FIGHT FOR ME (8 page)

Though Ivy masked her feelings under the label that she was upset with Lucas for seemingly not caring that she was leaving, she knew that really she was just afraid that their relationship was doomed to end.

She was supposed to leave that night. She had planned to start driving that Friday night so she would be back in the office on Monday morning.

Jess got home from work and didn’t even say hello before coming and giving Ivy a big hug. “Thank you so much for all this,” she said.

Ivy hugged her back. “Of course. I hope I helped out a little.”

Jess pulled away, cool and composed again. “You really did. I got a few huge projects done at work and now my boss is fine with me working fewer hours. Also, since I got so much overtime in I think I can afford some sporadic childcare for Emma if I need it. Things are really looking up.” She smiled.

Though she didn’t explain further, Ivy knew that by “thing are really looking up” Jess meant that somehow, she and her daughter were moving past Nikolai’s unexpected death.

Ivy let out a breath. Things would be just fine in Paisley if she left. Her sister and Emma would be fine. Lucas would continue being alone, but he’d be fine too.

She swallowed. She had expected him to call, text, or even just come over before she left. She couldn’t go back to the city and leave things like this with him. She checked her phone for the fifth time in the past few minutes. Nothing –nothing except a reminder that she should be packing up her car.

“I’m going to put my stuff in the car, and then we’ll have to say our goodbyes.”

Jess nodded. “I’ll go get Emma.”

Ivy lugged her suitcase and put it in the back of the car that she hadn’t needed to touch since she drove here. Paisley was so tiny she had walked everywhere or Lucas had driven her.

Lucas… Ivy checked her phone again. Nothing.

As soon as she walked back into the hallway of Jess’s apartment, Emma ran up to her and gave her a big hug. She looked up at Ivy, teary eyed. “You’re really leaving?” she asked, despondent.

“Yes, but I’ll see you really soon, okay?” Ivy picked up Emma and gave her a big squeeze.

“Okay,” Emma said dejectedly. “Are you going right now?”

“Yes, Em. I want to get home on Sunday so I can go to work on Monday.” Though the logic probably went over Emma’s head, the little girl retreated to her mother in the doorway of their home.

And Ivy’s, for the past month.

She felt herself tearing up. “Bye guys. I promise to come visit you soon. It won’t be ten months again, I promise.”

Jess smiled. “Okay, sis. Remember to call when you’re home so we know you got there safe.”

“I want to talk to Auntie Ivy on the phone!” Emma said excitedly. She seemed to be cured of her melancholy instantly.

“You can definitely do that,” Ivy said, smiling. She would really, really miss them. “Love you.”

As she started the car, she tried to stop thinking about how long it might be before she saw Jess and Emma again. As she left Paisley, her thoughts traveled from Jess and Emma to Lucas.

She might never see him again.

She drove down the highway with a cold, clenched heart. She didn’t want to leave Paisley. Every second that she drove farther away she felt worse.

When she became too tired to drive, she pulled off the highway into a tiny roadside town a lot like Paisley. Same two street downtown, same single park, same low, well-maintained elementary school.

Lucas. She checked her phone after pulling into a hotel parking lot. Nothing.

The man behind the office counter had the same shaggy black hair as Lucas, and a tattoo on one arm that was not completely covered by his shirt. Though that was where the resemblances ended –the man was easily ten years older than Lucas and forty pounds heavier –it prompted Ivy to check her phone once again.

Nothing. Just the time in big white numbers.

She should really be in bed.

“Cheapest room you have, please. It’s just me. One night.”

The guy nodded and handed her a key after she paid.

The room was tiny. The hotel was decidedly not a five star establishment. A skinny lady with a hoarse voice had asked her for a light while she walked to her first floor room. The room smelled both stale and like some intense cleaning solution.

Other than that, it was really a fine place to stay one night. Ivy’s wallet thanked her, if nothing else.

She was brushing her teeth, feeling alone and empty, when her phone rang. The caller ID clearly said “Lucas.” She rinsed out her mouth in record time. She picked up the phone before it had time to go voicemail.

“Hello?” she answered, a little out of breath.

