Fight for Me (22 page)

That dinner was followed by dates to the movies, bike rides up the mountain to look over the city, and my favorite… the night lying out on his rooftop deck, sleeping under the stars. The weather had been great, the view beautiful, but the company had been incredible.

“I need you with me.” He put the duffel bag down by the door, then hopped next to me in the bed. He leaned in and kissed me.

“Please,” he said. He knew his kisses were distracting me and taking away my common sense.

“Maybe I can meet you out there in a couple weeks.”

“One week.” He pulled open my robe, narrowing his eyes when he realized I wasn’t wearing anything under it.

“One month,” I responded. He leaned in, capturing my already tight nipple in his warm mouth. I arched into him, heat radiating from the engorged tip of my breast to my pulsating core.

“Two weeks, tops.” He moved to the other nipple, giving it the same exquisite treatment. His tongue swirled. I thrashed. His hands dipped low. I panted. Two weeks suddenly sounded like an eternity. He brushed his fingers across my slick, wet heat, and I gave in. I’d follow him anywhere if he kept doing that with his tongue.

He left the next day, and I missed him more than I liked to admit. The next three weeks were hard. Yes, I said
three weeks
. Though I promised him I’d be there in two weeks, I got an opportunity that kept me away longer.

Shelby got me an internship at the advertising agency where she worked. I loved the work. It kept me busy, and I met a ton of new people. I started to feel…
alive
. I realized I hadn’t been myself in so long that I needed some time alone to figure out who I was without Ryder. He centered me, and I knew I was better near him. But I needed to learn to stand on my own and get my life back together.

Ryder and I talked constantly. He didn’t understand my need to be apart from him, but he accepted it. In the morning, he’d call me as soon as he woke up, his voice all sleep-roughened and gritty. It was sexy as hell and made me hot. After he trained, he called me, but by then he was so tired we didn’t get to talk much before he’d start to doze off. The internship was only for a month, classes didn’t start for six weeks after that ended, and I wasn’t looking forward to empty days and lonely nights. So after almost a month away from him, I was going to hop on a train and go stay with him.

The night before I left, I met Shelby at The Lounge. We decided to sit at the bar and bypass our usual booth. We were here to laugh, dance, and get drunk. We hadn’t been out in weeks, and she really wanted to have some fun before I went to meet Ryder.

“Shots, bartender,” she shouted to Noah. He glanced at us and smiled, picking up a bottle of tequila and two glasses. He dropped the glasses in front of us and poured the liquid fire into them.

“It’s been a while, ladies.” He leaned his elbows on the bar, gazing directly into my eyes. Noah had been the bartender since we first started coming here. I’d shared a few drunken nights with him. He invariably tried to turn those drunken nights into something more, but I always bolted in the morning. He was the only guy I slept with after Logan, and I liked him. I just never wanted to put myself in the position to be hurt by anyone, so we never got serious.

He raised his pierced eyebrow and smiled seductively at me. He’d flicked on the flirt switch, but I’d have to disappoint him tonight.

“Enchantress,” he said. He started calling me that after the second time I disappeared before he woke up. We laughed about it, but I could tell it bothered him. What I didn’t understand was why he continued to flirt with me when he knew I’d never give him more than a few nights.

“How’ve you been, Noah?”

“Missing you.” He was always straightforward. I liked that about him. “Am I going to have to carry you out tonight?” he asked, glancing at the shot glass on the bar.

“Umm… no. I’ll catch a cab if it gets that far.”

He furrowed his brow and straightened. A customer down the bar caught his attention, and he walked away, but not before he gave me a quizzical look.

Shelby chuckled. “Lover boy is going to get his heart broken tonight.”

“Stop, Shelby. He’s not in love with me.”

“Whatever you say.” She picked up the shot glasses, handing me one. We threw back the tequila, chasing it with the lime slices Noah left for us.

“So the last time we were here you were having a good time with Ty.” She glanced at me and frowned. I knew Shelby, and I knew when she was getting ready to have fun with a guy. If what I was thinking was correct, I felt bad for Ty. If Noah thought I was an enchantress, Shelby was a femme fatale. She’d turned her heart into stone after Alec died.

