get them.

I walk to the wall and touch it.  It’s warm, very warm.  Like hovering your palm over a fresh loaf of bread, just out of the oven.  A comforting warmth.  And I smell it too.  I run my hand along the wall and once I leave the spot where the frames should be, it’s cold. Icy cold.  Painfully cold. Like gripping ice cubes.  I don’t like this feeling at all.

I move my hand along the wall and I hear a bell ringing.  I look over my shoulder.   The door is closed but the bell is slightly moving. 

Maybe it was wind.

Air.

Something.

Now I hear ringing.

Ringing?

I look to where the phone should be.  It’s not there.  But I hear ringing coming from that spot.  I walk towards area, moving as though the counter and tables are still in the place.  It’s habit.  It’s odd. 

I’m at the wall.

There’s no phone but there’s... ringing...

Wait.

That isn’t the bakery phone ringing.

It sounds like... my cell phone.

My cell phone is ringing.

“Bella...”

Hold on, I try to say.  I can myself saying it but that’s it.  I just hear.

“Bella... your phone is ringing...”

I know.  I can hear the phone ringing.

“Bella, wake up.”

My eyes open and the dream is sucked away, thrown into the trenches of my mind.  I’m confused, groggy, and when I finally grab my phone, I see that it’s just before six in the morning.

Who is calling me this early?

It’s just a number on the screen.  Normally I would just let it go to voicemail, but I’m sort of pissed right now.  That dream meant something, I know it.  Leave it to both Becca-Ann and Colt to finally change my mind about signs and fate and all that stuff.

I take the call, wanting to sound like a total bitch, but I’m just too tired.

“Hello?”

“Is this Isabella Cressley?”

The voice is serious.  I start to sit up.  “Yes.  It is.  Who is this?”

“Isabella, I’m calling you from Grayview Memorial Hospital.”

Hospital?

Who would I know...

I look at Colt.  His face turns white at the sight of my face turning white.

“Are you the daughter of Lorraine Cressley?”

“Yes.” 
My mother.
  “Is she okay?”

“She was involved in an accident.  You were listed as the emergency contact information.”

“What happened?”

“I’m not able to discuss details over the phone,” the woman says.  “You need to come to the hospital.”

“Okay.  I’ll come.”

“Isabella, it’s my personal suggestion you hurry.  And I say that between you and I.”

“Is she... dead?” I ask.

“Dead...,” Colt whispers.

“Please just come to the hospital.”

The phone call ends and my cell phone slides from my hand.  I vaguely see it hit the nightstand before falling to the floor.  I start to shake.  I’ve never prepared for this moment.  I always thought about it, figuring her luck would run out...

“Is she okay?” Colt asks.

“I don’t know.  She was in an accident.  She must be hurt...”

“Was she drinking?”

Reality snaps at me for a second.  I look at Colt.  “What do you think?”

He lowers his eyes.

The years of drinking, of driving, of feeling invincible.  She would then say that she was too old to get caught or get hurt.  She knew what she was doing.

“We have to go right now,” I say.  “To the hospital.”

“Of course, let’s go.”

I’m thankful most of our clothes are on the floor.  It makes it easy to get dressed.  Anything else I need I grab as I walk through the apartment.  My mind won’t stop spinning and I don’t want to do this.  I don’t want to go to the hospital like this.  At the door I stop and watch Colt.  He’s moving fast and with command.  He’ll protect me.  I trust that.

“Thank you,” I say as I close the door.

“I’m always with you now,” Colt says.  He pauses like he’s thinking and then says something that shakes me to my core.  “I hope it’s just her, you know?”

“Just her?” I ask.

“Yeah.  She was in an accident. I hope it was just her car...”

He turns and walks, leaving my stomach to roll over three times.  I feel my heart drop into my stomach too, mixing all together.

I hadn’t thought of that.

What if she hurt someone else?

We don’t take Colt’s bike and I regret it the moment he begins to drive.  I’m picky about someone driving my car, but Colt doesn’t give me an option.  He doesn’t even bring the subject up, he just takes the keys and commands the drive.

Sitting there in the silence of the car, I hate it.  I’d rather have the rumble of the motorcycle and the sound of it.  That would at least bash up all these thoughts in my head.  I have a million questions but there’s no use asking them because Colt won’t have the answers.  I obviously don’t have the answer, and to be honest, maybe I don’t want some of the answers.  Maybe it’s better off to just live in this moment, right now, and see where it all ends up.

Colt keeps looking at me, every minute or so.  He just looks, he doesn’t say a word. I love him for both gestures.  He already knows me, almost too well for my own good.

I hate hospitals.

I hate doctors.

I hate anything to do with medicine or medical.  Because it’s the reminder that life is fragile and that death will come to all of us.  And I hate thinking like that.

