Feelin' the Vibe (30 page)

My mouth hung open. She smiled, “Fix your face, because I plan to support you and I don’t know why. I just feel it’s the right
thing to do.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious. Courtney and I talked all night and we both concluded you’re a good person in a bad situation. If I hadn’t
been through this before myself, it probably would be harder for me to understand.”

“Thank you.”

“You better thank Courtney. This is what she told me I should say.”

I smiled. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, if it wasn’t for Courtney, I would have probably burned the house down.”

“Tell Courtney that I really appreciate her.”

“She really believes you can win this election, and she didn’t want this to ruin your political future. I told her I’d only
do it if you were honest with me and if you could look me in the eye and tell me that you needed me to win.” She clapped.
“So, Congressman Patterson, you passed the test. Any woman can respect the truth.”

I wanted to run to Courtney’s house and shower her with gifts. She continued, “And not to mention, I can support you now that
I don’t have to be the doting, humble wife.”

“That’s busted.”

“Devin, let’s be real. You sprung everything on me so fast. One day we were dating, the next day we were married, the day
after that we were a public power couple. I mean, I was just overwhelmed.”

“So you feel like I pressured you.”

“No, you shocked me. I didn’t expect you to ask me so soon, but I’d been on the market too long to say no, and I loved you,
but I thought it was fast.”

“So we were set for failure.”

“Not necessarily. I mean, when we got married, there were no problems. You had no demands. You were partially in New York,
but when this became every day, all day, your needs took precedence, and I found myself feeling pressured and overwhelmed
and forced to be something that I didn’t want to be.”

“A wife?”

“No, Devin. A wife in the limelight.”

“I told you I wanted to be a politician.”

“I thought you’d change you mind.”

I laughed. “So you got bamboozled?”

“Basically. And I didn’t have the heart to just walk out because of that. I tried to do better. I really did. And it’s crazy
because a part of me wanted you to win, because I care about you. But the selfish side of me hoped you wouldn’t so we wouldn’t
have to live under a microscope.”

“I feel you.”

She walked around the island and sat on one of the bar stools. “And ever since you put in your application to run, I’ve been
complaining about living under the damn microscope. What the hell would make you think you could get away with cheating?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

“Devin, that wasn’t smart at all. Actually, it was quite dumb.”

“Who you telling?”

“Well, I got your back. I’ll be by your side until we get you into the House of Representatives.”

“Can I get a hug?”

She stood and reached out her arms. “Of course you can.”

We held each other tightly and rocked side to side. “Taylor J, you’re one in a million.”

She pulled away. “I know.”

“You’re a trip.”

“No. I’m just confident.”

“And you should be.”

If nothing else, I knew I wasn’t too wrong about Taylor. She just wasn’t really interested in being a politician’s wife. After
this big scandal, I wasn’t sure I blamed her. Unfortunately, my desire to be a politician hadn’t changed, so maybe I’d see
TJ next lifetime.

I poured us each a glass of wine, and we ended up knocking out a bottle and a half before nine o’clock. She told me she was
leaving because she didn’t want us to get into a compromising situation, but I couldn’t let her drive like that. So we lay
together fully clothed in the bedroom. She told me that I should go get Clark and I told her that would never happen. And,
surprisingly, she slurred, “And you need to call Jason.”

It was weird that she mentioned him, because this week’s events had me thinking a lot about that expression on his face when
I slammed the door. It was a look of hate, almost as if he damned my existence. Maybe his wish came true.

O
ne split second can change your entire life. Finally, after about a month, the phone calls about Devin stopped. Each time
the phone rang, I was reminded of Devin and how happy I had been with him. My heart would flutter the same way it did when
I was with him. So I often just took the phone off the hook. I didn’t need those feelings corrupting me. I just wanted to
forget they ever existed.

The trial was approaching and I had to focus on clearing Kenneth’s name. I was working every day, and the tension in my home
had increased, because I would come home groggy and tired. I wasn’t cooking dinner and he wasn’t used to it. He was stressed
that this little girl had destroyed our lives. He promised never to work with troubled kids again. So he’d flip back and forth
on whether we could really adopt. What I knew for sure was that I had no money or plans to try fertility again.

When I got the job, I didn’t expect to despise it so much. I hadn’t worked in the corporate world in so long, and I immediately
understood why. I missed my connection with people. I missed making a difference in someone’s life. Nothing mattered to me
here. All the systems could have crashed and I wouldn’t have cared. I should have showed a little more interest, but I just
couldn’t. It was like there was so much more to do. I couldn’t wait until the trial was over and I could get my group home
back.

I sat at work, bored, so I decided to surf the Internet. For some strange reason, I looked for articles on the scandal with
Devin and me. I gazed at the pictures on my screen; Devin and I looked so happy. I shook my head, wishing things could be
different. Then I found recent pictures of him and his wife. They were working things out. Trying to get the bitterness off
my chest, I closed the browser window. Then I decided to sync my BlackBerry calendar onto my work computer. The progress status
bar popped up for each component. For some strange reason, maybe just for entertainment, I started looking at my scheduled
task. I reminisced on having meaningful things to do with my day instead of sitting in a damn cubicle all day and going home.

