Finding Ever After (23 page)

           
“I’d like to know the answer to that myself.” Kyden said.

           
“I’ll leave that one to her to explain.” Bas gave my hand one last squeeze and
joined the rest of them in the house. I started to get up, but Kyden held me in
place.

           
“You’re staying with me Princess.” His voice was soft but insistent.

           
“What do you want from me?” I snapped. My emotions were all over the place and
I couldn’t handle his domineering personality at the moment.

           
“I don’t want anything from you Princess.” That stung more than it should. I
didn’t know why it felt like a rejection, but it did. “You need to get it out
though. They’re just words now and they can’t hurt you, but keeping them inside
is going to rip you apart. Trust me.” It sounded like he was speaking from
experience and I softened.

           
“I don’t know if I can.” My voice faltered.

           
“Here, come with me.” He lifted me off of his lap and then held his hand. He
was making it my choice. I could refuse if I wanted, but in that moment I
didn’t want to. I was tired of hiding, so I reached out and took his hand.

           
I was sitting on Kyden’s lap, my back pressed to his front, while he gently
rocked the wooden swing beneath us. We were tucked away under the gazebo that sat
behind the house. It was just far enough away from the house to make it feel
like we were the only two people around.

           
 Any other circumstances and our intimate setting would have made me
incredibly nervous and uncomfortable, but the rocking motion was soothing and
it helped that I wouldn’t have to look at his face when I spoke. I wouldn’t
have to see the shock, horror, pity and disgust, or any of the hundred awful
emotions that he would undoubtedly experience when I told him what he wanted to
know. Despite him saying he didn’t want anything from me I knew that wasn’t
true. He wanted me to open up my soul and pour it out to him, so that’s just
what I was going to do. I would put it all out there, and then if he didn’t
want anything to do with me, at least I would know. At least I wouldn’t have to
worry about him finding out the truth.

           
“Whatever you tell me Princess, I promise I can handle it. It won’t change
anything.” It was easy for him to say that now when he didn’t know, but he was
about to.

           
“The first day I moved into my dad’s house was the same day I met Connor,” I
began. “I was barely twelve and he was sixteen and even then I felt that
something wasn’t right. I don’t know if it was in his eyes, or just a gut
feeling, but I knew the second I laid eyes on him that he was rotten to the
core. Unfortunately, the second he laid eyes on me, he decided I was his. He
used to watch me all the time. I would get chills and know that he had just
entered a room.”

           
“Who is he to you?”

           
“No one, to me.
To my father, he’s the future of his
business, or at least part of it and he wanted Connor to be my future as well.
My father was ecstatic that Connor was so taken with me and he encouraged it.
Shane was being groomed to take over for my father one day, and Connor was to
be his right hand, his VP, just like his father is to mine now. My dad thought
that if one day he could marry me off to that psycho, then all of the business
would stay in the family. It would also ensure that I was kept in line. It
didn’t matter to him that I wanted nothing to do with Connor. He didn’t listen
when I told him that I was afraid of Connor and as I got older it just got
worse. What my father wants, he gets, except when it came to me. I defied him
at every opportunity and he relished in making me pay for it, after all it’s
who he is, what he does.”

           
I felt Kyden stiffen behind me as I got closer to the root of it all.

           
“The reason I don’t talk about my dad, the reason Bas and Chris won’t tell you
guys anything, isn’t just because my dad is a jerk or a bad father. He’s the
most notorious man in Boston. He used to be a street boss for the Irish mob,
but now he runs a multibillion dollar corporation and calls himself a
businessman. However, most of Boston still thinks of him as ‘Mad Jack’ Malloy,
even though the feds couldn‘t get anything to stick to him when they took down
the heads of the organization before I even met him.”

           
“Shit, Princess. Jack Malloy is your father?” I could hear the disbelief.

           
“Yes. The man responsible for countless dead bodies buried or sunk who knows
where,
the man who helped fill the streets with drugs,
prostitution and weapons, but now owns half the major businesses in Boston,
from hotels and restaurants to casinos and manufacturing companies.
The man who handed his own daughter over to a violent rapist.”
The last part came out on a sob and he held me tighter.

