Fated Hearts 02 - Highland Echoes (13 page)

“And what never hewps?”

Grace smiled at the second question that often followed. “Panicking never helps.”

Kristen smiled and stretched her arms towards Grace. Grace picked her up and held her close. Kristen whispered loudly, “Ye aren’t awone, Mama. Ye have me.”

“Aye, I do, sweetling.”

Finally, she looked at Bram, who still sat at the table, his fingers steepled under his chin, wearing a concerned expression not unlike Kristen’s had been. She apologized. “I’m sorry for losing my temper. Ye simply meant to keep us safe. I understand now. Thank ye for coming by and helping me see that.”

“Nay, Grace, I don’t think ye do understand.”

“But, I do. Ye needn’t worry about it. I won’t keep ye any longer this evening.” She added, “thank ye for coming by,” again hoping he would take the hint. She needed time to regroup, to reinforce the walls that protected her.

“Grace, I’m not leaving yet. The fact that ye believe ye are nothing to me clearly tells me ye do not understand. I said we had things to discuss, and we still do.”

“We can discuss them tomorrow. I need to put Kristen to bed. I’m tired and I still have work to do.”

“Put Kristen to bed and we’ll discuss it
tonight
. Any work ye have will wait.”

Normally Bram enjoyed riding over their holdings, meeting with the crofters, and ensuring that all was well in the clan. This time he hadn’t. He had wanted to be at home—to be with Grace. He hadn’t even had the chance to speak with her before he left. He worried about her and Kristen. In the little time he had known Grace, he had been struck by her strength, confidence, and sheer will to survive. But as much as he admired these traits, they were what concerned him as well. He feared she wasn’t aware of her own limitations and was fairly certain she wouldn’t seek help when she needed it. Those flaws could be dangerous.

When he had ridden into the village with his men and he saw her trudging through the rain he couldn’t help but believe his fears were well founded. To top things off, she fairly bristled with anger—at him.

How could he explain the deep need he felt to take care of her and keep her safe when he didn’t completely understand it? He told himself she was his clanswoman and because she was a widow he had certain responsibilities to her. But when he stepped in the little cottage that evening and his heart nearly exploded, he knew what he felt went way beyond that.

The scene that met him when he arrived had been a glimpse of everything he wanted in life, everything he had ever prayed for. No longer just marriage and a family, he wanted to marry
this
strong, beautiful woman who stirred his deepest needs and desires and be a father to her child who he also adored. He wanted to love and protect them both. Nothing would have stood in his way if he had been born anyone except a laird’s son. But even considering that, he knew he could accept no other bride. There had to be a way to marry Grace and as he asked the blessing, he prayed silently for God’s help in finding it.

His goal had changed from simply making her understand it was his obligation to protect her, to convincing her that he loved her. But first, he had to convince her that she didn’t hate him. He wasn’t sure what had gone on in the three days he was gone, but he suspected there was more to it than he currently understood. When Grace’s temper snapped he was even more certain of it. She was completely unaware of how important she was to him or she would never have shouted,
I am nothing to ye, I am the cook’s granddaughter
,
and that caused his heart to ache. He wasn’t going to let her push him away. Aye, they had things to discuss.

She shook her head in resignation. “Fine. Kristen, are ye finished eating?”

“Aye, Mama.”

“Then help me clean up the dishes before bed.”

Bram could only wonder how much help a three year old could be.

Grace poured warm water into a wash basin from a kettle that sat on the hearth. She gave Kristen a small towel. As Grace washed each item, she handed it to Kristen who dried it carefully—if not perfectly—and laid it on the table. When she was done, Grace whispered something in Kristen’s ear. Kristen nodded and went into the bedroom.

Bram arched a brow at Grace.

Grace said, “Chamber pot,” by way of explanation, causing him to grin.

While Kristen was out of the room, Grace put the clean dishes away, drying anything the lass had missed. When Kristen returned, Grace wet one end of the towel and washed Kristen’s face and hands. “Now, little miss, it is time for bed. Can ye say good night to Sir Bram?”

Perhaps “saying” good night was what Grace intended, but Kristen launched herself at him, hugging him. “Good night, Sir Bwam.”

Without thinking about it, Bram returned her hug and kissed her forehead. “Good night my sweet, wee lassie.”

