Fearsome (17 page)

I begin to roam the gravel path, looking for the familiar face I am so desperate to see. Dylan. The thought of his beautiful smile looking down on me and his strong arms wrapped around me sounds like the best antidote to my sexless life. Maybe he’s not just another playboy and he actually has feelings for me. Maybe it doesn’t even matter. I want to be with him, I need to be with someone. It’s safe to assume it’s lust, but my gut tells me that I can get closer to Dylan if I try and perhaps a relationship with him is worth pursuing after all.

I eagerly turn a corner into a secluded alcove of arched tree branches over a marble sculpture that looks like some Greek god. As I consider how much planning and work went into this spectacular garden, I hear a twig snap and the sound of crunching gravel nearby, so I look behind me.

“Hey,” Dylan says. His voice is low and tentative.

I stare at him for a moment; first because I’m surprised to see him after realizing that I did miss him over the last two weeks, and second, because he is shockingly handsome. His curly hair looks blonder and he’s definitely tanner, so he must have spent a lot of time in the outdoors while we were apart.

He steps into the alcove with me where we are alone; far removed from the other guests and the musicians that have begun performing some joyful Mozart sonatas.

“Lois has really outdone herself with this garden,” I say, my hands fumbling at my sides.

Dylan smiles and looks relieved. “It took her a few years and a lot of arguments with architects and landscapers to get to this.”

I wonder how I can continue to be overwhelmed by his sweet beauty when I seem to have the same thoughts about Carson’s lustiness. I have never been like this with any other guys. I could have a mild crush or interest in someone in the morning and by lunch, I’d write them off as a dope. Am I simply so inexperienced in love and relationships that I crumble when I’m around these two brothers? I’m all nerves and adrenaline with Dylan standing before me and it’s only Dylan and Carson that do this to me. There’s no future with Carson, he’s made it clear that he’s around to make sure Dylan and I don’t screw up our lives. Dylan is around because he and I have an unmistakable attraction to one another.

“I owe you an apology.” I find it difficult to look into his soft eyes without feeling a stab of guilt.

“No, you don’t.” He smiles.

“It was horrible of me not to take your phone calls. I could have answered the door, too. I was rude. Thank you for all the flowers you sent. They were beautiful.”

“Lois cut them from her garden. I kept running to Target to buy more vases so I could leave them at your door.” He laughs and the sparkle is back in his eyes.

I step forward, wrap my hands around his neck to pull him down into a kiss and he responds without pause. His soft lips on mine and his tongue circling in my mouth make my desire more intense, so I press firmly into him, aggressively searching for what I was missing. Dylan reacts with the same vigorous force as though we can’t get close enough to one another. One of his hands travels up my back and positions securely on my shoulder blade as he works his kisses down to my neck and bare collarbone.

I wish I were the kind of person who could drop all inhibitions for once and tumble to the ground with Dylan, pulling each other’s clothes off. I have a dreadful, nagging inner voice that warns me of being reckless, though. I push the nag aside. For once I want to be recklessly in love, I want to be naked against him. The hardness from his groin strains against his pants and presses against me while my nipples spring into rigid nubs as his hand fondles my breasts.

“I didn’t see your Jeep. Did you drive here?’ I ask between heavy breaths.

“Yes,” Dylan says wickedly into my ear before sucking on the lobe.

“Let’s go to my house. Now.”

“Yes,” he says again, pulling away. “Now.”

He takes me by the hand and leads me out of the garden maze. We don’t stop to chat or even say hello to people who smile as we stalk by as fast as we can. When we pass the front porch, I see someone turn from a group of men who are laughing loudly. It’s Carson who watches Dylan settle me into the passenger side of the Jeep. I look down and pretend I haven’t noticed him, but as we drive away, I look back up directly into Carson’s unreadable gaze.

Nineteen

My bedroom is stifling. Dylan races around and opens the windows. He shuts off the overhead light and turns on a small antique lamp on the dresser that gives off a yellow glow. He also shoos Bert out of the bedroom and closes the door. I hear a click as he locks it. I stand by the side of the bed, excited and feeling silly at the same time. Dylan strides toward me, pulling off his T-shirt in one fast move. He’s walking and removing his jeans at the same time. I’m impressed with his cheetah-like reflexes and watch him as if it’s a private show for me.

