Finding Faith (Love's Compass Book 4) (12 page)

Despite her best attempts to stay busy, Serenity continuously paced back and forth across the living room. Aaron should be here any moment now. What did he want to talk about? Something told her it was the same topic that had been haunting her the last day or so.

A knock at the door made her jump. She strode across the room and unlocked it. She pulled it open, ushering Aaron inside.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” He slipped his hands into his pockets. His eyes focused on her face and it looked like he was trying to decide what to say.

“Do you want to sit down?” Serenity led the way to the couch. “What did you want to talk about?”

Aaron absently scratched his jaw. “I heard Cynthia called you into her office yesterday.”

Serenity nodded. “Did you know about the new policy?”

“I did.”

“And you didn’t think it prudent to tell me before we — before whatever this is — started?” Serenity crossed her arms over her chest. “At the very least, you’re risking your job.”

He inhaled deeply and reached across the space between them to place a hand on her arm. The touch sent shivers up and down her spine.

“For one thing, I assumed they went over the policies with you when they hired you. Cynthia’s been on a crusade with the dating one specifically. I’m surprised she didn’t sit you down and explain it in detail before you started work.” He slid his hand down to hers and squeezed it. “I didn’t expect any of this to happen.”

Serenity focused on the warmth of his hand. “Neither did I.” She sighed. “I was given a large number of papers at my interview and I looked through them all one evening, but if I saw those guidelines, they didn’t stick out in my mind.” His expression was serious and worry gnawed at her stomach. “Maggie told me a little about why Cynthia insisted on changing the guidelines. It seems overboard.”

“I agree. But Cynthia has made it her personal goal to stop something similar from happening again.”

“And one person can do that?”

“Yeah. She’s got the blessing of the rest of the board of directors.” Aaron’s thumb lightly rubbed the skin on her palm. “The whole thing is still new. We haven’t seen whether she’ll move forward with the consequences or if it’s all a bunch of hot air.”

Gideon wandered through the room to the kitchen. Serenity leaned against the back of the couch and moved her hand from Aaron’s. She listened as Gideon opened the refrigerator door and took out his partial cup of chocolate milk from earlier in the day. He clutched it in his hands as he re-entered the living room. “Hey, big guy. Leave the cup on the table so it doesn’t spill in your room.” He took another swig before doing as she asked. After that, he bounded back down the hall. Serenity sighed, returning to their previous conversation. “Does the fact that we both work there change anything?”

“I doubt it. You’re the mother of one of my students. I think that’s all that matters to Cynthia.” Aaron ran a hand through his hair. “It wasn’t a big deal when we were just friends. But now…” His blue eyes studied her face, waiting for her response.

“You mean the fact that you’re here at my house means we’re at risk of losing our jobs?” Seriously? It sounded like something from a bad reality television show. “Aaron, I can’t afford to lose my job. Everything from this house to Gideon’s education hinges on it.”

“Cynthia’s concerned about maintaining a professional environment at the Academy. What we do on our own time — as long as it stays out of work — should be okay. It ought to be.”

Serenity shook her head. “I agree that it should. But if she’s making inquiries now …” They’d barely started a relationship, but the thought of it ending left her with a wave of sadness. “I’m not sure I can risk it. I need this job.” She dropped her voice. “And I’ve got the bill from the ER visit coming. I’m not sure how I’m going to pay it now, much less if I become unemployed.”

“I do understand. Our situations are different, but my job and those kids I teach are important to me. I don’t want to get fired, either. But I could find another job.” He paused, his blue eyes boring straight into hers. “I’ll never find someone else like you.”

Serenity’s breathing sped up as she processed his words. No other man had been able to affect her like this before. He made her want to think about forever, no matter how dangerous that might be. “But what can we do?”

He curled one hand into a fist and bounced it off his knee. “Cynthia’s response to the mess earlier this year is overkill and I still can’t believe the rest of the board of directors went with it. Maybe I can go to someone else on the board and speak with them.”

