Fertility: A Novel (25 page)

“What the hell? What do you mean you’re not sure?”

“What I’m saying is, it was a very complicated fracture. But I’m on it, Rick. And so is Lewis — you know — Alicia Lewis from vascular. No one’s slacking off here. Even so, I’d be lying to you if I said the recovery is going to be a slam dunk.”

Rick tried to take it all in. For months he’d worked doggedly — and unsuccessfully — to blot out any thought of the embryo that had caused the split between them. He knew Sarah’s time was likely near. Finally, with an edge in his voice, he asked, “What about her fetus?”

“You knew she was pregnant? You never shared that critical piece of information with me,” Jeff said, trying unsuccessfully to swallow his sense of hurt. “Did that happen before or after you left?”

“Oh, did I fail to mention that the allegedly sterile Sarah had gotten pregnant? She told me on the night we broke up. She wanted to keep it, I didn’t, but my vote didn’t count. She told me I could walk away free and clear. She cut me loose in favor of becoming a mother.”

Jeff couldn’t believe Rick was capable of walking out on a pregnant girlfriend — Sarah, of all people.

“So you just walked away?”

“Don’t get all high and mighty on me. I’d told her from the start that marriage and babies were not on the menu. She was more than fine with that. But then, despite her allegedly blocked fallopian tubes, she got pregnant. Anyway, there was no way I was going to be forced into becoming a father.” The last words made his mouth contort.

“So you just left her? Pregnant? What are you, some kind of ghetto baby daddy?”

“Don’t give me crap, Jeff. I’m telling you, she said it was okay. She knew where I stood about babies and she didn’t want to abort it. She said she’d take ‘full responsibility’ — those were her words.”

Neither of them spoke. As hungry as he’d been, Jeff’s appetite for the moo shu deserted him. Finally, Rick asked again, “What about the fetus?”

“She gave birth by C-section to a baby girl before Alicia and I started the repair on her leg. The baby was full-term and healthy. Nothing short of a miracle, given the fact that Sarah had been more or less buried alive in the accident. She named it Anna.”

Anna. All the months of denial were trumped by hearing the name of the child he’d fathered. But he couldn’t give in to his rising dread. His focus had to stay on Sarah.

He got up and headed to his room. A minute later, he came back out, dressed for work. “I’m going over there. I’m going to see her.”

“What? Are you crazy? With all the narcotics we’re pumping into her, she’s barely intelligible.”

“I won’t talk to her. I just want to see her. What floor is she on?”

“She was in recovery when I left but they’ll probably take her to Seven. Wait a minute, Rick. You should give this some thought,” Jeff said, imagining the tightly wound Mr. Abadhi’s reaction to the guy who had knocked up his daughter and then left.

Without answering, Rick grabbed his coat, ran out of the apartment and down nine flights of stairs to the ground floor.

* * *

Rick didn’t notice the bitter cold as he raced to the hospital, entering through the ER entrance, the only door open at that hour. When he got to Recovery, the nurse who’d worked with Sarah reported that the parents had seen the patient before she was transferred to the seventh floor. Parents. Jesus Christ. He hadn’t figured on having to deal with her parents. He’d just have to pretend he was a doc checking on his patient. No need to go into the particulars. In the meanwhile, he could satisfy his overpowering need to lay eyes on Sarah. He took the stairs to the seventh floor.

There was a male nurse in front of a computer terminal at the nurses’ station. “Hey, I’m looking for a patient named Abadhi.”

“You’d better spell that for me.” After Rick provided the spelling, Sarah’s name and room number came up on his screen. “Is it Sarah Abadhi?”

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Rick said, his heart racing.

“She’s in 7201 and her nurse is Gail. I think you’ll find Gail in the break room if you want to check with her before seeing the patient.”

“Thanks, I’ll do that. Hey, you have a good night.”

“This is as good as it gets. Nice and quiet. That’s just how I like it,” the nurse said as Rick took off toward the staff lounge.

As predicted, Gail was on break. Rick introduced himself as an old friend of Sarah’s. The nurse was a veritable Chatty Cathy.

“I guess she lives nearby.”

“Yeah, she does. Just a few blocks from here,” Rick said.

