Fighting Control (Bay State Series Book 3) (18 page)

“Let’s get you changed so we can get out of here.” Tanya thankfully thought ahead enough to bring me a change of clothes. If the roles were reversed I wouldn’t be able to think about anything other than getting to her. I knew it was a good idea to give her a key to my house.

It’s a bit awkward having someone else get me dressed now that I’m a grown man. There’s my pride again and I decide to swallow it and let her take care of me. There are worse things than the woman you love undressing you.

A knock on the door startles Tanya and she calls over her shoulder, “Just a minute.” She takes her time pulling a loose tank top over my head. Making a small slit on the left side of it to accommodate my cast making it look slightly less awkward. “Okay. You can come in,” she says once she finished.

A young brunette nurse walks in with a wheelchair and I try to tell her that I can walk but she stops me. “You’re still going to be woozy from the meds in your system. Trust me; you’ll be thankful for it.” I take her advice and let her wheel me outside while Tanya goes ahead of us to get her car.

The nurse takes the opportunity once no one is around to stop in an empty hallway and ask me for an autograph. “Mr. Martin, will you sign my scrubs?” I don’t know how I didn’t notice before but her uniform top is covered in little tiny team logos.

She produces a sharpie and holds it out to me with a hopeful look in her eyes. How can I say no? “Sure,” I say and hold my hand out for the marker. I sign my autograph to the bottom of her shirt while she holds it taut. She bends to hug me in thanks right as Tanya rounds the corner no doubt looking for us since we're taking so long. She lifts her brow in question and I shrug.

Tanya comes to stand behind me practically shoving the nurse out of her way. “I’ll take him from here. Thanks.” Someone’s jealous and I think it’s cute. I hope she knows that I have fans throwing themselves at me all season. I’m used to it by now but she’s never had to be. Sure I still find women attractive but there’s a hell of a lot more than looks that matter to me and Tanya’s the whole package.

We stop at the pharmacy by my house to pick up the prescriptions that they scanned over from the hospital. “Sit tight. I’ll be right back,” Tanya tells me before getting out of the car. Thankfully she’s left the car running with the air conditioning full blast. I keep changing the station on the radio until I stop on one of favorite stations. They announce a block of Godsmack coming up and I hope she doesn’t change it when she comes out.

I spot her through the glass double doors loaded down with bags and everything in me is screaming to go and help but I know I shouldn’t. She’s perfectly capable or she wouldn’t have bought so much shit. The trunk closes and she climbs in next to me. “I ordered some pizza while I was waiting. I figure we can find a new series to binge watch and pig out on junk food.”

Sounds good to me but I know I need to take it easy on the calories with not being able to keep up my usual workouts. I don’t want to get out of shape. I don’t mention this though. She’s just trying to make this easier for me. I’m not complaining, I get Tanya all to myself all day, every day for however long it takes for me to heal.

Memory lane

Tanya

All I wanted to do when I finally left that courtroom was to crawl in bed, wrap myself in my blanket and fall asleep. I was mentally and physically exhausted.

Both of my parents were very quiet. They heard and saw the same things that unfortunately I had to see and hear. My brothers on the other hand wouldn’t shut the fuck up. If they had buttons I would have turned them off.

I already knew that Eric was a piece of shit. I already knew that they wanted to kill him. This hadn’t been news to me. However when they started to go into detail; I felt like I could become an accessory.

But I didn't get any rest. My parents insisted on going out to dinner. I forget my phone on the kitchen counter and when we got home a couple hours later that's where I found it, along with the missed call from Julian. Sure I got some sleep at the hospital. Unfortunately it wasn't very comfortable.

Julian was still sleepy from his meds so when we climbed out of the car after I parked in his garage, that’s exactly what I did. The pizza box tossed on the stove for some other time and the junk food still sat in bags sitting next to it. Turning my mind off was key. I just didn’t realize that sleeping equaled dreaming and that made it so much worse.

