Fearless (15 page)

Unfortunately Jordan is the one human who comes to
mind. But it's an abhorrent thought, and it sickens me that his name enters my thoughts just as easily as the thoughts of those who hardly know him.

I start to respond to Gabriel, but he rushes to defend himself. ‘Brother, everyone is thinking of Jordan. We may as well deal with it now.'

‘OK.' I glance round the table, meeting the eyes of everyone in turn. ‘I can't stop you from thinking his name, but I implore you not to mention this option to Jordan. He cannot be a candidate for too many reasons to explain.'

‘I object.'

It's Shae. Of course. I understand where she's coming from, but on this no one will sway me. The sooner they understand this, the sooner we can get on with rescuing Ebony.

Gabriel says, ‘Thane, we all know how close you are to this boy and that you find the very thought of his sacrifice repugnant. I do too, as I'm sure does everyone here.' Nodding heads and murmurs around the table concur. ‘But we must think logically because there are consequences to leaving Ebony in Skade, and besides that, Ebony is one of us.'

‘And Jordan? What is he? An instrument to use at our will? He is a human being, the very species we are sworn to protect, the same species who will suffer the most should I fail in this endeavour. I know what's at stake, and I'm telling you – I will find another way.'

Gabe glares at me from under his dark-blond lashes, so thick they make a near-perfect screen, concealing what he is really thinking. How much could Ebony see when she looked into Gabriel's eyes?

‘Tell us
you
didn't use Jordan when he died and you caught his soul,' he says. ‘Tell us you didn't use him as an instrument of your will.'

‘I gave him a chance at a better life than the one that Luca ruined when he kidnapped Jordan's Guardian. I didn't know it would turn out like this. I stand by my decision to give Jordan a second chance. But since he still doesn't ha
ve h
is Guardian, who will look out for him if
I
don't? If I have to, I will protect Jordan to the end of his days.'

‘Brother, humans live and they die. Some die young. We can't stop that. And we all know how full of love Jordan's heart is for –'

I'm on my feet before he says her name. ‘Jordan can't hear of this. Not one word. Do you understand, Gabe?' I glance over the others around the table. ‘Do you all?'

‘I do,' Jez says, quickly followed by assurances from Michael, Uriel, Tash and Sami.

I turn to Gabe. ‘I respect your different view, but I need you to trust me that I will come up with another plan. In the meantime, I need you to promise you won't tell Jordan about this.'

He groans. ‘Thane, you have to admit Jordan is perfect. He loves Ebony, and he hates his life. I think he'll sacrifice himself willingly if we give him the choice.'

I slam my hand down on the polished timber table with more pressure than I mean to and it opens a fissure halfway to the opposite end.

‘Now look what you've done,' Gabe scolds.

‘Really, Gabe? You're concerned about a table? Tables are
expendable. Humans are not. Jordan could never be replaced.'

‘What do you see in that boy?'

‘Courage. Honour. A willingness to be a better person.' My eyes sweep to Tash's as a memory springs to mind of the night in Skade when we searched for Ebony's human parents. We'd set up camp in the icy paths that formed a maze on the outside of Mount Mi'Ocra. Tash had huddled down with the wild dogs she'd successfully made into her pack when she'd had a vision and a seizure. She'd murmured, ‘
Someone you trust will betray you
,' right before she passed out.

‘What about lust?' Gabe asks. ‘For your fiancée?'

‘Show me a seventeen-year-old boy who would not lust over my fiancée.'

That catches him off guard, and amused sniggers break out around the conference table. Gabe opens his mouth to say something, and closes it again. ‘Touché,' he grins, and in that moment I glimpse the brother I know and have always loved. ‘I just think you should give Jordan the chance to make up his own mind.' He glances at the others. ‘We should take a vote.'

‘No, we shouldn't.' I have to stop this before momentum takes over. Voting is our favoured method to settle disputes between us. But this is not one of those kinds of disputes, not when a human's life is at stake. ‘We don't vote whether a human lives or dies.'