“And what if they hear the reason you want to change the guidelines and fire us both on the spot?” Serenity wanted to believe there was a way out. But entertaining the risk they’d be taking made her doubt everything.

Aaron shifted on the couch so that his right knee touched her left. “I wish I had a good answer.” He remained silent in thought for a short time before turning his body towards her. “I want you to know that
this
— between us — I want us to have the chance to see where it leads.”

Serenity’s eyes slid shut and anguish stabbed at her heart. “So do I. But I also have to put Gideon first.” She opened them again. “I’m sorry.”

Pain flitted across Aaron’s face and he slumped against the back of the couch. “Can we at least be friends? I don’t want to lose you completely.”

Aaron was the first person she’d gotten close to outside of her family. But could she go back to being just friends with him? The painful beat of her heart said she wasn’t so sure. Especially when all she needed at that moment was for him to hold her close. “I don’t want that, either.” Tears were building and she would not cry in front of him. She refused.

Aaron studied her closely. Was he questioning her words? Or could he tell how miserable she was? “I’m sorry, Serenity.”

She nodded, fixing her eyes on the floor. If she looked at him now, she was going to cry. He put a finger under her chin and lifted it until her eyes focused on him.

“I’m going to be praying we figure a way out of this. We’ll take a big step back, but promise me you won’t give up on us completely.”

A single tear escaped, slowly sliding its way down her cheek. He swiped it away with his thumb and she nodded her agreement.

Aaron stood, placed a kiss to her wet cheek, and left. When the front door clicked shut, she slid the deadbolt into place. Only then did she allow herself to lean against it and let the tears flow freely.

~

Aaron’s week was proving to be the longest he could remember experiencing — and it was only Thursday. No matter what he tried to focus his mind on, he kept picturing the way Serenity had looked the other night before he left her house.

On his way over there, he’d played through every possible scenario, hoping for the best. Even though he’d half expected it, hearing Serenity say she wanted them to go back to being friends had been one of the worst things that could have happened.

At least she was still in his life. Not in the way he wanted, but it was better than losing her completely.

She’d promised she wouldn’t give up on them. Neither would he.

He was going to find a way to make this work. For now, though, getting through the week was going to take a miracle.

Aaron needed to make some copies so he took a deep breath and purposefully strode through the school to the main office. Seeing Serenity sitting at the desk with Maggie made his stomach do a flip flop. He didn’t think she’d spotted him yet.

Maggie gave a plate a shove, the cookies piled on it shifting as they sailed across the desk to Serenity. “One of the parents left this for us today. I thought that was sweet.” Maggie motioned for Aaron to join them. “We’ve got plenty, help yourself.”

Serenity’s eyes widened. She picked the plate up and held it out to him.  He reached for a cookie and took a bite. He’d expected the usual chocolate. “Oatmeal raisin. One of my favorites.”

“Really?” Serenity took a nibble of her own cookie. “Mine, too. I’m the only one in my family who likes them so I don’t get to eat them very often.”

Maggie chuckled and waved her long fingernails at them, making the cats painted on them appear to dance. “You two fight over them then. Why anyone would choose to eat a raisin cookie over chocolate chip is beyond me.”

Aaron’s heart stuttered when Serenity’s gaze darted from his face to something on her desk. She licked away a crumb that was on her lip.

They’d managed to avoid each other most of the week. The one lunch they had eaten together included another person, which turned out to be a blessing if the lack of conversation was any indication.

It’d taken all of Aaron’s willpower to not text or call her. He’d made sure to ask about Gideon, but otherwise, they’d hardly spoken. He missed it desperately.

Aaron snagged one more cookie and gave Serenity a wink. “The rest are all yours.” He strode over to the copy machine and went to work. Even though his back was turned to the ladies at the front desk, Maggie’s voice could easily be heard over the whir of the copier as she talked to Serenity.

“What are your plans for the weekend?”

“Gideon and I are going to Kitner for my Grams’ eighty-seventh birthday party.” Aaron could hear the smile in her voice. “We’re going to stay there Saturday night and come home Sunday afternoon.”