I’m sitting in the classroom when I feel a pair of eyes on me. I’m afraid to look. I haven’t had the warmest reception since I’ve started here.

Seeing movement out of the corner of my eye, I realize that the seat beside me is empty. “Hey,” the stranger says as he sits, occupying the chair and his voice melts me instantly.

I chance a look at him and I’m greeted with a warm smile. “Hey.”

My surroundings shift and we’re on the edge of Central Park, waiting for our horse drawn carriage to take us on a leisurely stroll. Eric is so handsome in a classical way. It’s chilly today so he’s wearing jeans and a light weight sweater and of course I’m wearing one of my Patriots hoodies. We talk a lot about what will happen once we graduate college. I really want to move back home to Boston and I think I’ve finally started to get him to crack.

It’s night time so the streets of New York are lit up everywhere you look. We hold hands as I lean my head on his shoulder. It startles me when he lets go of my hand and I look at him to see a slightly sick expression marring his classicly handsome face.

“What’s wrong? Are you going to be okay?” I ask. He’s never gotten motion sickness before.

“Yeah. I think so. I don’t know. I guess that depends,” he says as he stands and drops down onto one knee.

I swallow hard and ask, “Depends on what?” The butterflies in my stomach are erratic and now I must be the one that looks like they’re going to be sick. I hold my breath in anticipation.

He reaches into his pocket and lifts a small velvet box from it. Opening the lid he asks, “I love you Tanya. Will you marry me?”

I can’t stop crying. How did this happen? I thought we were happy. I know I was happy. All of our plans were finalized to go to Boston after graduation. All I had to do was finish my last year and now he’s in Denver. Pathetic, couldn’t even end our engagement in person. What the fuck?

I cry and cry and cry some more. Why does this happen to me? My insides were ripped out and they’re somewhere between here and Colorado. I’m broken. Shattered by the man I thought I would love forever.

My phone rings and I ignore it. I always ignore it. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to see anyone. I wish they would all just leave me the fuck alone. I deleted all of my social media accounts for a reason.

Tiny fragments of black and white swim in the shadows cast from the light reflecting in my tears. I know what I’m looking at. I just don’t want to be looking at what I’m looking at. But I can’t make myself look away. Three weeks. Three mother fucking weeks? My tears drip onto the thin paper and smudge the image of Eric and his new bride. What kind of a sick cunt would send this to me? I watch as her face melts in a puddle of my tears and a part of me wishes I could make that happen for real.

Loneliness, it’s my only friend now. My surroundings shift around me; from my literature classroom to my dorm, my bathroom while I’m slunk down on the toilet feeling sorry for myself to the rooftop while I’m leaning over the ledge looking down.

My dream is forever changing; showing me various times of my sad existence after Eric left me. Maybe it’s a reminder of how good I have it now.

Loud shouting makes me aware of exactly where my thoughts are now. Crying faces, angry faces, and even some very confused faces stare back at me as I sit on the witness stand.

The defense is trying to persuade the jury into thinking Eric is mentally incompetent. That it was all his wife’s doing. “My client was blackmailed and ripped away from the woman he loved.” The attorney points a finger and looks in my direction. The jurors follow his lead and look my way. I wonder what they see. A woman trapped in a situation that she would rather not be in? Uncomfortable to say the least, hearing about a past that’s come back to haunt me.

As I sit there in that court room, I can’t help but wonder what her family could have possibly had over Eric.

And then I’m running, running through a nightclub because I’ve seen him. I’ve seen him with her and he's confronted me and now everything I’ve worked so hard to overcome comes back at me like a tidal wave angrily crashing against the shore.

Once again I’m in a different place. This time I’m tied to a bed and I try to scream but I’m gagged. My limbs are tied and I can’t move. It’s dark, so dark and I struggle to free myself. From these binds, from this dream.

I hear his voice and it’s like a warm caress calling me back to him and a piercing scream splits through the air. I realize the sound was from me and I’m sitting up in bed, clutching the sheet tightly against myself, gasping for air as I try and figure out where I am. The dream or I guess I should say nightmare made me disoriented and then I hear his voice again. “Tanya. Tanya, it’s okay; I’m here. What’s wrong baby? Talk to me.”

