Fated Memories

FATED MEMORIES

By

Joan Carney

FATED MEMORIES

© 2016

Joancarneyauthor.com

All Rights Reserved. This book, or any portion thereof, may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. This book is a work of fiction. While some historical events, names and locations are mentioned, other names, characters and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincident

Table of Contents

CHAPTER 1 

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER 20

EPILOGUE

Thank you to Stacy Juba, Developmental Editor for patiently wading through my first draft and setting me on course to write a structured and read-worthy novel.

My gratitude also to all the wonderful people on Goodreads who offered invaluable comments, suggestions and encouragement to make my story come to life: in particular Deb Rhodes, Sharon Umbaugh (The Writer’s Reader), and Stacy Howell.

K
itty’s hands shook and her vision blurred with tears. It didn’t matter. After having read the short note three times, the words ‘… transfer to the second floor’ had been engraved on her brain. She’d found the letter in her mail slot at the hospital where she worked, just this morning.
That’s Richard’s floor!
The wound from their breakup still scarred her heart.
What do I do now? Quit my job?

The elevator doors opened and Richard Delaney stepped off surrounded by his physical therapy staff, who were tittering at one of his clever quips. Kitty wheeled around, making a beeline for the restroom. She couldn’t let him or those bitchy nurses see her cry. In her haste to become invisible, she miscalculated the corner of the wall and, smacking her shoulder against it, bounced back flat on her ass. Silence washed over the unit as everyone’s eyes turned to her.

Flushed with embarrassment, she scrambled to her feet, faced her audience and curtsied. “I’m here all week, folks, don’t miss the show!” Then she burst through the lady’s room door.

Kitty locked herself in the stall, working to salvage her dignity while dialing her cell phone for her pillar of strength; the one who always knew what to do.

“Ma?” Despite her efforts to control it, her voice still shook.

“Kitten, honey, are you crying? What’s the matter, are those silly boys in school teasing you again? Should I go speak with the principal?”

“Funny, Mom, no I only need to talk to someone. Remember when I told you the hospital makes the ward clerks reapply for their jobs every few years so they can weed out the ones they no longer want? Well, it’s that time again. I got my take-it-or-leave-it offer today and it says they’re bumping me from the step-down unit, to the pits of the med/surg dungeon. If I don’t accept it, I’ll be out of a job. I don’t know what to do.”

Silence. 

“Mom, are you still there?”

“Yes, I’m here.” She blew out a long breath. “Kitty, you’re a smart lady, but if you don’t respect yourself enough to stand up and take charge of your life, you’ll always be at the mercy of others. Remember, the choices we make follow us and decide our fate.”

“I know, Mom, but…”

“The best advice I have for you, sweetheart, is to move home with us so you can go back to college and learn more marketable skills.”

Kitty had battled with them before over this. In her mind, living with her parents at her age was the same as having a big red letter “L” tattooed on her forehead. “I see, okay. Um, I have to get back to work now. I’ll talk to you later, Ma. Thanks for listening.”

As she washed off the mascara tracks from her tears, she studied her reflection in the restroom mirror, mulling over the misery that was her life.
You’re almost thirty years old, Kitty Trausch, what have you got to show for it? A man? Not since Richard dumped me last year. A career? More like a crappy job that’s become unbearable.

Kitty remembered her mom’s mantra “When the world gets rough,” she’d say, “remind yourself of the good things you have.” She thought hard for a positive slant, but only came up with her prized closet full of shoes and salvation from her acne plague. Great, at least that and two-seventy-five will get me on the subway. Oh, and one more good thing. Rooming with Sonia allowed her to walk the short distance to the hospital and not have to ride the train from Tuckahoe to Manhattan.
Wow, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude
.

Richard had been the only highlight in her otherwise dull life. Since their breakup, the monotonous days dragged by, each a repeat of the last. She pretended it was all she wanted and feared it was all she deserved. Now even that empty, anonymous lifestyle faced extinction.

Her shoulder throbbed from hitting the wall, her head hurt from crying, and her pride was bruised from the fall. In too much pain to continue working, Kitty asked for a sick release from the unit coordinator, gathered her belongings, and headed home.

