Feelin' the Vibe (10 page)

I laughed. “So I have a question. Do you think you’d feel this way if I ran in four years or if I did it now?”

“I really don’t know.”

“Did you marry me in hopes that this day would never come?”

“I married you hoping that we’d enjoy our life together for a moment and
then
the whirlwind would come. I never thought this whirlwind would come so early.”

I nodded and thought about what I should say next. I wanted to be sure I was being fair. This was a selfish quest, but I searched
long and hard to find a woman I thought could handle it.

“Well, Taylor, if you don’t change your attitude we’re going to have a long road ahead of us.”

She shifted a little in her seat. I was tired of the bratty behavior. I thought I married a soldier, but obviously I didn’t.
We ate in silence. I wished I could tell her about all the exciting new things and upcoming events that Curtis had planned,
but all she could see was how everything was inconvenient to her. Shit, the last time I checked,
marriage
is inconvenient.

As we were wrapping up lunch, I said, “Taylor, why are you so against this? I feel like you’re losing sight of why you married
me.”

She looked down at the napkin on the table, then back up at me. She fidgeted a little. After taking a sequence of deep breaths,
she said, “My mother.” She closed her eyes. Finally, she continued. “She spent her whole life being supportive. I’m sure she
had things she enjoyed doing and things that mattered to her, but I never knew what they were. She had to conform to the image.
She was and still is nothing more than Bishop Jabowski’s wife. When we were kids, we had to worry about how we dressed, what
we said, how people saw us. Sometimes I felt so trapped, so restrained, that I could scream. When I finally got out of that
house, it was like releasing a wild tiger. I wanted to be everything but a good girl. And for so long, they couldn’t accept
me for me. Finally, now that I’m married, I am back in the family and no one judges me.” She looked at me. “And the second
that I can be free without judgment, you decide that you want me to go back to being judged, to worrying about my image. I
just don’t want to.”

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t say what I knew she wanted me to say. So I looked away and shook my head. She had her
reasons. I had mine, but someone had to surrender.

She shrugged. “But like I said, I’ll be there to do everything you need me to do, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.”

It wasn’t her job to be ecstatic about my dream, but some understanding was better than none. I reached out to shake her hand.

“Okay, Taylor. I promise I won’t stress you about being excited and I’ll make sure your schedule is as light as possible.
Deal?”

She smiled. “Deal.”

I stood up and pulled her chair out. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “I love you, Taylor J.”

She swung around and pecked me. “I love you, too.”

I grabbed her hand and was glad that we had that heart-to-heart. But at the end of the day, we both were still selfish. We
held hands as we walked to her car. I gave her a hug and kissed her forehead. “I want to make love to you tonight.”

“Well, don’t stay out too long,” she joked, and began singing, “Tapping my shoulder, thinking you gon’ get you some.”

Her silliness made me smile, because I missed that. I didn’t really like the serious Taylor. As I closed her car door, all
I could think about was getting everything done and rushing home to hold her. I drifted to my car and cruised down the road.
There was no music playing, no thoughts roaming in my mind as I took in the momentary solace. Out of nowhere, it hit me. Shit,
I’d had my cell phone off. I yanked it from my coat pocket and turned it on.

New messages filled the screen and I shifted my eyes on and off the road as I weighed the importance of each. I flipped through
the phone message texts from my secretary.
Clark Winston
. I read on. She was a group home director in Baltimore, interested in organizing a free girls’ seminar. I’d never met another
female with the name Clark. For a moment, I hoped it was
my
Clark, but I knew it wasn’t.
My
Clark was an engineer and had no interest in public service, nor could I imagine my feisty little ex-girlfriend not to hyphenate
her last name. Yet I was anxious to dial the number.

The moment she answered, it felt like a missing piece of me had returned. I wanted to see her. She sounded exactly the same.
Her smoky, soothing voice sent a chill through me. I let it seep through my veins like a drug. My temporary intoxication made
me speechless. She repeated, “Good afternoon. Clark Winston speaking.”

“Is this Clark Anderson?”

T
he blood circulating through my body stopped in its tracks. My jaws locked with anticipation and fear. I’d awaited this call
all afternoon, so why wasn’t I prepared? “Yes,” I said finally, contemplating if I should acknowledge that I knew who he was,
too.

He sighed. “Clark. Wow. This is quite a surprise.”

“Yes, it is. I received a pamphlet today and I couldn’t believe it when I saw your face. How long have you been in Maryland?”

“I’ve been living here for nearly two years, but I’ve had an office in DC for almost three years now.”

Nervously, I chuckled. “Right in my backyard, huh?”

“Yeah, basically. Where are you? What are you doing?”

“Uh, I’m working. I’m in Baltimore. What about you?”

“I guess you know that I’m running for Congress.”

“Yes, I know. I got your brochure for the girls’ conference. You know I run a girls’ group home now.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious. I’ve been doing this for five years.”

“Clark, that’s wonderful. I’m proud of you.”

“I’m proud of
you
. Do you know that you told me that you would run for Congress in the 2012 election when we were in college?”

He laughed. “I’m sure I did. That was always my plan. It just came a little sooner than I expected.”

