Feels Like Home (28 page)

‘Why do they need to check? I'm okay, Dad. Really I am. I can do a handstand to prove it, if you want.'

‘No. I do not want. You need to stay in bed, young lady. Am I making myself clear?'

Ella's bottom lip dropped in response to his stern tone.

He gave her hand a quick squeeze and smiled. ‘Sorry pumpkin, I didn't mean to sound so grumpy. I just want you to get well as soon as possible. I know you feel okay but you've had a nasty fall and your body needs some rest so it can heal properly.' Hopefully it was as simple as that. There was no skull fracture or bleeding, thank heavens, but not all the tests had come back yet and Ryan was beginning to fear there was something the doctors weren't telling him.

‘It's so boring in here.'

‘I can get someone to bring in your DVD player from home if you like.'

Ella nodded. ‘Dad, can you ask Jo to bring it?'

If Jo were the last person on earth he wouldn't ask her. Yesterday's babysitting fiasco had brought his priorities into sharp focus. What was he thinking having Jo look after his child? All this was his fault, not hers. She'd made it very clear that she didn't like kids and had no idea what to do with them. Yes, he'd needed help with Ella but there were plenty of other people he could have asked. He'd had an ulterior motive. A tiny part of him had hoped that by spending time with Ella, Jo would fall in love with his daughter. Despite his brain knowing their relationship was impossible, his foolish heart had still harboured hope. Not anymore.

‘Dad?'

‘Jo's pretty busy with the wedding. Besides, she doesn't have the keys to our house. I'll ask Taylah to bring it in.'

‘But I want to see Jo. I want to tell her all about the X-ray machines and I want to say thank you for looking after me in the ambulance. I was really scared, Dad, but Jo kept talking to me and telling me I would be okay and she was right.'

Ryan sighed. ‘We'll see, okay? I have no idea what Jo's plans are for the day so I can't make any promises.'

‘Mr Galloway?'

Ryan turned to see one of the nursing staff standing in the doorway. ‘Yes?'

‘Dr Riley has finished consulting with the team at the Royal Children's Hospital. He'd like to speak with you.'

‘Now?'

The nurse nodded. ‘If you'll follow me, I'll take you to him.'

Once he was seated in Dr Riley's office, the older man wasted no time in announcing a diagnosis of epilepsy. Ryan stared blankly at the doctor, trying to make sense of what he'd said.

He wanted to say something, to ask the questions he knew he should be asking, but all moisture had left his mouth and his tongue felt like bark inside his mouth. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth but still no words came.

The doctor poured some water into a glass and passed it to him. ‘I understand this is a shock,' he said, ‘but Ella's condition is manageable. She'll need to go to Melbourne for more tests and to see the neurologist there, but I'm sure it will just be a matter of getting the medication right.'

Finally Ryan found his voice. ‘Will she be on medication forever? Don't kids grow out of this sort of thing? I mean that's what we thought the last time…'

‘She may need medication for life and she may not. Epilepsy is an unpredictable condition and affects each individual differently. You'll know more after you've seen the specialist in Melbourne. My suggestion is to write a list of all the questions you have and take those with you. Don't be afraid to ask anything. Ella's health and care are important. There are no silly questions.'

‘Why now? I mean, did the fall bring it on?'

The doctor shook his head. ‘There's no way of knowing for sure, but considering her medical history it seems unlikely. There's no evidence of head trauma. Initially the paramedics thought she was concussed but what they were seeing was some disorientation after the seizure. My best guess is the seizure caused the fall, not the other way around. You mustn't blame yourself. The seizure couldn't be stopped. There was nothing anyone could have done.'

Ryan rubbed his face with his fingertips. The unfamiliar sting of tears assaulted his eyes and he covered his face with his hands so the doctor wouldn't see. Mixed in with the fear of what was happening to his little girl was a twinge of guilt about the way he'd spoken to Jo yesterday.