***

Most people lose their appetite when they get upset or angry. Kitty never understood that. Instead, she got hungry. And not just ‘a sandwich sounds good right now’ hungry. But a vicious, self-destructive, tantrum-throwing brand of hunger that could only be satisfied by the most calorie-laden, forbidden, high-fat food possible. And alcohol, lots of alcohol.

Kitty knew the hospital wanted to get rid of her. She’d rather be drawn and quartered than work on that unit. Especially since that’s where most of Richard’s therapy patients were. She’d see him every day flirting with the nurses and watching them fawn all over him. Who in the world could she have pissed off enough to deserve this?

At the market, Kitty moved in a trance-like state as she laid a second bottle of
Chateau St Michelle Riesling
from the store shelf into her basket. It already contained the pepperoni pizza from Fat Charley’s Italian restaurant next door, three boxes of
Mallomar
cookies, and a half gallon of double chocolate-chunk ice cream. 

Even though she tried to stifle it, her mom’s earlier facetious remark niggled in Kitty’s brain. Bumping into the display the stock boy had just finished assembling, his cold stare ushered in the flood of hurtful memories. Jeers and digs about her five-foot-ten frame that earned her the nickname of Marmaduke rang in her ears. But the worst tormentors were the walking erections who turned her name into a disgusting, mortifying taunt. Their innuendoes landed them, bloody and bruised, in the principal’s office on several occasions.

Kitty had no recollection of paying at the checkout counter until the blaring car horns and the impatient drivers’ angry words jolted her back to her senses. Startled by the commotion, she realized she’d been standing still in the middle of the street. Any other day she’d have responded with a few choice expletives of her own, but even those deserted her now. Kitty shuffled the heavy grocery bags around, hurrying the last block home.

***

She reached the door to the apartment she shared with Sonia and Carlos juggling so many packages, she had to ring the bell and hope Sonia was there to open it. When she did, Kitty just stood there dripping with sweat from the muggy summer air, her arms full, and tears and snot streaming down her face. Sonia dragged her inside unburdening her and assessing her for physical damage while she used the edge of her shirt to wipe Kitty’s face.

“Oh my God, Kitty, what happened? Are you hurt?” 

“Did you get mugged?” Carlos demanded. “Where did it happen? Did you get a good look at him? I told you not to walk through that park!” Sonia’s boyfriend since high school, Carlos, had been working for the NYPD for over ten years and made it his mission to lecture everyone on safety and security.

Kitty pulled the letter out of her pocket, handed it to Sonia, and plopped on the couch sobbing. 

“Go to work, baby.” She gave Carlos a gentle push towards the door. “Kitty and I need to have some girl time. Be careful and wake me in the morning when you get home.”

He gave her a serious look then kissed her goodbye. “Tell her.”

“What? Tell me what?”

Sonia waved off the question as she headed to the kitchen and Kitty was too miserable to pursue it.

“So, med/surg; that’s not so bad. You can handle it. You just need to stay organized. Jackie always manages to keep it under control.” Sonia returned carrying two large spoons for the ice cream, a corkscrew, glasses and a handful of paper napkins.

“What do you know?” Kitty blew her nose one more time before digging in to the pizza. “You’ve never had to do it. You’re part of the nurse’s sorority who snaps their fingers at the clerk expecting her to be capable of organizing Jell-O!”

“I would never do that to you or any other clerk and you know it! If you think I have it so great why don’t you go back to school and become a nurse?”

“Who me? What if I screw up the calculations on a patient’s IV, or trip over my own feet with a needle in my hand and kill him? Trust me. The world is much better off keeping me in the background where I can’t hurt anyone. But I don’t understand why I’m getting transferred. Sure, the nurses on my floor are stand-offish, but who cares? And the manager rarely interacts with me. What could I have done to make them want to get rid of me?”

Sonia sighed as she poured the wine. “Listen, Kitty, you know I love you, but have you considered that it might be your attitude? Ever since your break up with Richard, you’ve been a little… edgy. I thought those martial arts classes you’re taking were supposed to re-direct your anger?”

Whenever Sonia pursed her lips and lowered her eyes Kitty knew she was hiding something. She clutched Sonia’s arm, spilling a few drops of the wine. “Please Sonia, you’re my best friend in the whole world, if people are talking behind my back you need to tell me. Please, that’s what friends are for.”

