Finally (13 page)

I’d probably leave me. But she’d watched me incapacitate an inebriated man who’d grabbed at her outside a restaurant last weekend. She’d watched how quickly and effi ciently I’d pulled his arms off her shoulders and swung him around to brace his arm in such a painful way that he’d dropped to his knees. I’d threatened him in a low voice that I no longer recognized. Instead of being horrifi ed, she’d placed her hand on my shoulder and spoke soothing words until I let him go. Her arms came around me, whispers of thanks and assurances of love fi lled the air around us. She hadn’t been afraid of me or thought of me as a freak. She hadn’t wanted to end things because I could become a person she didn’t recognize. She still loved me. So, here I was, taking a chance at forever because, even though she didn’t know everything about me, she loved everything about me. I felt that instinctively. As much as I loved everything about her, and I couldn’t manage my life without her anymore.

“Traditional is nice.” Willa brought me back from my musings. She was glancing down at the rings.

“Not right, though,” I joined her. It was probably why I 105

Lynn Galli

couldn’t decide. Then it hit me. “Yellow sapphire, to compliment her eyes.”

“Very nice.” She stared at me a little longer, knowing the limitations of my comfort level. “If I leave you to it, can I catch a ride home with you? I promise no more of this crazy talk out of me.”

“Sure,” I agreed, relieved that she understood that I had to do this alone. I tossed her my keys and pointed toward where I’d parked the car. She took her leave without another word. Willa had always been the perfect friend for me.

I turned back to the salesperson. “May I see your yellow sapphire stones, please?”

“Of course,” she seemed pleased by my transformation. She took away the traditional diamond rings and resurfaced with six loose sapphires and seven rings with similar type stones.

I saw it instantly. The right one. But I inspected each, saving it for last. Yes, perfect. A thin, platinum band for her long, delicate fi nger. Two carats, nothing too garish because Briony wouldn’t like that. Roundish, but I was sure the cut had a proper name. I could picture it on Briony’s fi nger. Picture it there for decades to come. She’d be happy with a simple wedding band. I knew that because of the pictures I’d seen. She’d worn a gold one before.

I wanted something different. I wanted her to have everything that she couldn’t have before when she’d married so young.

Something singularly beautiful. She deserved beauty everywhere because she brought so much of it with her.

“That’s the one. If it’s not a size six, I’ll need it resized.”

I handed the ring over to the salesperson. I couldn’t wait to wear whichever matching band Briony picked, to make it clear to everyone that I was the most fortunate person in the world because I fi nally belonged with and to someone as amazing as Briony. “How many letters can be on the inscription?”

The saleswoman looked at me strangely. She didn’t understand 106

Blessed Twice

why I would have what she thought was my own engagement ring inscribed, but it wasn’t up to me to make her understand.

“Depends on the font, but usually forty or so.”

Like with the steps, I knew already how many letters I wanted.

I just needed to know the limit. “Here’s what I’d like inscribed.” I handed over the piece of paper.

I love you, Briony. Always, Mabel.

A breath escaped before she looked back at me. I could tell she thought it was unoriginal, but only because she didn’t know me. I would fi nally say it. Briony had waited more than a year, seemingly content to have me tell her in other ways. But when I proposed, I planned to say the words I hadn’t said since I was nine. I’d tell her I loved her, then because the words were so hard for me, she’d at least have them with her always.

“I’ll pick it up next weekend.” I handed over my credit card.

This encounter would probably be one of those that the saleswoman would recount for people in the future. Freakiest, but fastest high priced sale she’d ever made. I didn’t like that she’d remember me. Almost enough to make me go to a different store, but I didn’t think I could go through it again.

As soon as I had the ring in hand, I’d go about planning how to ask my love if she’d share her life with me. It would have to be special, something as unique and spectacular as Briony.

Something that would make her feel as amazing as she always made me feel.

* * *

Red tinged the horizon as the sun began a slow decent. I was stretched out on a chaise lounge on the balcony of our suite overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. Virginia Beach, it was my fi rst time here, and for a short weekend trip, absolutely perfect. I felt the calm of the color wash over me as I settled into my chair.

