Fat Chances (6 page)

“How do you feel, Annie?” Her voice was sweet when she spoke.

“Okay, I guess.” I was feeling queasy again, but it wasn’t from the medication. It was more because I was disgusted with myself and with her. I hated her perfect body!

“Do you need more pain pills?”
she asked as concern filled her eyes.

“NO!”
Cory said when he came in through the curtain. “She had a bad reaction from them earlier. I forgot to tell the doctor.” 

“Oh,
I thought I smelled something in here. I’ll make sure to write that down in her file,” she said, standing up, holding her blue basket, her face inches from Cory’s.

“Thank you,” h
e said, smiling, showing his dimples. The way he was looking at her made me want to cry. Cory didn’t look at me like that, not even before he kissed me … three times.

I heard them laughing and talking in the hallway as I got dressed. My knee was still sore when I bent it to put
on my sweatpants, but it wasn’t throbbing like before. All I could think about was getting home and going to bed. It was going to be another long night of endless tears. I could feel it.

When I walked into the hallway
carrying my flowers, I saw Cory and Beth hugging each other … again. “Don’t forget to call me, okay?” Beth said as she handed him a small piece of paper.

“
I won’t,” Cory chuckled then turned to look at me. His face was beaming with pride as he walked toward me.

“Would you like to walk or do you want ride in a wheelchair?” A male gentleman asked. He was wearing a volunteer tag on his blue winter coat.

“I’ll walk, thank you,” I told the man. Cory, who was standing beside me now, held out his hand for me to take, but I brushed him off and walked toward the doors.

The ride home was quiet. I sighed in relief when Cory pulled his Mustang into my driveway. I started to unbuckle my seatbelt when I felt his hand touch my arm.

“Annie, what’s wrong?” He spoke so soft and low that I barely heard him.

Tears instantly sprang to my eyes as I turned to face him.
“Do you really have to ask?” My voice quivered.

“Yes, I do. In case you don’t know
, men can be clueless sometimes,” he answered, chuckling lightly. I huffed at his tasteless, but insanely true joke.

“Gee
... let’s see ... well ... it started with the first kiss ... then the second kiss, then the third kiss. Oh! And the fact that my sister is in love with you and now she thinks I am a two-timing whore for stealing you away from her. Oh ... and these flowers,” I held them up then threw them at him. “These flowers are not going to win my heart. I know what you’re doing and it’s not going to work with me.” I was sobbing now.

His
dark eyes grew wide with shock as he slowly gathered up the flowers that were scattered all over his lap. “What am I doing to you that’s so bad?”

“I know the little games
you like to play on fat girls with low self-esteem. You think you can kiss me and make me fall in love you then dump me like a piece of trash when someone better comes along,” I screamed, then turned around to open the door to get out, but I couldn’t. The door was locked. I tried to feel around for the lock, but I couldn’t find it in the dark.

“Damn it!
Unlock this damned door!” I screamed, barely able to see through the tears clouding my eyes.

“No ...
not until we talk,” he spoke through clenched teeth.

“Talk? Talk? I already told yo
u what the deal is and now you’re mad because I caught on to your little game,” I responded sarcastically.

He grabbed
the steering wheel and quietly banged his head while muttering under his breath. I continued to feel around the door, looking for the lock.

“Annie,
” He sighed heavily. “What am I going to do with you? How can I convince you that from the moment I saw you, I wanted to get to know you, to be with you? This is not a game. These flowers are not a ploy to get you to fall in love with me or to get you to have sex with me. These flowers came from my heart. They’re beautiful, just like you.” He sighed again.

“Beautiful? You call this beautiful?” I asked, pointing at my stomach. “Why do
n’t you give them to Beth? I’m sure she’ll appreciate them more, or better yet, Molly. She’s the one who’s in love with you.” My body was shaking now as I continued to sob. I couldn’t tell if I was shaking more out of fear or because I was so upset with myself. This conversation was certainly not going the way I had hoped. I thought for sure that once I accused him of his little game that he would let me go, but he didn’t. His reaction was confusing me more.

“Beth?
Is she the real reason why you’re so angry?” Cory’s voice perked up as he looked at me.

