Figure 8 (5 page)

Ha-ha you really have lost the plot woman!

I shake my head to stop the ridiculous thoughts from floating around. I know that I am being completely stupid. I have lived in this black hole for so long, Damon behaved like he cared for me -
he’s a doctor of course he behaved like that—
and now I have feelings for him. I know they’re not real feelings, it’s just because he showed an interest in my life, I have been here before.

When I was sixteen, I met Harry. Harry was so kind and caring, he was sweet and he really cared for me. We had only been friends for a few weeks when I tried to kiss him at a party we were both at. He had pushed me away. I had told him I was in love with him. Yes, in love with him after two weeks. I knew my feelings weren’t love; it was just because he was nice to me, and showed an interest in my life. I’m not sure if it was my warped mind, or the fact that I needed someone to care for me so badly, that I made the feelings up. Well, anyway, a few weeks later I find out he was dating Sian, my friend. He had been getting close to me to get close to Sian. I learned my lesson to never fall in love with the first person that showed me the slightest bit of attention then
.

Well I guess I thought I had learned my lesson, obviously not.

Jenny is at work when I finally arrive home. I flick on the kettle, make myself a cup of Yorkshire tea and snuggle on the couch intent on reading a book, before I have to get ready to go to work. My first night back since I tried to take my life, this should be interesting. Jen has reassured me that no one else knows about it, so I am hoping that nothing has been mentioned in the bar. I really could do without people staring at me. I press the on button on my Kindle and scroll through the vast library of books that I have amounted. I am a romantic at heart, and love the classics, but I also love some of the new adult romance that is around at the moment. Lying back on the sofa I curl up and prepare to meet with my newest book boyfriend. My eyes feel heavy and half way through I give in and let the darkness capture me.

Damon is sat behind his big oak desk, wearing tight jeans and nothing else. I stand staring at his toned body, before I walk across the red carpet. I walk around the side of the desk and perch myself in front of him, on top of the smooth wood. I look down and see the bulge in his trousers, his top button is undone and I follow down his happy trail towards the hints of pubic hair peeking out above the button. Damon rises and is now towering above me; I’m frozen by his dazzling blue stare. He leans down “I want you,” he breathes, the sound of his gravelly voice sends shivers through me, touching me in places I never thought possible. I squeeze my thighs together trying to abate the burning sensation that is building there. His hands grab my hair pulling me towards him as his lips find mine, devouring me, tasting me, and taking me. When he pulls away he is breathless, my heart feels like it is about to spring out of my chest. His hands move down my body, taking the zip down at the back of my dress slowly. He takes each strap off both arms and stands me up, so it falls to the floor. I am stood in front of him in just my bra, knickers and stilettos. He masterfully unhooks my bra and lets it fall off my shoulders. He murmurs in appreciation as my breasts swell at his expert touch. Kneading and tweaking my nipples, he carefully covers my right nipple with his mouth, sucking and biting gently. He then takes my left nipple, repeating his method. He sits me back down on his desk, pushing me back gently and slowly moves his hands down towards my knickers. He gives them a small tug and they disintegrate in his hands. I writhe in pleasure on the desk, knowing what he is going to do next as his head lowers down trailing kisses down my stomach to my groin area.

“Hey honey, I’m home,” Jenny calls, as she comes bursting through the door, waking me from the most erotic dream I have ever had. She looks flustered and she is carrying bags of shopping.

“Hi,” I grumble, not impressed that I was woken, just as we were getting to the exciting part.

“You’re blushing, what have you been up to?” Oh no! Ever the intuitive. I can’t tell her about my dream. She will think I’m certifiably crazy.

“Nothing,” I snap defensively, the tone in my voice practically giving me away. “I was asleep you woke me up,” I say trying to get her off track with guilt. I jump up of the couch and head towards the bathroom. “Just going for a shower before I head into work,” I call on my way out.

“Oh, you’re going into work?” she asks taken by surprise. “I bought ice cream and wine for tonight,” she calls

“I have to go back sometime, and I told Sue that I would be in tonight. Save it for tomorrow,” I call hoping that I have pacified her into submission. It’s like the Spanish inquisition every time I do something with her. I’m surprised she hasn’t yet asked me about my appointment, although I’m sure there is time for her to remember.

