Fearless Attraction (Cassie Series) (17 page)

Chapter Twelve

             
Thankfully Pierce doesn't question me randomly showing up and pulling my clothes off. We don't even make it to his bedroom before he has me bent over. When we both catch our breath from a seriously quick screw, he turns me around and hugs me close to him. "You okay?" he asks.

             
"Fine."

             
He sighs against me and kisses my forehead. "Hungry?"

             
"Yeah, actually I am." I forgot that I didn't eat that dang pizza. He walks over and opens the fridge and pulls a few things out. I love that he always has leftovers in his fridge. I don't think I've ever seen a single guy in his early twenties cook so much, and save all his extra food. He is a great cook too.

             
When we sit down at the table, I look over at him with a small smile. "You should have become a chef."

             
He grins at me, thankful that I like his cooking. "I love cooking, it's fun, but I don't think it's something I'd want to do for a living."

             
"Bummer."

             
He laughs. "Bummer?"

             
"Yeah, I was hoping I could get you to cook for me for a living." I wink at him and his smile widens.

             
He reaches over and grabs my hand, and we both hold hands while finishing our food. It's a little awkward, since he has the hand I usually use to eat, but it's really nice right now. It's what I need.

             
When I get home that night, I lay in bed and think about it all. I'm not sure who is honestly more confused about everything, me or the guys. Guys, wow, that sounds so pathetic. I can't blame Avery for hating me, I'd hate me too. Thinking about the amount of times I've hurt him, it kills me. This is why I decided to leave him alone. I'm so dumb for going to that fight tonight. I think I just threw a stone into the pond, causing the ripples to stretch out even further.

             
The following morning I decide to take a day off just for me. I end up at the salon and get a mani-pedi, then I get an hour full body massage. The hair stylist asks if she can do something to my hair just for the sake of it, and ends up just washing it and styling it. It was relaxing. It kept my mind clear of everything that has been confusing me and stressing me out. It's exactly what I needed.

             
Not wanting my "me" day to end, I go to the beach and lay out on a towel. The sun feels great on my skin, even though I'm only in shorts and a tank top, not my bikini. It's not quite warm enough to go swimming yet, but it's warm enough to lay out on the sand.

             
I put my headphones in and listen to some music on my phone while munching on some grapes. The beach doesn't have too many people here, which is also refreshing. Before too long, I end up closing my eyes and I'm that state of mind where I'm not quite asleep but I'm not quite awake either.

             
"What are you doing here?"

             
My body startles and I open my eyes to Shey. She sits next to me and smiles. "Ugh, getting fresh air and sunshine. What about you?"

             
She points over to the distance and I see Carson watching us from a picnic table, eating what looks to be a sandwich. I turn back and face Shey. "We just thought about getting some fresh air since the weather is nice. You look to be nice and relaxed. I thought you were sleeping for a minute."

             
"I think I was seconds away from it," I admit with a laugh. "Yeah, I'm definitely enjoying myself. I need it."

             
"I bet."

             
I scrunch my forehead together and tilt my head, curious as to why she'd say it the way she did. She presses her lips together and looks around. Someone- or more than one person- has obviously been talking. I continue staring at her, knowing eventually she'll give it up.

             
"Please tell me you know." Her voice is oh so hopeful until I shake my head no and she grunts. "Great, I have to the one to break the news."

             
"I'm a big girl, I can handle it." Even though the first thought that comes to mind is that Avery is now dating someone like Katie. It ties my stomach in knots but it's the sort of karma I deserve.

             
She rests her hand on my shoulder and gives me a sad smile. She is attempting to comfort me and that gesture is sweet. It's not what I need though, I need the truth. "Avery got signed again. He is going semi."

             
I stand before she even finishes. "You're kidding right?"

             
"I wish I were."

             
She stands with me. I grab my towel and tote bag, then I start walking away. "Thanks Shey," I yell over my shoulder. I get to my car and crank the engine, before pulling out and driving to Avery's apartment. I know I have no right to be angry but look what happened to him last time! This is incredibly ridiculous and I'm in no way impressed.

             
His motorcycle is here, so I park behind it and make my way towards the door. My fist pounds into the wood and I yell out, "open this door Avery, I know you're in there."

             
When he opens the door he has raised brows and a toothbrush hanging from his mouth. His hair is dishelved and he looks ridiculously hot. He attempts to smile around the toothbrush while his eyes roam my body. I don't have time to be turned on, I'm pissed.

             
Without him offering for me to enter, I push past him and walk into his kitchen, throwing my bag on the table. I turn around as he makes his way into the bathroom. "You got signed!"

             
The water runs and I hear him gurgling a second later. I wait patiently for him to hurry up but when he doesn't come out after another minute, I walk in. He laughs when I stand in the doorway, watching him add deodorant. "What, did you just wake up or something? It's like two in the afternoon."

             
He looks over at me, his eyes twinkling with something. "Nah," he says, "just was out celebrating last night. I just got in about an hour ago."

             
I can feel my face pale. I don't bother asking him about his night, instead I ask about him getting signed. "You're going to go semi-pro again? That's who those guys were yesterday, wasn't it? And you didn't even tell me?"