GAH!
I was appalled. Are men really this stupid? Do they not believe anything that you tell them? Why does it always have to be about another woman? Even though I
was
a bit jealous of Beth, but it wasn’t the point.

“
NO!
It’s about the fact that I’m fat and you’re … well …
PERFECT!
Why would someone like you fall for a girl … like … me? Look at me! I’m hideous!” I turned around so that my back faced him and grabbed the door handle one more time. If I had to break the damned door to get out, I was going to do it. Just as I pulled back, I heard the door unlock. I quickly lifted the handle and crawled out. And I could barely see the ground as I ran to the front porch.

“A
nnie,” he said softly, standing behind me.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the door. “What?”

“When I saw you at the Zumba class the other night, something inside me clicked. I don’t know what it was, but all I knew was that I couldn’t keep my eyes off you. I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I don’t know what you see in yourself, but I see a sweet, loving girl ... a girl who drives me wild when she kisses me. I don’t want to cause any problems between you and your sister, and I certainly don’t want to cause you any grief. But if you don’t want to be with me then I understand. I won’t bother you again.” My chest ached as I listened to him talk. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re a very beautiful girl. I wish you could see that, too.” I opened my eyes and looked down when I felt something brush against my foot. It was the bouquet of flowers.

When I turned around, he was gone. Cory was already in his Mustang
pulling out of the driveway.

I opened my mouth to yell his name, but nothing came out. I had lost my voice, probably from screaming at him.
There was nothing I could do but watch him go.

A week went by and I was feeling more miserable now than when I was lying in the hospital bed half naked with my knee the size of a cantaloupe. Even though my knee felt better, my heart didn’t. It was breaking. Actually, more like shattering. Each day that went by that I didn’t hear from Cory felt like tiny pieces of my shattered heart was stabbing me inside my chest. It was my fault that he had left and I didn’t blame him. But part of me was wishing, no, hoping that he would come back and tell me that he was not taking no for an answer.

Eve
ry day after school, I would lay in my bed and listen for the soft purr of his Mustang pulling into the driveway. But each day he didn’t. Every time the phone rang, my heart would stopped as I listened and waited for someone to call my name, telling me that it was Cory on the phone, but no one did.

I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t care about anything and I didn’t want to do anything except stay in my room and cry. Even Mom and Dad gave up try
ing to talk me into coming downstairs to eat dinner or to watch a movie with them.

Molly tried a few feeble attempts to talk to me, but I sensed that she was still pissed. She only
did it so Mom would quit bugging her.

“Annie
, will you please tell me what’s wrong?” Natalee begged as I stood in front of my locker, throwing my math and science book in it without a care. It was lunch time and the thought of food still made me ill. All I could think about was Cory and how badly I treated him and the look in his eyes when I accused him of playing mind games with me.

I turned around to face Natalee. I had been avoiding her all week
, as well. She knew that I was upset about something and, being my best friend and all, she knew to give me some space and that I would eventually tell her what was bothering me. But it had been a week and I think her patience had run its course.

“Well?” She leaned against the locker, glaring at me with her big blue eyes. Her long black hair was pulled back in a
ponytail, exposing her perfect, high cheek bones.

I blew out a jagged sigh. “Let’s go find a table first,” I suggested, then turned towards the cafeteria. She quietly followed behind me. We found an empty table on the far left corner and sat down. I watched her as she opened up her lunch bag. The brown bag was old and w
rinkled from many uses. She pulled out an apple, two bottles of orange juice, and two sandwiches.

She pulled one of the sandwiches out of the plastic bag then peeled th
e top bread off to inspect it.

“UGH!
Is that peanut butter and pickles?” I could taste the bile in the back of my throat as I started to gag. She quickly placed the bread back onto the sandwich, then took a huge bite.

“Hmmmmm
… yep,” she moaned in satisfaction as she quickly chewed the bite, then swallowed it. I could feel my stomach doing flip flops as I watched her take another huge bite of the nasty sandwich and swallow it after only two chews.

“You know, you’re gonna get wo
rms eating weird shit like that,” I teased, laughing, then gagged again.

“Oh
, I hope not! It wouldn’t be good for the baby,” she said, smiling, with peanut butter sticking to her front teeth. My eyes grew wide and my mouth dropped open at the same time.

