Fearless Attraction (Cassie Series) (11 page)

             
I should have just came out and told Avery to begin with. Telling him I cheated on him would probably hurt him a lot less than telling him I love him, then calling him someone else’s name.

             
In this moment, right here, I absolutely hate myself. I'll never forgive myself, not ever.

             
Despite Avery's hatred right now, I reach out and grab his hand, giving it a squeeze. "I'm sorry Avery, I really am. I don't know what I was thinking. I love you so much."

             
"But you love him too, don't you? You still haven't gotten over him."

             
I swallow down the lump forming, trying my best to be strong. Not for myself, but for him. To give him reassurance that he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. His eyes slowly open to look at me when I'm silent. "I don't know," I answer honestly. "I thought... I thought I got over him, until I saw him."

             
His eye widen and he looks both hurt and angry. "When did you see him?"

             
"He was at your fight." I don't mention the next day, not sure if this is an appropriate time or not.

             
He tilts his head and looks at me. "Did you talk to him?"

             
I shake my head no. I didn't talk to him at the fight. I'm not completely lying.

             
"Have you talked to him at all?"

             
He knows me too well. I nod my head as a new set of tears start flowing from my eyes.

             
His eyes narrow and his voice is weaker when he talks. "Is that all you did... talk?"

             
I shake my head and look down. I start sobbing uncontrollably as he stands up and walks away. I let him walk away. I just sit here as tears flow freely.

             
I think he is completely gone when I stand up and unlock my apartment door. I look down the long hall that leads outside, the direction he had gone, just to see him staring at me from a distance. He has glossy eyes and I can see him shaking. Seeing him this way reminds me that it isn't safe for him to be driving his bike.

             
"Avery?" My voice chokes on the word.

             
He startles, like he wasn't expecting me to notice him, or speak, or say his name. He doesn't reply, so I continue. "Do you want to come in?" He shakes his head no. "Can I drive you home then? I don't feel safe having you drive your bike."

             
He thinks on it for a moment before he nods his head softly, then he turns and walks out the door.

             
I lock up my apartment again and run after him. He is standing outside my car, looking down at his feet, shuffling them uncomfortably.

             
On the ride to his house, I decide this may be my very last chance to make things right. Well, not right, they'll never be right again. Maybe better. Is that what it'll make it? Maybe, possibly. No, probably not. It's worth a shot though.

             
"I never meant to hurt you Avery. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me."

             
"I don't want to hear it Cassie."

             
I don't care, I continue. "You've been amazing to me. I made a mistake, a huge one. I just wanted to apologize to him and it just happened. I don't even know why I let it happen, but I'll never forgive myself. And I'm not asking for your forgiveness, I don't deserve it, but I want you to know, I really am sorry."

             
He turns his entire body to face me. I have to keep my eyes on the road but my body is quite aware of his eyes watching me. "Why the hell would you need to apologize to him?"

             
I exhale a deep breath. This isn't something Avery and I have ever talked about, not once. "When you were fighting over the summer and I was in Hawaii, Pierce and I talked... a lot. We got close." I glance over real quick to see him still staring, listening closely to each word. I look back at the road. "The day I got back, the day you got... shot. Well, he and I were out to eat, we were going to start dating, make things work between us. I got the call though and he rushed us to you." That part he knew, that Pierce drove Mason, Aubrey, and myself up to him. He never knew why, never questioned it, probably not wanting to know the truth.

             
"When we were at the hospital, Pierce was comforting me but all I wanted was you, Avery. I pushed him away, I screamed and yelled and made him leave. We haven't talked since, not until the other day. When I saw him at your fight, I just felt bad, I needed to say sorry. I tried a few times through text and calling him, but he wouldn't answer me. I needed him to know how sorry I was."

             
"You do a lot of apologizing Cassie. We all make mistakes, I know this first hand, but shouldn't that wake you up. Shouldn't you see that you shouldn't be apologizing nearly this much. Make up your mind Cassie. You can't have us both."

             
"I want you Avery. I love you and I need you." I start crying again, unable to stop.

             
He reaches over and places his hand on my leg. "Stop crying, you need to concentrate on driving. We'll talk about this later. I just need some time, okay?" I can feel the loneliness in his weak voice.

             
I nod my head, praying he is being honest with me, that he'll really just give us time. We can work this out, we can make it through this. Whatever this is.

Chapter Eight

              The next several days I spend either at school or locked in the apartment with ice cream and wine. Sometimes I sit for hours and read until I'm in tears, not able to take another page, other times I sit on my ass and watch episode after episode on Netflix, clearing my queue.

             
The day I know that Aubrey is getting home, I catch up on the pile of dishes and laundry, and do a little cleaning around the place. After that, I decide it's time to go grab some food at the grocery store, since I'm out of my supply of junk food.