Colt leads me through the emergency room, moving at a swift pace.  I don’t know I’m walking but I am.  Somewhere between here and there, I give a woman with black curly hair my mother’s name and we’re escorted to the elevator.  I can’t tell you floor we’re on, but when I’m greeted by a tall, skinny doctor, the first thing he does it look at me, then at Colt.

“I’m her...,” Colt says but isn’t sure how to finish it.

“Boyfriend,” I say.  “Colt is my boyfriend.  I’m the daughter.  Is my mother...”

“Well, she’s been in a very serious car accident.  The police are here too.”

“Police?”

I look at Colt. There’s tears in my eyes.  His arms wrap around me.

More people show up, maybe it’s just one or two.  One’s a cop, but for all I know, it could be two hundred people.  I keep my head tucked tight to Colt’s chest as I hear what happened. 

From what police could determine, my mother was driving at a high rate of speed, swerving lane to lane.  A cop saw her and tried to pull her over.  She wouldn’t stop.  He feared intoxication, which comes as no surprise to me.  My mother then sped through a red light, hitting another car. 

That’s when I gasp for air.

She hit someone.

She hit them on the passenger side.  For a second I think there’s a glimmer of fate, but it turns out the car was a family of three driving upstate to visit family.  Father.  Mother.  Daughter.

My mother hit the car at the back passenger door. 

I pull my head from Colt’s chest.  His arms are tight around me, squeezing me and in so many ways, holding me up.

“Did she kill anyone?” I ask.

“No,” the doctor says.  “The little girl has been hurt though.  Her parents are fine.  She had be pulled from their vehicle.”

“No,” I whisper as tears run down my cheeks.

Why the hell was my mother in a car that early in the morning?  And why was she that drunk that early?  I always considered that she drank twenty four hours a day but this seemed to confirm it.

“I need to see her,” I say.

The doctor looks at Colt, the cop, then me.  “She’s in bad shape.  She wasn’t wearing a seatbelt...”

“I wasn’t talking about my mother,” I say.  “I want to see the little girl.”

Colt squeezes.  “Bella, you need to see your mother.”

“He’s right,” the doctor says.  “I’m terribly sorry to inform you of this, but she’s on life support.  The injuries she’s sustained has caused severe damage to her brain, along with several broken bones and large cuts.  I’m afraid... well, she’s not going to make it.”

I’m instantly numb.

Truly numb.

I don’t feel pain.

I don’t feel anger.

I don’t feel confusion.

I don’t feel a thing.

I stare at the doctor, seeing his stone face.  Years of training and delivering news like this just makes it all part of the job, but I can’t help but wonder if he cries when nobody is looking. 

I hope he doesn’t cry over my mother.

I hope he does cry over the little girl...

“I need to see her right now,” I say.

“I must warn you,” the doctor says, “the sight...”

“The little girl,” I say.  “I need to see her first.”  I look at the police officer.  “I need to apologize.”

The officer looks at the cop and the doctor shakes his head. 

“I’m sorry, but we can’t...”

“It’s okay,” Colt chimes in.  “I’m going to take her for a glass of water.  Then we’ll go see her mother.”

“I would hurry,” the doctor says with a stern tone.

Colt turns and I resist.  He puts his lips to my ears.  “Trust me, Bella.”

I do.

I trust him with everything.

As of that moment, he’s the only person I have.

-Chapter 21-

Colt sits me in an uncomfortable leather and metal chair.  He makes me promise him I won’t move.  No, I won’t move.  I have no reason to move.  I’m fully aware my mother is dying in this hospital but... whatever.  Is that wrong?  I can’t be sure if it’s wrong. 

Colt walks back to me a few minutes later, a half smile on his face. 

He puts his hand out to me.  “Come on, let’s go.”

“Where?”

“We’re going to see Elizabeth.”

“Elizab...”

“I took care of it,” Colt says. 

“How?”

“I picked the youngest girl and flirted.”

I look at up him as he leads me into the elevator.  “I hate you.”

He looks at me.  “No you don’t.”

“I know.”

We ride in silence and then get off the elevator.  We walk the halls and Colt tells me we need to find Room 443.  The door is slightly ajar and Colt wastes no time knocking and pushing the door open.  As we step into the room, a man’s voice welcomes us. He sounds weak and when he greets us, he looks like hell.

“Hello?” he asks.

“Sir,” Colt says, “my name is Colt... this is my girlfriend, Isabella.  We would like to speak with you and your wife.  And your daughter.”

“Who are you?” the man asks, his tone growing angry.

“My mother,” I say.  “My mother was driving...”

The man’s nostrils flare.  A woman walks up behind him.  Her eyes are puffy from crying and she looks as tired as the man.  She puts her hands to his shoulders and squeezes.  She’s his rock.  I understand the feeling of needing someone that bad.