“Hi.” His voice sounded good over the phone. Just as deep and smooth as in person. He could be a voice actor or one of those guys who made audio books.

“Lucas,” she said, not quite sure where she was going but knowing that she had a lot to say. “Why didn’t you say goodbye?”

He was silent for a moment. “Ivy—”

“You’re not telling me something,” Ivy said. She was sitting on the foot of her hotel bed in her pajamas. “I know it. You tell me little tidbits about your past but you don’t want to tell me everything. Why? What could be so bad that you can’t tell me?”

Silence.

“You’re different than anyone I’ve ever had before. And I don’t know if that’s a good thing. There’s something about you that just… just… grips me but… but I’m not ready to give that up. I…” She trailed off. She couldn’t put what she wanted to say next into words.

“Ivy,” he said again. She could see his face in front of hers; feel his soft warm lips against her forehead as he said her name. She felt herself begin to tear up. She hadn’t expected this huge rush of emotion when they finally talked again.

“I know,” she said, cutting him off one more time. “I know, we only met each other like a month ago and I shouldn’t be this attached already but… I really fucking like you. And I need to know if you feel the same.”

“Are you nearby?” he asked.

“No,” she said. “I’m hours away.”

“Okay,” he said. She heard a bit of static on the line. He had taken a deep breath. “Ivy –let me finish –I… I feel more strongly for you than anyone I have in the past. I’ve never been in a relationship like this. I can be myself with you. I think… I think I could tell you anything.”

“Lucas…”

“No, I’m not done. I need you here, Ivy. You’re all I have in Paisley.”

This time it was Ivy’s turn to stay silent for a few moments.

“Ivy?”

“I’m all you have?” She said the words quietly. On one hand, it made her feel sad for Lucas, who had left his life for a quiet, lonely one in Paisley for some unknown reason. On the other hand… she was all he had. It was the most incredibly romantic thing anyone had ever said to her.

“Everything,” he said.

Ivy wanted very badly to see his face as he said these things.

“So,” she said. “How are we going to do this?”

“Do this?”

“Be together. We have jobs. Responsibilities.”

“I have a car.”

“It’s a three day drive to the city, Lucas.” Ivy thought for a moment. She took a deep breath through her nose and closed her eyes while she tried to think of a solution. She thought about the surprising amount of work she had been able to get done just with her laptop. She could view versions of the magazine on her laptop, edit them, and send emails to her colleagues. There was a possibility she could work from her laptop for another month or two… “I have an idea.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m coming back to Paisley.” She didn’t even want to wait for a go ahead from the editor in chief. She would tell her that she needed to stay with her sister until the anniversary of Nikolai’s death, which was about a month away. It would work. It had to. She wasn’t ready to go back to her life before.

Wake up, go to work, spend some time with friends, go to sleep, repeat. It was an average life but not nearly as fulfilling as the past few weeks had been with Lucas.

“Thank you,” he said.

“I’m going to drive back in the morning.”

“Thank you,” he said again, his voice almost breaking.

Ivy wondered what it was between them that made it so hard to be apart. She almost wanted to call it love.

No. Love meant trusting each other wholeheartedly. As long as Lucas kept part of himself from her, she couldn’t love him.

Chapter Twelve

“I’m Ms. Robins. I’m here to help you with reading.”

The little kindergarteners looked up at her with complete trust and obedience. Feeling a little less nervous, Ivy wrote the word “THE” on the board in large letters.

“Can anyone tell me what letters make up this word?”

A few kids raised their hands, jumping in their seats. Emma was one of them. Ivy called on a boy with dreadlocks next to Emma.

“T, H, E,” he said proudly.

“Great job! And can anyone else tell me what T, H, E spells?”

A few kids yelled out “the!”

“Can anyone raise their hand and tell me?”

This time, Ivy called on Emma. “T, H, E spells ‘the.’”

“Great job. What sound do the T and H make together?” Ivy asked a little girl with long braids sitting in the front of the class who hadn’t raised her hand yet.

“Um,” she said. “Th?”

“Very good.” Ivy turned to the board again and wrote “THE CAT.” “Can anyone tell me what this says?”