I switch the shower on and wait for the water to heat up, collecting my shampoo and conditioner out of the bathroom cabinet as I head in. The water is refreshing, the remnants of my erotic dream still clinging to me. I am wound up tighter than a ball of string, and I need to find a release. As I let the water flow over me I take the shampoo and start to wash my hair, letting the suds flow over me. I carefully start to massage the suds into my breasts, kneading and tweaking my nipples in resemblance to Damon’s touch. I move my hands down further until I reach my clit, slowly and methodically I massage myself. I am so horny, I have never been like this before. I take the showerhead and spray it onto my clit, whilst pushing a finger gently inside. It doesn’t take long until I find my release, and I come down from my high after a Damon induced orgasm. I sink to the floor of the shower, unable to stand for a good few minutes and I let the water rush over me. What has this man done to me?

I don’t know what it is, but it feels really good.

For the first time in a long time I feel alive. I just hope that I am not heading for a huge fall.

After a meal of spaghetti bolognese, which Jen so kindly cooked for me, I head out the door ready to walk the few short blocks to work. It’s a lovely spring evening, so I am wearing my black leggings with ankle boots and my works T-shirt. As I turn the corner to the bar I notice a car parked across the street, it is a white Range Rover sport. I only notice is because the registration reads P1 DOC. I shake my head.

Pompous Prick.

“Izzy, oh, how lovely to have you back,” Sue cries when I enter the bar. “We are going to be rushed off our feet tonight, football is on, so you know all the lads are going to be in.” She gives me a warm hug. “Are you feeling better now lovely?” I look around at my familiar workspace. I love the smell of ale, bar food and sweaty men. It sounds wrong but it is just so familiar, everything about this building makes me happy, from the old fashioned patterned carpet, to the mahogany furniture. It is a ‘typical’ English pub, and I feel so at home in its surroundings.

“I’m good thanks Sue, raring to go.” Sue is one of the nicest bosses you could ever have. She is warm and friendly and genuinely cares about her staff. I actually love football night, the busy nights are the best, the time just flies by and before you know it, it’s home time. I glance around the bar, noting that there are a few people already eating. It’s beginning to fill up quickly as people start to dribble out of work. I head to the staffroom to dispose of my bag and coat, then prepare myself for my shift. I glance in the mirror on my way out. I still look a bit pale and gaunt, but I look a lot better than I did last week, that’s for sure.

“Oh, Izzy darling, you look horrendous,” Jack shouts as he marches through the staff room door, almost knocking me out in the process. “We seriously need to get you eating, you look too thin.” Jack is the gayest gay man I know, he tends to say things like it is and if you don’t like it then tough. He means well, but he can be a bit over the top at times. His hair, this week, is styled in a pink Mohawk. I say this week because he changes his hair more than his clothes. He has a hoop in his eyebrow and several tattoos on his forearms. He has guyliner on and I am pretty sure he is wearing foundation too. Over all he is harmless, and above all else he is a blast to work with. We have had many a good night bitching about the clientele.

“I’ve been ill Jack, I’m sure I will look better in a few weeks,” I reply suddenly worried that I don’t look as bad as he says.

“I am just playing with you doll. You look delicious, as ever. If only I swung that way, I would bang you into next week.” I also forgot to mention how crude he can be.

“You couldn’t handle me, Jacky boy,” I tease. I walk out the door and back into the bar, putting my apron on. I get ready to familiarise myself with what I have missed.

The teatime rush flies by, as the trickle of football fans start to flood the bar. I head outside for some fresh air and a brew before the rush comes again. As I am stood in the doorway to the bar, I look across the street; there are lots of people walking home from work, a few people on bicycles and plenty of cars. I spot the Range Rover again; as I glance over I see that there is someone sat inside it however I can’t quite make out if it is a man or a woman. With a number plate like that I suspect it is a man. I finish my brew quickly and head back into the bar. As kick-off approaches the bar becomes unbearably cramped. Sue has asked me to serve some food, as one of the staff has had to go home early. I make my way back into the kitchen, turning the corner of the bar. That’s when I spot him.

My heart leaps out of my chest and onto the plate that I am carrying.

