Fat Chance (16 page)

"Ahem, I've never been able to do this before," he says, putting the lid down on my thankfully clean toilet. I can't help stopping what I'm doing and staring at him. Apparently, he's misunderstood where I wanted him to sit.

"What?" My eye is fine now, and I'm waiting for it to stop watering so that I can repair the mascara.

"You know, I've never got to watch a woman get ready to go somewhere. Growing up, mom used to always shut the door, and then when my sisters got older, they'd go in with her and they’d shut the door. Dad would joke and say, 'uh oh, the makeup monster is loose,’ but none of us really knew what went on behind the door, you know?"

"Aw, that's cute," I murmur, trying not to poke myself again, while trying not to make the ugly mascara face that all women make instinctively, the one that most likely caused Drew’s family women to shut the door in the first place. "What did you think happened?"

"Magic," he laughs, and I laugh, too, screwing the mascara wand back into the tube.

"What are we doing today?" I ask, slicking tinted gloss on my lips and then stuffing the gloss into my jeans pocket.

"Ah-ah," He laughs, nudging my elbow as I pack my makeup into a little zipper bag that stays on the counter. "It's a surprise."

"Okay, well, can you tell me if I'm dressed okay?"

"You're just fine," he says, standing up and moving behind me again, so that we're in the mirror together. "We look great." And we do; he's wearing jeans too, and a dark maroon polo shirt. I can't help thinking that we've somehow managed to be picture perfect, wearing the same colors by accident, pulling it off nicely. He winks at me, takes my hand, and tugs me out of the bathroom. I flick the light switch as I pass it, and then we're on our way.

I try hard not to beg him to spill his surprise while he's driving, and he does his best to keep me distracted. He asks if I'm feeling better after my last encounter with Rick, and I can assure him almost honestly that I'm just fine.

Before long, we're pulling in to where I assume we're going. As far as I can see, there are open fields and lots of little forested areas. Off in the distance, there's the sparkling blue of a lake, and I'm intrigued. My focus though, is mainly on the little brick building we've driven up in front of. It isn't a house; it looks sort of like an old-fashioned dry goods store or something.

"You ready?" he asks, and I nod pretending I'm not terrified. I hope we're not doing anything scary, or anything he might not realize is off limits to big girls. Nothing like being called out for being fat on a date. I take a breath, and then he's there, opening my door for me the way he always does.

"It's going to be fine," he whispers, slipping an arm around my shoulders to put me at ease. "You're going to be fine."

As we approach the door, it opens, and a round little woman walks out. She's middle-aged, with a fluff of dark curly hair piled high on her head. Her dark brown eyes take me in, and then I'm alone as Drew walks over to envelop her in a bear hug.

"Hey, Aunt Carrie," he says. "We still good for today?"

She pats her hair, rattled by his affection, and then smiles up at him, lightly slapping his cheek as she laughs, "You know where to go, so you take the pretty girl and go on. I'll just be right here," she says.

He comes back to me, and now I'm feeling decidedly awkward.
Isn't it supposed to be a while before you do the whole meet-the-family thing?

"That's your aunt?" I ask, as his arm settles around my shoulders again and he leads me around the side of the building.

"Not really," he explains. But she's been a friend of the family since she and my mom were in kindergarten together. I've been coming here to ride since I was three."

"Ride?" I ask, trying not to panic, because I'm terrified that he's thinking what I think he's thinking.

"Yeah, horses. If you're scared of them or something, we can just wander on foot. Carrie's husband has taken a picnic and left it at the lake for us, for later."

"Well," I hedge. "I've never been on a horse before, or next to one, or --"

"I'll tell you what," he says, as we approach a giant barn. "Just come meet the guys with me, and we'll see how you feel when we get there. Okay?"

I nod, and he tucks my hand into his elbow. Reminded of the old couple from the restaurant, I'm smiling again as we enter the barn. Assailed by the sounds and smells of a horse barn, I'm oddly comforted. This is wholly new to me, but if I'm honest, I'll admit to myself that I'm a little excited.

We walk straight through the barn, and now I know that I can't back out, no matter how afraid I am. Through the barn, there's an open area surrounded by fence, and grazing along the fence-line are a pair of horses. Saddled and ready to go, the giant beasts are beautiful even as I find them frightening.

"You ready?" Drew asks.

"And willing," I answer, and he chuckles. Walking over to a lidded wooden crate, he lifts the lid and pulls out a couple of apples, handing on to me and keeping the other for himself.

"If we feed them, they love us pretty much instantly," he jokes, and I take a deep breath as we approach the horses together. One lifts his head, and then the other, and soon they're both coming slowly over to us. Drew holds out his apple, and as the horse plucks it neatly from his hand, he catches part of the harness, talking softly to calm the gentle beast.

I follow his lead, holding my apple out to the horse that has approached me. It huffs a hot breath into my palm, gently plucking the apple from me, and though I'm terrified this beast will eat me, I follow Drew again, reaching my other hand up to grasp the harness.

"Please don't eat me; I'm not here to do anything but feed you apples. For now," I murmur, hoping that will be enough small talk to make it happy. I really don't want to tell it that I expect it to happily carry me alongside this man who has such joy in his face; I'm certainly not going to stand here and beg it not to break down in screams of despair, under my chair-breaking butt. The horse nudges me, huffing again, and I look over to Drew for guidance.

