Fey 02 - Changeling (77 page)

"I thought so too.
 
But you killed any chance of that days ago," Nicholas said.

"Just tell me what you want."
 
Matthias sounded brave but his entire body was trembling.
 
The point of the knife had pierced his clothing and was probably scratching skin.

"I want you to think about this," Nicholas said.
 
"The Words Written and Unwritten say that the Rocaan's first thoughts should be of God.
 
His second should be of his people, and his third should be of the heavens themselves."

"Don't quote the Words to me," Matthias said.

"Someone needs to."
 
Nicholas pushed slightly on the knife.
 
Matthias straightened.
 
A small bit of pain, then, nothing more.
 
"Because you're not thinking of anyone except yourself, Matthias.
 
If you thought of God, you wouldn't use him as an excuse for murder.
 
If you thought of the heavens, you would trust in the Roca's heir in this world.
 
And if you thought of the people whose lives are entrusted to you, you would share the Secrets as the 50th Rocaan did, in case you were killed."

"If I had done that, you would have killed me by now."

The hilt of the knife bit into Nicholas's palm.
 
One quick twist of the wrist and Matthias would be mortally wounded.
 
They were alone in the worship room.

Jewel would do it in a heartbeat.

But Jewel had been Fey.
 
Vengeance was her way.
 
It was not Nicholas's, at least not directly.
 
If he killed Matthias, he would create more problems than he solved.

"No," Nicholas said.
 
"The Fey will kill you for me.
 
The question is will you leave us with no protection when you die or will you ensure our future, take care of your people as you were supposed to?"

"You sound so certain of what I should do," Matthias said.

"I am certain," Nicholas replied.

"Has the Holy One spoken to you?
 
Do you hear the still, small voice?"
 
Matthias's tone almost mocked him.

Nicholas held Matthias against his chest, twisting the tip of the knife slightly as if he were about to core an apple.
 
Matthias stiffened with pain.

"Your wife's death was God's will," Matthias said.

One movement.
 
One simple movement and Matthias would live no longer.

"As is yours," Nicholas said.

"Then go ahead."
 
Matthias's trembling had increased.
 
"Kill me."

"The Words forbid it."
 
Nicholas let Matthias go.
 
"And unlike you, I follow the Words."

Matthias turned, the movement a bit stiff as he favored his back.
 
His face was pale.

"The Fey will kill you," Nicholas said.
 
"The question is when."

"They can't get me if I stay in the Tabernacle."

"Don't be so certain," Nicholas said.
 
"They've been here before.
 
They also have other ways, as that boy showed you.
 
You will die and I won't protect you."

"What protection can you offer from those creatures?" Matthias actually sounded hopeful, as if he believed that Nicholas would save him.

As if Nicholas would want to.

"None," Nicholas said.
 
"If they succeed in killing you, it will be God's will.
 
But if you die with the Secrets untold, you will destroy the religion you were sworn to protect."

Matthias's right hand slid to his back, rubbing the spot where Nicholas had turned the knife.
 
"And whom would you suggest I tell the Secrets to?" Matthias asked.
 
"The Elders want me overthrown."

Nicholas's dirk had blood on it.
 
He continued to hold it, the weight a comfort in his hand.
 
"A schism in the Tabernacle," he said, mimicking Matthias's mocking tone.
 
"How delightful."

"You wouldn't think it delightful if one of the other Elders ran the Tabernacle."

"Any of them would be better than you, Matthias."

"The Old Rocaan believed none of them worthy of taking his place."

"Yes," Nicholas said.
 
"He put you into office.
 
Look what wonders that has done for Blue Isle."

Matthias's gaze flickered down to the knife.
 
A tiny bit of blood dripped off its tip.
  
"I did the right thing for Blue Isle," he said.

"No, Matthias."
 
Nicholas stepped forward, still holding the knife tip out. "If you had done the right thing, we would not be arguing now.
 
The country would be united and at peace instead of on the brink of war.
 
You did not do the right thing."

Matthias took one step back.
 
"We would still be at war.
 
The Fey murdered your father."

"One Fey, and I even know who it was.
 
I would have been able to get to that Fey with Jewel alive.
 
I doubt I can now."

"Who?" Matthias asked.

"It no longer matters," Nicholas said.
 
"You took our advantage away."

"Advantage. You sound as if we're playing a game here.
 
We're talking lives."

Nicholas took another step forward.
 
