Felicia (15 page)

“So Lady Ormstead is your mother’s sister?”

“Yes, Aunt Gweneth is Mama’s older sister. I never met her until…until…we were forced to live with her, for like Papa, Mama never mentioned her immediate family.”

Dr. Ross noticed the faraway look returning to Felicia’s face and remarked quickly, “Your parents must have been very much in love to have endured such hardships.”

“They were. Mama always said she never regretted running away.” A more animated expression lit her eyes. “We were all so happy, except when Papa had to go away.” Her face clouded over briefly at the remembrance of those infrequent trips to London. “But, otherwise, the lack of money never seemed a problem when we were together. And Papa used to earn money playing the piano, and he gave lessons to the children at the manor for a while. Everyone who heard him play said that with more training he would have become famous.”

“Your father taught you as well, I presume?”

“That was the one luxury we allowed ourselves, a grand piano.” She smiled suddenly, and Dr. Ross felt the warmth of it from where he was seated. “If you could have seen it, squashed into the largest room of the cottage we rented, you would have laughed. It looked so ridiculous. It didn’t bother us though, as we all loved to play. Oh! They were such happy days. And the villagers were so kind, insisting on paying for the herbal brews that Mama concocted that eased all manner of aches and pains. She really was very knowledgeable about the medicinal use of plants.”

“What happened after your father died?”

Abruptly, Felicia’s expression changed, and a look of pain came over her eyes. “We could not afford to live on the money Mama made, so we sold the piano and what furniture we had to pay for the coach fare to Chepstow. Mama was too proud to ask Aunt Gweneth to send us the tickets.”

“How long ago was that?”

“Nearly six years. That also explains why my playing is so poor, for until I met Lady Louisa I didn’t play. Aunt Gweneth wouldn’t allow anyone near her piano except Wendy.”

There was a note of resignation to her voice that caused Dr. Ross to exclaim, “What a dreadful woman she sounds! Why don’t you tell me about her, Miss Richards, for I can see quite clearly now that she is the true cause of your amnesia. The last six years of your life were the ones you were really trying to forget.”

“They were awful years,” Felicia agreed, thankful for his uncanny ability to interpret her fears. “After the serenity of Herefordshire, living at Graystones was a nightmare. Mama and I worked for our keep because Aunt Gweneth said she couldn’t really afford to keep us as ornaments.” A harsh and bitter laugh escaped her. “Mama worked from early morning to dusk in the sewing room and I was given the responsibility of looking after my cousin Wendy and Aunt Gweneth.” The awfulness of those years came back to her in a rush. How could she ever have forgotten her aunt’s cruelty? The delight she had taken chastising her in front of visitors for something left undone. And those friends—like Aunt Gweneth—frustrated, aging widows who enjoyed, nay relished, the punishment meted out.

Felicia shuddered at her recollections. How stupid she must have been not to have realized it sooner, but it now seemed apparent that her aunt had deliberately set out to break both her and her mother’s spirit. The failure to break hers might well have goaded Aunt Gweneth into sending her to Manchester. And to think, but for the coach accident, she would have been totally alone in a strange city, without friends and with only a few guineas. Whatever would have happened if Lord Umber had not decided to rescue her.
Oh! Aunt Gweneth
,
she cried inwardly,
I never realized you hated me so much
.
Her thoughts returned to Lord Umber and his early, improper suggestion for her future. Maybe she should have accepted his offer, for now the future, as far as she could see, held very little.

“We can see where your dreams came from last night,” Dr. Ross’s measured tones interrupted her reverie. “Can you not recall anything at all that would explain your aunt’s behavior toward you and your mother? Such heartlessness, in my experience, is usually based on some deep-rooted fear like jealousy or inferiority.”

Felicia thought for a while before remembering the conversation her mother and aunt had had the day they arrived at Graystones. “There was just one conversation, when my aunt talked about Papa, but I am sure that it is not important.”