107

Lynn Galli

“Everything all right, M?” Briony said from the chair beside me. “You had fun today, didn’t you?”

I tilted to look into the golden brown eyes of the woman I loved. The calm I felt just looking at her overpowered any serenity I could get from a lovely sunset. We’d spent the day sea kayaking, something she loved doing, something I’d never tried.

It was fun, but I knew I’d feel the burn of the unused muscles on Monday when we returned to work. “I believe I’ve told you that I always have fun when I’m with you, Bri.”

A beautiful smile erupted on her face. I loved that I could put that smile there, that I was the cause of such happiness for her. It was a new sensation for me and I craved it. “Same here, honey.

I’m so glad you suggested this getaway. It’s just what I needed.”

With four classes this semester, I’d known that her schedule was starting to bring her down. I didn’t like seeing her so overworked. I planned to pamper her for the next two months until she could get a more manageable schedule in January.

“You’ve been kinda quiet all day. Anything you want to share with me?”

I loved that she knew me so well. That she knew I was holding onto something, but that I might not want to spill it yet or ever. She always allowed me this luxury. It was one of the reasons I knew she was perfect for me. Yet her question sparked a thumping heartbeat and extended breathing. I’d suggested this weekend away for a reason. This was the moment. Romantic, spectacular, and with Briony, as always, breathtaking. I just had to open my mouth.

“Are you over-thinking last night, honey?” she asked.

Heat touched my face. Last night. I’d asked her for something neither of us thought I’d ask for, but I needed her to know that I trusted her completely. She’d never suggested I couldn’t trust her, but I knew with someone as insightful as Briony that she might harbor that slight doubt in the back of her mind. She’d forgive it, 108

Blessed Twice

and had been for a year, but I didn’t want that for her anymore.

“Last night was…” I searched for the perfect words to describe how safe and loved she’d made me feel when we fi nally defeated what had always been my nightmare.

Fear surfaced in her eyes. I could tell she was aching to say something, but she would let me talk. She was brave enough to listen to me tell her that I’d hated it and didn’t want that ever again. That what I’d asked for now reminded me of the horror I’d gone through, but this time she’d been in the starring role.

I reached out to stroke her soft cheek and down to her throat.

I loved her neck, loved burying my face there, brushing my lips against it, taking her skin lightly between my teeth, running my tongue over the spot that never failed to bring out that husky moan. I lived for that sound. “You were wonderful. It was exactly what I wanted, what I knew you’d do for me.”

Her breath of relief brushed across my cheek as she popped off her lounge and slipped onto mine. “You were wonderful, too.”

“You weren’t shocked?” I asked, just a hint of humor because I already knew her answer.

“I saw those scarves and just about passed out, beautiful.”

She snuggled in closer to me. “I didn’t think you’d ever want that, but I’m so glad you asked. I’ve loved when you’ve tried it with me. It makes me feel almost liberated.”

The exact opposite of what I thought bondage would be. The exact opposite of my own experiences as a child when I was held down. It was why I’d asked for it. Until last night, I still felt there was one obstacle left in the sharing of our bodies. We didn’t need to strive for something uncommon when it came to lovemaking, but she hadn’t lied when she’d told me that she was open to almost anything. I loved being adventurous with her, but when it came to bondage or limiting movement, that particular activity had always been one-sided with us. She’d let me restrain her, but I hadn’t let her reciprocate, not that she’d ever asked. The act 109

Lynn Galli

calls for complete trust, and she’d given it to me. So, last night, I decided it was time to give it to her. “I’m glad you didn’t pass out, sweet. We wouldn’t have had as much fun.”

“If it wasn’t last night, what’s got you so quiet today?” She shifted to swing her legs over my lap. The feel of her in my arms, with her wrapped around me, it was the closest I could get to heaven.

“I was thinking about the fi rst sunset we shared together. Do you remember?”

Her eyes sparkled. “Yes, do you?” That teasing tone made me smile. I wasn’t the one who brought up sentimental topics.

