Feels Like Love (6 page)

“Sure!”
She leaped up and skipped over to the jukebox.

“Very
smooth,” April laughed.

Wade
grinned, but his expression became serious when he leaned across the table. “You
were right, we do need to talk about it,” he said quietly.

April
knew the
it
he was referring to. Twin Falls.

But
what good would talking about it do? She’d already let him back into her life
more than she should. Making peace with Wade seemed like a good idea the other
day, but she had not counted on how it made her feel to be around him again.
Maybe some things were better left buried.

She
shook her head. “I’ve changed my mind. I don’t need to talk about it.”

“I
thought you wanted closure.”

“Well,
I don’t anymore,” she stabbed at her green ice cream with her spoon.

For
a long moment there was silence until finally April raised her head and met his
eyes. Were hers as full of pain as his? Probably.

She
took a shaky breath and spun the diamond on her finger so it nestled inside her
clenched fist. Wade was the past. Scott was the future.

“I
should go.”

“But
we just got here,” Emily protested as she came back to the table and saw April
preparing to leave. “I’ve barely reached the cup.”

“You
can eat in the car,” April replied firmly, grateful they’d brought the van
after all. Scott would have a fit if they took food in his car. Hopefully her mother
didn’t feel the same about the van.

Wade
was quiet as she slid out of the booth and reached for her purse. “Thanks, I
had fun,” she said, her voice not quite as breezy and light as she’d hoped.

“So
did I,” he replied softly.

April
was the first to look away. “Come on, Em, let’s go.” She led the way outside
and knew without looking that Wade’s eyes followed her.

“Why
didn’t you marry Wade?” Emily asked, once they were in the van.

“It’s
complicated,” April sighed. “Don’t you like Scott?”

Emily
furrowed her brow. “He’s nice I guess, but Wade is way more fun.”

April’s
throat tightened and she stomped on the gas. Emily was right, Wade was more
fun. Well, he was more fun
today
. But that didn’t mean anything, didn’t
change anything.

“It’s
because you don’t know Scott as well,” she managed. “He’s fun too, you’ll see.”
She glanced at her sister. “But please don’t tell him we saw Wade, okay?”

“Why
not?”

“It’s
… complicated,” April said, hating the word. “I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”

“But
you hurt Wade’s feelings,” Emily pointed out. “He felt sorry we wouldn’t stay,
I could tell.”

Yeah,
April could tell too. “Please don’t say anything, okay?”

“You
guys were gone a long time,” Scott observed as they came in the kitchen door.
He was still at the table, his books and papers fanned out around his laptop.
Trevor slouched on a barstool, finishing off a cheese sandwich.

“We
stopped for ice cream,” April said. She shot a glance at Emily but her little
sister’s face was one of perfect innocence.

“Where’d
you go?” Trevor broke in quickly.

“Big
C’s,” Emily said.

“And
you didn’t bring me anything? I love that place,” Trevor moaned.

“You
love
any
place with food,” April retorted. She held out her cup. “Here,
you can have mine. Mint chocolate chip and it’s more than half full.”

Trevor
took the shake and April drew a chair to Scott’s side. “Where’s Ben?”

“Donna’s
here, I think he’s taking a nap,” Scott replied.

“How’s
the paper going?”

He
sighed. “Pretty good. Still lots of work to do.”

“This
is Christmas vacation, did you forget?” she trailed her fingers up his arm.

“Sometimes
… yes,” he said with a smile and leaned in to give her a quick kiss. She felt guilty.
It didn’t matter that Emily was there or they had been in a public place. Scott
would not like it if he knew she’d been with Wade, and that should have been
reason enough to stay away from him. Instead, she’d practically jumped at the
chance to close the distance between them.

“Oh
gross,” Trevor howled. “What’s this?” He held up a spoonful of the green ice
cream, a brown glob nestled in the center.

“Calm
down, it’s breading. I was dipping onion rings,” April said.

Scott
gave her a quizzical look. “Onion rings? In mint chocolate chip?”

“It’s
good, you should try it.”

“No
thanks,” he said with a shudder.

“It
never tastes quite as good anywhere else as it does at Big C’s though,” April
mused. “Did you have somewhere like that at your high school?”

“Somewhere
like what?”