Matthias was again pressed against the window.
 
This time, Nicholas placed the tip of the knife against Matthias's heart.
 
"We've been talking lives from the beginning.
 
You have made this worse than it was.
 
You, Matthias, and now we're talking your life.
 
I will not protect you from the Fey.
 
I would give you to them if I could.
 
If you value the lives you were sworn to protect, then you will give up the Secrets."

"To whom?" Matthias glanced down at the knife.
 
Sweat beaded on his forehead.
 
He was truly afraid, and Nicholas, for the first time in his life, enjoyed someone's fear.
 
"If I give them to the Elders, they'll kill me."

"It's what you deserve."

"But we can't have that in the church."

"Why not?" Nicholas said.
 
"We had it just a few days ago."

"It wasn't the same."

Nicholas grabbed Matthias's collar, pulling his face close.
 
Matthias had to bend at the waist to prevent the knife from penetrating his chest.
 
He brought up one hand, his right hand, and it was smeared with blood from his back.
 

"It is the same," Nicholas said very softly.
 
"Just because you didn't value Jewel's life doesn't mean that God didn't.
 
Many of us valued her.
 
Your opinion is not the only one."

"But I'm a leader in the church.
 
The Beloved of God."

"And horribly misnamed, because I'm willing to wager that God isn't very happy with you right now."

"You don't know the Mind of God."

"And neither do you."

They were both breathing hard.
 
The cool river breeze caressed Nicholas's forehead, keeping him calm.
 
A bead of sweat ran down Matthias's cheek and dripped onto his robe.

"I won't give them the Secrets," Matthias said.
 
"They'll kill me."

Nicholas let him go.
 
Matthias staggered, caught the edge of the window with his left hand, and steadied himself.

"Then teach the Secrets to me," Nicholas said.

"To you?"
 
Matthias stood, wiped the hair off his face with his right hand, leaving a small spot of blood on his temple.
 
"You haven't the training."

"No," Nicholas said.
 
"But at least I understand what the Roca was trying to do.
 
When he offered himself to the Soldiers of the Enemy, he was trying to prevent war, prevent death, not trying to cause it."

"I wasn't trying to cause anything," Matthias said.
 
"I thought you were next.
 
I thought she would slaughter you and try to steal our Island that way."

It sounded plausible.
 
For one brief moment.
 
But Nicholas knew better.
 
"Jewel was too smart for that.
 
She knew that you and the others would depose her as soon as possible.
 
You might have even killed her."

"I was just thinking of you," Matthias said.

"You were thinking of yourself, and your hatred, and your revenge."
 
Nicholas waved the dirk to punctuate his words.
 
"Do you know how I know?
 
I know because you aren't justifying this with scholarship.
 
You're trying to justify it with emotions, and you don't understand how emotions work."

"I know how emotions work," Matthias said.
 
"If I give you the Secrets, you'll kill me."

"I can't kill you and step into a proper place within Rocaanism," Nicholas said.
 
"As usual, you worry about yourself before others."

"The Rocaan chose me."

"He made a mistake."

"If he made a mistake, then let God strike me down."

"God will," Nicholas said, "in the form of the Fey.
 
And when you die, the Secrets die with you.
 
Selfish to the end, Matthias.
 
You will be the one — all by yourself — who destroys an ancient religion, maybe even a nation.
 
All by yourself."

"You're not convincing me to trust you with the most sacred parts of Rocaanism, Nicholas," Matthias said.
 
"I was your tutor.
 
I know the contempt you hold for this religion."

"I hold no contempt," Nicholas said, "for anything except you."

Matthias's mouth thinned.
 
His eyes held something dark — hatred?
 
Nicholas didn't want to think about it.
 
It no longer mattered.
 
He shrugged.
 
"I'm doing right by my people," he said.
 
"When you're dead, and the people come to me wondering why we can no longer worship, and no longer protect ourselves against angry Fey, I'll tell them I came to you and you refused to help them."

"Who is trying an emotional argument now, Nicholas?"

"Emotion?" Nicholas held up the knife.
 
"Be glad I don't let emotion rule me like it rules you, Matthias.
 
If I did, we would never have talked.
 
You'd be dead already."

"Threats again.
 
Nicholas, you will never get the Secrets from me.
 
You may as well stop trying."
 
Matthias crossed his arms in front of his chest.
 
"If you kill me now, you'll be to blame for the death of Rocaanism."