Julian. I’m with Julian. I slump back down and curl up to his good side. I can’t stop the tears from rushing down my face, soaking his bare chest and he doesn’t try to move or give me any indication that it's bothering him. He just holds me in is right arm and lets me cry for as long as I need to and I think it finally clicks. He is what I need. He is what I need to help me through whatever burdens life decides to throw my way. One way or another he will help me gain control of my life again.  

It could have been minutes or it could have been hours, I really have no idea but when my breakdown finally finds its end, I’m finally ready to talk to Julian about it

acceptance

Julian

“I don’t even know where to begin,” Tanya finally says once her sobs have stopped wracking her body. I think she’s finally ready to talk to me about what happened at the trial and it makes me feel relieved. The sooner we can put this behind us, the sooner we can move on and focus on our future. We will have a future, of that I have no doubt, it’s just how much shit are we going to have to wade through to get it.

“Wherever you want to Tanya, you can tell me all of it or just some of it. As long as you’re talking and letting it out, that’s all that matters to me.” My left arm is starting to throb and I know it’s time for my pain medication but I don’t want to move. The rest of my body is as comfortable as it has ever been. My right arm is tucked under Tanya’s head while her's is wrapped around my middle, holding me tight.

She shocks me when she starts at the beginning. I have to admit that I’m jealous as she talks about the time that he was the one she loved. I lie here in my bed with her for hours and when she gets to the part where he kidnapped her she starts to cry again.

“You don’t have to talk anymore,” I tell her. It breaks me when she’s this upset but I know in the end that it will only help her. Keeping painful things locked away only makes them worse.

“I think I have to. I just want to move on Julian. I want us to move on.” She lets go of me just long enough to grab some tissue from the nightstand and blows her nose. “When I was in that court room it all came back to me. I was floored by every single emotion that I had ever felt for that man.”

She tells me about the defense’s strategy and how in the end it didn’t matter. He was charged with five counts of first degree murder. One each for his wife, Father in law, Mother in law and sister in law, who left behind her husband and twelve year old twin daughters and one for the innocent cab driver who did nothing but do as he was told. I don’t blame the jury for finding him guilty on all counts.

“The sentencing is in two weeks and thankfully I don’t have to be there. It’s time to close that chapter in my life.” She snuggles closer to me. I didn’t even know that was possible but she makes it happen and I wince. “Oh shit. I’m so sorry,” she apologizes.

She tenses up and tries to move away from me. I’m not having any of that shit. “Where do you think you’re going?” I tighten my arm around her shoulder and pull her back to me. “It was already bothering me. I didn’t say anything because you were comfortable.”

“Well it works both ways you know? Sit tight, I’m going to get you your pills and some water. Are you hungry?” She looks so cute in her little cotton shorts and tank top with her light blonde hair pulled up and away from her face in a messy bun on top of her head. I’m cursing my stupidity on the field for letting this happen to me. I could be buried deep inside of her right now, replacing all of her bad memories of Eric and even the good ones with new ones of us.

I still haven’t had the chance to show her just how controlling I like to be in the bedroom. If her acceptance of my earlier display is any indication, she’s going to enjoy it just as much as I will.

“No baby just my pills and water will be fine. There’s only one thing I’m hungry for and I can’t have it.” I pout and she laughs at me while walking away.

This cast and brace are making me fucking miserable. I think it would hurt less without them but the doctor said they’re necessary for my bones to heal properly.

Tanya comes back with the pills and I brace myself for the inevitable. These pills will no doubt have me snoring in no time.

“Are you going to be okay?” I know she’s not asking about it physically but rather mentally.

“I think so. I’ve been on the injured list before. There are a couple differences this time; first is that it’s longer and could possibly be season long, and second is that I have you with me so it will be bearable.” Sure the other times weren’t nearly as severe but I’m not going to tell her that; she feels bad enough as it is and it’s not even her fault.