Aaron glanced at her. He had forgotten about her trip to Kitner. It would mean he wouldn’t see her in church on Sunday. His disappointment was keen, but he knew that the break was something she probably really needed.

Maggie adjusted the thick-rimmed glasses that sat on her nose. Aaron guessed that they served no purpose except for assisting in her fashion statement. “How fun! My Nanna turned eighty last month. She’s the one who raised me. There’s nothing like a grandmother, huh?”

“Amen to that.”

Letty hurried in, a stack of papers in her arms. She stopped in front of Serenity and blew some strands of hair out of her eyes. “Hey! The guys at the church are getting together for a basketball game Tuesday night. I and a bunch of the other ladies often go to visit and sometimes throw verbal jabs at the men.” She grinned. “Do you want to join us?”

Aaron was going to be playing in that friendly game of ball. He couldn’t hide his interest as he turned around to see Serenity’s response.

She hesitated, her eyes going from Letty to him and then back again. Aaron suspected she was trying to think of a way to get out of going. Apparently, she couldn’t find a good enough reason. She finally nodded. “That sounds like fun. We’ll plan on coming.”

“Great!” Letty seemed genuinely pleased. “I’ve got to run, one of my aids is watching the class. I forgot these in my office this morning.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Aaron finished his copies and escaped the office. Despite the busy afternoon, all he could think about was the fact that Serenity would be watching him play basketball on Tuesday. He’d text Zane later and see if he was up to getting in a practice between now and then.

Serenity and Gideon arrived at the Chandler house right before noon on Saturday. She’d expected to spend the day with them until Grams’ party that evening, but Mom insisted she go out and get the haircut she’d been talking about while they watched Gideon.

By the time she got back to the house, she wondered why she hadn’t had it cut sooner. Now that her hair was nearly thirteen inches shorter, it felt like her head was floating without all of that weight. Serenity chuckled when she realized she’d have to use about a third less shampoo when she washed it, too.

She discovered everyone in the living room when she walked into the house. Gideon immediately approached her, his face serious.

“What do you think, big guy? Do you like it?”

Gideon ran his fingers through her hair several times and then cupped the ends in both hands, bouncing them.

Serenity laughed. “I know! It feels funny, doesn’t it?”

Gideon smiled, ran his fingers through her hair one last time, and went to play.

Mom tucked some of Serenity’s hair behind her ear and gave a satisfied nod. “I guess he gave it the official seal of approval. I have to agree. It looks lovely, sweetheart.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Serenity beamed.

“It is pretty.” Grams patted the spot on the couch next to her and waited for Serenity to sit down. “You’ve always had beautiful hair. But this style suits you.”

Serenity sipped at the glass of unsweetened iced tea she’d been handed as she enjoyed the sounds of her Mom and Grams around her. She hadn’t realized how quiet their little house in the city was until now.

“So Grams, what have you been doing over at the Senior Center since I’ve been gone?”

In the spring, she and Mom saw an ad in the paper for an event at the Kitner Senior Center. As soon as they read about the couponing club, they knew Grams would love it.

Convincing her to go was a different matter entirely. Grams objected, saying the last thing she needed to do was hang out with a bunch of old fogies. Serenity still had to hide a smile at the memory.

Once she’d attended the coupon group, Grams regularly went to other events as well.

“I’ve invited a friend over for dinner tonight.” The announcement from Grams resulted in a unanimous pause around the room.

Serenity raised an eyebrow at Mom who was sitting across from her.

Mom offered a little shrug. “That’s fine, Mom. Is this a friend you’ve met at the Senior Center?”

“Yes.” A bright blush colored Grams’ cheeks. “His name is Peter.”

Serenity didn’t think she’d ever seen Grams get embarrassed like this before. At a complete loss for words, she waited for Mom to say something.

And it didn’t take long. Mom set her tea down on the coffee table. “I…We…Is Peter a friend?”

Grams hesitated. “We’ve started courting.”

“Courting?!” Mom coughed and used a fist to hit her chest. “When did this happen?”

