Faun and Games (36 page)

answer.

"By going through the motions at the wrong time, or not completing

them," the stork said.
 
"Or when they aren't qualified.
 
Demonesses do

that a lot, and nymphs.
 
They think its funny to imitate the procedure,

when they aren't on the list for deliveries."

That was what he had feared.
 
All his celebrations with nymphs were just

cluttering the stork's screen.
 
He felt guilty.

"The valid ones are bad enouch," Stanley said, catching another blip.

"If those idiots had any idea how hard we have to work to prepare a

delivery, and get it exactly right.
 
I mean, suppose we delivered an

ogret to a human female?
 
Think of the notoriety that would cause.
 
But

no, they keep signaling merrily away all night, as if it's nothing at

all."

"How are babies actually made?" Forrest asked.
 
"I mean, once a valid

signal comes."

"Well, it's complicated.
 
We-" Then the stork glanced warily at him.

"Are you cleared for restricted information?"

"I guess not."

"Then move on.
 
I'm busy enough as it is."

Stanley seemed to have a case.
 
"Sorry," Forrest said, somewhat lamely.

They moved on.
 
Other storks were busy handling paperwork and sorting

and wrapping babies.
 
There was a loading dock where storks hooked their

long beaks into the top loop of the slings holding the babies, and with

much labor took off on their delivery routes.
 
It was a very busy scene.

They reached the far corner of the castle, and saw the straight and

narrow ledge crossing the back side.
 
"There must be some way to get

into the castle," Forrest said.
 
"But between the funeral and the

storks, I don't see it."

"I don't either," she agreed.
 
"We really don't belong to either the

beginning or the end of life; we're in the broad middle section.
 
Should

we cross to the other side and check out the funeral again?"

"I'm not sure what good that would do.
 
If only there were something

halfway between the extremes!" Then he paused.
 
"Do you think it could

be literal?"

"Literal?"

"Halfway between the two sides of the castle."

"That's so stupidly simple it can't be right."

"Right," he agreed, remembering how similarly stupidly simple the

solutions to the Challenges of the Good Magician's castle in Xanth had

been.
 
Yet none of them had been obvious ahead of time. Magician Humfrey

just seemed to have a way of making ordinary folk feel stupid.

They walked down the far side of the castle.
 
There, halfway, was a

small door.
 
They tried it, and it opened.
 
They had found the way in,

passing the second Challenge.

Inside was a large chamber with a raised stage at the far end.
 
There

was painted scenery, and several people before it.
 
A man was directing

the exact placement of the scenery, and giving the others admonitions

for their performances.
 
It was a rehearsal for a play, and it was just

beginning.

"I'm not sure we belong here," Forrest said.

The Director turned.
 
"Be silent and sit down, or I'll throw a curse at

you."

"Curse fiends!" Imbri whispered.
 
"Don't annoy them."

Forrest had heard about the curse fiends.
 
They lived in a castle under

Lake Ogre Chobee.
 
They all had the same talent, that of throwing

curses, and they put on plays.
 
They didn't like interference or

competition.
 
Sensible folk stayed well clear of them.

He looked at the door, but it had closed and barred itself.
 
They would

get hit by a barrage of curses if they tried to get out, because the

door would surely make a lot of noise, disturbing the play.
 
That was

the way of such things.
 
So he looked for the nearest chair, and Imbfi

looked also.
 
They would have to watch the play rehearsal. Maybe they

could get away when the intermission came.

There were two empty seats in the audience.
 
Unfortunately they were not

together.
 
So Forrest had to sit between two young men, while Imbri sat

between two women.

"Hello," the man on the left whispered.
 
"I am Justin Case.
 
My talent

is to always have just the thing someone needs."

"Hello," the man on the other side whispered.
 
"I am his twin brother

Justin Time.
 
My talent is to have my brother present just when he is

needed."

"I am Forrest Faun.
 
My talent is to care for my tree."

"Well, that is surely a worthy endeavor," Justin Case said in a

disparaging tone.
 
"At least it lacks the frustration I experience.
 