"You think you can do it?" he asks me. His gentle tone tells me he won't mind if I say no, but his eyes beg me to try, and I can't resist.

"Yep, we're ready. Right, pal?" I reach a shaking hand up and pat the horse, who nudges me again.

"He likes you," Drew says. "Come on. Just hold the reins like this, and be careful not to hold them close enough to pinch."

"Like this?" I ask, gripping the reins gently, several inches below the horse's jaw.

"Perfect," he says proudly, taking his own horse and showing me by example how to lead mine over to a mounting block.

"Go head and step up," he tells me, releasing his horse and taking control of mine. I climb to the top of the mounting block, and he guides the horse over, so that the saddle is in front of me.

"Drew?" I ask, uncertainly. "Are you sure I can do this? I've really never done this before."

"You'll be just fine, and I'm right here with you," he says. "But if you really don't want to ride, we don't have to, and it's fine, I swear." He grins up at me. "You are too cute up there," he says.

"And this thing won't kill me?" I ask, one last time, hoping the day doesn't go the other way around, with the poor horse lying broken on the ground under me.

"Nope, this one is Aunt Carrie's baby. He's a good guy." He pats the horse, eliciting a snort from the beast.

"Okay," I say, and Drew hands me the reins.

"Now, you don't want to pull them or anything yet," he instructs. "Just hold onto them, the same way you develop the habit of holding the wheel of the car even if you aren't always actively driving it. Put your left foot in the loop of the stirrup, like that, and then you just kind of hop off the block and swing that right leg over. Then you just sort of lower yourself to sit in the saddle, and hold still while I mount, too. Okay?"

I nod and heave a sigh, trying to relax myself, and then I place my left foot in the stirrup. The horse doesn't seem to notice, and stands there calmly while Drew murmurs to him. I swing my right leg over the back of the horse, hoping I don't fall off the other side like an idiot, and then I'm finished.

"Oh my God, I'm on a horse," I breathe. "I'm on a horse, I'm on a horse."

"Okay? You good?"

I smile down at him, and he just looks happy today. He doesn't look like the world is strapped to his back, and if I just need to sit here on a giant, million-pound beast, then I guess I'm okay. For now.

"Okay, just be still and try to relax," he says, leaving me to go re-capture his own beast. He easily lifts on long leg, and slips his foot into the stirrup, swinging right up onto the horse from the ground.

After a short riding lesson, I have been properly instructed on how to hold the reins, as well as basic riding techniques. Drew relaxes when he can see that I've relaxed some, and we ride slowly together, through a little gate at the side of the fence.

Eventually, I've grown comfortable enough on my horse that I've begun to trust his strength. Less paranoid about breaking the animal beneath me, I'm now free to look around, and I'm completely taken with my surroundings.

Looking over, I can't help but admire the man riding beside me. His shoulders are fully relaxed for the first time since I've met him, and he moves with ease, perfectly comfortable atop the powerful horse. He catches me looking at him, and that lazy grin I've grown attached to appears on his face.

"How's it going over there?" he asks me, and I swallow a lump I hadn't realized was in my throat.

"I'm good," I say to him, quietly. "This place is beautiful."

"Yeah, I've always loved it here," he says. "There's something about a horse that just relaxes me and puts me at ease, you know?"

"I can see it," I answer, and honestly, I can feel it too. I'm as relaxed as he is, jostling along as the powerful body of the horse carries me with him, along a gently wooded path.

"Ready for lunch?" he asks me. "There's a fork in the path up there, and we can take one side to the lake for lunch, or the other to go around a little longer before we end at the lake anyway."

"You know what? Let's ride a while," I say, watching his smile widen. I didn't expect to enjoy this, but I am. I'm enjoying the horse, the peace and quiet, the relaxation of being out in the wild on a calm and gentle beast. I'm enjoying the man, too, though, more than I'd thought I would. His easy company is too easy for me to slip into, and I wonder if I'm in danger of falling for him.

There is, as always, the fear of my weight getting in my way, and I can't forget what Rick said to me the other night about never revealing the ugliness of my body. For right now, I'm going to sink into this new relationship, and I'm going to enjoy every second of it.

Because eventually, Drew is going to want more than just my company. He's going to want a physical relationship, and at that point, I'm pretty sure I'm heading straight for a heartbreak.

Walking into the breakroom to clock out, I freeze. Claire and Jackson are in there, and her friend Kayla is with them. The girls look angry, but I can't hear the conversation. Of course, they are having their little chat right in front of the time clock, so I can't get to it just yet. Instead, I edge into the room and head for a vending machine where I purchase a bottle of water.

The thud of the bottle falling seems to jar Claire out of whatever she's saying, and she storms out, Kayla following close behind her. Jackson looks miserable; he clocks out, turns around, and spots me standing there. Oddly, his face lights up, and he walks over to me.

"I've been looking for you all day," he says.
Wow, he must be taking the break-up hard.

"Why?" I ask. My grip on the water bottle tightens, as if somewhere inside of me, an alarm is going off.