“Now, Patty. What matters is that it’s serious enough to meet each other’s families. The least you can do is welcome him.”

Mom looked surprised. “Of course he’s welcome to come here. Anytime.”

Serenity couldn’t blame her for being shocked. She felt it, too. “I can’t wait to meet him, Grams.”

“Thank you.” Grams gave her a smile and turned her attention to Mom.

“Me, too. It’s been a long time since Dad… You deserve to find someone. To be happy.”

Grams gave her a watery smile. “Thank you, sweetie.” She fingered the locket around her neck. “My Nicholas will never be forgotten. But I’m learning I might have some room left in my heart for Peter.”

The tears in Grams’ eyes were like a trigger, and Serenity blinked her own moisture away. She’d been a kid when Gramps had passed. The entire family had mourned the loss for many years and still remembered him with fun stories and recollections.

It was hard to imagine Grams falling in love with someone else. But if anyone deserved to be happy and have a second chance at love, it was her.

Serenity had managed to push Aaron from her thoughts for a whole ten minutes before the image of his handsome face came crashing back in. It was too bad she couldn’t imagine ever finding that true love for herself. What did it say about her that Grams was likely going to find someone to spend the rest of her life with before Serenity even got close?

No, she wasn’t going to go there. Not right now, anyway. She’d have plenty of time for a pity party on the drive back home tomorrow. For now, she planned on enjoying the time she got to spend with her family.

Several hours later, the rest of the family began to arrive at the Chandler home. Serenity received multiple compliments on her hair. She was sitting on the couch with Laurie, whose baby bump was starting to show.

Laurie put her hand on it and smiled. “I’m finally starting to feel a little better. I have my moments when I want to curl up and sleep the day away. But at least I’m not getting sick constantly.”

Lance plopped down on the other side of Serenity. “My sister, Marian, was sick all the time like that, too. She was miserable. When Avalon was pregnant, she worried she was going to feel as bad.”

Serenity had only met Lance’s younger sibling a handful of times, but she always enjoyed talking to her. “How’re Avalon, Duke, and baby Lorelei Grace?”

Lance grinned. “They’re good. Settled into Kitner. Duke likes his job and Lorelei is absolutely adorable.” He took his phone out and pulled up a photo to show them. The chubby baby with wisps of black hair and dark eyes smiled.

Laurie’s face became wistful. “I wonder what this little one’s going to look like.”

Tuck stepped to the side of the couch beside her, taking one of her hands in his. “I hope he or she has red, wavy hair like my beautiful wife.”

The doorbell rang then, and nearly everyone in the room turned towards it.

Grams shooed them all away. “Would you all pretend to be civilized people instead of vultures waiting for the kill?”

They obeyed, but laughter followed Grams to the door. Serenity craned her neck to see her admit their guest into the house. Peter offered Grams his arm and she took it, something Serenity found especially sweet.

Grams motioned around the room. “Everyone, this is Peter Quintin.”

Peter nodded at each person as she introduced them. His hair was white and closely cropped. His blue eyes were friendly and open. He stood straight and offered them a smile. “It’s good to meet you all. Rose has told me a lot about you. I appreciate your welcoming an old stranger in to celebrate this beautiful woman’s birthday. I hear these family meals are a bit famous around here.”

Serenity enjoyed watching Grams as she patted his arm.

Laurie elbowed Serenity. “I have to admit, they’re a cute couple,” she said, barely above a whisper.

“I know!” Serenity smiled. “Grams seems happy.”

“She really does.”

Both women observed as Grams retrieved some cold water for Peter and set it just right on the coffee table. They didn’t miss how he gave her a wink and reached for her hand when she moved to sit next to him.

Serenity sighed. When she spotted Lexi throwing a concerned look her way, she straightened her spine and made sure the smile she was wearing earlier was back in place.

Apparently it wasn’t quick enough. A few moments later, Lexi cupped her elbow and pulled her to stand, directing her outside to the back porch.

They barely made it through the door before Lexi began. “Spill it, Serenity. You’ve been telling everyone you’re fine since you got here, but we know you way too well.” She stood with her hands on her hips. “Mom’s starting to worry.”