I

always have what others need, but never what I myself need."

"Our talents don't work on ourselves," Justin Time explained.
 
"I am

never in time to do myself any good, and I don't help my brother

either."

"I am sorry to hear that," Forrest said.
 
"I can see that it must be

very frustrating."

"Yes.
 
We'd give anything to have even one bit of selfish good fortune,

like marrying two lovely young women and living happily ever after."

Forrest wished he could help them, and wondered whether he should give

them the dear horn to use.
 
But then the stage was called to order, and

the play began, so that had to wait.

An old man stepped to the center of the stage.
 
"The Curse Fiends

present Raven, a play in one act by Sofia Socksorter, the Good

Magician's wife." fle stepped away.

A young man came on the stage and stood before a painted mountain.
 
"I

am called Son," he announced.
 
"I am the unacknowledged son of Magician

Grey and Sorceress Ivy." He looked at his feet.
 
"It seems they took too

long to marry, so when the stork brought me, they weren't ready.
 
So I

was raised in an orphanage, with no proper name.
 
But now I am eighteen,

and ready to claim my heritage.
 
But first I must perform some

significant service for the King, so that I may earn my recognition.
 
I

also want to prove that my talent of the ability to manipulate people's

minds is truly Magician caliber, because someone claims that it's not;

that my mother Ivy Enhanced it to make it seem greater than it is.
 
So

now I will go to Prove Myself and Seek my Fortune." Son marched in the

direction marked To, which was his near future.

Meanwhile the light on him faded, and another brightened on another part

of the stage, showing a painting of a fancy castle.
 
Inside the castle

sat a man on a throne.
 
The man wore a crown.
 
"I am King Dolph," he

announced.
 
"I am the human ruler of Xanth.
 
My talent is to assume any

form I wish to." He suddenly turned into a dragon, then into a male

harpy, then into a unicorn.
 
He returned to man form. "But today I am

receiving visitors, in case any member of my kingdom has a comment or

complaint." He glanced to the side.
 
"Queen Electra, who is here?"

A woman wearing blue jeans and a crown appeared.
 
"It's a man who claims

to be your real father."

"This should be interesting.
 
Send him in."

Electra pushed an electric buzzer.
 
A buzz sounded, and a door opened. A

man entered the royal chamber.
 
He looked somewhat scruffy "So you claim

to be my true father?" King Dolph inquired.
 
"Don't you know that I am

the son of King Emeritus Dor and Queen Emeritus Irene?
 
That was

established long ago."

"No it wasn't," the man said.
 
"You were delivered to me, but I was busy

cutting magic canes, so I set you under a cabbage leaf in the Castle

Roogna garden and went on with my work.
 
Before I could return for you,

Queen Irene discovered you, and claimed you for her own.
 
There wasn't

much I could do, because I had to deliver my load of canes to the local

store immediately or I wouldn't get paid for them.
 
By the time I had

done that, I had forgotten all about the matter. But now I have

remembered, so I have come to fetch you home and put you to work cutting

more canes, so I can retire."

King Dolph did not look entirely pleased by this news.
 
"It is true that

I was found under a cabbage leaf, but that's because the stork was

unable to get into the closed castle."

"No it wasn't," the man insisted.
 
"It's because I put you there. My

wife was most upset when I mentioned it this morning, and insisted that

I set the matter to rights immediately."

"I will have to ponder this," King Dolph said.
 
"Come back next week."

" My wife won't like the delay."

"Here is a pretty bead.
 
Give her that to distract her." King Dolph

plunged his hand into the Royal Treasury and fished out a sparkling

bead.
 
He gave it to the man.

"Gee, she'll like that," the man said, departing with the bead.

"Next," King Dolph said in a businesslike manner.

"That will be Son," Queen Electra said.
 
"He just arrived." She pressed

her buzzer.

Son entered.
 
"And what can I do for you?" King Dolph inquired politely.

"I am your unacknowledged cousin Son.
 
I want you to send me on a

significant quest, so I can prove myself and claim my rightful heritage