None of this was her fault. If there was anyone to blame it was Carly. Or more to the point, himself. He should never have let Ella get in the car with her all those years ago. He'd wanted to believe Carly had changed, but she'd been as reckless as ever. It seemed Ella would be paying the price for his lack of judgement for the rest of her life.

His composure now recovered, Ryan lifted his head and looked the doctor in the eye. ‘Sorry. I'm a bit overwhelmed by all this. I thought we'd overcome this hurdle, that it was part of Ella's past. It's hard to believe we're back where we were three years ago.'

‘I understand. But try not to worry too much. Ella is stable now and she appears to be completely healthy in every other way. She's responding well to the drugs we have her on. With medication she may never have another seizure.'

Ryan held out his hand to shake the doctor's. ‘Thanks doc. Best get back to her, I guess.'

Jo busied herself packing boxes at Yarrapinga. All thoughts of staying on in Linden Gully were now banished. There was no way Ryan would consider a relationship after what had happened and she couldn't blame him. The look on his face last night had been one of utter contempt.

And she deserved it.

If ever there was any doubt about her decision not to have children it was now completely wiped away. Parents devoted their entire lives to looking after their offspring. She hadn't even been able to tear herself away from her own stupid problems for a few minutes to provide the necessary supervision.

Even if Ryan could somehow bring himself to forgive her, Ella's fall had brought into sharp focus exactly why she and Ryan couldn't be together. Clearly she didn't have a maternal bone in her body, so playing happy families was out. But it was now clear that Steph's plan of living in separate houses and ‘dating' wouldn't work either. Ella would always be Ryan's first priority, as she should be. He would always be torn between the two of them.

And that wasn't fair on anyone.

As she taped closed another carton, she contemplated what would happen after Steph and Nate's wedding. There was nothing for her here, so she might as well book her flight back to New York. Thank goodness she hadn't followed Zach's advice and sub-let her apartment. It was the only home she had now.

When she'd first moved to New York her West Village studio provided her with a much-needed haven from the bustling city beyond. It might have been small but she'd made a happy little nest there. She'd decorated the walls with collages made from magazine cuttings and made the place cosy with scatter cushions, throws and curios she picked up at junk stores and markets. What the apartment lacked in size it more than made up for in personality. Initially, when she was studying at NYU, her parents had paid the rent, but once she had an income of her own she'd taken over the payments. Even after the success of the book, when she could afford to move somewhere bigger, more upmarket, she chose to stay. She loved her neighbourhood as much as she loved her little home.

Zach was horrified the first time she'd taken him there. He paced the tiny apartment asking, ‘Are you sure this is it? Surely there's another room somewhere you're not telling me about?' At the time she'd laughed and told him how lucky she was. Lots of the friends she'd met at NYU were living in even smaller studios that shared a bathroom with the other tenants on their floor.

As their relationship developed she spent less and less time there. In the end most of her clothes were housed in the walk-in wardrobe of Zach's Upper East Side apartment. In fact, other than what she'd packed to come to Australia, pretty much all of her clothing was still there. Unless Zach had thrown it out, which wouldn't surprise her in the least. Especially now that the photo of her locking lips with Ryan was out in the world.

The photo
.

Jo's stomach churned. Obviously yesterday had not been the time to tell Ryan about the photo, and in fact all thoughts of it had vanished from her mind from the moment she'd found Ella lying motionless beside her bike. But she would have to tell him sooner rather than later. It would be better for him to hear it from her than finding out through the local grapevine or, even worse, some random paparazzo turning up on his doorstep. Jo winced at the thought.

For the first time ever she welcomed Linden Gully's remoteness. It was unlikely that even the most intrepid reporter would trek all the way out here on the off-chance of catching her kissing an unknown farmer. Not when there was already an image out there, albeit a fuzzy one. But still, Ryan should be prepared, just in case.

She was startled by the sound of her phone alerting her to a text.

A wave of nausea overcame her and she gripped the back of a chair to steady herself. Had he forgiven her? The text wasn't particularly warm or friendly, but he wanted her to visit, so surely that was a good sign?