Serenity bit back a groan. She hadn’t told any of her family members about her short-lived relationship with Aaron and at this point hoped to avoid it completely. Obviously her original plans weren’t going to hold up.

She motioned for Lexi to take a seat and then claimed one of the deck chairs for herself.

Lexi pinned Serenity with her best big sister stare. “What’s going on?”

Serenity took a deep breath to organize her thoughts and began to relate how she met Aaron and everything that had happened since then.

Aside from the occasional “Wow” or “Oh, no!” Lexi stayed silent until Serenity finished her story.

“I had no idea you moved and took up a role in a soap opera.”

Serenity let the back of her head bounce off the chair backing behind her. “Seriously? And you wonder why I didn’t say anything to you guys. I should have refused to spill my guts to you.”

“We love you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I do.” Serenity closed her eyes. “I’m starting to wonder if I should’ve stayed in Kitner.”

“Serenity?”

“What?”

“Suck it up, Buttercup.”

Serenity chuckled. “You channeling Grams now?”

Lexi laughed. “Maybe. Is it working?”

It was no secret among her family members that Serenity tended to internalize everything until she was ready to explode. “A little.” She paused. “A man was finally interested in me for who I am and it falls apart.” The story of her life, it seemed. “Remind me of this moment the next time I’m coaxed into opening up my heart. It’s not worth it.”

“One of these times it will be.”

Serenity wanted to believe that.

Lexi stared at her hard, making Serenity uncomfortable. “What?”

“Are you in love with him?”

Serenity blinked at her as she tried to digest her sister’s words. “Impossible.” She crossed her arms.

Lexi raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

Was she serious? “Maybe because I’ve known him for all of six weeks. Or maybe because, with everything else stacked against us, it’s obviously not meant to be.”

“If your job wasn’t on the line, would you go for it?” Serenity must not have answered fast enough because Lexi kicked the bottom of her shoe. “Well, would you?”

Out of nowhere, tears sprang to Serenity’s eyes. If she didn’t have to worry about her job, you bet she would. She nodded. “I’d look around for another job, except that’s not the problem. It’s because I’m Gideon’s mom. I’d have to find another school for him, and I’m not going to do that. I can already tell Hope is the right place for him. And I’d never ask Aaron to leave. Working at Hope is his career and he loves the kids. They depend on him. Where does that leave us?”

Lexi leaned forward. “You’re the glass is half-empty kind of person. You weren’t like that before Jay.”

Serenity sat up straight, her eyes narrowing. “Don’t start with that.”

“You’re such a compassionate, intelligent woman. You’re an amazing mom. I don’t understand why you can’t see that in yourself. You spend your life waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Lexi reached over and put a hand on Serenity’s arm. “If there’s one thing I’ve always wished for you, it’s that you’d have a little faith in yourself. It’s still my hope.”

Tears fell then and Serenity pushed down her frustration. She was sick and tired of crying. Part of her wanted to tell Lexi to mind her own business. But a piece of the armor around her heart broke away — a shield she hadn’t even realized was in place. 

“I’m not sure I know how to be any other way.” She sniffed and used her sleeve to wipe away the wetness on her cheeks.

Lexi put an arm around Serenity’s shoulder and hugged her. “It’s never too late to change. I’ll be praying for you.” She got up and went back inside.

Alone, Serenity took the time to compose herself. The last thing she wanted to do was to go back inside and make Grams worry about her.

Lexi’s words kept replaying themselves in her mind. What if she was right? When had she become a glass-half-empty kind of person? She didn’t want to be like that. She wanted to be the type that could find a silver lining in everything.

“God, the way I think is as much of a habit as anything else. Please remind me as I go through my day to look at the bright side of things.”

Her mind went to Aaron and their situation. Where was the silver lining in that? Grams’ voice came to mind.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Seriously? How cliché was that?

Except, when she realized she was reacting simply to the thought of him, she wondered if it might be true. Was he feeling the same way?