             
While shopping, I turn the corner into the candy isle, where my mouth is salivating just at the thought of fruit flavored snacks. When I toss the third bulk bag into my cart, two girls start laughing from behind me. I recognize the laugh immediately and turn to see Madison and Katie. They're not laughing at me, they're laughing at something on Madison's phone, which relieves me. I don't want them to see me, so I start pushing the cart before turning to face forward again, then there is a thump. I'm just seconds too late as a tall display comes tumbling down on the ground, making a massive mess and loud noise.

             
I freeze and just watch the disaster crumble around me. I slowly back away as Madison comes up and spots me. "Cassie, is that you?" I'm so very thankful I changed into normal clothing attire and showered this morning. One less thing to be embarrassed about.

             
I face her and give her a tight smile. "Hi Madison."

             
Katie stands next to her, cackling with laughter. "Ohmigod, did you do this?" She points to the mess surrounding my cart. Just then a voice comes over the intercom announcing a clean-up is needed in isle six.

             
I sigh and nod my head. "Yeah, I uh, didn't see it."

             
Of course she laughs a little more but Madison gives me a sad smile, like she knows the embarrassment I feel. The situation quickly gets even more awkward, so I back my cart up and look to Madison again, avoiding contact with Katie as much as possible. "Good seeing you." Employees are already cleaning the mess up, so I start walking away. She says bye back to me.

             
Near the end of the isle, I hear more laughter, this time from a male. Or two of them. Austin and Avery come around the corner and pause when they spot me. Austin looks down the aisle to where his girlfriend and Katie are. Are the four of them here together?

             
I can feel my face pale and my stomach starts to curdle at the thought. Avery's eyes close while he takes in a deep breath.

             
"Uh, hi," I say shyly before moving the cart to go around them. As much as I'd love to stand here and talk to Avery, I don't want to around Austin or the girls. I'm not sure how'd it'd end, but I would guess somewhere between me pleading and crying, and Avery telling me he is now with Katie. Ugh, I cringe at the thought.

             
I make it into isle five, where I can load up on more chips and soda, without a word or glance from Avery. I throw in three of my favorite flavors then feel the air surrounding me thicken. I know without looking Avery is either watching me or walking towards me. I don't turn around, as much as I want to, I just keep going, forcing my feet to glide a little faster.

             
I reach down to grab a twelve pack of my favorite diet soda when his hand gets to it first. I back away and allow him to place it in my cart. He gives me a sad smile while his eyes roam my face, memorizing it. I do the same, thinking that he doesn't look at all effected by what happened. He doesn't look heart broken, lonely, lost, miserable, nothing. He looks perfect, as usual. It makes me both happy and miserable. I want to know how he can be so happy- hoping it's not a girl.

             
"How are you?" he asks softly.

             
I laugh dryly at his question. "Wonderful, Avery, just wonderful." My voice is full of sarcasm and hurt. He gives me a questioning look, bunching his brows together.

             
Instead of asking me why- since he already knows- he skips it and continues the useless small talk. But if that is all he'll give me, I'm more than willing to accept it. "What have you been doing this week?"

             
His eyes look down at our feet, unable to look at me any longer.

             
"Getting fat, watching TV, reading."

             
I can see half his face lifting into a sideways smile. It's one of my favorite things he does. I've missed that look. If only he'd actually look at me so I can get a better picture. He doesn't though, not until after his smile is gone at least. When he does look at me, he looks sad. For me? Or for him? For us, and what we used to be? What we'll never be again.

             
"You're not getting fat, stop it."

             
It takes a lot of effort not to roll my eyes. I take the conversation off me and ask him something I'm not sure I want the answer to. "Are you dating Katie now?"

             
His eyes widen in a shocked-and-humored expression. "Hell no, that girl is crazy." He laughs and shakes his head, clearly amused at my thought. I can't help the exhale of relief, so very thankful of his answer. It doesn't mean they haven't gotten 'close' at all.

             
He notices the stress of that question melting away and runs the back of his fingers down my cheek. "You're the only girl for me Angel, but not right now, okay?"

             
I nod, accepting that it's possible we'll be together again. Someday is better than never.

             
"I'm fighting Spike again soon. I don't know when yet, it'll be a last minute fight, but I hope you'll be there. It's probably in the next day or two. I've been training extra hard and will be more prepared this time."

             
I swallow my fear and smile that he asked me to come. "Of course I'll be there Avery, I wouldn't miss it. Make sure you call me when you know."

             
He grins again, not a large one but enough of one that causes me to smile back. It's the first smile in over a week. It feels so nice. "I'll see you later."