She shook her head as she spit out her slice of lime. “Don’t try to deflect. We were talking about you and Noah.”

“No.
You
were talking about me and Noah. I was way more interested in what happened after I left with Ryder.”

“Nothing,” she shrieked like she was offended. She took one look at my straight face and laughed. “Okay, maybe I wanted to see if he was that big all over.”

“Ah-ha!” I bounced around in my seat in celebration. “I knew it.”

She blushed as she motioned for Noah to refill her glass. “It’s nothing serious. We’re just having fun.” She sounded more like she was trying to convince herself. I tilted my head and observed how she nervously pulled at her hair and refused to look my way.

“Oh my God, you really like him.”

“No, I don’t.” She shook her head crazily. “No, Lexi. I can’t like him. I just can’t.”

Noah refilled our glasses, then disappeared. Shelby stared at the shelves of stacked alcohol quietly. I knew where her head was, and I didn’t want her to keep pushing everyone away because she didn’t want to get hurt. I’d done that, and I realized how much happier I was once I opened my heart to Ryder.

“Shelby…” I began, but she shook her head, refusing to hear what I was going to say. “Shelby, he’d want you to move on.”

She looked at me with glassy eyes. “But I don’t want to. What if I forget? What if I let myself accept what Ty makes me feel and forget what I had with Alec?” She wiped her eyes before the tears could fall and picked up her shot, trying to chase away her feelings.

“You’re not going to forget him, Shelby. He was your first love, and you don’t forget that. If you let yourself care about Ty, it won’t negate how you feel about Alec.”

“I’m not saying I love him,” she asserted, staring me down.

“But you feel something for him.”

“It’s only been a month, but… yeah, I feel something for him.”

“And how does Ty feel about my best friend?”

“He’s… so passionate. When we’re alone, he’s like a big teddy bear. He wants me to admit it’s more than sex. I was sure he was wrong, but since they left, I realized I really miss him.”

“Really? You should come with me.”

“No, I can’t get out of work that quickly.”

“You can meet us in Vegas for the championship.” I gave her an encouraging nudge. She smiled.

“Maybe.” She winked, picked up my shot glass, and drank that one, too.

We drained one more shot before I told Noah to cut Shelby off from the tequila. We danced with a few guys, but I refused to let them buy us drinks. Shelby pouted when I told them we’d pay for our own drinks, but I reminded her that we were dating the possessive fighter type.

“Speak for yourself,” she said as Noah put some fruity drink down in front of us. “I’m still single.”

“Who called you fifteen minutes ago?”

She blushed and giggled. “He misses me. Told me to tell you to make sure no one gets near his honey.”

“His honey?”

“It’s what he calls—” I held up a hand to keep her from continuing.

“Never mind, I don’t need that much information.” Shelby was definitely wasted if she was divulging sexual secrets.

“Are you really going back to school?” I nodded as I nursed my drink. “Are you going to stay on campus?”

“No, I’m over campus life.” I’d moved out after Alec’s accident, and I knew I didn’t want to go back. “I’m going to stay home and commute. Maybe find a job to keep me busy, too.”

“You looking for a job, Lexi?” Noah said, stopping in front of us, perching on the bar top. “We’re looking for help here.” He looked so hopeful.

“Sorry, I’m leaving in the morning for a couple weeks.”

“Yeah… where are you going? Family vacation?”

Err…
Shit
. I didn’t want to have the “we’re over because I have a boyfriend” conversation with Noah. I didn’t owe him anything since we were never officially together. I figured it was better to get it over with. At least I had some liquid courage to back me up. Might as well tear off the Band-Aid.

“I’m meeting my boyfriend.”

He sucked in a breath as though I’d stuck him with a sharp object. His body language changed immediately as he backed away from the bar and pretended to wipe it off.

“Boyfriend, huh?” He peeked at me under his lids.

I just nodded behind my drink. Was I really hiding behind a drink? Yeah… yeah, I was. I felt bad. He was always so sweet to me, but he was no Ryder. He couldn’t push past my barriers and make me want everything with him.

