Feelin' the Vibe (16 page)

“You’ve always been a purse fiend.”

“Yeah, but I’ve been forced to go cold turkey. In fact, I’ll probably get in trouble when I get in the house, because this
thing isn’t in the budget.”

I felt sorry for her. “Look at it as a present from me. I’ll give you the money back when I see you again.”

She sighed. “Devin.”

“No, don’t worry about it. How much was it?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not a charity case, Devin.”

“Look, you know me. I got it.”

She sucked her teeth. “Okay, Devin. Whatever you say. Anyway, I just wanted to call you and give you my new number. I bought
a Go Phone so that we can communicate. My phone is on my husband’s account. So if you could, replace that number with this
one.”

It never even crossed my mind that I should just pick up a phone specifically to communicate with Clark, but then again so
many people call me during the course of a day, it would take Taylor years to track down Clark’s number. “Okay, I’ll be sure
to do that.”

“Okay,” she said in a lingering tone, as if she wanted to keep talking. I wanted to keep talking, too, but I had to call Taylor
back.

“A’ight, baby. I’ll call you tomorrow with all the details for New York.”

I didn’t know what New York meant for Clark and me. It was possible we could just hang out and have a good time. I wasn’t
sure, but I knew for sure that I had to make Taylor secure again. I’d messed up two days in a row and I couldn’t go down like
that.

When I walked in the house, all the lights were off. I headed upstairs to the bedroom. I tried the door and it was locked.
So, I tapped on the door.

“Yo, TJ. Open up the damn door.”

“Devin, go back to wherever you been.”

“Taylor, look, let’s handle this like adults. Open up the door.”

I heard her get out of bed and stomp to the door. It swung open and she posed with her hands on her hips. “Okay, you want
me to open the door and look at you while you lie to me.”

“Really, Taylor. I have nothing to lie to you about. I don’t have any excuses. I was out handling business.”

Still standing in the door, she huffed, “Well, why would Curtis say you were supposed to be here?”

“I was. My intention was to come home and spend time with you, but I got sidetracked. So forgive me for not being able to
do what I planned to do. Something came up.”

She left the door open and walked back to the bed. I followed and decided to give her a moment. I didn’t want to say too much
and incriminate myself. I walked into my closet and pulled my sweater off and stepped out of my pants. On my way to the bathroom,
Taylor looked at me and said, “Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not lying.”

“Taylor, I’m not lying to you.” I said, leaning in to kiss her.

She turned her head and shrugged. “Devin, I don’t want to be that girl.”

“What girl?”

“The one that’s the last to know that her man is cheating.”

I touched her face, “TJ, don’t start being insecure now. That’s not the person I fell in love with.”

“I don’t know where this is coming from.”

“Me either,” I said, kissing her again. But I knew why she was insecure. She wasn’t doing her job, but I wasn’t in the mood
to drill that in. I wanted peace. There was too much on my mind, and I had to get my house in order.

I went into the bathroom and turned the shower on. She came in behind me and took her pajamas off. We stepped into the shower
together and as the water poured on us, I wondered why I was struggling emotionally. I’d thought Taylor was everything I needed,
but I wasn’t so sure anymore. When we stepped out of the shower, I could tell that she wanted to make love, but I told her
I just wanted to hold her and make sure she was secure.

A
lmost a week later, Ms. Teeny drove me to the train station so that I could sneak off to New York with Devin. When we pulled
up, she laughed. “You make sure you turn him out like I taught you, girl.”

I laughed and reached over to give her a hug. “Teeny, you ain’t right.”

“Whatever. You need to get you your freak on with
somebody
. So call me when you get there.”

“Okay.” She kissed my cheek and ran her finger through my freshly roller-brushed and blow-dried hair. My stylist brightened
my highlights. It felt good to do something spontaneous. Devin always had a way of bringing that out of me. After I grabbed
my backpack from the trunk, I peeked back in and said, “Thanks, Teeny.”

“I love you, girl.” I nodded. Not sure if she could read my mind or not, but she said, “Don’t feel guilty. You’re only doing
it to make your marriage better.”

I nodded as I closed the car door. My hair bounced on my cream wool coat and I adjusted my shades. A young college boy held
the door open for me. I smiled and thanked him, while adjusting my black and gold purse on my shoulder. He smiled back. “My
pleasure.”

I blushed a little longer than necessary as I headed over to the kiosk to get my tickets. As far as Kenneth knew, I was going
up to New York to visit Reggie’s ex-wife, Sheena, and my youngest niece, Sage. I explained to Kenneth that I needed a break,
but I was on my way to be unfaithful and I was excited as hell. I’d locked my wedding band away in my office at the group
home. Over the last few months, I wondered what it all meant. Do all marriages literally become institutions? I hated the
stringency the word implied. Why can’t we love and be together and enjoy those moments without rules and regulations? When
the love is gone, we can just pack up and go. Love shouldn’t be legally binding; it should be voluntary.

Four hours later, I sat in Nobu, pouring wine and reminiscing about old times. It was funny to see how we’d both graduated
from beer to wine, from irrational kids to successful adults. Yet, we were still in touch with the purest parts of each other.
The connection was still there, and I wondered if we would have been the same if we stayed together. Would we have grown together
at the same pace?

Every specialty roll I inquired about, Devin ordered. When the sushi came out, our table was packed as if we were a party
of ten. I sampled one or two of each roll and began to feel stuffed. Devin asked the waiter to warm up some sake. He swore
it would settle my stomach. I was already feeling the buzz. I definitely didn’t need anything else, but when the waiter returned
with the little porcelain sake cups, we toasted and swallowed. It was warm and bitter.