           
“Tell me. You’re doing so good, just let it all out. Tell me what happened.”
His voice was gentle and soothing and I thought that maybe I could do it. I
could finally let it all go.

           
“It was Valentine’s Day my senior year. My father made sure no one would be at
the house that night. He told me I had to be home by seven because he was
punishing me for sneaking out the night before to watch
Vi
perform in the school musical and afterward we all went to the cast party.
Shane caught me sneaking back in and
ratted
me out. I
knew better than to fight my dad on it. An early curfew was a much milder
punishment than usual. Besides, it was Valentine’s Day and it wasn’t like I had
anywhere to be. Bas and
Vi
were each seeing someone so
they had plans and I was flying solo.

           
“When I got home Connor was already there. He had a fancy candlelit dinner set
up and roses all over the place.
Seeing him waiting for me
made me sick to my stomach.
I don’t know what he was thinking, that I
would just walk in, see it all and have a change of heart and suddenly fall
head over heels for him, but when that didn’t happen he lost it. I tried to get
away from him, but he was on me faster than I could make it to the door and he
struck me across the face then he dragged me out of the house and toward the
back of the property” The tears were making tracks down my cheeks again and my
chest was heaving as I tried to get the words out just like he said.

           
“My dad’s place sits on about twenty acres, so he took me, kicking and
screaming, way back where no one would hear me. Not that there was anyone
around to hear anyway. He threw me down on the ground and then kicked me in the
ribs so that I couldn’t get up and try to run. I begged and pleaded for him to
stop but he only laughed. He told me that I was his and that it was time for me
to accept that. I would always be his and he would never let me go.
Hearing him say that, I was sure that he was going to kill me out
there.
I had never been so scared in my entire life.

           
“I had been depressed and kind of zombie like since I lost my mom, but I didn’t
want to die. I tried to crawl away but he just kicked me again and this time I
felt and heard my ribs crack. I thought it was the worst pain I would ever
feel, but I was wrong. He stood over me and started undoing his belt and pants
and then I really did wish he would just kill me.” Kyden became deathly still
behind me but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t now.

           
“He got on top of me. I was wearing a skirt, it had ripped at some point and he
pushed it up over my hips. I couldn’t stop him.” Every other word was choked
out between sobs and I was hunched over with my arms wrapped around my stomach
trying to shrink in on myself. I just wanted it to not hurt anymore.

           
 “He pulled out a knife and I prayed it would be over quickly. He dug the
knife into me and ran the blade up the inside of my thigh, then across my
pelvic bone cutting away the edge of my underwear. The pain of the knife cutting
into my skin was a hundred times worse than the kick to the ribs. He did the
same thing on the other side and then moved up to my stomach. At that point my
throat burned from screaming but I didn’t stop trying to fight him. Next, he
used the knife to cut through my shirt and leave a bloody trail all the way-
well you’ve seen the scar now. The pain was so bad that I thought I was going
to pass out. He just laughed some more and told me how beautiful my body was
and that he was going to play with it all night.”

           
My voice was barely a strangled whimper over the cries leaving my body. If
Kyden’s arms weren’t holding me tightly in place I would have slipped off his
lap and crumpled to the ground. I didn’t think I was going to be able to get
the last bit out. It’s the most overwhelming and emotional part for me to even
think about let alone talk about.

           
“Did he . . .? You don’t have to say it Princess.
If he did.”
His own voice was laced with pain and he was struggling to get words out as
well. It took me a minute to catch my breath enough to speak again.

           
“After he cut me, I knew he was going to. I closed my eyes because I couldn’t
watch, but when I closed my eyes, instead of terror I . . . it’s hard to
describe but the only word that fits is peace. I felt peace. For a second I
thought that maybe I had died, that the cuts were even deeper than I realized.
Then I felt Connor still above me, only I wasn’t afraid. It was like someone
was holding me and I knew it was going to be okay, that I wasn’t going to die.
I just held on to that feeling and tried to bury myself in it. I didn’t even
realize when Connor’s weight wasn’t on me anymore. The next thing I can
actually remember is Bas putting me in his car.”

