Fight With Me (16 page)

“Nate,” I sigh and rub my forehead.  “Maybe we should just talk when you get home.”

“What are you saying?” His voice is hushed and nervous.

“I need to deal with this right now and you need to focus on the deal out there.  I’ll be in the office tomorrow to help you from there, and I’ll try to clean up the damn report mess and get it to you asap. We’ll just talk about the rest of it when you get home.  I don’t have time for this relationship bullshit right now.”

“That’s what we are to you, Julianne?  Bullshit?”

Fuck.  No!  This is all coming out wrong, and I need to get back to Natalie!

“I have to go.”

“If that’s the way you want it, fine, but know this, baby; you’re only off the hook because I’m three thousand fucking miles away and can’t get to you right now.”

“Jesus you’re such a caveman, Nate.”

“Text me later and let me know you’re safe.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow night.”

“I thought you were staying until Thursday?”

“I changed my mind.”  The line goes dead and I hang my head.  I shouldn’t have been so mean to him.

I walk back into Natalie’s room and all hell has broken loose.

“I was only gone for five minutes.  What the hell?”

Natalie’s feet are in stirrups, and the doctor is sitting on a stool between her legs.  There are two nurses bustling about the room, and a baby cradle with a heating lamp has been wheeled into the room.

“She’s about ready to push,” Luke says, his eyes desperate with worry and fear.

“Wow, that epidural is a miracle.”

“Holy, shit, I have to push.”  Natalie is writhing on the bed, and if it wasn’t my best friend, I’d say it looks like something out of a horror movie.

“Okay, we’re ready, Natalie.  If you feel like you have to push with the contraction, go ahead.”

“It’s too hot in here.”  She yanks the blanket off her and throws it onto the floor, not giving two shits about being naked in front of all of us.  Well, she is wearing a black sports bra, so just the bottom half is naked.

I glance down, then feel my jaw drop.  It’s not the fact that her who-ha is out there on display, but what’s right above it that gives me pause.

“Jesus H. Christ, Natalie, you have a tattoo on your vagina!”

Chapter Sixteen

“Six pounds, ten ounces!” Nurse Ashlynn declares proudly as little baby Olivia lays on the baby scale crying angrily.  I raise Nat’s camera to my face and snap a long stream of photos, capturing the weight on the machine in the photo, in case anyone ever has the audacity to forget.  Zooming in on her tiny feet and fingers, I snap more photos before they wrap Olivia up in a pink and blue hospital baby blanket.

Luke is beside me, gazing down at his dark-haired daughter, with such love in his eyes.  When the baby was born and placed on Natalie’s belly, he and Natalie were both a crying wreck, and if I’m honest, I was too.

“Thank you for letting me be here.” His blue eyes slide over to mine, and he wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to his side.

“We love you, Jules.  It’s right that you’re here.”

Oh.  Well, that just makes me cry again.

“God I’m a blubbering mess.”

Luke laughs at me and takes his little bundle from the nurse, kissing Olivia’s tiny little forehead softly.

“She is so beautiful,” he whispers.

“Hey!  Can I hold her?” Natalie calls from the bed, all covered up now, thank Jesus.

I’m never having babies.  My body can’t do that.

Luke crosses the room and places the baby in Nat’s arms and kisses her on the lips.  He caresses the baby’s cheek with his finger and looks lovingly into Nat’s eyes.

“Thank you, baby.”

“I love you,” Nat whispers.

“God, I love you, too.”

I raise the camera to my face and snap more photos, capturing the most beautiful moment I’ve ever seen.  I walk around the end of the bed, still snapping, and both Luke and Nat look up at me and grin widely, their smiles just a little tired, so proud of what they’ve made.

“You are a gorgeous family,” I murmur and Nat’s eyes well up.

“I’m going to go fill everyone in,” Luke says.  He kisses Natalie, passionately, earning a token eye-roll from me, kisses the baby’s cheek, and pulls away.  “Jules, are you going to stay?”

“Yes, I’ll stay with our girls until you get back, then I’ll give you some alone time with them.”

“Thank you.”  He walks to me and wraps me in his arms, hugging me tightly.  Luke’s an affectionate guy, but this is different.  Special.  “Thank you, sweet girl,” he whispers in my ear, then walks out to talk to our families.