“Probably how she got caught in that terrible accident today. The parents had a key, so they headed over to her apartment for the night. She’s out like a light. No point in them hanging around and watching her sleep. The poor girl also delivered a baby today, on top of everything else,” the nurse said with some pity in her voice. “How’s that for a full day?” Answering her own question, she added, “I’d say that girl would have been better off if she had never gotten out of bed today…or yesterday…whatever. Sorry, this shift makes it hard for me to keep my days straight. I guess the accident happened yesterday, technically speaking.”

“Yeah, right. I know what you mean. I’ve had my share of working crazy hours. I started my day at 6:30 yesterday morning.”

“Oh, that’s a bitch,” the nurse said. “You a resident?”

“No, attending.”

“Geez, that’s a long day for an attending.”

“Sure is. Hey, I thought I’d pop in and check on Sarah. I’ll leave her a note if she’s asleep,” Rick lied without missing a beat.

“When she wakes up she’s going to feel like she was hit by a bus, so a note might be nice. She’ll need all the cheering up she can get.”

Rick left the break room and had to restrain himself from running down the corridor. When he came to 7201 he stopped. What if she was awake? What could he say to her? Another thing that hadn’t occurred to him before he’d taken off for the hospital. He decided he would tell Sarah the same lie he’d told the nurse, that he was working late. Ready with his alibi, he entered her room.

It was a double, and Sarah had the bed closest to the door. He was relieved to see the other bed empty. He was alone with her. She was asleep, as Jeff had said she would be. No matter. This was the closest he’d been to her in a long time. But as his eyes scanned her body, he was taken aback by what he saw. This was not the picture of Sarah etched into his mind. Her right leg looked like it had been attacked by a wild animal. It was encircled by a metal frame with pins sticking into it in several places. The leg was suspended about a foot above the mattress by ropes hanging from the bed frame. Rick remembered Jeff’s uncertainty about the prognosis. Now he understood. Sarah might lose her leg.

As his eyes focused on her midsection, he saw a large bump rising from under the white sheets, making it look as though Sarah was still pregnant. Though it was normal so soon after delivering, it was proof positive of the reason they’d split. Then he turned his gaze to her face. Though the lights were dimmed for the night, he could still make out the face that had haunted him, waking and sleeping, over these last months. Her brow had lacerations; a large bruise was forming around her left eye socket. Her hair was covered by a green surgical cap, probably because it remained contaminated with debris. But it was still Sarah, the same beautiful lips, the same graceful neck. A single curl was visible from under the elastic of the surgical cap. Rick took a step closer. He had to stop himself from taking her hand and kissing it. Then he thought about the baby that she had just delivered. He had to sit down. Suddenly, he realized what was about to happen. He ran into the john and threw up.

He rinsed his mouth out and washed his hands and face. When he came out of the bathroom, he pulled a chair next to the head of the bed. At first he just sat there, listening to Sarah’s breathing, but after a few minutes he succumbed to the urge to touch her. He stroked her hand with his index finger. The feel of her skin made him want to put down the bedrail and climb into bed with her. He’d stay there all night, just stroking her and whispering to her that everything would be okay. Even if they took the leg, it would be okay. He’d help her get better. In the midst of his reverie, Gail came in to check on her patient. He quickly pulled his hand away.

“Oh, still here?”

“Yeah, I was actually trying to muster up the energy to head home,” he said. “It’s been a long day.” He surprised himself at how effortlessly he fabricated his lies.

“I hear ya,” the nurse said. “I’m on a seven-to-seven shift tonight — and when I get off I have to pick up my three kids from my mother’s, feed them, dress them and get them to the sitter’s before I can hit the sack.”

“Oh, that must be a beating,” Rick said, forcing himself to engage with the talkative nurse.

“It is, but there aren’t a lot of options. My husband was deployed to the Middle East in November and I’m on my own with the kids. Thank God for my mother.”

“That’s got to be tough,” Rick said, getting up from the chair. “Well, I’m going to head out. Good luck with your kids in the morning.”

As he was walking out the door she called out to him, “Hey, need some paper to leave your note?” She pulled a small pad-and-pen set out of her pocket and offered it to him.

“Nah, changed my mind. Thanks, though. I’ll stop by again in person when she’s feeling better.”

“Whatever. It’s your call,” the nurse said as Rick left the room.