“Why were you on the list before?” Looks like I’m not getting off that easy after all.

“I tore my hamstring during the second pre-season game last year and it put me out for six weeks. It could have been longer but luckily for me and the team it didn’t.” She stays quiet and lazily runs her hand up and down my chest, venturing lower with every pass.

My eyelids are getting droopy and I’m having trouble keeping them open until I feel her breach my boxers. She must feel my intake of breath because she lifts her head to look at me. “Your doctor said no intercourse but he didn’t say anything about oral,” she tells me with a shit eating grin.

“You don’t have to do this.” She keeps grinning at me as her hand travels lower still.

“But I want to. I’ve missed you.” My stomach muscles tense as she grips my hardening shaft and I suck in a sharp breath. She licks her lips and bends to trail kisses along the center of my chest until she reaches the top of my boxers. “These have to go.” She pushes up on her knees facing me and torturously, slowly, she pulls them down my thighs until she’s trapped my knees in the fabric.

She took the elastic out of her hair when she went to get me my pills in preparation for bed and now it's cascading down in a silky curtain covering her face so I feel more than see it when she takes me into her mouth. I gather her hair as best as I can in a fist so I can watch.

The pain meds have started to take effect so my arm and shoulder don’t hurt as much. To be honest with the feeling of Tanya’s lips and tongue on me I more than likely wouldn’t be able to feel them anyway. My sole focus is on the way her lips are wrapped around me, moving up and down on my shaft as her tongue licks right under my tip every time she makes her way back up.

I don’t need to say a word; my moans doing plenty to encourage her. My grip tightens in her hair as she takes me deeper and I feel myself in the back of her throat. I hold her there and her suction increases. Her steady moans making their way out of her, pushing me closer to the edge.

She releases me from her warm, wet heaven and I think I’m going to pass out from pure pleasure when she asks, “Are you going to cum in mouth? Mmmmm, I want it so bad.”

“Fuck. Yes… baby. I’m gonna cum so fucking hard in your mouth.” If she doesn’t get my cock back between those lips I’m going to make a mess of both of us.

Engulfing me again she picks up the pace. Up and down and back again, the head of my cock goes from hitting the back of her throat to a tight suction at the edge of her lips.

“I’m going to cum,” I felt the need to warn her with her quick movements. She continues her deep suction and I don’t think head has ever felt this good.

She moves to get up from the bed and I stop her. “Where are you going?”

“I’m just grabbing a drink. Do you want anything?”

“I just want you in my bed.”

She laughs at that and sashays out of the room. Returning a few minutes later, she climbs into bed and we resume our earlier position. Sleeping like this is going to suck considering I’m a side sleeper but I suppose it could be worse and I could be sleeping alone.

Bending to give her a goodnight kiss, she notices my struggle and meets me halfway. “I love you,” I tell her and her face lights up.

“I know.” I don’t know how it’s possible but every time I look at her she’s more and more beautiful. “I love you too.”

We snuggle into each other and surprisingly I can hear her snores before I’m taken by my own sleep.

                                *****

“Hey what did I miss?” George asks, rushing into my living room with a beer.

Laughing I answer, “Calm yourself man, it’s only six and a half minutes into the first quarter.”

Its opening day at Gillette and as promised, Campbell and Heath have some great seats, right behind our players on the sidelines. I gave them their tickets last week. They were so excited to finally be able to go to a game.

Tanya sits snuggled to my right side, proudly wearing one of my jerseys while everyone else has on their number twelve. Hey, I’m not complaining, we have one hell of a quarterback. 

“Fuck off. A lot can happen in six minutes,” he fires back and the constant chatter keeps up until that final minute in the game where my team is down by a field goal and our kicker is lining up.

I look around the room at all of the great friends that I’ve made thanks to Tanya in the last few months and I can’t help but think that I couldn’t have met a better group of people. Things are still strained between Tanya and Ashley and I have no doubt that they’ll work it out on their own time, when they’re ready.