‘This is about choice, Thane, a human's basic right,' Gabe persists, and he turns to face the others. ‘Let's do this quickly in a show of hands. Who thinks we should give Jordan the chance to make up his own mind?'

I stare into my brother's face, ‘Given the choice, do you
really think Jordan
could
walk away? Can't you see that if he knew, he would have no choice? The part of him connected to Ebony through the Guardian bond would not allow him to make an objective decision. Turning away would destroy him. That's why he can't be told.'

‘And what of the greater reason Ebony must be brought home? The children Luca will make with her, the army over time that puts the entire human species in danger?'

‘I'm aware that the sooner we bring Ebony home …' But I can't finish. Just being apart is tearing me up inside, and these thoughts bring images with them. Seeing Luca with Ebony in his arms, his hands on her, forcing her to … to … ‘Gabriel, believe me, I understand the ramifications should we fail to retrieve Ebony before Luca makes her Skade's Queen. I know how much harder it will be once …'

Heads nod and for now at least Gabriel goes silent. But arguing with him has taken my attention away from where it should be – listening for Jordan in case he arrives home. It's a school day so he should be down in the Oakes Valley. Or he could be at Amber's. I don't know, and I'm not concerned as long as he's not
here
. I listen for his thoughts and breathe a little easier. There's still nothing.

But the thought occurs that if Ebony kept training in my absence, chances are Jordan would have too. The last thing we worked on together was blocking angels from getting into his head. Circumstances, his anger for me, would have motivated him to work on improving this particular skill.

Stars almighty! I shouldn't be listening for Jordan's thoughts!

And when I shift my focus I hear Amber straight away, frantically deliberating what to tell Jordan to make him
leave and go to her place.

‘No. No, no.'

Not only is Jordan home, but he's also close. How much has he heard? I spin around looking for him.

‘What is it?' Michael is already at my side.

Jordan is here.

Where?

Close.

I've been listening. I didn't hear him.

He's blocking his thoughts from us.

Then, how … ?

Tash looks up and says, ‘Amber is with him.'

I yank the door open and see them, their backs against the wall. I glance into the study which is so close, and I know. The only question is, how much did he hear?

Amber shifts her head from side to side. Her eyes are streaked red, pupils dilated and filled with fear. And I know then, he's heard enough.

Jordan's nostrils flare as he draws in a strangled breath and says, ‘I'll do it.'

Amber shrieks, ‘
No!
' It's a guttural cry for help. She looks at me. ‘You can stop him, right?'

He gives her a harsh glance. ‘Amber, you don't understand.'

With a sense of heaviness, my eyes close. Maybe if I open them slowly enough, Jordan will not be standing before me and this will all be a bad dream.

‘Did you hear me, Thane? For God's sake, man, open your eyes and tell me you heard me!'

He pushes past me into the study, where Jez, Isaac, Sol
and Jerome are hurriedly clearing the table. ‘Stop, everyone, you can clean up later. Right now I need someone to tell me exactly what I have to do to make this happen. How? When? Where? All of it. I don't want to stuff up the one good thing I can do with my lousy life.'

Amber leans on the door, clutching herself around the waist, a pleading look in her eyes. ‘Jordan, come home with me. Jordan, please …'

But he ignores her as if she weren't there. ‘Who's gonna help me do this?' His eyes go first to Michael, who gives him a small shake of refusal.

Jordan glances at Isaac next, who wordlessly looks away. From one after another he receives similar reactions. He shifts his eyes between Jerome and Sami, both of whom I assume he's come to know in my absence, but my brother's piteous look and my sister-in-law's compassionate one only make Jordan growl.

He looks at Shae next, recognising her, and hope makes his eyes widen. ‘Will you help me save your sister?'

Shae's hand whips up to her mouth, her eyes flitting to mine.
I love my sister
, she links.

I know, Shae. I do too. And I'm asking you to trust me. I will find another way to bring Ebony home and keep humankind safe.

She sighs. ‘Jordan, what you ask is impossible for an angel.'