When Kristen released him, Grace took her by the hand. “Pardon me for a few minutes.”

“Certainly,” he answered and just as he hoped, when she disappeared into the bedroom, she began singing to Kristen. He couldn’t imagine ever tiring of this.

Far too soon she stopped singing, softening to a hum as she always did. He glanced around the room. There was only one chair in the little cottage and it sat by the hearth. There were four stools at the small table where he sat, but he didn’t want to have this conversation with a table between them. Placing one of the stools opposite the chair, he sat on it and leaned his back against the stone face of the hearth, leaving the chair for Grace.

She had said she was tired and when she emerged from the little bedroom she looked it. Perhaps he should have let this go until tomorrow but he didn’t think it could or should wait. She came no farther into the room than the door. With a sigh she said, “So, ye believe we have things to discuss.”

“Aye, I do. Please, come sit down.” She headed towards the table and started to sit in the stool farthest from him. “In the chair, Grace.” He would have laughed if she didn’t look as if she were facing an executioner. She moved to the chair but would not meet his eyes.

“First, ye must know I don’t think ye are a witless child. Far from it. Ye may be the strongest, brightest, most confident woman I have ever met. I wouldn’t want ye ever to think otherwise.”

She finally looked at him, but said nothing, so he continued. “I know the terrible losses ye have suffered in the last year have played a huge part in making ye as strong and independent as ye are. But I fear ye’ve learned to rely so much on yerself, ye fail to see that ye aren’t alone anymore. Ye are right, there is nothing wrong with taking a walk in a summer rain if ye wish to. But there is if ye were doing it because ye didn’t feel ye could ask for help.”

“I didn’t need help. I wanted to walk her home. I…” Grace looked away for a moment. “Are we through now?”

“Nay, we aren’t. Ye were upset that I left an order forbidding ye to walk the headlands alone.”

Anger flashed in her eyes for a moment. “Aye, I was, and ye have explained that ye think it is dangerous.”

“But ye don’t think so.”

She looked at him again. “Nay, I don’t. I told ye once that I have lived my whole life near sea cliffs.”

“But ye haven’t lived yer whole life
here
.”

“I don’t see the difference.”

“Clearly. But I do. The village ye lived in, was it very large or near other villages?”

“Nay.”

“Did ye know everyone who lived in it?”

“Aye, I did, but I don’t see—”

“Did they know ye? Did they know yer Da would have killed anyone who harmed ye?”

“Aye, I expect they did.”

“Would they have protected ye in his absence?”

“Aye, of course they would. But I—”

“Can ye say the same things now?”

It was the first time he had ever seen her look unsure. She swallowed hard. “Nay.”

“So the village here is much larger, ye don’t know everyone, they don’t know ye and as far as most people believe, ye are under no man’s protection.”

She blinked as if staving off tears. “Aye. I suppose so.”

“Grace, I’m not saying this to hurt ye and I didn’t leave orders about walking the headlands because I don’t think ye know the dangers of the terrain. I know ye have skills with a knife and I hope there isn’t a Sutherland who would try to do ye or Kristen harm in any way, but when ye are alone with her, ye are more vulnerable. So the main reason I left the order was to make it absolutely clear to everyone that ye are under my protection.”

“I’m a clanswoman. I thought that was a given.”

“Sweetling, my responsibilities to ye, my desire to keep ye safe, go much deeper than that.”

“But why? I’m noth—”

“Stop. If ye ever say ye are nothing to me again, ye will sorely try my patience. Grace, ye are everything to me.” He sat forward on the stool taking her hands in his. “I care about ye, I want to guard and protect ye because I adore ye.” He looked into her beautiful green eyes and was lost. “Grace, I love ye.”

*

Grace hadn’t wanted to listen to him. She just wanted him to leave. It was too hard to be around him. As angry as she had been over his high-handed tactics, when she was with him she couldn’t think straight. She had steeled herself before leaving the bedroom. She would show no emotion.
Just listen and nod Grace, then he will leave and yer heart will be intact
.

But in spite of her resolve, she couldn’t just listen and nod. He stirred her emotions. As he explained why he had left orders about walking alone on the headlands her anger faded. It was not her skills he doubted. She hadn’t considered the things he had. When he told her he wanted everyone to know she was under his protection, she felt valued. She had taken the security of her father’s, and then her husband’s, protection for granted until it was gone.