“A
place where everyone gathered outside of school. Around here, Friday nights
almost always ended at Big C’s. We’d go in a big group and hang out, play the
jukebox, eat lots of French fries. Mr. C. always threatened to kick us out to
make room for bigger spending customers, but he never did. I think he liked
it.” She smiled.

Scott
shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe some of them did. I wasn’t into that sort of
thing.”

She
picked up his stack of sticky notes and began fiddling with it. “Tell me more
about when you were in high school,” she said.

“There’s
nothing to tell. It was high school.” He glanced at the computer screen,
obviously anxious to get back to work.

“Okay,
I just wondered,” she said, unable to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

Scott
paused. “Why do you care about stuff like that? It’s meaningless.”

“Because
we’re going to be
married
,” she said, her voice coming out strained.
Trevor and Emily exchanged uneasy glances and slipped out of the room.

“Shouldn’t
we know everything about each other?” April asked Scott.

“No,”
he scoffed. “That’s totally unrealistic. Married people don’t have to share
everything.”

She
had never thought her husband would want to keep secrets from her. Of course,
in the past the word
husband
meant Wade and she knew practically
everything about him already. But Scott obviously didn’t intend to make himself
an open book. Yes, it was only high school memories, but were there other
things he wanted to keep private?

“You’re
upset,” Scott ducked his head to peer at her face.

“A
little,” she admitted. “Why don’t you want to share memories with me?”

“Aren’t
you going a little overboard? I mean, what’s next? A list of every Christmas
present I’ve ever gotten?”

“Actually,
I would like that,” she admitted.

He
snorted. “Are you serious? You want to know what I got for Christmas?”

“Well,
not
everything
. But knowing what your favorite presents were as a kid would
tell me a lot about you, and it would be fun to know.” She paused. “I want to
know what’s important to you. Don’t you want to know what’s important to me?”

“Of
course I do. But it doesn’t have to come all at once. You’re completely overreacting.”

April
bit her lip and finally nodded. He was right – there would be plenty of
time after they were married to exchange stories. They would have their whole
lives.

“Don’t
forget we’re meeting with the pastor at five,” she said as she stood and set
the stack of sticky notes on his textbook.

He
nodded and hit a key on the computer to turn off the screensaver.

The
Snow Valley
Community Church was a semi-imposing stone building with a high steeple and a
plastic nativity scene on the front lawn. Pastor John was waiting for them and
after a round of introductions, they settled into chairs across from his
battered wooden desk.

“So
…” the pastor sat back in his chair and gave them a smile. “April is getting married.”

“Yes,
and we hope to get married here, if we can,” April shot a glance at Scott. They
still hadn’t agreed on location.

“I’d
be honored,” Pastor John replied. “Do you have a date?”

“Not
yet,” she admitted, feeling a little foolish. Maybe they should have waited to schedule
a meeting until the basics were decided.

“Well,
there will be time to plan the wedding after the holidays,” the pastor said
smoothly. He gave them a long, searching look. “Tell me more. How did you
meet?”

April
gave him the abbreviated version of their romance. They met in the fall, at the
beginning of the semester. Scott worked in the math lab and she had been overwhelmed
by a difficult statistics class right off the bat. After guiding her through
her homework for the fifth Saturday in a row, he’d asked her out.

“We’ve
been together ever since,” she finished and Scott squeezed her hand.

“Congratulations,”
Pastor John said. “Getting engaged is such an exciting event. But marriage
won’t always be exciting, you know that, don’t you?”

“Of
course,” Scott said.

“It
won’t just be fancy dresses and flowers … and it’s not going to be just about
the wedding night, or the nights that come after.” His gaze moved from one to
the other and April blushed. “Have you taken the time to learn about each
other? Scott, have you learned about April’s background and family and
childhood and evaluated how all those things molded her into the person she is
today as well as influence the person she will become?”

Scott’s
face hardened. “That’s part of the reason we’re here for Christmas,” he said.

“What
about you, April? Have you taken the time to learn those things about Scott?”

Her
mind was whirling. Their romance had progressed quickly, but she didn’t think
it was too fast. They loved each other; getting married was the next step in
their relationship. But the way Pastor John made it sound, they still had a
long way to go.

“I
… I’m
learning
those things,” she finally stammered.

He
gave her a gentle smile. “That’s good. Never stop learning. I don’t ask questions
to make you uncomfortable. Life is challenging – there will be heartache
and sorrow, beauty will fade, and even the best laid plans will go awry. Your
marriage must be built on something deep enough to withstand it all.”

