Fat Pat (2 page)

Then Mom's voice came through the door.
"Patricia honey, there's someone here from the school who wants to
talk to you. His name's Mr. Dunsford, he's your new home room
teacher."

Patricia and me looked at each other and
she made an
oh God, now
what?
kind of
face.

"You know Patricia," this Mr. Dunsford said.
"I'm only guessing here but I suspect you and I have something in
common."

"What, we're both like size fifty
thousand?"

Mr. Dunsford laughed. "That's funny. No, I
mean we're both starting at a new school tomorrow and we're kind of
nervous about it."

Patricia didn't say anything, she just looked
at me and made big eyes at the ceiling.

Patricia darling," Mom said. "Why don't you
come out and I'll make some lemonade and we can sit downstairs like
civilized people and discuss all this?"

"Why doesn't everybody just mind their own
business? That's what I'd like to know."

"Your feelings
are
our business. All we want to do is help you to be
happy..."

"The only way you can help me now is with
some kind of like liposuction machine.

Mr. Dunsford laughed on the other side of
the door and said "You know, maybe you're right. Maybe you
are
going to the wrong school. You
should be learning to be a stand up comedian."

"Forget it, if I keep going like this I
won't be
able
to stand
up."

Mr. Dunsford laughed again. "Since you
brought it up I have to tell you I've lost almost 125 pounds."

Patricia gave me a strange look that I'd
never seen before. "What's that supposed to mean?" she said.

"Nothing, I just thought you'd be interested
to see what I look like now."

Patricia knew it was just a scheme to get her
to come out of her room. But I guess she figured this Mr. Dunsford
had come all the way from the school and he didn't sound like he
was going to go away so she'd better come out.

I helped Patricia move the chair away from
the door and she opened it.

Mr. Dunsford wasn't really
that
fat but he wasn't exactly
skinny either.

"I thought you said you lost 125 pounds."
Patricia said.

"I said I lost it, I didn't say I kept it
off. I thought you said you were fat."

"I am."

"Hah! You don't even know what fat is. Trust
me, I do. I used to be out to here." and he held his hands out to
show how fat he used to be. "I used to weight more than
three-hundred pounds."

"Wow!" Patricia said.

"Yeah, wow is right. Want to go for a
walk?

"Don't you think we should make that a
run?"

Mr. Dunsford laughed at this then I saw him
secretly look at Mom and she secretly nodded back.

"Let's go." he said and pretty soon we were
walking down the street where there are cafes and grocery stores
and the mall. I followed behind at first to find out what was going
to happen but it was hard to hear so I just caught up and walk
right behind them. Remember, I'm invisible to adults and even
teenagers most of the time.

"...in reality," Mr. Dunsford was saying.
"everyone's always been very confused about the whole fat and thin
thing. During the renaissance people were highly respected if they
weighed more than everyone else. It was proof that they were rich
and successful.
They
were the
people with the most friends."

"Really?"

"I know. It seems strange to us now but it
just shows how things can change from one time to another."

"Do you like know this for a fact?"

"Our class will be taking a trip to the
art gallery in the first semester. I'll show you. Everyone wishes
they were someone else at some point in their life. It's normal.
I
still
dream I'm
Spiderman sometimes."

Patricia and me both giggled. That's when Mr.
Dunsford noticed I was there.

Patricia said "I was Laura Croft for about
two years."

"And I'll bet you really believed you were
Laura Croft, even though you knew you weren't."

"Yeah, sometimes."

"Now you think you're fat, but you really
aren't that either are you?"

"I am. It's disgusting."

Mr. Dunsford stopped her right there and
turned her around so they were looking right over my head. He
pointed at the row of shops we had just passed. "See that
restaurant back there and that bakery?"

"Yeah."

"If you were really a person with a weight
problem you never would have made it past those places without
noticing all the temptation they put out. I, on the other
hand,
do
have a weight
problem. I saw every one of the pies and cakes, the donuts, the
flans. Back there there's a big tray of those sticky cinnamon buns
that..."

"But you didn't stop."

Mr. Dunsford sighed a big sigh. "No, I can't
afford to. I've taught myself not to pay attention to that."

"But you're not really fat, you're
just..."

"Don't be fooled. I had to work very hard
and give up many things to get to look like this. Not to mention
the cost. I spent a fortune on diets. Let me tell you,
none
of
them
work."

Patricia looked out at the park. "Yeah, well
I guess I just hate being me."

"Oh, that's a different thing. It takes some
doing to like yourself sometimes. A lot of people never manage it.
It's sad. When I was a boy my big brother always called me potato
nose.

Me and Patricia both looked at Mr. Dunsford's
nose. "There's nothing wrong with your nose." Patricia said.

"I know but just because of that for years I
thought it was too big.

Patricia laughed. "That's crazy."

Mr. Dunsford tapped his head with his finger.
"You're right, it's all up here. It's confusion about self image. I
had doubts and insecurities and so I believed what he said."

