‘
Of course it wasn’t,’ said Camilla with compassion. ‘And
you didn’t
have to tell me that anyway.’
Raising her chin, Roz said, ‘I’m
telling you everything. I
want
you to know. And Nico didn’t chase after me when he was
married, either.
I
chased him. He wasn’t
interested. It’s particu
larly important that you know that.’
‘It’s nothing to do with me,’ protested Camilla, turning
pink. Roz shook her head.
‘
He’s crazy about you.
I clung on to the memory of Nico for
a
long time because I couldn’t cope with the fact that he’d
rejected me.
It was more an obsession than real emotion but it
wasn’t until Sebastian reappeared that I understood that. I’m
truly happy now and I want you and Nico to be happy
too.
Together.’
The door
swung shut behind them.
‘
So do I,’ said Nico, idly swinging his car keys. Then he
winked at Roz and said, ‘Camilla! Don’t you look different
with
clothes on. Is that really you inside them?’
‘Don’t start,’ warned Camilla, her toes curling with
embarrassment. How on earth was she supposed to react when Nico challenged her
like this, in front of an audience. His unexpected
flashes of humour had always formed a large part of her
attraction
towards him, but just at the moment she found it disconcerting. And how could
she fully trust him anyway, when he treated the entire matter with such
flippancy?
* * *
The remand centre on the outskirts of
Bristol looked pretty
much as
Camilla had imagined it; greyish low buildings were
bordered by high wire fences, their stark dreariness enhanced
by the clear cobalt blue sky above and the
surrounding
greenness. A bright sun shone, and as their car approached
the
security-guarded entrance they passed a
field of black-and
white cows lazily grazing and enjoying the warmth of
the day.
‘It’s still not too late to change your mind.’ Nico, who
had volunteered to drive her down from London, seriously doubted
the wisdom of Camilla’s decision. ‘You don’t have
to do this.
Christ, it’s a depressing place.’
‘We’ve come this far; I’m not backing out now,’ said
Camilla, desperately unsettled but doing her best to sound calm. ‘Besides, I
had
to come. Nico, do I look OK?’
Bringing the car to a halt in the car park, he turned to
look at
her, affection vying with
exasperation when he realized how
much it mattered to her. As far as he
was concerned she looked beautiful anyway, with or without the make-up she had
taken so much care to apply before they’d left. But then he only ever saw
the sweet curve of her mouth, the laughter and
compassion in
her wide eyes, the sensual tilt of her eyebrows when she
was puzzled or concerned about something, and the soft, lush curves of her body
beneath her high-necked pale-pink cotton dress.
‘So very OK,’ he pronounced lightly, ‘that I’m considering
taking this car somewhere a bit more
secluded. Did you know
that these
seats go right back? Camilla, have you ever made
love in a Lotus before?’
‘Oh, hundreds of times.’ Waving her hand dismissively she
took a powder compact from the bag on her lap.
Carefully
tilting the rear-view
mirror, she dusted her nose with powder
and re-did her lipstick.
‘Too OK, if you ask me,’ continued Nico as she sprayed the
flowery scent he loved on her wrists. ‘Why not let her see what she did to you?’
Camilla surveyed herself in the
mirror. The concealing
foundation was extremely effective and the scars which re
=mained were barely noticeable beneath it. ‘She knows what
she did to me. That’s why she’s here,’ she said, nodding towards the
grey buildings. ‘Besides, the scars aren’t why she
asked to see
me.’
‘I still think,’ grumbled Nico, ‘that she
should
see
them. Sometimes, Camilla, you’re too damn nice for your own good. And if you
dare forgive her for what she did . .
’I don’t expect you to forgive me,’ said Juliet steadily,
her hands folding and unfolding in her lap. ‘But I am sorry.’
‘
I don’t forgive you,’
Camilla replied, thinking that at least
Nico would be happy now. She looked the woman straight in
the eye. ‘I’ve tried to, and I can’t. The scarring
will never
completely disappear. But I do understand why you did it.’
Juliet shook her head. Her hair,
less shiny now, swung around
her plump
shoulders. ‘You said that before, but it still isn’t true. We do read
newspapers in here – I know everything about you
now. Married to Matt Lewis. Long-running affair with Nico
Coletto. Now he’s divorcing his wife for you. How
can you
possibly have any
idea,’
she burst out suddenly, ‘what it’s
like being me?’
Glancing across at the prison officer
standing with her back
to the door of the visitors’ room, Camilla opened her handbag and
withdrew a brown envelope. Emptying the contents on to
the table between them, she pushed them towards Juliet.
‘
This one,’ she said slowly, pointing to the
photograph closest
to her, ‘was taken roughly six weeks before I discovered
that
my first husband was having an affair with an old
schoolfriend
of mine. That one is me about a year before that. The
other two were taken at around the same time. And I can promise you that
they were the best of the bunch. I threw all the
less flattering
photos away.’
Her face devoid of expression,
although her hands were
shaking,
Juliet examined the photographs in silence. Camilla listened to the distant
footsteps and occassional shouts echoing
from
other parts of the building and stared at the peeling
yellowed walls. The decor of the place was as
dismal as the
faint but permeating prison smell. Somewhere, a door
slammed. Through the barred, visiting-room window the sun continued to shine.
