Feros and the Underworld Prince (47 page)

“
If two lesbian women go to the bathroom together, which is an act in which straight women experiment with lesbianism, why do they do it?” Jason asks.

“
Well, as good as that if-a-tree-falls-in-the-forest riddle sounds, they are most likely talking about us. So, how are things between you and Reyna?” I ask now that Jason and I are in the rare situation of being alone together.

“
Pretty good. She admitted she loves me, so that’s pretty cool.” Jason says.

“
I’m happy for you, bro!” I tell him.

“
Thanks. The whole conversation was pretty weird though…” Jason replies.

“
Weird how?” I ask.

“
Well, it started off with her telling me that she’s killed people. My reply was ‘who hasn’t?’ This caused her train of thought to falter for a few seconds before saying that she wanted to kill me at one point.” Jason says.

“
Did you tell her ‘I trust you’ after the conversation that sounded more like a domestic violence lawsuit waiting to happen than a confession of love from the vexingly sparkly vampire that subsists entirely on animal blood, or the vegan food of the vampire world?” I inquire, remembering a conversation not unlike the one Jason is describing in a book involving a more famous romance between a vampire and a human, which I read so I could justifiably say that I disliked it.

“
Haha you caught on just like I did! No, I actually replied by saying ‘are you breaking up with me?’ Which caused her to panic and say ‘What!? No!’ To which I replied, ‘Because all of my girlfriends admitted to wanting to kill me right before they broke up with me.’” Jason says as I start laughing.

“
Hahaha seriously?” I ask.

“
No haha just Nahid, but our entire relationship was just an endless cycle of angry sex so that doesn’t really count hahaha!” Jason laughs before recovering so he can finish.

“
Then Reyna told me that she loves me and I told her that I love her, then we had sex and you walked in halfway through, babbling something about being clingy. Speaking of which, how are you and Rei?” Jason inquires.

“
Better now, which I partially attribute to having to act like parents for…” I reply before trailing off and grabbing another brightly colored drink while hoping that this really is fairy alcohol and I haven’t just been chugging cosmos.

“
Cole, you are too uptight. Here, smoke this.” Jason says while snapping his fingers and passing me a pipe.

“
Nah, I’m good.” I reply as the girls come back.

“
Come on, take it! Smoke this!” Jason responds lightheartedly.

“
Nah, I don’t want to smoke.” I tell him.

“
This is not an option. You either smoke this or we have a problem.” Jason says sternly while over enunciating every word. I take the pipe from his hand while trying not to laugh.

“
Jason…” Reyna scolds, obviously not getting the joke.

“
This ain’t no damn after school special; smoke it!” Jason orders as I suck down a hit.

“
I make Brian Gumble look like Malcolm X, huh motherfucker?” Jason asks and I start cracking up as I pass the pipe to him. Jason takes a hit and holds it in.

“
I’m Wayne Brady bitch!” Jason says with a cracked voice as he tries not to exhale and Cheza starts laughing along with me.
12

Natasha is chuckling slightly, but I wonder how much of it is from her connection to my mind and how much of it she actually understands. Reyna is looking as lost as ever while I take another hit from the pipe and have another drink for scientific research to see if it is possible to ‘fuck away’ your dreams.

…

Chapter 41: Just Another One of
Those
Mornings… Again

[October 12th]

I wake up in Jason’s bed with a pounding headache, but thankfully this time there is an absence of ass pain and glitter. I look around the room to try and get my bearings and I notice something interesting: all five of us are sprawled out on Jason’s giant bed, and we’re all naked. Well, at least there are women in the bed with me and Jason this time…

“
Hey Airi? What happened last night?”

(Well, you got drunk and high enough to put a normal person into a coma, so congratulations on being alive)

“
How did we all come about being naked in bed?”

(After your egregious over imbibition and after all the girls were quite drunk as well, you went all nineteenth century on their asses and declared that Cheza, Natasha, and Reyna were suffering from ‘female hysteria’ and administered the cure with the help of your assistant, Jason von Fingerbang. Jason retorted by saying “That’s Doctor Jason von Fingerbang; I didn’t go to eight years of fingerbanging school to not have doctor tacked onto my name!”)

“
What was the treatment?”

(Can’t you guess? Vaginal massage until the patient achieves a ‘hysterical paroxysm’. That is correct; nineteenth century doctors decided that the treatment for alleged ‘female hysteria’ was something that they also saw as hysterical. Although, it did lead to the invention of the vibrator so I guess it all worked out. Speaking of which, we are out of D batteries again)

“
I should just start buying them in bulk at Costco…”

(Anyway, one thing led to another and Jason had just enough sense left to realize that the club’s booth wasn’t the place for your five-person orgy so he ported everyone back here and you two “tag teamed that shit!” Although, it seems that you and Jason had some sort of unspoken ground rules and neither of you hooked up with the other’s girlfriend; However, there was an interesting incident involving you both paying special attention to Natasha at the same time as Cheza and Reyna hooked up while watching… it was around this time that the batteries died…)

“
Alright, I get it! I’ll stock up at Costco the first chance I get!”