Well, hell.

“Hey.”  I walk over to the side of the hospital bed and take a few more pictures of Natalie and Olivia, then set the camera aside and sit on the bed next to them.  “You did good, friend.”

“Thank you.  So did you.  Thank you for reminding Luke to breathe before he passed out.”

We both laugh, and I know that’s one moment I’ll never let him forget.  “That’s what I’m here for.”  I tuck a spare strand of hair behind Nat’s ear and grin down at the baby.  “She’s so pretty, Nat.  I mean, how can she not be with parents who look like you guys do, but seriously, she’s gorgeous.”

“I think so too.  I’m a mommy, Jules.”

“And I’m an auntie again!  Oh my God, that’s cool.”  We grin stupidly at each other.  “Okay, so, when did you get a tat on your jay-jay?”

She shrugs and adjusts the blanket around Olivia.  “About two years ago. And it’s not on my jay-jay, which I’m pretty sure is not the official medical term for that part of my anatomy.”

“Wanna tell me what it says?”

“Nope.”

“Are you ever going to tell me what any of them say?”

“Probably.”

“Okay.”  Enough tattoo talk.  “Can I hold her for a minute before I go?”

“Of course!  Here.”  She hands me the small bundle and scoots over on the bed a little so we can curl up together. 

“How do you feel?” I ask.

“Sore, but the drugs are delightful.  I am looking forward to getting my old body back.”

“You didn’t get any stretch marks, you bitch.”

She smiles smugly.  “Lots of shea butter and yoga.  Remember that.”

“I’m not doing babies.”  I shake my head adamantly.  No way.

“Right, says the woman snuggling with a baby right now.”

“I can snuggle with babies.  They don’t have to come from my body.”  I shake my head again and smile as Olivia makes a sucky motion with her lips.

“She might be hungry.”

“I’m hungry,” Nat responds.  “Can you call the nurse?  I want mashed potatoes and gravy.  Stat.”

“So much for getting your old body back,” I smirk and push the call button.

“Don’t be a bitch.  I just had a baby.  I can have whatever I want.”

***

Luke comes back with our parents while all the siblings are still waiting their turn for a quick visit in the waiting room, and I decide it’s a good time to sneak out.  I know that my mom will make sure that everyone keeps their visits to a minimum so Luke and Nat can enjoy some alone time with their daughter, and so Nat can rest.

I make it down to the small empty waiting room that I called Nate from earlier and I’m suddenly flooded with emotion.  I can’t stop the tears from falling down my face, and I’m crying so hard my knees buckle.

I collapse into a chair and hold my face in my hands, my elbows on my knees, and let the tears flow.

“Hey, what’s wrong, bean?”  I gasp and look up, and there’s my brother, Matt, in the doorway.  He’s called me string bean since we were kids.

I can’t speak to him.  Seeing his calm, kind face makes me cry harder, and before I know it, he’s kneeling before me and pulling me into a big hug, stroking my back.

“It’s okay.  Cry it out.”

I’m not a crier, but it feels like that’s all I’ve done over the past few weeks.  I don’t know what to do with all of these new emotions running through me.

Finally, the tears stop, and Matt hands me a box of Kleenex from a nearby table.

“What was that all about?” he asks as I blow my nose.  He sits in the chair beside me.

“I’ve been so worried about Natalie and the baby all day, and I’m exhausted, and I was mean to Nate on the phone, and I just love that baby so much, and I hate crying.”

Matt chuckles and strokes my back again.  “Hey, it’s okay.  Having babies is exhausting, even for the helpers.  Nat and Olivia are fine, Nate will get over it, and you just need to sleep.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”  I sit back and look over at my handsome brother.  Of all of us, he’s the only one with darker hair, but he’s as tall as my other brothers, and just as built.  He’s a Seattle cop, and he’s badass in a calm, controlled way.  He doesn’t have Caleb’s temper or Will’s arrogance.  He’s quiet.  But he will fuck you up if he needs to.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“I was going to pop in and see the baby, say congratulations, and then head in to work.”

“Working night shift?” I ask.