The lesson went on like this for a few more minutes. When the kindergartener’s attention started to fade, they broke up into groups and read together with volunteers from the older grades.

Ivy sat down next to Lucas behind his desk. He took her hand under the table and smiled at her. “You did great. You could be a teacher.”

“Reading happens to be something I’m good at,” she said, laughing. “I’d probably have trouble teaching math.”

“I hope not. Kindergarten math is pretty easy.”

They grinned at each other.

When they had finished reading their easy reader books, it was the end of the day –at least the end of the kindergarten day.

Lucas walked up to the front of the class.

“Everyone, thank your reading buddies.”

“Thank you,” cried a chorus of kindergarten voices.

“Now go see if your parents are outside.” He smiled.

The kids jumped up and gathered up their jackets, lunches, and tiny kindergartener-sized backpacks.

Lucas stood by door and said goodbye to each student.

“Bye, Ms. Robins,” a few of the kindergarteners said. Each time Ivy was surprised they remembered her name.

Initially when Lucas had invited her to teach a short English lesson to his kindergarten students, Ivy had been terrified. But it had turned out to be pretty straightforward. The kids were easy to work with and treated anyone at the front of the classroom like a revered deity, enraptured by every word.

When Emma walked by, Ivy stopped her. “Hey Em, I’ll be out in a second, okay? You can play until I’m ready.”

“Okay!” Emma ran out with a friend.

A minute later, the classroom was empty. Lucas let the door swing shut.

As soon as it did, he pushed her against the door and kissed her full force. One hand pinned her wrist against the door and the other caressed her cheek and hair. Ivy’s heart beat faster and the delicious feel of butterflies intensified her enjoyment of the kiss.

Even after another month of regular kisses from Lucas, they still made her tingle all over.

Well, even his gaze did that.

Giggling, she let a hand brush between his legs.

“Ivy,” he said, half serious. “Not now.”

“What do you mean not now?” She brushed her lips over his neck and nipped at his collar bone. He shut his eyes and let out a deep breath.

“I have a staff meeting in a few minutes,” he nearly moaned as she moved her hand against him.

“Oh, all right, then.” She stepped away and started to open the door.

“No,” he said, smiling sheepishly. “Come back.”

He gave her a deep kiss that gave her an idea that she would have a wonderful night.

* * * *

She had been spending most nights at Lucas’s for the past few weeks.

Every weekday morning she Skyped with her office in the city and they talked about what was going to be done that day. She would edit any new material and the cycle continued.

It wasn’t quite as in depth as her job while she was in the office, but her editor in chief liked her and understood the situation –or at least part of it. She had been very sympathetic when Ivy had explained that her sister wanted her to stay until the anniversary of her husband’s death. Of course, she hadn’t mentioned Lucas as her primary reason to stay in Paisley.

She was making part-time wage but it wasn’t like she needed a lot of money anyhow. Most of it was going to her sister to cover her meal and board. The rest went into savings.

When Lucas went off to his staff meeting, Ivy went to walk Emma home. When she got home she worked on the latest issue of the real estate magazine while Emma played with little plastic ponies on the living room floor.

Jess got home early. She gave her daughter a hug and then poured herself a glass of water from the sink before sitting down next to Ivy on the couch.

“I had a good day at work,” she said.

“Good to hear,” Ivy said, shutting her laptop and putting it aside. “There hasn’t been much for me to do at work today.”

“I can’t believe they’re paying you to spend an hour or two a day to proofread on your laptop.”

“Hey, I do so much more than that,” Ivy said, laughing.

“I know. You work two jobs,” she said, looking meaningfully at her daughter.

“That’s true.”

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. “You want to get it?” Jess called from her bedroom where she was watching a movie.

“Got it.”

Ivy opened the door.

There was Lucas, a huge bunch of flowers in his hand, his smile just visible above the blossoms that he held out to her.

“Oh my gosh!” She took them. “What are these for?”

“Mr. Lucas!” Emma left her horses on the ground and joined them in the doorway.

“I saw them in the grocery store and thought of you. They’re the same color as your hair and eyes.” Ivy looked at the flowers and saw that they were a mix of big golden blossoms and delicate blue ones.