In seconds he stands before me in his briefs and begins removing my dress, which happens in the blink of an eye. Then we are there, together in the darkened room, with romantic lighting, sheer curtains billowing in the light warm breeze and the two of us stripped down to our underwear.

Dylan towers over me, solid, thick muscles, making him look like he has been created to resemble the perfect Romanesque sculpture. He puts his hands on either side of my arms and waits for me. I unfasten the front clasp of my lace bra and wriggle out of it. Dylan’s hands slide down my arms and cup my breasts. The excitement of his touch sends a tremor down to my center where a tingling sensation torments me.

I really have no interest in long, slow foreplay. I’ve waited too long for this and Dylan is the perfect candidate to take my virginity.

“I can’t keep waiting.” I yank Dylan by the hands so he falls with me onto the bed. He is on top of me and laughs as he leans on one arm and pulls off his briefs. I wriggle beneath him and pull off my lace panties.

Even in the dim light, we can see each other’s bodies perfectly. My fair skin against his enormous erection instinctively makes me open my legs and pull my hips up so my thighs can wrap around him.

“Oh God,” he says, looking down at me. He reaches for the nightstand where he has tossed a couple of condoms when he came in. He moves quickly to open one and put it on. I don’t know whether to be impressed by his speed or concerned with his skill and dexterity at doing it with one hand. How many times has this guy been in a condom emergency? How many women has he slept with or should I call it what it is, fucking?

We kiss and I run my tongue over and under his teeth. I want to bite him, but I manage to contain myself. I feel his arms hitching underneath my knees pushing them up higher. I’m a little worried. I have no experience to really base this on, however, Dylan is a tall man, his penis seems unusually large and I don’t see how he can fit inside of me. I glance down as he rubs against me, making me wetter. He looks into my eyes as if sensing my nervousness.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be gentle, the first time,” he says and then smiles. He’s joking, making light that we’ll have several rounds of sex. I wonder if that’s a line men always use with women, pretending they have to tone down their superhero sex powers so they don’t hurt the little lady. He has no idea that his first time with me is my first time ever, and I’m a little too nervous to appreciate his Thor humor.

We kiss again. This time it becomes more frantic as Dylan rubs himself against my soft, wet folds. I groan, never having been this close. Then I reach down and replace his hand with mine. His hand comes up to my breasts, which he palms before placing his mouth on my nipples, sucking them roughly. This alone could be my undoing.

“Now,” I say, trying to push him inside of me.

“Wait,” he whispers. He removes my hand from his body and pins both of my hands above my head with his one strong hand. His other hand probes inside my wet, tender center. I wriggle beneath him, raise my legs higher and wrap them around his back. He keeps my hands and arms locked firmly in place as he continues to suck and nibble on my breasts while pushing his fingers further inside of me.

“I’m so ready, Dylan,” I say, feeling liquid seep out of me. “I can’t get any wetter or any hornier than this.” The desire is completely overwhelming I can’t spare any time to be embarrassed over what I’m saying.

“I know,” he says and pulls his fingers out of me. He looks down between us and positions himself about a half-inch into me before he begins thrusting gently forward.

“Oh,” I moan with surprise rather than pleasure.

“Does that hurt?” he asks, slowing down.

“No, keep going.” I lie. Yes, it hurts a little, but I’m not going to tell him that.

“I’m not about to stop,” he rasps. He thrusts harder and faster and it feels good and painful at the same time. He keeps it slow with short thrusts and the tingling starts in my clit and then sends little signals out to my limbs before it reaches a small crescendo of pleasure. As I begin to want him to go deeper and faster, Dylan does. He lets go of my imprisoned hands and props himself up higher on his hands, driving his pelvis deeper into mine, grinding into me. He grunts as his thrusts become longer and he plunges further into me. My brain goes mindless with a brief spasm of ecstasy until the thrusting actually begins to ache too much. The minor enjoyment I was experiencing is gone and there’s only sharp discomfort followed by Dylan groaning.

