Fill Me (11 page)

"You sounded shaky. I needed to know you're okay, even if I had to hear it from her."

"Why don't you ask me?"

"Would you tell me?"

"Maybe." I look up into his eyes. They're so sincere, I can barely take it. I have to look away, to bury my head in his chest.

"I love you, Ally. I'm not going anywhere."

"Even if I close off and shut you out?"

"Even then," he says. "But you still haven't answered the question."

"Can I think about it?" I ask.

"It's all I'm going to think about until you answer," he says. But he lets it go. And we return to walking around the park, the only sound the city around us.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Luke

Alyssa can't answer my question. It's a simple question and it should be an easy answer.

Either she sees a future together, or she doesn't. It's not like I expect her to share my enthusiasm for imagining our life together, but I'd think, by now, she sees something.

So we walk. We walk through the park silently, both of us locked in our respective heads. This is no good. This is not how things should be. But I offered her time. I have to let her wait.

I keep my mouth shut, my hands in my pockets. I may as well have stayed in Los Angeles for how close we are right now.

I glance at Alyssa. She's wearing a frown. Pressing her nails into her fingers.

I run a hand through my hair. Maybe we need a little time away from this subject of conversation. Maybe it's good to walk quietly, like we're...

No. It's not good. It's awful.

There has to be some way to convince her I can handle anything, that I'm not going anywhere, not ever.

I pull my hand out of my pocket and offer it to Alyssa. She says nothing, but she wraps her fingers around mine. Her skin is soft and warm, and, for a second, I feel like there's some way to get past this.

Then I feel a drop on my forehead.

Rain.

Then, almost out of nowhere, it's pouring.

"I thought we were past this phase," she says.

I move closer. "What phase?"

"The one where you sulk because I won't tell you what you want to hear."

"That isn't it, Ally. It's the way you... you act like I'm your enemy instead of your boyfriend."

"Because you act like you're interrogating me."

"If I had this all on the court record, I could prove how wrong you are," I say. "But it wouldn't do me any good, would it?"

She shakes her head.

I squeeze her hand and take a step towards the street. "Come on. Let's get out of here. Get somewhere dry."

"I don't mind the rain." She pulls her hand away and keeps walking. The rain is heavy and cold and the sky is gray around us.

"Ally!"

She moves faster, nearly running. She's going to fall, hurt herself. She'd probably do it just to get out of this conversation.

I run after her, grab her arm to stop her. "Fine. You don't mind the rain. Then talk to me in the rain."

"Why does everything have to be such an ordeal with you? Why can't we have a day together without it turning into some conversation about our future?"

"What are you waiting for?"

"It has nothing to do with you."

"You agreed to marry Ryan."

Any hint of pleasure drops off her face and she stares at me like I'm the root of all the misery in the universe. "Are you jealous of Ryan?"

"You saw a future with him. You don't see one with me. Maybe..." My fists curl into tight balls. My jaw clenches. Every muscle in my body is stiff and tense. I can't say that. I can't even consider the possibility that Alyssa should find someone she does see a future with.

"For a smart guy, you can be such an idiot," she says.

I can barely hear her over the sound of the rain pounding the sidewalk.

Her eyes are intense. "Do you know why I agreed to marry Ryan?"

"He convinced you that you'd never survive without him."

"Yes, but there's more to it than that. It wasn't a happy thing. I knew I was giving up any chance of ever being happy, really happy. I knew I was giving up the future I wanted. And I definitely knew I'd never have the kind of love we have. At least, the kind of love I thought we had." She turns and rushes away again.

"Ally, wait."

She stops but she doesn't turn to face me. "Why are you bringing up Ryan?"

"I hate that you loved him."

"I didn't. Not the way I love you." She finally turns to face me. She's soaking wet, dripping actually, and her expression is anything but happy. "Can't you see that?"

I nod and take a step towards her.

"This isn't going to work unless you see that." She moves towards me. "Do you?"