What the hell is he doing in here?

I don’t think I have ever seen him in here before. Surely I would have remembered him, or if not I am certainly sure Jack would have announced to me that there was a ‘hot piece of arse’ in the bar. I panic as I walk into the kitchen, resting my back against the door
.

What do I do?

Maybe I should ask Sue if I could go home. But I have only just come back from my sick leave and didn’t I wish to see him again before our appointment anyway! I walk to the side and clear away the plates that I had brought through. I head out the back door and into the corridor that leads to the toilets. I glance in the mirror, I look frightening, my makeup has worn off from the heat and tendrils of my hair have fallen out of my clip. Quickly, I run to the staffroom, open my locker and grab my foundation out of my bag. I apply a light covering of foundation, adding a touch of mascara and re-apply my lip-gloss. I smooth the tendrils of my hair, there is not a lot I can do with them right now, I don’t tend to carry around hair straighteners in my bag. I take one last glance in the mirror and with a deep breath I walk out of the door.

“I thought you were serving?” Sue asks, looking exasperated. I have lost all train of thought and completely forgotten what it was that I was meant to be doing.

“I’m so sorry,” I reply, looking mortified at my tardiness. “I went to the toilet and completely forgot. I will get on with it right now.” Sue gives me a reassuring look and I know that I am forgiven. I couldn’t ask for a better boss. I grab the food for the next table to be served and head into the bar. I look around but I can’t see him. I wonder if he left? Did he see me and realised I work here then left? I feel a twinge of sadness at that thought.

As the football draws to a conclusion, many of the customers start to trickle out. I haven’t seen Damon since I first spotted him and I am beginning to wonder if I was imagining things. I head back behind the bar to start serving the regulars their drinks.

“Hey beautiful, how would you like it if we got to know each other a bit better?” a bloke, who I have never seen in here before says as he approaches me. I can tell he is drunk; he reeks of stale ale and whiskey chasers. Nothing to worry about, I’ve dealt with his type many times before. It’s all part of the job.

“Sorry sir, I have a rule that I don’t date customers,” I reply to him kindly. “I am also in a relationship and I’m not sure my boyfriend would appreciate it.”
Liar!

“I bet your boyfriend couldn’t give you what I have inside my pants.” He starts to undo his flies and I panic.

“How would you like to show
me
what’s going on inside those trousers? I would love to find out,” blurts a smiling Jack, as he comes striding towards us. The man panics when he sees him. As I watch him fumble with his zip and mumble something under his breath, a smile forms on my face. He looks up and scowls at me as he stumbles out of the door and into the street.

“Thank you so much Jack.” I start to laugh uncontrollably as Jack imitates the man.

“Come back, I want to know what I am missing,” he calls out onto the street. I really do love working with Jack, I know he will always have my back. “Damn it, I thought I was gonna get lucky tonight then,” he turns and winks at me as he goes off to collect some more glasses.

Time flies quickly and it is soon closing time. I sigh deeply in relief as Sue locks the doors. I am exhausted, I need time to readjust to my work schedule, especially after spending the last few days lying around doing nothing.

“Thank you my lovelies,” Sue calls to all the staff. “I will see some of you tomorrow. Goodnight,” she chirps, way too cheerily for someone that has just worked fourteen hours straight. I head to the staff room grabbing my bag and coat. Although exhausting, it has been a good night, just what I needed to get back into the real world and the distraction has been very welcome.

“Goodnight Jack,” I call on my way out the door “See you on Friday.”

“See ya darl, be careful on your way home,” he calls back.

As I set out into the cool spring air, I notice once again the Range Rover is across the street and still someone is sat inside it. I take no notice, turn left and head the few short blocks home. As I pass an alleyway, I hear a loud bang that startles me.

“Hey beautiful,” says a slurred voice. My hairs prickle on the back of my neck. I recognise that voice, I have heard it before but I can’t place it. “How about I show you
now
what I have in my pants?” Realisation hits me like a brick. I start to panic knowing full well that it’s the man from the bar earlier on. My heart starts to pound out of my chest as fear washes over me. I walk faster. “C’mon babe, you know you want me, you were giving me the eye all night long.”