“You were on a date—”

“Which you rescued me from.”

“You cajoled me into an entire day together.” I squeezed her tighter against me.

“Don’t start with me.” The tone was fi rm, but the smile gave away her mischief. “You wanted to go. You could have said you were busy.”

“I wasn’t. I saw you with that woman, and my quiet Saturday turned into a quest to spend more time with you.”

“You never told me that.”

“I’m full of surprises.”

“Don’t I know it?” Her eyebrows fl uttered, making the heat return to my cheeks.

“We spent the day together and you picked a restaurant where we could watch the sunset from the patio.”

“It was beautiful. Not as beautiful as you, but still pretty beautiful.”

I made sure to lock eyes with her. “Nothing’s as beautiful as you, Briony.”

“Sometimes you fl oor me, you know?”

“Now you know how I always feel around you.”

She sucked in a breath as moisture prickled her eyes. Quickly, 110

Blessed Twice

she leaned in and kissed me, her soft lips pressing then pulling on my own. I loved kissing her. She was the only person I’ve ever kissed and somehow I lucked into an expert. “What’s got you all nostalgic?” Her hand pressed over my heart, and I knew she could feel my elevated heart rate.

“When I’m uncomfortable I count.” That just slipped out.

I hadn’t meant to say that. I’d never told anyone. Not even a therapist. I could tell by her startled expression that she didn’t expect me to say that. It wasn’t the answer to her question, but she wouldn’t go back to that now that she had this.

“You count?” she prompted, tightening her arms around me.

“I didn’t mean…I, that wasn’t what—”

“Honey? Tell me, please?”

“It’s a habit. It allows me to concentrate on something else when things are happening that I don’t like or make me uncomfortable.”

She nodded encouragingly but there was a fl eeting look of pain that skittered across her face. “Do you still count?”

“I know how many steps from my offi ce to my classrooms, from my apartment to my car, from the street to the park. I know how many seconds it takes to get through a line at the supermarket, to pick up my dry cleaning, to have a conversation with the dean or for an average offi ce visit with my students. If I’ve done it, I know how long or how much of whatever it is that I’m doing. I count almost everything and with everyone.”

“Does it bother you?”

“Sometimes.”

“Can you stop it?”

“Most times, yes. If it’s really nerve wracking, then no. It took 9,932 seconds from the moment we stepped through Willa’s door last Sunday night until we left.”

Her eyebrows rose. “You’re still nervous there?”

“Yes, but I like being there with you. I’m starting to like it 111

Lynn Galli

better than making you go alone. I’m glad you only go once a month, though.”

“I like it, too. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“That’s just it.” I took a breath. “I count with everyone. It never mattered how comfortable I was with them.” I tightened my grip on her and looked directly at her beautiful golden eyes.

“Until I met you. I didn’t notice it at fi rst because it was such a habit, but then I realized that even when you pressed me on things or asked me questions that no one else had asked I didn’t count. You’re the only person that makes me so comfortable I don’t use that protective habit. If you’re near, I need only look at you and I stop counting.”

“Oh, Mabel, I’m so happy to hear you say that. I’m glad I can do that for you. You’re my comfort, too, you know?”

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Briony. I know we’ve only known each other for a year and a half, but I’ve never felt so comfortable with anyone before.”

“Me, too.” Her fi ngers came up to stroke my cheek.

“I missed you so much when you were in Vermont and I was in Chicago. I don’t want to have to miss you like that again.”

“Me, neither, honey. I should have changed my plans so I could at least see you for a few days in Chicago.”

“Next year, we’ll have to plan something else.”

Her smile split her face as it always did whenever I brought up the future. It’s why I knew she’d be open to my question.

“Next year?”

“Yes.” I leaned in and kissed her this time. I loved her taste, her smell, the feel of her wrapped around me. “I miss you when you leave my place at the end of a date or when I leave yours before Caleb wakes up.”

“I’ve told you that if we have an honest conversation with Caleb, we could change that. You could spend the whole night.

He knows that sex is between people who love each other. He 112

Blessed Twice

knows how we feel about each other.”