“Let me be the judge of that, Miss Richards. Don’t forget that every little fragment counts when you are trying to repair a shattered glass, and that is how I regard your mind. You have been through a grueling time and your memory cracked a little. To repair it completely we must find all the tiny pieces and put them back together.”

Felicia smiled at his analogy. “You make so much sense, Doctor, if only I could think in such logical terms I would be able to stick myself together without any help at all.”

Dr. Ross laughed, and his admiration for her courage and composure increased. “Now, what was this conversation?”

“It happened the day we arrived at my aunt’s. I remember Aunt Gweneth sneering at Mama. Berating her for marrying a wastrel. She said that we deserved everything we got, and that, frankly, she was surprised we hadn’t ended up in the poorhouse sooner. I know Mama did her best to defend Papa, but she was simply no match for Aunt Gweneth’s tongue. Except she did say one thing that quieted Aunt Gweneth for a full minute.” Felicia frowned as she tried to recall it exactly. “She said, ‘you never could accept the fact that Andrew wanted to marry me, could you? You always thought it was you he preferred. I often wondered how you reacted when you found out that I had run off with the man we both wanted. Well, no matter what course your revenge takes, Gweneth, you will never be able to take away my memories, for they are happy ones.’ After a few moments, my aunt started to scream, ‘Happy! Happy! That is hardly the case now, is it, dear sister? Nowhere to go, no money to meet your debts. You come sniveling to me to take you and your brat in, and provide for you both. I have a good mind to turn you out and let you starve.’ It seems to me, Doctor, that after that my mother lost her courage and begged Aunt Gweneth not to turn us away.”

“What you have just told me, Miss Richards, is enough to convince me that your aunt is a highly disturbed person. I would advise you to try and forget the misery she forced on you and do your best to remember the happy times you had when your parents were alive.”

“I will take any advice you have to offer, Doctor, except if you suggest that I return to my aunt. That is something I will never do.”

“And you can rest assured that that is something I will never recommend.”

Turning a limpid, trusting gaze on Dr. Ross, Felicia said, “Perhaps you can help me find employment?”

Startled by the unexpected question, Dr. Ross frowned. “Whatever do you mean? You are employed.”

“Don’t you see that I cannot continue working for Lady Louisa? Now that I know who I am, I must get used to the fact that I have to make my own way in the world. I cannot accept such generosity…it…it is not seemly.”

Dr. Ross eyed her shrewdly. It could not be plainer if she had told him, for her feelings were etched on her face. The chit was in love with Ian. Lordie me, he thought, what a mix-up it is, especially as I doubt she realizes that that is her reason for running away. Unconsciously, she must feel her background is inferior. An unprofessional feeling of concern touched him as he realized how much her happiness meant to him. She appeared as fragile as a tiny bird who cried out for protection, yet underneath there was a self-reliant streak that refused to bend or be compromised. He wished he had more to offer her than advice, but to do so would be unfair and totally unprofessional. And, on reflection, she was right in wanting to put distance between herself and Ian, for if she stayed with Lady Louisa she would suffer every minute of every day.

Felicia surprised even herself when she asked Dr. Ross for his help, and now, in view of his long silence she was afraid she had somehow given offence. “Will you not help me?” she asked again.

“Yes, Miss Richards, I do believe I will, even though Lady Louisa will never forgive me.”

“Oh! Thank you! Thank you!” Felicia cried in relief. “I knew you would not let me down.”

“I will need a few days to make some inquiries, but I am certain that I shall be able to find you a comfortable
p
osition with one of my patients.” Any misgivings he felt were eradicated by the look of pleasure Felicia gave him. “However, you must inform Lady Louisa of your plans, for my primary concern is still with her health.”

“Of course, Dr. Ross,” Felicia said quickly. “I am sure she will understand. I mean, she cannot possibly expect me to stay forever, and it is best for everyone if I go now before we become too accustomed to one another.” The truth was, the prospect of the upcoming interview was daunting, for Felicia knew Lady Louisa would not accept her decision happily. It is for my own good, anyway, she reminded herself. If I stayed with her much longer, I would come to regard that style of living as my own, and that would never do. “And, another reason, Doctor,” she continued lightly, “for my going, is that now that Aunt Gweneth knows where I am, she may plan something even more dreadful than a trip to Manchester.”