I slowly get out of bed and look around for my boxers, which are nowhere to be found. Fuck it; I’ll just go to the kitchen naked. I quietly shut the bedroom door behind me and walk down the hall towards the kitchen. I grab a glass from the obsidian cabinet and pull out a carton of milk from the black fridge.

“
So it looks like you guys had fun last night.” Hel says behind me, causing me to jump and come close to knocking over the glass of milk that I just poured.

“
Um… yes ma’am.” I reply while trying to cover myself. Hel snickers and gives me a sly smile for my attempt.

“
What are you doing up at 7am?” Hel inquires. I shrug in response.

“
I have been giving some thought to your predicament of having to fight an army.” Hel says.

“
You have?” I repeat, trying to pay attention to the conversation and shed my embarrassment.

“
I have. If I remember correctly, you have ties with the Tuatha De Danann. Why not ask them for assistance in this matter?” Hel suggests.

I hadn’t even thought of that, but will Dagda be able to grant me aid? I know he’s always helped me in the past, but this is a different type of matter entirely.

“
The next thing you need to do is scout out the situation by going to Duniya al Jinn to determine what you are going up against. Naia should be able to help you get in, or I should say that without her, you’ll never get in.” Hel informs me.

“
And the last thing that you need to do is to learn your control over the Void.” Hel tells me as she steps closer.

“
Using the Void isn’t like using your other abilities… it isn’t a force that can be commanded because in actuality, you hold no power over it.” Hel whispers into my ear and then turns around and walks down the hall.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean? How can I have control over something yet hold no power over it? Well, she is right on all counts and if the Void can help me take down Horus, then I’ll learn to control, yet not hold power over, the fuck out of it!

After I go talk to Dagda. I touch my Haglaz to port to the house in Arizona before waiting a minute to touch my triskele and port to Tir na nOg. Remembering my lack of dress, I touch my triskele at the gate to clothe myself in jeans and a t-shirt before porting to Dagda’s palace.

“
Cole!? What happened!? You look terrible!” Brighid declares when she walks into the white marble foyer that I ported into.

I touch my triskele and conjure up a mirror. Brighid’s right, I look terrible; most likely from the lack of sleep that I’ve gotten since Addie died. With the exception of a few hours of high/drunken sleep last night, I haven’t really slept since her death…

“
Yeah… I guess I haven’t been sleeping much lately…” I tell her as she wraps an arm around me and leads me to a white leather couch. Brighid sits beside me and turns toward me.

“
What’s been going on?” Brighid asks with concern across her face.

“…
You were wrong, Brighid… she’s dead.” I reply as a single tear rolls down my right cheek. Brighid pulls me into her slightly plump form and I feel myself calm down.

“
I’m so sorry, Cole.” Brighid gently says. “How did she die?”

“
Gunshot to the head. I force fed the trigger man his own intestines, but I’m in the process of going after the one who gave the orders: Horus.” I reply and Brighid pulls back to look at me.

“
Horus? God of war, the hunt, and the sky, as well as a head of the Egyptian pantheon, Horus?” Brighid asks incredulously. I nod in response.

“
Isis told me that he is currently in Duniya al Jinn. I’m going after him, but I’m pretty sure he has the backing of all jinn so he most likely has an army of flying soldiers that are also some of the most powerful magic users in the universe.” I explain as I build up to asking for help before Brighid interrupts me.

“
Say no more, Cole. Of course we’ll help you; you’re part of the Tuatha De, part of our family, and Horus is going to learn what happens when you harm our family. Manannan mac Lir will assemble a force at his palace in Mag Mell and have them ready for you. He and my father are actually in Mag Mell right now. Perhaps you should go pay them a visit while I make the preparations for the soldiers.” Brighid suggests.

“
That sounds like a good idea, but how do I get there?” I ask.

“
Mag Mell is a Celtic plane, so you should be able to port there simply by saying the name; the planes should know what you mean and take you where you need to go.” Brighid replies.

“
Alright, thanks Brighid.” I tell her as I stand up from the couch.

“
Mag Mell.” I say as I touch my triskele and the ground shifts beneath me.

I should have anticipated that the Celtic Underworld would be different, but I didn’t think it would be this different. I wasn’t expecting to port to a beach with Marram Grass in front of me and the sound of waves behind me, and the last thing I was expecting was color. An aroma of barbeque hits me, causing me to look around for the source. What appears to be an open air shack is about two hundred yards to my left on the beach. I start heading that way as the scent of pork fills the air and I realize that I haven’t eaten today. I hear laughing as I approach the rear of the shack.

“
So this lad, he turned an’ said… an’ said… oh hell. It was somethin’ about priests or bears…” I hear a male voice with an Irish accent say. I round the corner and see three men at the bar, two of which I recognize.

“
Cole! How are you, boyo? Take a seat!” Dagda drunkenly proclaims when he sees me. I take a seat on the round bar stool as a mug of beer appears on the bar for me, next to a large platter of bacon.

“
This beer is brewed by Goibhniu and the bacon is from Manannan’s own pigs.” Dagda adds.

I remember that Goibhniu is the Celtic god of brewery and smithing as I take a sip of the beer. It was said that his beer had certain healing properties and even granted the drinker invulnerability; I don’t know about being invulnerable, but I do feel less tired after drinking it.