Or maybe he wanted to berate her in person for her carelessness. Jo looked at the text again in an attempt to decipher Ryan's state of mind, but it was useless. She wouldn't know until she arrived at the hospital whether he was feeling in a conciliatory mood.

Jo let out a breath she only now realised she'd been holding. What did it matter? Even if Ryan could find it in his heart to forgive her mistake there was still the matter of the photo to overcome. She feared two blows in quick succession would be more than he could bear.

Nevertheless she owed it to him and to Ella to front up at the hospital.

CHAPTER

29

Ryan could hear Ella's laughter floating out into the hallway as he made his way back from a quick visit to his mother in the surgical ward. He glanced at his watch and realised that while he'd been stuck chatting to Mrs Perrin — and the half dozen other people who'd stopped him to see how his mum was doing — it had already gone two o'clock. So unless he was mistaken that would be Jo eliciting Ella's merriment.

His heart began to pound. She said she'd come and she had, so maybe she wasn't too pissed off at him. Nevertheless, he steeled himself for an icy reception. He'd been a complete arse yesterday and, as it turned out, without cause.

He paused just outside the entrance to the ward and watched the two of them for a moment unobserved. It seemed Jo was painting Ella's nails and his daughter was sporting some type of fancy hair accessory that he'd never seen before. ‘Hey you two, looks like you're having fun.'

‘Jo's doing my nails, Dad, and she brought her hair straightener so she can do my hair.'

Jo glanced at Ryan nervously. ‘I hope that's okay? With Beth in hospital too I thought Ella might be up for a bit of girly attention.'

Ryan flashed her a conciliatory smile. ‘Are you suggesting I don't know my way around a hair straightener? Pass it over and I'll give it a go.'

Jo laughed as Ella cried, ‘No way! Don't let him have it, Jo. He's hopeless at doing hair.'

‘Hopeless? Well, I'm offended.'

Ella giggled. ‘Sorry Dad, but you are.'

He sat beside the bed silently for a while as Jo continued to fuss over Ella. It hit him, not for the first time, that despite the fact that Ella had a loving home she was missing out on some of the things that other little girls took for granted. He knew his mother did her best but she was the parent of three boys, so she was in unfamiliar territory with Ella. Practical, no-nonsense Beth had never been one to fuss over her appearance, so a child like Ella, one who loved tutus, lipstick and nail polish, was foreign to her.

Jo was so good with her. She seemed to get all this girly stuff in a way neither he nor his mother could. Right now she was fixing Ella's dark mane into an elaborate hairdo while discussing which sort of lip gloss his daughter preferred. Ryan saw a light in Ella's eyes that she usually reserved for her beloved pony.

‘Have you tried chocolate?' Jo asked.

‘Chocolate lip gloss?'

‘Uh huh.'

Ella shook her head. ‘I didn't know you could get chocolate. That sounds awesome.'

Jo nodded. ‘In New York there's this shop around the corner from my place and it sells all sorts of great make-up, hair products and perfume.'

‘Like the chemist in Bellington?'

Jo laughed. ‘Kind of, except that you can't get medicine or bandages or anything like that. It just sells beauty products.'

Ella's eyes widened. ‘Wow.'

‘Yep, it's pretty amazing. Anyway, they sell this chocolate lip gloss there that looks and tastes divine. When I go home I'll send you some.'

‘Really? Do you promise?'

Jo smiled. ‘Of course.'

The ‘up-do' now complete, Jo sent Ella off to the bathroom to admire her handiwork.

Ryan cleared his throat. With Ella out of the room it was time to make amends for yesterday's outburst. ‘Thanks, Jo, for all of this. You've really made her day.'

‘It's the least I can do. I'm so glad to see her looking so well. I was so afraid she had a terrible injury. I can't begin to tell you how sorry —'

Ryan held up his hand and indicated for her to stop. ‘Please, Jo, don't say any more. I'm the one who needs to apologise. I'm so sorry for the way I spoke to you yesterday. I had no right to be so awful, especially after all the care you'd given Ella.'