Fighting Redemption (8 page)

As though sensing his presence, she turned in her chair. He forced his eyes upwards, catching a sexy flush fill her cheeks at his blatant perusal.

“Morning, Ryan.” She took off her black framed reading glasses and tossed them on the desk.

“Morning, Fin,” he replied.

Against his better judgement, Ryan pushed away from the door and walked farther into the room. Fin hadn’t changed at all and neither had his desire for her. His heart kicked over when she met his eyes. He knew everything he was feeling right now was written all over him, but he couldn’t seem to shut it off.

Her eyelids fluttered closed and she whispered, “Why now?”

Ryan took a deep breath. “I don’t know,” he replied honestly.

He shouldn’t still be feeling this way after so many years. Why was he doing this to her, and to himself? It was better for everyone if he stayed away like he was supposed to.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I’ll go stay at the barracks.” He turned to leave.

“Ryan!” she called out. Scrambling out of the chair, she grabbed his arm as he was halfway out the door.

“Fin,” he warned, looking down at her hand pointedly.

She took a step closer and he breathed her in, her scent like jasmine on a hot summer’s day. He was surprised when he looked into her eyes and saw anger burning hotly in their depths.

“Six years, Ryan. Do you know how hurt I was, each day passing by and getting nothing—not even a note or an email? I didn’t just lose you. I lost my brother too. Both of you left me, and I was okay with that. I understood that this was what you needed to do, so I moved on. I built a life that doesn’t include you. That was what
I
had to do.” She paused and raised a shaky hand to cup his cheek. “I’d have given you my entire heart if you’d only asked, but it’s not yours now. It’s not yours.”

Ryan closed his eyes, agony for losing what was never his rose in his chest until he felt strangled by it. He placed his hand over hers, holding it there until she tugged it away.

“You’re right,” Fin told him. “You should stay on the barracks … but I don’t want you to. Damn you, Ryan,” she whispered fiercely. “I don’t want you to.”

Ryan used his bulk to crowd her against the wall until there was no room for her to move. Leaning one hand against the wall, he grabbed her hip with the other. Her breathing rose rapidly and he leaned in, ducking his head until their mouths hovered a mere breath apart.

“Why can’t I force myself to leave?” He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “I hurt too. For six years I fought every day not to think of you, and I lost, because every day you were all I could see. You were the best thing in my life—so sweet and innocent, and so goddamn tempting.” His hand strayed from her hip and slid down to grip her ass. He swallowed the groan. “I stayed away so you could
move on.”

Fin reached up and planted both hands on his chest, shoving him away. Ryan took a step back, his hands falling to his sides.

“So let me. Nothing’s changed for us. I’m leaving in two weeks, you’re going back to Afghanistan, and Ian …”

His jaw clenched but he nodded, angry at himself for thinking that staying here had ever been a good idea. “Christ, Fin. I fucked up by coming here, didn’t I?”

Tears filled her eyes. “Just … don’t go, okay? Stay. Jake wouldn’t understand you moving to the barracks.”

“I’ll let you get back to your work,” Ryan muttered. “I’ll be back later for dinner.”

Later that night Fin dressed up a little—wearing her pretty, cream dress with the lace bodice and flirty skirt—because it was Jake and Ryan’s welcome home dinner.
I’m not dressing up for Ryan
, she told herself.
Mum would expect everyone to make an effort, that’s all.

Irritated, Fin stood in front of the bathroom mirror, fussing at her hair. She was trying to tame the tousled mess into some kind of updo, but it wasn’t happening.

“Dammit,” she muttered. Why couldn’t she ever manage anything more complicated than a ponytail? She shoved the useless hairpins back in the drawer and snapped it shut angrily, leaving her hair to tumble wildly down her back.

Sitting down on the edge of the bath, she took a deep breath and sighed. Her anger levels had been high today—anger at Ian for pressuring her, anger at the timing of her expedition, anger at Ryan for being everything she wanted and couldn’t have, and anger at herself because she couldn’t move on.

Why did life have to be so complicated?

“Fin!” A fist rapped smartly on the bathroom door. “Hurry up. We’re already late.”

“You guys go on ahead,” she called out to Jake, standing up and smoothing a hand down her dress. She picked up her earrings and started putting them on. “Ian’s picking me up anyway, so I’ll just meet you there.”

There was a pause. “Are you sure?”

Fin felt a rush of love for Jake at hearing the concern in his voice. How did she ever get so lucky to have a brother like him? It only made the loss all the greater when he left along with Ryan.

“Positive,” she told him and rubbed her lips together, checking her lipstick.

“Okay, honey. See you there then.”

The front door opened and closed and after a moment, she left the bathroom and slipped her shoes on. Her phone buzzed a message that told her Ian was five minutes away. Crookshanks head-butted her leg as she poured him out some biscuits. She gave his water bowl a quick clean and refill, and after a quick scratch behind his ear, she grabbed her bag and keys, locking the door behind her, and walked down the little paved pathway at the front of her house to wait.