I close my eyes and hold him tighter, letting him settle on top of me with all his weight, still inside of me. This togetherness is an extraordinary sensation and so new to me. No pushing a guy off me or rolling away to excuse myself from their reach forever. This is what it feels like to have someone enthralled by your body, mindless and lost in a titillating oblivion. It certainly doesn’t last long and it didn’t have the gratifying end result for me, but I have a sense of satisfaction as Dylan buries his face into my neck and his exhausted body goes limp.

Fluids leak out of me, those once precious liquids and membranes we are supposed to protect like jewels. I stifle a giggle as I think of my parents dropping sex education books on my bed at the age of six. Cute books with a bashful, naked, chubby couple who make a comedy team out of procreation. The book ends with the chubby couple happily holding a chubby baby.

I don’t want to procreate with Dylan. He’d certainly make gorgeous babies, but it suddenly strikes me that all this time I’ve been with Dylan, I’ve only wanted sex. Sex, not love, not the hope of a future relationship.

He rolls off me as I stay immobile on the damp sheet.

“I’ll be right back,” Dylan says. The bed creaks and springs up as he leaves for the bathroom to take care of the condom. I am content not to move, to enjoy the moment of keeping my body as motionless as possible, still reeling with delight.

The bed sinks again as Dylan lies next to me. “Hey,” he says softly. “Jess, are you okay?”

I open my eyes and turn to look at him. “I’m great.”

“I should have made it last longer, but it’s our first time with each other. Kind of difficult to hold out. I almost exploded before we got to the bed.”

I laugh which makes him smile. If he only knew that I feel like a fraud. I’m not the sweet girl he thinks he’s falling in love with. I’m not the innocent girl any of them assume I am. I’m enraptured with Dylan’s body and what it can do for me. Perhaps it’s due to years of only allowing boys, and then men, grope, fondle and kiss me; endless sexless encounters that drove me to this point of wanting actual sex with a man who exudes a tremendous amount of sensuality in every move. The thought makes it sound dirty and selfish, however, I know there’s a part of me that cares about Dylan.

He stretches out next to me and holds my cheek for a quick kiss. “I’m crazy about you.” He looks at me lovingly, his eyes wide and sincere. No words come to me, so I smile in return.

“I’ll be right back,” I say, prying myself from his embrace and getting up from the bed.

“Okay.” Dylan lounges on his side, propped on his elbow. He grins as he watches me walk to the bathroom. I turn my back on him and shake my naked ass to get a laugh out of him.

In the bathroom, I use a washcloth and shower gel to clean off the sticky blood that is drying against my inner thighs and my nether regions. “Well, that’s done,” I say out loud to myself. “No more wondering.” Of course Dylan must know. There must have been blood on the condom.

I freshen up as much as possible and brush my teeth and hair before returning to the bed and the seductive man waiting for me.

Dylan looks relaxed and content, stretched out on the bed.

I lie on my side next to him and he pulls a sheet over us. I snuggle into his warm, hard chest with his strong arms wrapped securely around me. Ironically, a sense of liberation and safety sweep over me, despite being completely engulfed by him. He kisses the top of my head and I bury my face in his neck, taking in his natural scent that sends erotic thoughts through my sex-addled brain.

“Are you happy?” I ask, whispering into his neck.

“With you and this? Of course. I just got laid, what do you think?”

I laugh. “That’s not what I meant.” I look up at him.

“I know what you meant. I’m very happy. I knew you were going to Lois’s tonight and my gut told me that we’d be back together. I didn’t know we’d do this…”

“Ha!” I pinch his arm.

“Hey, you pushed for this. Literally. You pushed me onto the bed.”

“Yes, I did.”

“Are you happy?” he asks and I can see in his eyes the seriousness that lies behind the cheerful demeanor. The anxious boy that sometimes takes over the confident man.

“I am extremely content,” I answer.

“That’s not good enough. You need to be deliriously happy.”

He kisses me lightly on the lips and then doesn’t stop. It goes deeper and I feel my tingling hormones surge again with desire. His mouth leaves mine and works its way down my neck to my breasts. I arch into him as he sucks hard on my nipples, but then he continues on to my stomach, his tongue circling my belly button. I’m sore and not sure I’m ready to do it again, but this time he really is gentle and only uses his tongue. Yeah, he definitely knows I
was
a virgin.