“I’m sure you were prepared, though. I’m really happy for you.”

“Are you serious? I thought you still hated me.”

I laughed. “No, I don’t hate you anymore, Devin. I’ve been married for a long time.”

“Any kids?”

My heart skipped a beat. “Nah, no kids yet.”

“What are you waiting for?”

That question always hurt, no matter where it came from or how many times I heard it. “Just enjoying life. You know?”

“I feel you. I just have the one daughter and she’s definitely a handful.”

“I can only imagine.” Though, inside, I didn’t want to imagine the little girl that tore us apart.

“I would love to grab lunch and catch up one day soon, if that’s okay with you.”

“Uh.”

“If I recall correctly, your
uh
means ‘maybe,’ and
maybe
means ‘no.’?”

I laughed, because Morgan and Mia say the same thing about me. “No, it doesn’t. It just means ‘uh.’?”

“Uh, when would you be available for lunch?”

I wasn’t ready for this. Not yet, anyway. I didn’t even know why I called. The long pause forced him to rethink his comment.
“Clark, just as friends. It’s been a long time.”

“Why don’t you let me know when you’re available?”

“I mean, my schedule is tight, with the campaign and visiting Nicole in New York.”

“Well, just let me know,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant.

“I have some free time this afternoon.”

My neck snapped back. “This afternoon?”

“Yes. Does that work for you?”

“Uh.” I contemplated. “That’s tight. I mean, it just seems too soon.”

“It
is
soon. But I just looked at my calendar and it’s tight and now that I’ve talked to you, I’m dying to just catch up. It doesn’t
have to be a real lunch, maybe just coffee. What do you think?”

“You know what? Why not? Where do you want to meet?” I said, snapping to my senses. I quickly opened my makeup compact to
check myself. I was fine, but was I fine enough to see him? I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to go home and change. Why
did I need him to still find me attractive? I was confused, wavering between excitement and fear. There was no way a phone
call should have made me feel this way.

“Are you near Columbia?”

“Yeah, I’m in Ellicott City. Actually I’m too close to Columbia.”

He laughed. “Well, what about Route 29 and 216? Do you feel comfortable there?”

“Devin.” I sucked my teeth. “It’s not that I feel uncomfortable anywhere. I’m not exactly putting this meeting on my public
calendar.”

“Me either. There’s a coffee shop, the Daily Grind, it’s partially in the cut. If you could meet me there around four, that
would be ideal.”

I took a deep breath and held the phone closely. “I can do that.” Suddenly all the bad memories disappeared and my mind flooded
with how wonderful our love used to be. The anxiety increased with each thought, and I couldn’t wait to see him. I never knew
or never wanted to accept that I missed him this much.

He paused, then said, “Please do.”

He was always so eloquent with words. When I hung up, my body trembled and my mind did convulsions, but my heart was still.
Still, mesmerized by him. By the time I could move, I was literally running to the bathroom. My stomach was upset and my breathing
was rapid. I felt I should cancel this meeting. No other man should have this type of effect on me, but I knew even if I didn’t
go, it didn’t mean the feelings would go away. It just meant I was suppressing them again. The way I’d been doing for the
past nine years. It was time to be honest with myself.

I rushed home, hoping to get there before Kenneth. I rushed into my room to change my clothes. I put on jeans and took them
off. I put on slacks and took them off. I changed my clothes nearly five times before settling on a nice sweater and jeans.
Then I plowed through my shoe zoo to find the perfect pair. I slipped on a pair of sexy flats. Heels just made me look like
I was trying too hard. Despite the commotion occurring inside, I needed the exterior to be effortless, composed, and serene.

C
urtis had set up a few appearances for the evening, but they weren’t anything major, small local events that were expecting
twenty to thirty people. I wanted to see Clark and I was willing to sacrifice these events. When I called to let him know
that there were some personal things I needed to handle, he didn’t take the news well, but in so many words I used my father-in-law
as the excuse.

I pulled up in the parking lot and considered shutting off my cell phone at that moment. Then it dawned on me: This would
be the only way she could get in contact with me if she needed me. I was fifteen minutes early, and every second seemed like
infinity. I’d waited a long time for the chance to apologize. What if that wasn’t her? My mind played tricks on me all the
way until I saw her in a white Toyota Camry pulling into a parking spot a few spaces away. She adjusted her orange plaid scarf,
tucking it in her black leather jacket. Her gloves and hat matched her scarf. She pulled down her rearview mirror and checked
her makeup. She glided her lip-gloss wand back and forth on her lips. After flinging her long, brown hair behind her shoulders,
she took another glance.

When she stepped out of her car, I was smiling so hard and getting so much out of watching her I almost forgot to get out,
too. Her skinny jeans hugged her grown-woman shape perfectly. Clark had finally got some weight on her five-foot frame. She
was no longer the slim, petite chick I remembered. She was thicker and finer than I ever imagined, weight in all the right
places. Her face was fuller and her high cheekbones were more distinct. I carved an image of her in my mind from years ago,
but the real image was more satisfying.

She looked around the parking lot, her hair sweeping back and forth, and checked her watch. The crisp air made her round nose
slightly red. And I just sat there watching, tripping that we had this chance.