Suddenly, a date from nearly eight months ago stood out.
Kenneth came in at 3 a.m
. My heart sank. Could that have been the same date that Raven claimed they went to Atlantic City? I shook my head. Why was
I tripping? How had I let these allegations start making me doubt him? I called Kenneth’s attorney, but he didn’t have any
exact dates. Raven had just rattled off a bunch of fictitious or fantasized events. My stomach began to ball in knots and
I had to pee. Maybe the boredom had gotten the best of me. I couldn’t allow myself to believe this bullshit.

I scanned my calendar day by day, searching for any inconsistencies, scratching my brain, wondering where all this uncertainty
stemmed from. It had been months since she had made the claims, but I never once questioned him. Why today? Why was I feeling
a pit in my belly? I rushed to the bathroom. Quickly covering the seat, I plopped down and tears rolled from my eyes. Was
this conflict stemming from the picture I saw of Devin and his wife? Did I inadvertently want Kenneth to be guilty so I could
run off with Devin? I just wasn’t sure. Devin and his wife looked in love to me. My head was pounding, my heart was racing,
and I couldn’t make sense of it. The trial began in seven days and I wasn’t sure I wanted to sit there and listen to all the
evidence.

I cried out loud, because it hurt. Everything was just wrong. I wasn’t happy about my situation. I just wanted to run away
and forget about everything. To hell with the house and everything. Just go. Just run. I sat on the toilet losing my mind
when I heard someone come in. I wiped my tears and tried to get it together.
If there is something to be known, Lord, please let me discover it before the trial.
I couldn’t be publicly disgraced twice in less than a year.

I went home and Kenneth wasn’t there. He’d gone fishing on the Eastern Shore because he claimed he needed to free his mind.
I walked into the house on a mission. I rummaged through his office drawers, looking at credit card bills and dates. Then
I moved to the coat closet, searching all of his pockets and even checking his inner soles. I just felt like something was
calling my name. I went upstairs and began pulling his suit jackets from the rack. I went through all his pockets. My heart
broke into a million pieces and I couldn’t believe my eyes when I pulled a pair of pink lace panties from a pocket and the
crotch was crusted with bodily fluids. “No!”

I had bought several of the girls similar panties for Christmas. I knew they were hers.

I frantically ran out of the room and down the stairs. I paced the floor, because I didn’t know what I could do with this.
I knew I couldn’t stay bottled up in that house until he got home. I rushed out and hopped into my car, because I was going
to wherever he was. I called him and I called him until he finally answered.

“Kenneth, you fucked her.”

“Clark, what’s wrong with you?”

My mind raced. “You fucked that little girl. I know you did.”

“Calm down, baby.”

“I’m not your baby.” I held the panties balled in my hand. I wasn’t even conscious of the fact that they were contaminated
with someone else’s bodily fluids. “Who’s fucking panties are these? Whose fucking panties are these?”

He calmly said, “Clark, I think you’re having anxiety again.”

“Fuck you. Don’t try to preach that shit to me.”

I was angry. I was mad. I felt betrayed. Raven was no longer a disturbed teenager. She was my husband’s mistress. I couldn’t
understand. My heart didn’t understand. Why would he want a child? Then I began to think like Reggie. I slammed on the brakes
in the middle of the street and headed toward my brother’s house. I didn’t want to be in that house with him if he was a child
molester.

I rushed into the house, crying. I was nearly hyperventilating as I told my mother what I found. She said, “Are you sure they
are Raven’s?”

“I’m positive, Ma. I bought the panties myself.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t want to see him. I might kill him.”

“Clark, don’t talk like that. You need to stay here with us until the trial is over.”

I’d been fooled. I’d been played and I should have known. I let guilt blind me. Because of what I had done, I thought Raven
was just trying to hurt me. I felt sorry for her. I wanted to find her and apologize for what he’d done to her. I didn’t know
how to go on with a molester as a husband.

Ms. Teeny came over to Reggie’s house and all of us sat there, backtracking and wondering how long it had been and how we’d
been so careless. I felt the system had failed Raven. I had failed her and I had failed myself.

K
enneth pleaded his ignorance up until the day of the trial. Mia called me a million times asking me how could I abandon her
father when he needed me most. Ms. Teeny and I showed up at court together. Mia had driven down from school, and she was right
there by her father’s side.

I looked at him sitting there, defending his name. Several of his employees took the stand to attest that he was a good man
and could have never harmed this little girl. But when they were cross-examined and asked about the nature of his relationship
with Raven, they all suggested that it was weird. My heart was pounding throughout all the testimonies. I’d already assumed
his guilt, but I hoped I was wrong, just for my sanity. If I judged Kenneth wrong, it was possible that I was just a bad judge
of character. I beat myself up as I tried to understand how this could happen under my nose.

Raven glanced back at me and my eyes caught her eyes. She looked like she wanted me to save her from all of this, like she
wished she hadn’t said anything. Who knew where she was living now? I wanted to give her a hug.