He wondered what he might have said if he’d written that note. If he had any backbone he would tell her the truth: that he had never been with anyone like her, that after they’d broken up, it was an effort just to get out of bed every morning. He’d tell her that if she would let him, he would help her get her life back. He knew a lot about rehab. He’d done it himself after the car accident. He could be a big help to Sarah — if she wanted his help. That was the big if.

He was headed toward the elevator when he saw a well-dressed man in his forties looking lost. At that time of night, the man appeared wholly out of place on the floor.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for room 7201. The patient’s name is Sarah Abadhi,” the man said.

Rick flinched. It occurred to him that, in the intervening months, Sarah might have found someone who was ready to take his place for daddy duty. “And you are?” he asked.

The man caught Rick’s hesitancy. “Oh, I’m sorry. I should have identified myself right away. Strange guys walking around the hospital at this hour are not a great idea. I’m Dr. Jared Scholl. I’m looking for my patient, Sarah Abahdi. I’m her OB and I was going to deliver her baby until she was involved in that terrible accident today. I was just on my way home from a delivery and I thought I’d check on her if I could.”

Rick went from wanting to smash in the guy’s face to hoping to pick his brain.

“I just came from her room, but she’s asleep. I’m a pediatric intensivist.”

“Don’t tell me the baby is critical,” the OB said, suddenly alarmed. “The nurse who called for Sarah’s history before the birth said nothing about the baby being in distress.”

“No, no. Not at all. We’re just taking precautions, given the accident.”

“Oh, that’s a relief. Sarah was so excited about this baby. I don’t know what she’d do if she lost it.”

“They did a section before tackling the mother’s injuries,” Rick said, trying to sound knowledgeable. “I believe she named the baby Anna.”

“I knew it was a girl, but Sarah told me to keep the baby’s gender to myself. She wanted to be surprised. That’s great news. You know, if I ever get the time, this patient’s case is worthy of a journal article. She was diagnosed with double hydrosalpinx years ago. According to every test I ran — and the Boston doctor who made the original diagnosis — she had virtually no chance of ever conceiving a child normally. So this pregnancy came out of the blue. After she got over her shock, she was so happy. Talk about bad luck, though. I couldn’t believe she was involved in the accident today, and so close to her due date, too.” The OB paused for a moment and then added, “That, at least, was a plus for the baby.”

So Sarah had told Rick the truth about her infertility. Something inside Rick relaxed, like a rope that had been pulled taut under tension and then was allowed to go slack. “Oh, it’s definitely a big plus — the biggest plus. I’m sure the family will be relieved to know that she’s all right.”

“Well, actually, Sarah’s doing this alone. There’s no husband or partner in the picture. She said the guy she was involved with when she conceived had no interest in fatherhood. Personally, I find it hard to imagine someone walking away from a woman like that. His loss, I’d say.”

Rick felt accused, tried and found guilty. Of what? Stupidity? Being a heel? Cowardice? Probably all of the above. He realized the OB was looking at him for a response. “Yup. Sure is. Look, I’ve gotta run.”

“Of course. If you could direct me to her room….”

“Oh, sure,” Rick replied. After pointing the OB in the right direction, he shook his hand and said, “Nice talking to you.” Though he was relieved to know Sarah had been straight with him about her infertility diagnosis, the fact was, that was his biggest lie of the night.

* * *

It was after one a.m. What could he do now? He was too keyed up to sleep. He decided to confront his biggest fear.

He went through the usual protocol before entering the NICU, a procedure he could do in his sleep. The head nurse for the NICU’s night shift was a woman Rick had worked with over the years. After explaining he was a friend of Baby Abadhi’s mother, she was happy to point out the infant’s open warmer. Rick was as jumpy as a cat when he approached the last incubator.

He tried to view Sarah’s baby as a patient. A quick look made it obvious that the infant was, indeed, full term. He checked the monitors above the open warmer. Her vitals were spot-on for a healthy neonate. Finally, he looked down at the infant, who was awake and looking directly at him. She had Sarah’s big, round eyes and a cleft in her chin, much like his. It was then that his professional edifice fell away. There was no doubt this beautiful child was on Earth because one of his guys had swum to find Sarah’s waiting egg. The child before him carried his DNA in every cell in her body.