April
smiled and nodded, but from the increasing pressure of Scott’s hand in hers,
she knew he was irritated. No way would he agree to be married in Snow Valley
now.

April
tried to set Emily’s expectations for the gingerbread house contest; theirs
was
a very humble entry. Her sister had been in a state of nervous anticipation all
afternoon and April feared she would be disappointed.

“The
main thing is, we tried,” she said, glancing at Emily in the bathroom mirror as
they got ready to go watch the judging.

Emily
rolled her eyes. “You sound like Mom.” She dragged a comb through her blonde
curls and singsonged, “it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, it’s how you play
the game.”

April
grinned and dug through her makeup bag. “Okay, I know. I hate it when she talks
like that too.” She found a tube of mascara and leaned in close to the mirror
to coat her lashes with it.

“You’re
really pretty,” Emily said, watching.

“Thanks.
So are you.”

“Not
like you are.”

“You’re
not as old as I am either,” April pointed out. “You’ve still got some growing to
do.”

“How
do you know if a boy likes you?” Emily plucked at the teeth of her comb with
her thumbnail.

“Why?
Is there someone you like?”

Emily
shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe. I think he likes me back, but I’m not sure. How
did you know Wade liked you?”

“I
guess from the way he acted around me,” April said hesitantly. It wasn’t very
helpful, but this was new territory. There wasn’t a time when Wade hadn’t liked
her and she hadn’t liked him. Stretching back as far as she could remember, it
had been the two of them. A + W.

She
hadn’t broached the meeting with Pastor John with Scott. He had been in a sour
mood when they left the church and April was reluctant to bring it up. Maybe it
wasn’t such an important thing; she could do with learning to be more flexible.
Besides, Snow Valley was not their home and would never be their home. As much
as she loved it, Wade cast too long a shadow for her to ever feel comfortable
living here if she was married to Scott.

When.
When
she was married to Scott. Not
if
.

Emily
was still waiting for an answer. “I guess you know he likes you if he pays attention
to you,” April finally said.

Someone
at the elementary school had decorated the teacher’s lounge with a horrifying
collection of Santa figurines, but the gingerbread houses more than made up for
it. The long rectangular tables were packed with entries and the room was thick
with the smell of frosting, gingerbread, and chocolate.

April
leaned in to look through the windows of a house. Flames. Someone had made an
actual gingerbread fireplace complete with flames using broken candy. And the entry
next door had billowing snow drifts of spun sugar and curtains at the windows
of homemade taffy.

They
were
so
out of their league.

“Wow,
I feel stupid,” she said quietly to Scott as they moved on to a gingerbread
mansion with working Christmas lights. “Our house is
pathetic
; Em’s
going to be crushed.”

“It’s
not that bad,” Scott said in a low tone. “There are plenty of others like
yours, or worse.”

He
was right. Interspersed among the creepy Santas and the masterpieces were many amateur
attempts with the same crooked walls, haphazard roofs, and globs of icing as
theirs.

“She
liked making it and that’s the important thing,” April sighed. She edged around
the wheelchair and put her hand under Ben’s chin. “Lift your head, Benny,” she nudged
him gently and he brought his head up with a jerk.

April
helped position him more securely against the padded headrest. “Do you like the
houses?”

Ben’s
smile lit up his whole face.

“Only
a participation ribbon?” Emily moaned when she saw the white ribbon next to
their entry.

“Don’t
worry about it,” Scott said. “The prizes are one person’s opinion. Yours is very
clever. No one else thought to make a woodpile with candy canes.”

The
woodpile was Emily’s idea. She looked at it and a small smile crept back onto
her face.

“We
can try again next year,” April said, but only in an attempt to be supportive.
She had no intention of ever building another gingerbread house. Ever.

Emily
was getting bored, but April didn’t want to pull Ben away from the houses when
he enjoyed them so much. “Could you take Emily to decorate cookies?” she turned
to Scott. “I’ll stay here a bit longer with Ben.”

“Should
I make some for Trevor?” Emily asked.

“
One
.
If he stays home to play video games instead of coming to the party, he misses
out.”

They
left and April pushed Ben around the room, stopping frequently at anything that
caught his eye. Some of the entries were truly amazing – who knew there
was such talent in Snow Valley? She examined the tiny gingerbread cemetery in
front of a gingerbread church and wondered how long it had taken. The baker had
even carved names into the tombstones.