We all jump to our feet once the ball is mid air and hold our breath as we wait in anticipation. The ball soars through the air, dead on its target and the stadium along with everyone in this room erupts in cheers. Tie game.

I feel Tanya tense and I follow her line of sight. George has Ashley wrapped in his arm as they share a kiss. As a means of distraction, I take hold of her chin and turn her towards me.

I bend the distance between us and take her mouth in a scorching kiss. “Why don’t you talk to her after the game? Maybe it will help if you finally listen to what she has to say.”

“It’s just too weird.” She looks back towards her brother and best friend.

The crowd in my living room has dispersed for either the bathroom or the kitchen and I take the few minutes that we’re alone to say my peace.

“I’ve talked to George about it. Or I should say he’s talked to me about it and he’s really hoping to have your blessing on this. He really loves her and thinks she feels the same but she doesn’t want to hurt you.”

I think back to the look on his face while he was talking about Ashley and it’s definitely the face of a man in love. “I hate to say this but everything we’ve talked about concerning your life and the things that you would allow to control it. Well this is kind of the opposite. She’s letting you control their situation and you need to put the ball back in her court.”

“I know; like I said, it’s weird but I think I’m ready. Ever since she moved to my neighborhood she’s been mine and I guess I’m just not ready for that to change.” She looks sad and I know it’s going to be up to me to fill that void to a certain capacity. Ashley will still be in her life, just in a different way.

Ilyanna and Braydon are the first to make their way back into the room and it surprises me since they had to change Haylee’s diaper. Next is Rachel who’s now in her seventh month of pregnancy, followed by John.

Still no sign of Sarah and Brent. I wouldn’t put it past those two to have locked themselves somewhere in a bedroom but considering the Patriots are going into overtime, I highly doubt it.

Frank and George walk in together and Frank sits on the loveseat next to his brother. I can’t help but think that it was done on purpose if George caught sight of his sister’s face earlier. Ashley walks in the room and spots the brothers sitting side by side and if she’s trying to hide the disappointment on her face, she’s failing miserably.

My focus is on the TV when Sarah and Brent finally make their appearance during the coin toss. The Dolphins call heads and I can’t help but think that this should have been an easy win for us. I’m not the only player missing from the beginning of the season with our starting quarterback out as well as some key defensive players.

The coin lands tails up and we’ve won the toss and choose to receive. What I wouldn’t give to be receiving that kick-off. I’ve done it before, running the ball back for the touchdown. I can only imagine the feeling if it was the game winning touchdown.

The offense has a series of first downs before being stopped to fourth and short. If I know my team, they’ll be going for it. Only a few more yards separate them from field goal range and the camera cuts to our kicker warming up on the sidelines.

We get our short and then some and every single person in this room is on the edge of their seats. We try for a few more yards and get six. On this fourth down our kicker makes his way onto the field. It’s so quiet in my living room you could hear a pin drop.

“This shit is killing me,” Franks says.

“Language!” Ilyanna glares at him and then a smile breaks out across her face when Frank sticks his tongue out at her like a child.

“Sorry, not sorry. You should get her some earmuffs or something for times like these.” He laughs and brings his attention back to the game.

There’s a collective outburst when the balls sails through the goal posts and Haylee starts to cry at all of the noise. I have to admit; we are a loud bunch.

It’s late Thursday night and almost everyone here has to work in the morning. Our friends collect their things and we all wish each other goodnight with the promise to meet up for the last cookout of the season at Tanya’s parents’ house.

The subject of Eric hasn’t been brought up since that night two months ago and I’m confident that she’s finally been able to put it and everything that man has ever caused her behind her.

As for us, I’d say we’re at a really good place. Tanya’s finally been able to gain control over her life, conveniently relenting to me in one particular area.

My cast came off earlier this week, leaving me with just the sling. Dr. Alexopoulos said that I should be able to take it off from time to time starting next week to gauge my movement with that arm.