“I hardly think she will be given the chance, Miss Richards. Not if I know Ian. It is my opinion that he will deal with her in such a way that you need never give her another thought.”

“Whatever makes you suppose that Lord Umber would put himself about on my account? Is it because he regards me as one of his ‘charities’?”

There was a pain in her voice that saddened Dr. Ross, and he hastened to comfort her. “I don’t think so. Ian is a perpetual defender of the wronged and cheated, and there is no doubt that you have been cheated out of your rightful heritage and savagely wronged by a vindictive aunt. Lady Ormstead is the sort of bully Ian enjoys tearing down. It is also a small way he can repay the debt he feels he owes you.”

“Debt? What debt are you speaking of?”

“The happiness you have brought his mother.
Y
ou would find it difficult to believe the improvement your short stay has wrought in her. But I do assure you, Miss Richards, that before you arrived, we, all of us, had all but given up hope that she would ever rally her spirits. The effect on Ian was equally bad, for the depression he experienced over his mother’s imagined illnesses sent him hell-bent on his own destruction. He is a highly complex person and almost always manages to hide his true feelings under a flippant facade, but in many ways you have been responsible for both their recoveries.”

Felicia looked at the doctor thoughtfully. She was not surprised by his words, for she had sensed much of what he was saying herself. There had been those few occasions when she had seen Lord Umber lower his guard, when she had glimpsed the considerate, sensitive person he strove to hide behind an inscrutable mien. Even so, she was positive of one thing, and that was she did not want to be at his mercy, especially when he was at his arrogant worst.

“Now remember one thing,” Dr. Ross was saying. “I shall be here should you need me for anything. So do not hesitate to come and see me. In the meantime, I want you to enjoy your last few days with Lady Louisa as best you can, and not be worrying yourself over the rights and wrongs of taking charity, because you are not. Is that much clear?”

“Perfectly, Doctor,” Felicia responded demurely. “And I will do my utmost to follow your orders. One other thing, though…I think I would prefer it if you would not tell Lord Umber or Lady Louisa about my past. I do not think I could bear their pity as well as everything else. It would make my last few days even more miserable.”

“But, Miss Richards,” Dr. Ross protested, “Ian will think it very odd of me to suddenly refuse to talk of the most important experiment I have yet conducted.”

“You can discuss my case, all I ask is that you do not disclose my family background, for if Lord Umber is half as meddlesome as I suspect he is, he could well be tempted to search out my real family name. Anyway, I cannot see why it should be necessary for either of them to know all the details. My memories are too painful.”

“I shall respect your request, be assured of that.” Proud to the end, he thought admiringly.

Twelve

When Felicia left Dr. Ross’s office, she
decided to walk for a while rather than get a hansom cab immediately. She had too much information to digest—too much to think about for the memories that were hammering at the inside of her head were making her feel quite dizzy. She also knew that if she were to face Lady Louisa with any equilibrium, her thoughts had to be sorted out immediately. It was going to be extremely difficult to explain to Lady Louisa her plan to seek employment elsewhere, so she would have to be careful how she approached it. One thing was certain, however, and that was she knew no arguments would be strong enough to persuade her to change her mind.

How could she stay and take advantage of Lady Louisa’s hospitality when there was no hope of her ever being able to repay it? No, it was far better that she go now. And Lord Umber, he was another reason. His presence was far too disturbing. His image passed through her mind, and she hugged it to herself.

She paused at the curbside, crossing the cobble street before unwittingly taking a smaller side street. What hold did he have on her? For suddenly she could not deny that he was the real reason for her decision to start a new life. Did she dislike him that much? No. She knew that was not the case, for she was too honest not to admit that she enjoyed talking to him—even though they did not agree on everything. But she did find his presence invigorating and his conversation stimulated her mind. In fact, she always looked forward to seeing
him.