             
His places his hands on both my shoulders and leans down until we're eye level. "Why would I?"

             
"Because I care about you. I don't need you getting hurt again." My voice cracks at the end and he looks a little hurt.

             
His head starts shaking back and forth. "You can't do this, Cassie, it isn't fair. Don't play this game with me. You made a decision and it's final. I'm doing what I love. I've been training hard, I've won all but one fight since getting back in the ring, and I'll be getting paid a little more. If that asshole did anything to me, it was put some more fame on me. More people want to see me fight, and they're willing to pay big money. I won't get hurt again. Damn, I'll buy security if I have to."

             
"Why?" I ask a bit breathless.

             
"I just told you why. It's the one fucking thing I love that doesn't hurt me."

             
I laugh bitterly. "So getting punched in the face, kicked around, knocked out a time or two, getting shot, none of that hurts you? Funny, because last I checked that was all pretty damn painful."

             
He swallows audibly and shakes his head. He stands straighter, then pushes me aside as he walks past me back into the main part of his apartment. "Cassie, if you don’t leave, I'm going to say shit I regret."

             
"Just say it, Avery! You tell me I'm a horrible person all the damn time. Tell me what is on your mind, because if you don't, you may never have the chance. You're leaving... again."

             
He sniffs but doesn't face me, so I can't tell if it's out of emotion or if it's his way of clearing his mind. "All that shit, the punches to the damn face, hell getting shot and being put into a coma. None of it compares to the damn pain and torture I experience when it comes to you. I fucking love you, don't you see that?" He turns and looks at me, his eyes watering. Not what I was expecting at all.

             
Continuing, "I woke up and saw your damn face and knew it was some sort of sign. I left you once and I promised to never do it again, and I didn't want to. I was going to try, Cassie,
try
to work shit out with you. I was going to look past it all because I thought we were finally where we needed to be. I thought you were happy, that I was happy, that we were going to be together, forever. But you can't make up your damn mind about me or that fucking piece of shit."

             
He slams his fist down on the counter, startling me. I don't move though, I listen to him go on, because it's everything I've needed to hear, it's everything he's needed to say. It's the only closure I'll receive from him. Anything is better than nothing.

             
"So instead of waiting around for you to pick and choose, to fuck with our heads and hearts, I'm making the damn decision this time, and this time I'm leaving. I'm fighting, because that is what I love to do, and it'll be there for me. Maybe one day," he shakes his head, doubting his own words. "It's possible that we can look past this, when you grow up and I grow up, and we're done being selfish, because yeah, I have been too, I admit it. Maybe then we can work shit out, but that is years down the road Cassie. So live your damn life, do what you want. Hell, go get knocked up and married to the fucker for all I care. Just leave me alone. For now, just leave, and don't contact me while I'm gone."

             
I take a step forward, being brave. I didn't cry in anything he said, as emotional as it was. Even seeing a few tears fall from his eyes didn't make me, but when I start to speak, they slide down my cheek. My voice is thick with emotion, making it a lot harder to say what I want to say. "I'm not very strong Avery. I love you so much, more than I thought I'd ever love anyone. More than I do love anyone. You're the one for me, I know you are. I also know that you and I, we don't belong together. There is too much pulling us apart and neither of us fight hard enough to stay together. I'm not going to go get knocked up and married," I raise an eyebrow at him for a moment, "but I'm not going to sit here and wait either."

             
"Good," he says, even though his expression is saying otherwise.

             
"No. Don't say shit like that. This is what makes it hard for us to work through things. We get pissed at one another and I go sleep with Pierce, you insult me and push me away with your words. Then we're right back here, yelling and arguing, getting angry at each other. Then what? We going to make up again? We going to be friends? Are we never going to see each other again? I don't like that! I hate it! I fucking hate it, Avery!"
              I can't stop myself now, I start sobbing and I turn away and walk towards the bathroom. After grabbing some toilet paper, I sit on the closed lid of the toilet and blow my nose. Grabbing another piece, I wipe at my eyes. Avery comes and stands in the doorway, watching me as I cry into my hands. I'm not able to say much to him, so I don't bother saying anything at all.

             
After a few minutes, he takes some steps in and kneels down in front of me. His hands rest on my knees while he stares up at me. I pull my hands away from my face and look him in the eyes. They're still watering, which only makes me sadder.

             
"I don't know what to really say, Cassie."

             
"Me either."

             
He sighs softly and tries to give me a small smile. "I hate that we hurt each other so much."

             
I nod my head, agreeing with him.

             
"We can't be friends," he says. It's true, we can't. It hurts, a lot. "We can't be lovers either." I slowly nod my head, once again agreeing with him. "And we sure as hell can't be more."

             
"Then where does that leave us?" I whisper, not wanting to hear the answer. I already know it, and it hurts.

             
He answers my thoughts. "You already know, Cassie."

             
"I can't live without you somewhere in my life Avery. I just can't." Another sob leaves me and he pulls me into him, repeating it'll be okay in my ear. No, it won't be okay. I can't do it, I can't live without him in my life.

             
He whispers softly in my ear after I calm down. His warm breath tickling my ear but it doesn't send those typical shivers down my spine. "One day at a time, Angel, one day at a time."