‘It shouldn't be for you. We're not talking about any angel, you know,' he hits back. ‘I heard you lot talking about taking a vote. Well, I'm saving you the trouble.' He spots Gabriel. ‘You!' he points. ‘You want me to do this. I heard you.
You
are gonna help me.'

Jez taps the table to get Jordan's attention. As she's healed
him in the past, the two have developed a certain rapport. She comes and stands in front of him. ‘Jordan, let's talk about this.'

‘No. You're not gonna change my mind.'

‘There are things you should know.'

‘Stop! I don't trust anything you tell me because you would do anything Thane says. You're like his pet groupie.'

She steps back as if he slapped her. With her pride stinging, she loads her arms with dishes and heads to the kitchen, murmuring to no one in particular, ‘Maybe we should let him do it, the ungrateful insect.'

An instant of regret flits across Jordan's eyes, but Jez misses it.

He then turns to Gabriel. ‘What's it gonna take to get you to help me? I'll do whatever you want. Anything. Just tell me. Come on, Gabe, you're my last hope.'

Gabriel remains silent. He peers over the top of Jordan's head to me, a distinct apology in his eyes.

Sensing defeat, Jordan picks up a chair and hurls it at the wall. ‘What's the problem with you people? My life isn't worth shit anyway!' He points a finger at me. ‘You know that. You gave me a second chance but I blew it. You should be the first to volunteer me.'

‘You didn't blow anything, Jordan.'

‘Yeah, I did. Our deal was that I help you find Ebony so you could take her back to her real home. I helped find her, sure. But I've done nothing to encourage her to return to Avena. I've tried to manipulate her into
not
going. You don't know the things I told her when you were away, how I played on her doubts to make her believe she wasn't an
angel. I wanted her to stay on Earth and I tried to make her stop loving you.'

‘Sacrificing your life is not the answer to helping Ebony – or to correcting any mistakes you've made for one reason or another.'

He drops into a chair. ‘What about my contract with the Dark Prince? He owns my soul. He gets me when I die anyway, so before I go to the fiery pits of Skade I may as well do one good thing with my life.'

‘Luca manipulated you in a dream. I will deal with that as soon as I –'

‘Just quit it, Thane! You think you can fix everyone's problems. Shit, you even think you can fix the world! But that's not gonna happen. There are some things that even
you
can't fix.'

Jordan lowers his head into his hands and murmurs, ‘It's my destiny.'

Amber clarifies: ‘He thinks it's his destiny to always love Ebony but never have her.'

He peers at Amber, his eyes troubled and sunken into his face. It surprises me that he can't see how much this girl is hurting to see him suffering.

‘He told me he'd rather be dead than spend his life in perpetual heartbreak.'

‘He said that
before
he learned of this?' I ask Amber by way of confirmation. When she nods, my blood boils. ‘Do you think Ebony will enjoy being free at the cost of your death?'

He lifts his head, his eyes wide and round, as if this has not occurred to him before.

‘Ebony could never be happy knowing you gave your life so she could be free. She's
your
Guardian, not the other way round. I'm sorry that on the day of my arrest I made you responsible for her safety. I only meant until she came into her powers, or accepted who she was. And I'm sorry I was absent for so long. After Ebony returned to Avena she would begin watching over
you
, Jordan. You would have a Guardian for the first time and your life would improve. That was our deal.'

‘Why are you the one making all my decisions? Who put you in charge of my life? Don't I have
Free Will
? If I want to do this, you can't stop me.'

‘True, but if no one agrees to carry you to the gates, it would make your willing sacrifice impossible.'

He gets up and storms around the room. He hadn't considered how he was going to traverse the vast and changing landscape of the Crossing. ‘How is that fair? I thought you angels were democratic. I say we take a vote like Gabe wanted before you realised I was listening, and as well as accepting my choice, I get transportation.' He notices Jez returning to the room and nods. ‘Good, we're all here. Now we can vote.'

‘What for?' she asks.