He drove down her street a minute later, his Subaru growling angrily as he down-shifted gears and pulled to the kerb.

She slid inside the car.

“Seatbelt,” he muttered before she even had a chance to put her bag down.

Determined to turn her crappy day around, Fin swallowed her irritation and smiled at Ian. “You look nice,” she told him as she clicked the belt into place, because he did. The light grey pants were smart, and his pale blue shirt matched his eyes.

“Thanks.” He gave her a quick once over before gunning the engine and accelerating down the street. “Been shopping with Rachael again? That looks new.”

“It is and I don’t know why I bothered. It’s hardly something I’ll be able to wear in Antarctica.”

His jaw clenched at the mention of her upcoming expedition, and she sighed audibly.

Ian glanced across at her before checking his mirrors and changing lanes. “What?”

“Nothing.”

He changed gears and looked at her again. “No, it’s not nothing. Why do women always say that,” he muttered irritably.

Facing her window, Fin closed her eyes and counted to ten. “I’m just tired, Ian. That’s all,” she lied.

They were all seated at the dining table when Fin and Ian walked in—Mike and Julie, Jake’s Uncle David and Aunt Emily, and their cousins Heath and Laura. Jake sat to Ryan’s left and Rachael across from him, next to the two empty seats for Fin and Ian.

Ryan looked up from the outdoor table and his breath caught. Her hair tumbled over her shoulders, gleaming in the soft flicker of fairy lights. The dress she wore fluttered around her tanned thighs. He imagined his hands sliding up the smooth skin beneath her skirt and repressed the shudder as he grew hard.

A light sweat broke out on his brow as he fought to get himself under control. He picked up his beer and took a deep swallow in an effort to cool off.

Ian walked a step behind her. His hand was curled around her hip, guiding her outside where they sat. Ryan watched it slide down until it hovered over the same sweet spot he’d grabbed earlier today. His hand clenched around his beer as he shifted his gaze from Ian’s hand to Fin. Her eyes were on him and they were pained.

After greeting everyone at the table, Ian leaned in, saying something in her ear as he pulled her chair out for her. Looking up at him, she frowned and replied with something that had Ian clenching his fists.

Jake, watching them too, turned back to Ryan and muttered, “I don’t know what’s going on with those two, but Ian’s really pissing me off right now.”

Ryan cursed under his breath. He hoped it wasn’t anything to do with what happened between Fin and him this morning. He shouldn’t have touched her, but it was too late for that now. He only wanted to do it again.

He made it through dinner, barely. He kept his focus mostly on Mike as they talked, thankful that Jake was driving as he downed beer after beer until he lost count.

Rachael turned to Fin and said, “I think we need another round of drinks.”

Ryan skimmed his eyes down the length of the table and arched a brow. Everyone had a full glass.

“Ouch,” Fin mumbled after a thump came from underneath the table. She frowned at Rachael.

Rachael narrowed her eyes in some form of silent female communication and they disappeared inside.

“I’ll go help,” Laura said and standing up, followed them in.

“Women’s summit,” Jake muttered.

Ryan glanced through the window into the kitchen, seeing the three of them talking in a huddle. “What’s going on?”

Jake picked up his beer. “I’m sure we’ll find out eventually.”

“Oh my God, Fin,” Rachael hissed and grabbed a napkin off the bench. She started fanning herself with it. “The tension out there is thick enough to give me an eye twitch. Look,” she said, pointing at her eye. “Can you see it? It’s annoying the crap out of me.”

“No, I can’t see it,” Fin replied, peering at Rachael’s eye. “Is the tension that obvious?” She sighed. “Ian and I fought the whole way over in the car.”

“I wasn’t talking about Ian. I meant you and Ryan,” Rachael said.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she lied.

Laura sauntered into the kitchen, wine glass in hand, her pale blue maxi dress billowing as she walked. “What are we talking about?”

“The tension between Fin and Ryan.”

“Oooh, do tell.” Laura ran a hand through her shoulder length blonde hair and pinned her hazel eyes on Fin. “I remember coming to stay at your place plenty of times before we moved here from Adelaide. Ryan was always there. So was the tension.”

Rachael pointed at Laura. “Exactly.”

Fin looked between the two of them, folding her arms. “There’s no tension.”

“Fin, you do know we’re not talking about hostile tension, don’t you? Ryan’s been downing beer after beer all night. I can’t wait to see if he can stand up. And the way he looks at you when he thinks no one’s watching?” Rachael started fanning herself again. “God. I’ve been waiting for you to catch fire.”

“Rubbish,” she snapped, flushing as she remembered this morning and the heat that filled her body when Ryan crowded her into the wall. Rachael and Laura’s eyes were wide with disbelief. “Maybe just a little tension.” Fin moaned and pressed her hands to her cheeks. “Okay. Look. Let’s be real about this.”

“Fuck real,” Rachael muttered. “Get to the details.”

“There
are
no details. Jake and Ryan only arrived yesterday morning,” she pointed out.

“And?” Laura waved her arm for her to keep going.

“And this morning we may have had a moment.”