Devin reached across the table and held my hand. “I never forgot about you. You know that?”

“I tried so hard to forget about you that I didn’t even realize it, but I guess a part of you has always been with me, too.”

“Damn, Clark. Why couldn’t we have found each other a year ago?”

“Why? So this would only be hard for me? Not you?”

“I’m sorry. You’re right. There I go being selfish again.”

“Yes, Devin, you’re a self-serving bastard, aren’t you?” I said, laughing.

I expected him to laugh, too. Instead, he looked crushed and confused. His eyes looked lost as if he’d began to feel the guilt
of what we were doing. I intertwined my fingers with his, “I’m sorry, Devin. I was just joking.”

He nodded and said, “You know Jason and I aren’t friends anymore.”

“Jason. Your best friend, Jason.”

He cracked a smile. “Yeah, my best friend, Jason.”

I didn’t really want to know what had happened. It obviously had something to do with Devin’s selfishness, because his confession
came from left field. I wanted to suppress the realization that Devin was self-centered, but if I was considering risking
my marriage for these deep feelings for him, I thought I should know.

“What did you do to him?”

I
gulped down the remainder of my sake and proceeded to tell Clark how I met and married Taylor. I wanted her to react, but
she literally sat across from me, stunned. Her mouth hung open and she shook her head slowly.

“Oh my goodness, Devin. That was just mean. How could you do that? That was so inconsiderate.”

“You think so.”

“Hell yeah. I would be sick if one of my close friends ended up with you. Relationships aren’t forever, friendships are.”

“I wish I never lost your friendship. You were always the one that told me the truth, not just what I wanted to hear.”

“Where is Jason?”

“I believe he’s still in Connecticut.”

“You should find him. You can’t keep leaving loose ends all over the place.”

I nodded and felt slightly bad that I’d even brought the situation up. I grabbed the wine bottle and put it up to my lips
and swallowed. Clark laughed.

“Devin, you’re crazy. Stop!” she said, as she reached across the table to grab the wine bottle from me. “People are looking
at you.”

“Man, you just made me feel worse about it. I need something to make me feel better.”

She grabbed my hand again. “You are selfish and I don’t know how you sleep at night. But I guess what most people are too
scared to do, you’re just willing to take the risk. The same thing that I hate about you is probably the same thing that still
makes you so exciting.”

“I thought you were going to say it’s the same thing that you love about me.” I reached over and held her other hand. “I never
thought I was being selfish. I was just anxious to feel that feeling again that I had with you. I missed it. Didn’t you?”

She sucked in her bottom lip and brushed her brown hair from her face. I didn’t know much about her marriage or why she was
here, but obviously she missed it, too. I wanted to lighten the mood some, so I settled the check and asked Clark if she still
liked to smoke cigars.

“I haven’t smoked since we were together.”

“Let’s make up for lost time.”

We left the restaurant and headed over to my late-night cigar spot. I ordered the best cigars in the place. We sat in a cozy
little corner to ourselves, drinking Crown Royal Reserve straight and puffing on our cigars. I played in her long, bronzed
curls and looked into her eyes. This was supposed to resemble getting to know each other again, but this night confirmed that
nothing had changed.

I leaned over and kissed her passionately. Her arms wrapped around my neck and I stroked her back. She was warm and soft just
as I recalled. She even tasted the same. We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. So we split the joint and headed back
to my place.

Clark pinned me to the back of the elevator when we stepped in and pushed her hand down my pants. She moaned, “Ooh, it feels
just like I remember.”

When the elevator doors opened, we fell into my apartment and began ripping each other’s clothes off. I picked her up and
she wrapped her legs around my waist. I sat her on my pool table and kissed her breasts, while my fingers made love to her.
I rushed to my bedroom to grab a condom from the nightstand, only to discover that I didn’t have any. I was sure that I had
some left over from my single days, because I had tons when I met Taylor. Obviously, Taylor and I had more sex than I realized.
Shit. I paced back and forth. I didn’t know what to do. I slouched back out of the room. She sat patiently, seductively, on
my pool table prepared to get the game on.

She said, “What’s up?”

“I don’t have any condoms.”

“I have some in my purse.”

I looked at her suspiciously. She smiled. “I have a group home with fast-ass teenage girls.”

I rushed over and grabbed her purse and handed it to her. While she fumbled, I proceed to taste her. My tongue traveled down
and dipped in and out of her entrance. She whined for more. I pushed my thumb inside of her and cupped her crotch as I tantalized
her clitoris. She clamped my shoulders. I stood up and she dangled the condom in front of me.

“Here, hurry up. I need to feel you inside of me.”

Her request sounded sincere but desperate, and I was anxious to make her feel better. Once I rolled on the condom, I lifted
her up on me and submerged myself in her. Her vagina opened more and more with each stroke. We kissed passionately and moved
slowly. While still inside of her, we waddled over to the bar stools. I fell onto the stool, with Clark straddling me. I pulled
her hair back so I could see her face. I needed to stare into her eyes. This wasn’t a dream. I was with my baby again. We
transitioned from the stool to the bed and I was afraid to ejaculate. I needed to be one with her for as long as possible.
I didn’t want anything to break us up again. As I tried to control the biologically impossible, I exploded inside of her.
The side of my face touched the side of her moist face when I dropped my head on the pillow beside her. I touched her face
to see if it was sweat or tears. It felt like a little bit of both. I said, “Are you okay?”