“How long has this been going on?”

“A couple months.” He nodded, a deep frown marring his handsome face.

“That why I haven’t seen you around much?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

He placed both palms on the bar top, his arms open wide and eyes boring into me. “So it’s some kind of long-distance relationship?”

God, why is he doing this?

The look in his eyes as he grilled me was making me beyond uncomfortable. I nodded, sipping on my drink.

Why do they make these straws so
tiny?

Fuck the straw. I pushed it aside and drank from the glass in big gulps.

“Can I ask you something?” he said, leaning toward me, pushing way into my personal space. I’d finished my drink so I didn’t have it to hide behind anymore. I didn’t respond, so he just asked anyway.

“What have we been doing for the last year and a half?”

Uhh… having sex?

No, easing tension.

Nah…
Fucking. Yeah, that was the one.

All those things came to mind, but I couldn’t say them. The way he was acting, you would think we’d had a relationship outside his bedroom. In the year and a half, we’d only spent eight days—no, nights together. In the big scheme of things, eight out of over five hundred nights didn’t constitute commitment.

A customer called out to him, but he continued staring at me—waiting. I was frozen. I couldn’t figure out what to say without hurting his feelings.

“I’m sorry,” I said and meant it. He glared at me, clenching his jaw, and then nodded like he was fed up and through with me. He walked off when the customer got rowdy for his next round of drinks.

“That was intense.” Shelby fanned her face.

“You’re telling me. I almost ran out of here.” The worst part was he made me feel like shit when I’d never been dishonest with him. The first time we’d talked, he’d asked me why I always turned down every guy who approached me, and I’d let him know I wasn’t in the market for a boyfriend. I had a huge wall up, but I let him slip through the cracks. Three months after that first conversation, I came to the bar alone. I drank too much and said a lot of things I didn’t remember. I knew it was along the lines of how much I hated Logan, and the only thing I missed was sex. He volunteered to help me with my sexual frustration, and I thought he was joking, but the look in his eyes was dead serious.

“Are you serious?” I’d said. My laughter melted off my face when he looked at me like he already had me naked.

“Dead serious,” he responded.

“I’m not looking for a boyfriend.”

“I
just want to make you feel good.”

Two years of sexual frustration and five cocktails had me taking Noah up on his offer. I let him slip around my shield, and he was making me feel like I had used him.

“I told you he’d be heartbroken,” Shelby declared.

“And you haven’t left a trail of broken hearts behind you?”

“Nope. No one gets attached in one night. I warned you about sleeping with the same guy over and over. It gets messy. Lines that were clear in the beginning become blurred. It was a recipe for catching feelings and was bound to end in disaster.”

“I don’t have time for your ‘I told you so’ moment. Can we get out of here before he comes back?”

“Yeah, sure. I want to talk to Ty before he falls asleep, anyway.” I slipped on my leather jacket, gathered up my keys and purse, then hightailed it to the door.

Noah watched us with a brooding look as we walked out of the bar. Well, there went my job opportunity. As much as I loved Ryder, I didn’t want my days to rotate around him. My nights? Yeah. My nights could rotate around Ryder. He was
really
good at taking over my nights and making me float into a Ryder-hazed sleep.

Chapter
Thirty

Alexis

My train arrived at six. It was two minutes past arrival time, and I hurriedly pulled my bag down the crowded passageway toward the station. It’d been way too long since I’d seen Ryder, and my heart pumped with anticipation. The tunnel felt a mile long, but when the light finally broke at the end of it, I didn’t see Ryder anywhere. It was crowded, but I had no patience to be scouring the masses to find
my
Hawk.

Someone bumped into me from behind because I’d stopped at the end of the tunnel, blocking other people trying to get past. I slowly walked into the station. A pair of strong hands grabbed me at the hips, pulled me back into a solid form, and I was surrounded by an aura that was only Ryder’s.

“Missed me?” he asked, nuzzling his face into the back of my neck and nipping my skin with his teeth. He spun me around and smiled with a slight quirk of his lip, then bit down on it.

God, I love when he
does that.
And he
knew
it.