“I am sorry I have to get home.” Why am I apologising to this man? I don’t want to antagonise him though. As I speed up my pace he starts to quicken his pace too. I can hear my heartbeat thumping in my ears, my legs are turning to jelly and I can’t move fast enough.

“Come on you little prick tease, I know you want it.” I don’t look back, instead I start to run. I hear the loud screech of car tyres but daren’t stop to turn around and look. Then I hear a car door slam and a raised voice, followed by a loud bang. I hesitantly turn to see the man from the bar up against the Range Rover with Damon’s hand around his throat.

“Show the lady some respect,” I hear Damon growl, his voice low and menacing.

“Err….err… I’m sorry I didn’t…” But before he can finish Damon punches him and I watch horrified as he falls to the floor. I don’t know what to do or what to say. I am utterly shocked. I am grateful, but shocked. The man was overly friendly but I am not sure if he would have hurt me. Why do I always see the best in people? I was terrified and I should be thankful that he never got the chance to hurt me. I watch as the man scrambles to his feet and staggers away, shouting obscenities at Damon and I.

“Are you okay?” he turns to looks at me, his eyes are almost black.

“Erm, yes, thank you,” I mutter, my voice shaking and the words barely audible. Damon strides over to me and is quickly standing in front of me. I start to shake uncontrollably, I am not sure if it is the shock of what happened or his close proximity. He puts his hand up to my face and places a loose tendril of hair back behind my ear. His eyes glimmer in the streetlights and he looks divine, his face basked in the moon’s glorious glow. I melt into his hand as he caresses my face, but I can’t stop shaking.

That’s the adrenaline Isabelle.

My legs buckle and he catches me, holding me close to his chest. I breathe him in, he smells heavenly. I can hear his heartbeat thumping against my ear and it calms me straight away. I pull back and look up to his gorgeous face.

“I am so sorry.” Why am I apologising?

“What are you apologising for?” he looks confused.

“I’m sorry that you had to come to my rescue. I thought I had imagined you,” I whisper.

“Imagined me?”

“I saw you come into the bar earlier, I thought I had imagined it, but you did, didn’t you?” I watch as his pursed lips curl up at the corner.

“I was just in the neighbourhood” He shrugs it off.

“So you haven’t been sat outside the bar all night?” I smile knowingly.

“Now, why would I be sat outside a bar all night? That would be classed as stalking right?” He tries to hide the smirk that creeps across his face. He still has his arms wrapped tightly around my waist and the warmth of his skin on me is burning my core. I put my hands on his biceps.

Wow! Did you just giggle Isabelle? You really do have it bad.

“I am glad you saved me, thank you.” I look up at his handsome face and he lowers his head down towards my lips. He moves forwards, pushing me back against the wall. I watch his face intently, trying to read what he is thinking. I squeeze my legs together to stop the ache that’s pounding between them. I lick my lips waiting.

Kiss me.

Please kiss me.

I see him fighting with his emotions.

“Fuck.” He says, pulling away. He runs his hands through his hair and I try not to show my disappointment.

“What?” I am so confused. Does he want me, or doesn’t he? My emotions are all over the fucking place and I just want some confirmation that the feelings I have are reciprocated.

“Isabelle, this is wrong. We can’t do this, you are.” He takes a deep breath before stabbing me with his piercing blue eyes. “You’re my patient and it’s unethical.” I can see the lust in his eyes I know he wants me.

“I can get a new doctor,” I am begging now. I really am that desperate.

“I’m sorry. You should go home, forget about this and I will see you on Monday for your appointment.” I feel like my heart has just snapped. I feel betrayed and angry. I break away from his grip and start to walk away. I turn once and watch as he stands in the same position, with his head down. I turn back around and continue to walk home.

I enter the flat; Jenny is in bed so I walk over to the window to close the curtains. Peeking outside, I see the Range Rover just pulling away in the distance. Why would he be watching me if he doesn’t want me? Why would he go to kiss me if he doesn’t like me?

Stop being stupid Izzy, that’s why he broke away. He doesn’t want you. Why would he want a broken, immature, screwed up little girl like you?

For once I agree with the voices in my head. I am broken, and screwed up. Why would anyone want me?

I walk to my bedroom, slip on my Pyjamas and climb into bed.