           
“So he didn’t?” His voice was like a desperate plea, begging me to confirm that
my fate that night hadn’t ended up the complete horror story that it could
have. I shook my head.

           
“No. He didn’t. Bas was on his date when he got the feeling that I was in
trouble. He tried to call me and when I didn’t answer he knew something was
wrong. He bailed on his date and went over to my house. When he checked inside
and found the whole dinner set up but an empty house he ran straight around to
the back. He said that he just knew I was out there and when he got closer he
heard me scream. He got there in time and stopped him.” I couldn’t even bring
myself to think about how it would have ended if he’d shown up even ten minutes
later.

           
“Bas would have killed him then and there but he saw all the blood and knew he
had to get me out of there. When I came around and realized that I was safe I
refused to let him take me to a hospital. The cops would have been called and
if he told them what
happened
it would have gotten him
killed. I couldn‘t let that happen,” and I was scared for myself, but I
couldn‘t admit that to him. That was my biggest shame, that I was a coward.

           
I could feel the rise and fall of Kyden’s chest behind me, and his breath was
warm on the side of my neck, but he didn’t say a word. I hadn’t really expected
him
to,
it was a lot to take in. He was probably
trying to figure out the quickest way to put as much distance between us as he
could.

           
“That’s why you ran away, left Boston?” Not quite the hasty escape I expected
him to make, but I was sure it was still coming. Especially now that he was
realizing just how damaged and weak I was. Instead of standing up for myself
and facing my problems I took off like the scared little girl that I was, that
most of the time I still am. Even now, I’m still hiding from so much of my
past.

           
“That’s part of it, or maybe most of it. I think that even if it hadn’t
happened, eventually I still would have left, but that night just sped up the
timetable. I’m still not sure exactly what I felt that night, or how Bas knew I
was in trouble and right where to go. I don’t know much about religion or God,
but I know that someone saved me that night. My mom had faith and she would
tell me stories from her Bible. I think when I was younger, I believed, but
then when she died I was just so angry and hurt that I didn’t care much whether
He was real or not.

           
“I’m still not certain about a lot of it, but I don’t have any other
explanation for that night. It made me feel like it wasn’t too late for
me, that
someone thought I deserved another chance, that
maybe I was worth saving. It was the first moment since the day I found out my
Mom was going to die, that I remembered what hope was. I couldn‘t let anyone or
anything take that from me so I took the only way out I saw. Without a thought
for anyone but myself, I just ran the first chance I got.”

           
I hadn’t even stopped to consider that by not reporting Connor, he could hurt
someone else and now Kyden knew it. My brokenness, in its entirety, was laid
out before him.
My cowardice and shame, a neon sign, flashing
above my head.

           
Why wasn’t he running, feeling the wreckage that was my life before I dragged
him into it any further? Why was he just sitting there, not saying anything?
Minutes of silence passed and he still didn’t speak, or move. Finally I felt
him shift and I knew he wanted me off of his lap. I slid into the seat beside
him, while he stood and walked toward the opening of the gazebo.
This is it,
he’s leaving.

           
But, instead of walking away, he
stopped and put his hands on the rail. He stood there quietly, with his back to
me, for what felt like forever. I couldn’t bear it any longer.

           
“
Ky
?” But he wouldn’t look at me. “Would you please
just say something, anything?
Because the silence is killing
me.”
He turned to face me and his face was a mask of intense anger and
desperation. I’d never seen his eyes so dark or his jaw so tense.

           
“What the hell do you want me to say?” The words ripped from his lips and I
felt the sting of them down in my core.

           
“You’re mad?” My voice was shaking and barely audible.

           
“Am I mad? You’ve got be fucking kidding me. Mad doesn’t even come close to
it.” I was not going to cry again, I told myself over and over. If I could
survive everything I had been through so far, I could survive him rejecting me.

           
“I’m sorry, I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with me
anymore.” I tried to keep my voice as unaffected as I could, and not let on
just how crushed my insides felt.