"Alyssa, you're everything I've ever wanted. You're sweet, sincere, caring, and shy in the most adorable way. I love how pretentious you are. I love that you're tied to your Kindle. I love that you read awful shit like
Heart of Darkness
and lock yourself in your room to perfect your lines. But none of those are my favorite thing about you."

"Yeah?"

"My favorite thing about you is that you look at me like I'm the only thing in the world better than a perfect cup of coffee."

She laughs. It's a tiny thing, but it fills the whole, dreary park with warmth.

"I love you, Luke. I love you so much," she says.

"If I love you and you love me, why are we failing so horribly at talking to each other?"

She wraps her arms around me, burying her head in my chest. "I don't know. And I don't know why I can't see this future you keep talking about, but I do want to be with you. More than anything."

She rises to her tiptoes and kisses me. Her lips are soft and wet. All her skin, her hair, her clothes are wet from the damn rain that keeps falling on us. Her lips part and she slides her tongue into my mouth. It's equal parts hungry and sweet.

I run my hands over her back and she nearly moans. She's melting in my arms.

There's only one appropriate course of action.

I slide my hands to her ass, pressing my body hard against hers. She feels so good to touch--her perfect breasts, her round hips, her firm ass--but I fight my urge to rip off her clothes and fuck her right here.

Not yet. Not until she wants it as badly as I do.

I squeeze her ass, digging my hands under the edge of her dress. This time she moans into my mouth and slides her fingers around my neck.

Her back arches, her crotch shifting into mine. Blood rushes to my cock. I can feel her against me through the thin, wet fabric of her dress. God, I need to feel her against me, to feel her around me.

I need to be inside her.

When our kiss breaks, she's flushed and panting. She looks so fucking sexy like that, like she needs me more than she's ever needed anything.

"Fuck me," she says. "I don't care if it's here. I don't care if someone sees us. Right now, I don't even care if I get arrested. I need you, Luke. I need you so fucking bad."

I respond with my arms around her waist, my lips on her neck. She gasps and moans and melts completely into me. I take her hand and lead her into the bushes. The grass is wet, slippery, and Alyssa nearly trips. So I take her into my arms and carry her past a scattering of trees, to a patch of grass where no one can see us.

I lay her on the ground. She squirms and arches her back. Her dress rides up her legs and I suddenly remember that she's not wearing any underwear.

She's a fucking genius.

I kneel over her and trace the outline of her collarbone. She bites her lip, her eyes fluttering closed as she turns away.

"Luke," she groans.

Right now, she's mine. She's all mine.

I trace the neckline of her dress. Her skin is soft and wet, and my fingers slide over her with almost no friction. She squirms, reaching for my arms.

I pull her dress aside, exposing her breast, and bring my lips to her neck. Her nails find my back. She digs her hands into my shirt and groans.

I kiss her neck again, lower this time. Rain runs off her skin, but it still tastes like her, like Alyssa. I run my tongue along her collarbone and brush my fingers against the inside of her knee. She squirms again, her back arching, and I slide my fingers up her leg. Her thighs are such gorgeous curves, soft and firm at the same time.

She shifts, pulling her dress to her waist. My hands find the inside of her thighs, and I plant long, soft strokes on them. I touch her until she's moaning. Until she groans and digs her hands into my hair.

Her back arches, her chest shifting towards me like she's begging me to touch her. I lower myself and press my lips into the soft skin of her chest. She sighs, relaxing into a puddle of need.

I drag my mouth over her chest until I reach her nipple. She pants, digging harder into my hair like she's begging me to suck.

Like I could resist.

I trace her nipple with my tongue. It's so hard and soft, and it feels so good against my tongue. I run my tongue over it again. And again. Fast then slow. Soft then hard. I circle her nipple with my tongue until she's panting so loudly I can barely hear the rain.

"Luke," she groans. I brush my fingers over her, against her clit. She gasps, her body melting into the ground. I run my fingers over her again and again and again. And I bring my mouth to her nipples, sucking harder and harder and harder.