“Okay, fine. Just don’t kill the messenger!”

Sonia took a long drink of her wine. “Everyone knows we’re friends, okay so they don’t say anything to my face, but still I hear things, you know? And from what I gather, the reason the manager avoids any contact with you and the nurses are what you call stand-offish, is because you’re always so sarcastic and you have a habit of rolling your eyes and snapping at them. They think you’re a bitch.” 

“I’M… NOT…  A… BITCH!” The waterworks were starting in earnest now and the hiccupping sobs even made her put down her food. How did this happen? How did I go from a teenage wallflower too shy and insecure to talk to anyone, to an almost thirty-year-old pariah that everyone considered a bitch?

“Oh, honey, look.” Sonia draped an arm around her. “I don’t think you’re a bitch, you’re just… unhappy. You know, this thing with the hospital may be a gift. The push you need to get out of your comfort zone and on to a new direction. Maybe you should take vacation and rethink your options.”

As Sonia’s comforting hand moved to cover hers, Kitty noticed the ring for the first time. “Sonia! Oh my God! You’re engaged! When? I mean, I always figured you and Carlos would get married someday, but I didn’t know he’d proposed!”

Sonia glowed with pride. “He popped the question after dinner at Luigi’s last night.” She held out her hand to display the small diamond. “It was so romantic. He even got down on one knee, right there in the restaurant with everyone watching! He looked so serious I almost laughed. His promotion becomes effective with the new rotation next month, so now we can afford to buy a house, start a family.” Sonia’s eyes flashed guiltily and darted away.  

“Oh, that’s wonderful.” More bewildered than happy, Kitty leaned forward reaching for her wineglass to keep Sonia from seeing the disappointment on her face. A thousand thoughts ran through her mind at once. This must be what Carlos had urged Sonia to tell her. If they were moving on with their lives, they certainly didn’t need a third wheel getting in the way. They wanted her to leave. Where would she go? With her job in jeopardy she’d have to move back with her parents.
Oh, God no!
Could this day get any worse?

***

Kitty woke to the alarm clock at her usual five a.m. the next morning, emerging from her room bleary eyed, her face creased and sticky from tears. Work was out of the question today.

She stumbled out to the living room in her ratty pajamas, and her hair a solid clump of tangles. As she picked up the phone to call in sick, peeling a piece of pepperoni off the receiver, she surveyed the mess they’d made last night. Without time or talent for decorating, Sonia had filled her apartment with a profusion of odd pieces, calling it eclectic. The saggy blue sofa passed down from Kitty’s parents, and the mustard-colored fake leather recliner rescued from Carlos’s grandfather’s house, stood between two thrift store tables topped with brown ginger jar lamps. Now the glass coffee table had melted ice cream on it, empty wine bottles littered the stained carpet, and demolished cookie boxes and used napkins lay strewn everywhere. One slice of pizza remained in the box on the couch. Kitty heard the shower running and didn’t want Sonia to come out and begin her day seeing this disaster. If she had to leave, she refused to be remembered as a slob. Sick call done, Kitty nuked the leftover pizza for breakfast, got a pot of coffee going, grabbed the roll of paper towels and the trash can, and tackled the clean-up job.

Kitty had the laptop set up at the kitchen table that doubled as a desk when Sonia emerged shiny and bright-faced, looking as though she hadn’t stayed up half the night letting her devastated roommate cry and whine on her shoulder. Her blue scrubs fit her trim body perfectly and her clear, light-brown complexion needed no makeup whatsoever. With her slightly frizzy hair slicked back in a ponytail, she still maintained the image of the cheerleader she had once been. 

Sonia and Kitty’s sister, Patty, best friends since second grade, had been the prettiest and most popular girls in school, but they’d never acted smug about it. They always encouraged Kitty to tag along to pep rallies and parties, even though she only watched the excitement from the sidelines, wishing she had the nerve to join in the fun. The two of them had even gone to nursing school together. After graduation Sonia had taken a job in the ICU at Bethlehem General where Kitty worked. Patty met Dan, the love of her life, and they’d moved upstate where she launched her career as a labor-and-delivery nurse.

Kitty counted back the years.
My God! Was that really over ten years ago? Where has the time gone?