“What? Did you say baby?” I yelled. Natalee quickly covered my mouth with her hand. The smell of peanut butter and pickles on her hand was enough to send me running to the bathroom.

Natalee laughed as she followed me into the bathroom. “I thought I was supposed to be the one getting sick, not you!” She snorted, leaning against the sink with a huge grin on her face. I cupped a handful of water and used it to rinse out my mouth before grabbing a paper towel to wipe the water and sweat off my face.

I shook my head in disgust as we walked back to the cafeteria.

“So when are you due?” I kept my voice down low so that no one could hear. A huge smile spread across her face.

“Nuh, huh, huh ...
not until you tell me first what’s been bothering you.”

UGH!
She had to bring it up again. For the last ten minutes all I could think about was her and the baby and the smell of the nasty sandwich. I forgot all about Cory and how miserable I felt, but now it all came pouring back.

“What do you want to know?” I
asked, grabbing the crumbled looking bag and covered up the other sandwich so that I couldn’t see it. Natalee laughed.

“What happened? One minute you were on stage with that hunky guy name Cory and heading back stage with him, then you come to school the next day in a blue funk and you’ve been that way ever since. I grabbed the cap that belonged to her orange juice
bottle and played with it to keep me distracted as she ate the other funky sandwich.

I honestly didn’t know what to say to her or how to begin. All I could think about was how Cory would look at me with his dark brown eye
s just before he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me. I sucked in a deep, jagged breath trying not to cry.

“Annie! What’s wrong? Are you going to cry?” Natalee
asked, setting her half eaten sandwich down on the table and slid her chair next to mine so that she could put her arm around me.

“Oh, Nat! I’m a stupid,
stupid girl,” I sobbed. A stupid, fat girl is what I really wanted to say. I hated being fat, but worse, I hated being so self-conscious. If I hadn’t hated my fat body so much I would probably be Cory’s girlfriend by now.

Just as I was about to pour my heart out and tell Natalee about Cory the bell rang for our next class. I quickly helped Natalee gather her lunch, pitching the empty sandwich bags in the garbage while holding my breath at the same time. I didn’t want to
have to make another trip to the restroom.

“A
nnie, meet me after school. I’ll take you home so we can talk some more and, besides, there’s something that I want to ask you,” she said as we walked to class. A huge grin spread across her face before turning around to walk down the hall. I stood in the middle of the hall watching the other students hurrying to get to the next class. My feet were frozen to the floor as people were bumping and pushing me to get out of the way. Tears trickled down my cheeks, as all I could think about was Cory.

I couldn’t stand it anymore. I hadn’t eaten or slept decently in days and I was sick and tired of crying all the time. I knew the only way that I was going to get out of this deep blue funk was to face my fears and find Cory and apologize to him.

I ran to my locker, grabbed my backpack and keys, then hurried and snuck out the front doors of the school before the final bell rang. I texted Molly, telling her that I wasn’t feeling well and that I went home early. I told her that if she couldn’t find a ride home that I would pick her up at three o’clock.

As I pulled out of t
he school parking lot, my legs shook like a leaf. Adrenaline was pumping through me. Not only was this the first time I snuck out of my school, but I was going to see Cory face to face.

My heart was thumping hard against my chest as I turned into the parking lot of the Civic Center. A thousand questions started brewing in my mind. What if he isn’t here? Then what? Should I go to his house? I knew where he lived, having overheard Molly telling one of her friends the other day in history class. She told her friend Eve that Cory lived on Anderson Street. I also heard her tell Eve that she had lost another ten pounds, thanks to Cory and his Zumba classes.

I took a deep breath and pulled into the crowded parking lot, then quickly threw the truck into park and looked around for Cory’s silver Mustang. My heart sank within my chest when I didn’t see it parked anywhere.

“DAMN IT!”
I spat, smacking the steering wheel with my fist. I had finally worked up the nerve to come here and pour out my heart to him and he wasn’t here. I grudgingly shoved the key back into the ignition and looked up, when something caught my eye. A silver Mustang. It was pulling into a parking spot two rows over. My heart sputtered as I waited to see if it was Cory. I held my breath as the silver door slowly opened. For a moment, I was completely unaware of my surroundings as I watched him step out of his car. He was wearing black sweatpants and a grey hooded sweatshirt and he looked hot.

STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!
What girl in her right mind would pass up someone as gorgeous as Cory? Me! That’s who! The fat chick sitting here in the red truck, the girl with the word MORON painted on her forehead.

I watched him wal
k across the parking lot toward the back entrance door of the Civic Center.
NOW, ANNIE! DO IT NOW!
My brain was telling me to go, but my legs wouldn’t move. They felt like jell-o or maybe it was anchors? Either way, I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed at the thought of running after him. What if I tripped and fell? I would look like the Pillsbury doughboy rolling across the parking lot. Or worse ... what if he blows me off, pretending that I don’t exist? I don’t know if my heart could take that kind of rejection right now, even though I deserved it.

I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath, then opened the door. He was just a few feet
away from the entrance door. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to walk fast enough to catch him in time. The only way that I was going to get his attention was to holler his name. I swallowed the hard lump that suddenly formed in the back of my throat.

“CORY!”

Gosh, I sounded like a wounded dog barking his own name. My face turned three shades of red when I saw him turn around and look my way. I was afraid to holler again, so I waved for him to come over to me.

My legs felt like they were going to give out from under
me as I watched him walk toward me. I tried to read his facial expression, a cross between confusion and agitation. This made me even more nervous.
Great, now he’s pissed. I knew that this was a stupid idea and that now I’m going to have my heart broken all over again. I’m just a glutton for punishment.
 

“Annie! What are you doing
here?” Cory’s tone was somber. It wasn’t the tone that I was looking for. Part of me was hoping that he would come running and swoop me up in his arms and kiss me with his warm lips, but the scowl on his face told me it wasn’t going to happen.

Swallowing another lump, I decided to just go for it an
d pour my heart out to him. “I ... I ... came by t ... to talk to you,” I stammered, feeling my face growing hot.
I want to die ... just die,
I thought to myself.

“Well,
let’s go to my office. It’s too cold to be standing out here.” He ordered. Is it cold? I hadn’t realized. My mind had been too preoccupied by his lips, his hair, his tight muscles and the scowl on his face.

We walked side by side across the parking lot and through the side door. I could feel the electricity charging between us and I wondered if he could feel it
, too, or maybe it was just my imagination.

I hadn’t realized how cold I was until we walked inside the warm building. My legs and hands were shaking as I fol
lowed him through the gymnasium to his office that was stationed at the other end of the building. There was another exercise class going on. It must have been for senior citizens because the room was filled with short, grey-haired women and a few balding men. A middle age woman with red hair was standing in the front of the small group. She had her hands on her hips, slowly swaying back and forth. The music was much more laid back, not fast and upbeat like the first night I went to Cory’s Zumba class.

“Have a seat,” h
e said roughly, closing the door behind me. My heart stopped when he leaned over me, brushing his chest against my shoulder to close the window blinds behind me. I watched him carefully as he took his grey sweatshirt off and hung it over the back of his chair. The dark green t-shirt he was wearing beneath fit snug against his hard chest and arms. I inhaled a deep breath as he sat down in the chair behind his desk then turned to look at me.

His dark hair was a tousled mess as he stared at me with h
is dark mysterious eyes—mysterious because I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Cory’s eyebrows were pulled together and his lips were curled into a small smile.

“So Annie, ar
e you going to tell me why you’re here?” Cory asked carefully.

I bowed my head down to stare at my hands that were still shaking, then quickly clapped them together so that he couldn’t see how nervous I was.

“Umm ... I wanted to stop by ... and tell you ... I mean apologize for my behavior ... (clearing throat) ... um ... before,” I stammered, nearly jumping out of my seat at the sound of his chair scraping across the hard wax floor.

“You
know, if you’re going to apologize to someone the least you could do is to look them in the eyes and show that you mean it,” he said, not making this easy for me. Furious, I snapped my head up and gasped when I saw that he was standing directly in front of me.

“What ... what do you mean ‘
show you that I mean it?’ You want me to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness?” I asked, glaring at him. “Well, I’m sorry, Buck-O, but that’s not going to happen.” I stood up from the chair and turned to walk out the door, but he quickly stood in front of me, blocking me with his huge, masculine body.