She arches her body into my hands, and my fingers slide inside her. She's so damn wet, and she's so damn desperate. I stroke her slowly, going deeper and deeper.

She squirms. "Fuck me. Fuck me now." She tugs at my T-shirt, pulling it over my head. Then her hands are on my body, hard against my chest, my back, my stomach. She undoes my belt, tears at my jeans and slides them past my ass.

And then her hands are on my cock. Fuck. She wraps her hands around me and strokes me.

Warmth spreads through me, and I start to lose touch with anything except Alyssa lying in front of me. She's so god damn beautiful. The rain is still pouring on her, and her wet dress clings to her curves. Every part of her is perfect--her soft, round breasts, her smooth thighs, the gentle curve of her neck. And her lips. Damn, her lips are so soft and sweet and warm.

She rubs me harder and harder. I can't wait anymore.

I shift out of my boxers and press her thighs apart, pinning her legs to the ground.

She wraps her hands around my cock, rubbing it up and down. I shudder. Alyssa. Damn. Alyssa. I push her dress higher, past her belly button, and she guides my cock inside of her.

Damn. She feels amazing. So warm and wet and tight.

I press my lips into hers, kissing her hard. She responds with her tongue in my mouth. It slides over mine with urgency.

I start slowly, thrusting into her. She grabs my back, sinking her teeth into my shoulders. Then I feel her teeth on my neck, my chest, my ears. She runs her hands down my back and settles on my ass. She pulls me towards her, and I thrust deeper inside her. We move like this for a while, slow, gentle thrusts filling us both with waves of pleasure.

She stops me, digs her hands into my hair and kisses me hard. When the kiss breaks, she stares into my eyes. It's like she can see into my fucking soul, see every single part of me. We don't say anything. We don't have to. We both know what this means, that this is all the apology we need.

I run my hands over her body, feeling every part of her. We kiss again, a long, slow, deep thing. Then her hands are on my back, and she's arching into me. I thrust into her, deeper and deeper. Mhmm. She feels so damn good. Warmth radiates through me and I start to fill with pleasure.

She groans and arches and pants and digs her nails into my back. She lifts her right leg and swings it over my shoulder. Then she does the same with the left. I pin her to the ground. She's here. She's mine. And she's completely helpless to do anything but come.

So I thrust into her, deeper and deeper. She moans, her arms flat against the ground, her hands clutching at the grass.

"Don't stop," she groans.

So I rock into her, filling her until she's almost there. Her eyes flutter closed. Her teeth sink into her lip. Her breath is ragged and shallow. And she groans. She tears up the ground. She screams.

"Luke." She moans, louder and louder, arching deeper and deeper. Her face is flushed and warm. Her lips are red, her eyes closed.

And she comes. I can see it in her face as all her muscles relax. It's the sexiest damn thing I've ever seen.

Her eyes open and she stares at me again. She shifts her legs off my shoulders and pulls me close. Her mouth hovers over my ear. "Fuck me," she says. "Come inside me."

Her hands are flat on my ass. She wraps her legs around me and rocks into me. Damn. Alyssa.

I thrust into her. Again and again and again. Pleasure overtakes me. Every part of my body is on fire. There's nothing in the world except for us. One more time. She digs her nails into my back and I bite the soft skin of her neck.

"Fuck," I groan. The ache inside me explodes, and I come, my cock pulsing inside her.

I collapse on top of her and catch my breath. She wraps her arms around me, holding me tightly.

"God damn," she says. She kisses my neck. "You better get dressed."

"Wouldn't you prefer it if I stayed naked?"

She giggles and presses her lips into mine. I struggle into my wet clothes, watching as she adjusts her dress.

"You want to go back to the apartment and get dry?" she asks.

I shake my head. "No. I want to go back to the apartment and get wet."

Her cheeks flush red and she bites her lip. "Deal."

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Alyssa

After we clean up and get dirty all over again, Luke tells me he's made dinner reservations. "Somewhere nice," he says. And shakes his head. "Dammit, now I sound like Samantha. But you will probably want to dress up."