“Yeah, I picked up some extra shifts.”  He stands and helps me to my feet.  “Feel better?”

“I do, thanks.  I’m going to go home and sleep off this weird mood.”

“Okay, drive safe, bean.”

“You too.”  I kiss his cheek and head for home.

***

My bed feels delicious.  And empty.  I settle in, ready to go to sleep early, and grab my phone.  Should I call Nate and apologize for being a raging bitch, or just text him and talk to him tomorrow?

I choose to text and think up a really nice way to apologize when I see him.

I’m home.  Baby and mom are healthy.

I lay back and start to drift when my phone pings.

Ok

Ok?  That’s it?  I frown.  This is not the Nate I know and have grown to love.  He’s pissed off at me, and when I think back to the way I spoke to him, I don’t blame him.  He was just worried about me, after all.

I decide to call him and apologize.  He answers on the second ring.

“Hello, Julianne.” 
I don’t like the cold tone of his voice.

“Hi,” I murmur.

“Hi.”

“Nate, I’m sorry about earlier.  I really am.”

I hear him sigh, and I feel even more guilty, knowing how much stress he has on him over work, and I know I made him even more worried today, and hurt his feelings.  And I love him, I don’t want to hurt him.

“I think we need to discuss a few things tomorrow night.” 
Oh, so apology not accepted.

“Okay,” I whisper and hear him sigh again.  “I miss you.”

“Do you.”

God, I really screwed up.

“Yes.”

Silence.

“Please say something.”

“What do you want me to say?” he asks.

“I don’t know.”  I feel tears threatening again, and I try to keep them out of my voice.  “I just don’t want you to be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad.  I’m disappointed and hurt, Julianne.  That’s twice that you’ve managed to hurt my feelings.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you, Nate.  Today was hard, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.”

“Like I said, we have some things to talk about tomorrow.  I’d rather we didn’t do it over the phone.  I need to see your face.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re too good at trying to hide what you’re feeling behind that badass persona of yours, but your eyes don’t lie.”

Holy shit.

“I am not lying to you, Nate.  I miss you and I’m sorry that I was a bitch today.”

“Don’t ever call yourself a bitch again.” 
Jesus!  I can’t say anything right!

“I’m going to let you go, this isn’t getting us anywhere.  Do you need a ride from the airport tomorrow night?”

“No.”

“Are you going to come to my place?”

“No, come to my place after work.”

“I don’t have a key.”

“Yes you do.”

Huh?

“I do?”

“Yes, check your key ring.  I put it on there last weekend.”  His voice is softer now and I’m shocked.

“Oh.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Julianne.”

Chapter Seventeen

This has been the day from hell.  I was late to work this morning, after sleeping like the dead last night and through my alarm.  Mrs. Glover was not pleased to see me this morning, but when I explained what happened, and showed her the photos of baby Olivia on my phone, she softened up a bit and said she understood.

Thank goodness.

Not that she’s my boss, but I do not want to make an enemy of her.

Nate has been in constant communication with me all day, sending emails requesting documents or research to be done, but nothing at all personal. As soon as I got to my office this morning, I opened the document I had Jenny email to Nate yesterday, and was stunned to see that Nate was right. It was half-done, and riddled with mistakes. It was
not
the final draft I’d finished, saved and attached to the email to go out to him. I don’t know what the fuck happened, but I hope that the extra work I’ve put in this morning has helped straighten the mess out.

I feel shitty for making Nate think that our relationship isn’t important to me.  Of course it is.  But there are times that he’s just so… bossy.  I know he’s a strong, intelligent man, and that he wants to protect me and care for me, but I’ve always been so fiercely independent, I forget that I’m no longer a “me” and part of a “we”.

I need to make it up to him.  But how?

I’m pondering this when another email comes through from Nate.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013 14:28

From: Nathan McKenna

To: Julianne Montgomery

Subject:  Departing

Julianne,

I am about to board the plane back to Seattle.  Once you’ve finished with the reports I emailed to you earlier, you are free to leave for the day.

Nate

He’s still so cold, although I know that in work email he doesn’t really have a choice.  He could have texted me with something more personal, and the fact that he didn’t makes me really nervous.