Finally Juliet looked up.
‘What did you do when you found out that your husband was
having an affair?’
‘I emptied a bowl of chrysanthemums over his head,’ said
Camilla steadily. ‘We were in the middle of a
dinner party at
the time.’
The faintest of smiles touched Juliet’s
pale lips. Ruefully, she said, "That’s what I should have done to Piers, I
suppose.
Then what happened?’
‘
I left him.’ Camilla
began to relax. She had been right to
come
after all. Somehow she’d known that the photographs
would be the key. ‘A dear friend of mine took me
to live with
her. She cooked me such terrible food that even when I did
feel
like eating, I couldn’t. She threw away
all my terrible clothes
and did her
fairy godmother act on me. She made me realize
that this was the only life we had, that this was
it,
and that I’d
better make the best of it. With
Loulou bullying me I didn’t
really have any choice, but it proves that
it can be done. Anyone can do anything, if it’s what they really want.’
‘Can I keep these?’ asked Juliet tentatively, prodding the
photographs on the table.
‘
No.’ Camilla picked
them up, slid them back into the
envelope and replaced them in her bag. ‘I
need them to remind myself . . . and I don’t
regret
having looked like
that,’ she added forcefully, ‘because it was part of my life. And I wasn’t
unhappy then. I’m just a lot happier now.’
She rose to leave and Juliet, on the
verge of tears, held out
her hand.
‘Thank you,’ she said, her voice low. ‘And I really am
sorry, Mrs Lewis.’
‘Yes,’ said Camilla with relief This woman might have
killed her if it hadn’t been for Marty. She wasn’t going to forgive her. She
wasn’t as perfect as Nico thought she was.
Very
briefly, they shook hands.
‘
And I’m sorry I said what I did about the disabled boy,’ put
in Juliet
hurriedly, as Camilla turned towards the door.
‘Don’t call him that,’ said Camilla, and for the first
time her tone was distinctly cool. ‘He is not disabled. He has Downs Syndrome.
And his name is Marty.’
Chapter
58
Roz’s last show was being broadcast live at seven thirty
in the
evening on the second Friday in
September. Diligent work by
her young researcher, Sadie, had ensured
that the first five rows of the studio audience would be filled with the
boisterous, attention-seeking old regulars of Vampires. To further enhance
the relaxed, end-of-term atmosphere of the evening,
the lone
chair normally occupied by
the featured guest was being
replaced
by a squashy, four-seater sofa. Lili would be making
her television début, Laszlo de Lazzari was going
to relay the
story of how Vampires had
so dramatically changed hands, and
— at Loulou’s request — the president
of the Foundation for
research into sudden
infant death syndrome was putting in a
brief appearance in order to
update the public on the work they
were
doing, and to remind them how necessary further fund
raising still was.
Cot death. If Nicolette had lived she would be two years
old now. Whenever Roz looked at Lili she was reminded of her own beloved lost
daughter.
But Lili was bright, beautiful and
lively. Roz had to repeat
edly remind herself that Nicolette at the same age would be
unable to speak, unable to comprehend, maybe even unable
to crawl. She was ashamed to admit it, even to Sebastian, but the
knowledge of Nicolette’s disability had made her
death easier
to tolerate. And although
she had lost one daughter she had
been rewarded with another. Because of
Natalie, her life had been so drastically altered that even now she still
occasionally woke up at night in a panic, thinking that the events of the past
few months had not, after all, ever really happened.
That it had was something she felt she scarcely deserved.
All she could do now was try and help her friends.
It had been Camilla’s idea to hold the after-show party at her
home.
Sebastian had suggested an hotel and Laszlo had offered Vampires, but Camilla
had persuaded them that the house was
easily
large enough, and with the added advantage that the
children could crash out upstairs without
interrupting the
celebrations. As a
special concession she allowed Sebastian to
hire a team of caterers.
Natalie begged to be allowed to dye her hair pink for the occasion. Rocky,
hopelessly overexcited by all
the frantic
activity in his home, had needed to be forcibly
restrained from entering the kitchen and terrifying the caterers
out
of their wits. When Charlotte ventured into the back garden
she discovered Marty and Rocky sitting side by side
on the
terrace, devouring an entire tray of prawn vol-au-vents between
them and making equally heavy inroads into a vat of chocolate mousse.
‘My
grandmother’s coming to the party!’ shrieked Natalie,
bursting into the bedroom where Camilla, Roz and Loulou
were choosing Loulou’s outfit for the show. ‘She’s
just phoned
and said she’ll be here by six.’
Marguerite, meeting Sebastian and Natalie for the first
time
three weeks earlier, had handled the
situation with her usual
aplomb. Sebastian, who had dreaded the initial
encounter, was soothed by Natalie’s confidence.
‘
Don’t worry, let me
handle this. I’m getting really quite
expert at introducing myself to my
relatives.’
And
Marguerite, happily, had been charmed.
‘
If you want
to live until six thirty,’ remarked Roz drily, ‘you won’t call her grandmother.’
Natalie landed unrepentantly in the centre of the bed. ‘I
just caught Zoë kissing Laszlo in the hall,’ she announced proudly, running her
fingers through her dark hair until it stood spikily
upwards away from her face. ‘Isn’t it great, the way when
redheads
blush they clash with their hair?’