But when he told her he loved her, her heart fell.

“Ye can’t love me. Ye can’t. I can’t let ye.” Grace felt panic rising. “I can’t do this again. I can’t ever do this again. I will not survive it.”

“Grace, stop.”

“Nay. Ye don’t understand, Bram. I promised myself I would never risk that kind of pain again. I knew I was in serious danger here. But I thought I could just feel a little. I thought I could just experience a whisper, an echo of love. But I can’t. I want it too much and my heart is too fragile. It is better to feel nothing than to love someone who I can never have—someone who is destined to break my heart.”

“Grace, please stop. Listen to me. Why would ye say ye can never have me? I love ye. I’m offering myself to ye and want ye by my side forever.”

She pulled her hands from his. “Nay, Bram. I will be no man’s leman, no matter how much I love him.”

Her words shocked and clearly angered Bram. “I would never ask that of ye, Grace. What have I done that would ever give ye such an idea? How could ye possibly believe I value ye so little?”

Grace stared at him in disbelief. “How could I ever be anything but yer mistress? Ye are betrothed, Bram. Under the law, ye are essentially already married.”

“I am
not
betrothed.”

Grace was shocked and angered by the blatant lie. “Nay?” She flew out of the chair and across the room to get her loom. “Then why have I been working practically every moment of usable daylight to weave ten ells of intricate ribbon as a gift from yer mother to yer
betrothed
?”

He looked as if someone had knocked the wind out of him. “Grace, I swear to ye, I am not betrothed. I don’t know why my mother said I was.”

“Why are ye lying to me? Yer father said the same. He—never mind, it doesn’t matter.” She turned her back to him, placing the loom on the small table to keep from dropping it.

“Grace, I am not lying to ye. I am not betrothed and I have no idea why my parents suggested otherwise or why they asked ye to do this.”

She ignored him. “God, why have ye abandoned me? I have never asked for much. I haven’t. A healthy child. Aye, Ye granted me that. Keep my husband and father safe on the water and bring them home each night. But Ye let them perish. Restore my mother to good health so I wouldn’t be left alone. Ye denied me. Let me raise my daughter in peace in our little home. Again the answer was nay.”

Bram touched her shoulder. “Grace, stop, listen to me.”

She continued her angry rant against God. “Fine, Lord, I understand, these were things I suppose I didn’t deserve so I asked one more thing. Something small. Please just help me protect my heart. Don’t let me fall in love. I swear I won’t ask for anything else. Just spare me the pain of more loss by not giving me anyone else to love. I can live without love. I can. But even that Ye would not grant me. What have I done? Why do Ye refuse to hear the simplest of my prayers?” she started to sob.

Bram turned her to him and gathered her in his arms. “Wheesht, Grace, please don’t cry.”

*

Bram held her while she sobbed. He had been right earlier, more had happened in the last three days than he knew. How could his parents have done this? They lied to her and set her what seemed to be an impossible task. No wonder she looked tired and needed Teasag’s help with Kristen. He was beyond angry with their interference but he knew he had to set that aside for a while. He needed to help the woman in his arms. The woman who had railed against God for allowing her to fall in love. She loved him.

He scooped her up and walked to the chair, where he sat holding her in his arms. She didn’t fight him. Quite the opposite, she nestled against him, accepting the comfort he offered. When her tears stopped, he said, “My sweet lass, I am so sorry for what ye have been through over the last few days. I’m sorry if the orders I gave made things worse and I am extremely sorry that my parents led ye to believe that I am betrothed. It is true that they seek a betrothal for me to Annice Sinclair but I will not consent to it. I love ye with all my heart. I will have no other wife but ye.”

“That isn’t possible, Bram. Ye know it isn’t.”

“I don’t know that. I will tell him tonight what I think of his interference.”

“Please don’t. Ye don’t know what he might do, who else might be hurt.”

Before he could answer there was a knock at the door. Without thinking he called, “In.”

Ian entered the cottage and on seeing Bram holding Grace on his lap swore, “Damnation, Bram. What are ye thinking?”

Before he could stop her, Grace was out of his lap and across the room. Keeping her back turned from both him and Ian, she appeared to be swiping tears from her face.