Patricia didn't say anything for a while; she
just looked at the park. Then Mr. Dunsford said to both of us "I
guess you girls miss your dad too don't you?"

That was funny because, in our house nobody
really mentions Daddy dying. I mean we talk about him but not him
dying.

Patricia thought about this for a minute.
"Yeah, sometimes." she said. "I was pretty young then and Katie was
only three." She patted her stomach. "But I've got his legacy,
that's for sure."

Now Mr. Dunsford looked out at the park
too. "The fact is, we're not too sure how much of that is
hereditary and how much is psychological and environmental." I
didn't understand what this meant but I could see that Patricia
did. We were right near a newsstand that also sold lots of
chocolate bars and chips and stuff like that. Mr. Dunsford waved
his hand at all the signs advertising
MARS
bars,
SNICKERS
and
FRITTOS
and said
"And
all this advertising doesn't help one bit." Then he looked right at
Patricia all serious and shook his head. "But you're definitely not
a fat person. You're not even overweight."

Patricia gave him that soft look where she
knows someone's right. "I guess I just wish I looked better." she
said.

Mr. Dunsford reached over to the newsstand
and picked up a fashion magazine. "See this girl here?" He held up
the back page of the magazine showing a pretty girl wearing really
tight jeans.

"Yeah, that's what I wish I looked like."
Patricia said.

"Let me tell you something." Mr. Dunsford
tapped his finger on the picture. "
She
doesn't even look like this." Patricia looked confused. He
folded the magazine in half so you could only see her legs. "Do you
think anyone's legs can be that long? She's got a size one half
foot there. It's all artwork by very skilled people. This isn't a
real girl."

"Hey buddy," the man from the newsstand
yelled at Mr. Dunsford, "You gonna buy that or what?"

Mr. Dunsford unfolded the magazine and
squinted at the price then his eyes went all round. "You want $7.99
for
this
?"

The man held his hand out. "I get thirty-five
cents. It ain’t personal, it's just business."

Mr. Dunsford got ten dollars out of his
wallet and gave it to the man. Just then Patricia saw me and we
both kind of laughed behind our hands. Mr. Dunsford folded the
magazine the other way so you could see the top half of the girl.
"I'll bet this isn't even her head and and look, they've given her
sticks for arms. "I've seen how these things are made." he said. "I
have a niece who works for a magazine in New York," He flipped
through the pages and we saw flashes of girls in bathing suits and
girls in long dresses and girls in all sorts of outfits. "It's all
faked." he said. He showed us the girl in the jeans again. "Nobody
really wants to be like this. This woman can't eat in a restaurant
or she'll lose her job. She has to be very very careful at parties;
no staying up late -- bags under the eyes you know. You don't
really strike me as the kind of person who would always be willing
to do what other people tell you to do." He tapped the jeans girl's
picture with his finger. "That's what she has to do - and they
still have to fix her up with Photoshop.

Patricia thought about this for a minute
then took out her phone, clicked some buttons and handed it to Mr.
Dunsford. I got on tip toes so I could see too. It was Angela
Scully's Facebook page. Patricia had scrolled down to where it
showed that really weird picture Angela took of her at the beach
before Patricia got her new bathing suit and below it it
said
Fat
Pat's where it's at - NOT!

Mr. Dunsford laughed and Patricia started
to get a bit weird again. He clicked some buttons and showed her
the phone. It was another Facebook page and it said
Mr. Bumford's bum's
a Ford
.

"That's just stupid." Patricia said.

Mister Bumsford clicked some buttons on the
phone and handed it back to Patricia. This time it showed a pretty
funny cartoon of Mr. Bumsford stuffed inside a little car with his
butt squeezing out all the windows. We both laughed. "That boy has
a great future as a cartoonist and right there he's making fun of
me." Mr. Bumsford said. "That's what we all have to put up with.
Life is like that. Do you think everyone is going to be nice and
kind and think you're perfect all the time?"

"No, I guess not."

"We see people who post that kind of
nonsense at school all the time. The reason you think you're fat is
because you're trying to identify and solve your problems like any
intelligent person would. People who post this kind of stuff don't
do that; they just put their problems on someone else to
make
themselves
feel
better. But sooner or later they will have to face it
too."

Patricia snapped her phone shut and stuck it
in her pocket then said "I just wish I could think of some real
smart comment to hit Angela with."

"Oh I'm sure you can, but I also suspect that
it's not your style to waste your time sinking to that level.
You've got more class than that."

It was different after that; Patricia and me
and Mr. Bumsford walked back home and after a while we were all
laughing and making jokes and everything.

Patricia went to school the next day and she
seemed to be fine; like nothing had happened. She was friendlier to
me even.

I hope I get Mr. Bumsford when I get into
high school; he's great. I won't make such a fuss though. I mean my
braces make me look like a real metal mouth and I'm a bit too tall
maybe but that means I can see better at parades and stuff and I
won't have to wear Patricia's hand me down clothes which is good
because they're already like waaaay out of style.

And I think my feet are big.

Maybe my chest is kinda flat too.

**