“That
one’s mine,” Wade sauntered over. He was wearing the denim jacket he’d had in
high school, the one she loved to borrow because it smelled like him. She’d
even slept in it a few times.

Her
heart leapt and she couldn’t keep from smiling. “Yeah, sure.”

“I’m
serious. When I’m not mucking out stables, I like to frost gingerbread.” He crouched
so he was eye level with Ben and reached out to help him raise his drooping head
again. “Hey Benny, how you doing?” he said gently.

Ben
gave him a huge grin.

“That
good, huh? You like the houses?” Wade smiled as Ben became even more excited. “Are
you managing him okay?” he asked April as he stood up.

“Mostly.
His nurse has been a big help. She’s over every day
all
day; she even
does his physical therapy. I haven’t had the nerve to ask how much my parents
are paying her, but it’s got to be expensive, don’t you think?”

“Maybe,”
Wade replied. “There are programs to help families pay for disabled care. They
could have signed up with one of those.”

April
nodded. She hadn’t thought of that.

He
looked around the room. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Trevor
stayed home; Emily and Scott are in the gym,” April replied, and did not miss
his slight frown at the mention of Scott. “Are you here with anyone?” she
couldn’t keep from asking.

Wade
scratched the back of his neck. “Tracie’s in the ladies room. After this we’re
gonna ride up into the mountains and make out.”

For
one horrible second she thought he meant it; then she caught the gleam in his
eye. “Stop it,
Ego
,” she slugged him lightly on the shoulder. “I never
should have told you that.”

“Would
it bother you?” Wade asked quickly.

Their
eyes met and held and April caught her breath. What could she possibly say to
that?

Then
Wade’s gaze shifted to the door and back to her. April turned to see Scott
coming toward them, Emily in tow. His mouth was set in a grim line.

“The
Adams twins started a frosting fight,” Emily explained breathlessly. “We had to
get out of there.” She held out a paper plate of decorated cookies for April’s
inspection, oblivious to the sudden tension among the three adults.

“You
must be the fiancé,” Wade spoke first. He was several inches taller than Scott and
he was working it.

“And
you must be the
ex
-boyfriend,” Scott said in an equally chilly tone.

They
reminded April of two roosters squaring off in the chicken coop. “Um … yeah. Sorry,
I forgot to introduce you.” As if introducing these two should have been among her
top priorities.

“
My
future wife
has been telling me a lot about you,” Scott said, with a
ridiculously heavy emphasis on the words.

“Really?”
Wade raised an eyebrow. “She hasn’t told me anything about you.”

Oh
… he did
not
just say that.

April
felt Scott’s simmering anger and she threw Wade a dirty look. The corner of his
mouth twitched and she knew he was trying not to smile.

“We
should probably get Ben home,” she said in a clipped voice. “Em, are you
ready?”

“Yep,”
Emily said with her mouth full of cookies.

“Let’s
get out of here.” April leaned into the wheelchair to get it moving and stomped
toward the door.

“Well,
that
was a cozy scene,” Scott snapped as soon as they were in the van.
He slammed the door and threw the engine into drive.

“He
was simply saying hello,” April replied wearily.

“Somehow
I doubt that.”

“It’s
a community event; I’ve been away from home. Of course, people will want to say
'hi'.”

“People?
As in plural? I didn’t see anyone else there with you.”

“I’m
so tired of having this hanging between us,” April burst out. “I don’t know
what else I have to do to convince you I’m over it.”

Scott
brought his palm down on the steering wheel with a crack. “How about you don’t
run around with him? Shall we start there?”

Silently,
April prayed Emily would stay quiet about Big C’s. She would tell Scott eventually,
but now was definitely
not
the time.

“We
weren’t
running around
,” she said finally, her eyes on the road.

“You
know what I mean.”

“Why
are you so threatened?”

“I’m
not threatened,” he said. “But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask you to
stay away from him.”

“Okay,
I know,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

Later
as she straightened the house, April took a stack of mail to the desk in the corner
where her mother had left a list of important numbers tacked to the bulletin
board. She ran her finger over the numbers next to Wade’s name, wishing she had
the courage to tell him to leave her alone and at the same time, wishing she
could ask him to come take her away.