Fast Friends (20 page)

‘Camilla,’ he sighed, and her fingers, digging into his
smooth brown back, silently answered him. She lifted her hips a fraction
and Nico entered her, filling her until helplessly
she heard
herself sighing too.

And as soon as he began to move,
slowly and deliberately
and with
perfect control, she knew without doubt that she would reach a climax. It would
be impossible not to .. .

It was the ultimate irony, she
thought, that
this
time – when
all she wanted to do was show Nico
that he
wasn’t
perfect – it
was
actually going to happen.

It never
had while she was with Jack.

Remember Roz, Roz with Jack and Roz with Nico, she told
herself desperately. Think of anything,
anything
but this .. .

But the spiralling sensations were increasing of their own
accord, as if her body recognized a sensational lover even if her mind was
determined to deny it. In desperation Camilla stopped
moving, but the exquisite pleasure of Nico’s body merely
increased
and she realized that her climax was inescapable.

Closing her eyes and gritting her
teeth, forcing herself to
remain immobile, Camilla gave herself up to the escalating
pleasure flooding her like a drug. The need to cling to
him, to move against him and cry out was unbelievable, but she forced herself
not to admit by a single movement what he had made
happen. Her breath was held, her body quite still. Please God,
he
mustn’t realize what he had done.

Only when at last the ebbing circles of rapture had died
away and she trusted herself to continue, did she reach for him once more and
pull him deeper still inside her.

‘Don’t stop, Nico,’ she murmured, and buried her face
against his neck with great care in order to ensure that he would neither see
nor feel the hot tears upon her cheeks.

Despite the mounting, almost unbearable excitement within
him, Nico controlled himself, taking pride in the fact that he was
able to do so in order to give Camilla the time
she needed.
Women, he knew, weren’t like men in that respect; they
required
more time in which to allow the
sensations to build, and plenty
of careful stimulation to the different
erogenous areas of theirbodies. Their own pleasure was as important to him as
his own.
But not having realized until now
quite how badly he had wanted
to make
love to Camilla and how very much he did want to
please her, he began to be concerned when he realized that he
was
failing her.

He had tried everything, and still
she gave no sign of
achieving that
pleasure which he so desperately wanted to give
her. Knowing that he couldn’t last much longer, he tried to
think.
What else could he possibly do . . .?

‘Tell me what you want,’ he murmured, slowing down and
brushing her neck with his lips, but Camilla ran her fingernails
along the curve of his spine, pulling him closer
and whispering
‘I only want you,’ and
Nico was lost. His breathing quickened,
his back arched. The
self-control, too long sustained, disintegrated as he cried out Camilla’s name
.. .

’You didn’t enjoy it, did you?’ he said with a trace of sadness,
later.

Camilla, sunk deep inside the midnight blue silk robe he
had
brought for her, gave him a forgiving
look and for a brief
moment despised herself for her treachery.

‘
I never do anything I don’t enjoy,’ she said
reassuringly, stroking his arm, but Nico just looked even more upset.

‘
But nothing happened. It can’t have been much fun
for
you.’

When most women faked it, they
pretended they had when
they hadn’t, she thought with a faint twitch of her lips. How
many did it the other way around?

‘
At least I didn’t pretend, like lots of women,’
she argued
reasonably. ‘You wouldn’t have
wanted that, would you?’

‘
No.
Are you disappointed with me, Cami?’

‘
I’m only disappointed with me,’ she said in a low voice.
‘You mustn’t blame yourself, Nico. It wasn’t your fault, after
all. I’m
sorry,’ she continued wearily, ‘maybe I should have
pretended, like other women do. So
many
women fake it,
Nico, but I just couldn’t. It wouldn’t have been
fair, to either
of us.’

‘
Better luck next time,
maybe,’ he said, brightening and
kissing her fingers.

I’m a bitch, such a bitch, thought
Camilla, but I’ve got to do
it.

Slowly she drew her hand away. "There won’t be a next
time, Nico,’ she told him calmly, while inside her soul wept for what
she was doing. ‘I really don’t think that would be
a very good
idea.’

The tears which she had earlier concealed from Nico now
rolled
unheeded down Camilla’s face and neck
as she lay alone and
lonely in the centre of her too-large double bed.

So she had done it and where had it
got her? Her easy,
friendly relationship
with Nico was lost for ever and she had carried out the cruellest of
deceptions, all because she no longer
wanted
to be the odd one out. She had yearned to be in there,
with all the rest of them, doing the things they
did and playing
the same sexual games.

And too late she had learnt that playing these games was
just as likely to bring unhappiness as pleasure. She had abused and hurt Nico,
and shamed herself.

Wiping her face with the edge of the
duvet, she stared up at
the ceiling and recalled the final moments of his own joyful
climax. She had breathed in the soft,
honeyed scent of his chest
as his body
had stiffened, and exalted in her power over him
whilst his breathing had deepened and he had called her name
in
wonder.

Sex with Jack had been silent, almost mechanical, and
quite without the melting tenderness which Nico had shown towards her. Once,
during a furious argument, Jack had told her that she was hopeless in bed and
from then on, Camilla had concentrated
grimly
on trying to improve, but the harder she worked the
more elusive her own
climaxes had become, obstinately refusing to happen.

It had
never occurred to her for an instant, she realized now, that maybe it was Jack
who was the rotten lover.

’Are you asleep?’

‘
Yes,’ replied Nico, and
his subdued tones brought a
fresh lump to her throat. Hesitantly, she
approached the bed,
grateful for the fact
that he hadn’t switched on a light.
Apologizing
for and explaining her awful behaviour was going
to be difficult enough, even with the darkness to shield her
shame.

‘
I’m so sorry, about . . . earlier.’

‘
I told you,
you aren’t the one who should be sorry. It was entirely my fault.’

As she had known it would, his Italian male pride wouldn’t
allow him to forgive himself, because in his eyes he had badly
failed her. Her heart clamouring in her chest,
Camilla took
another step forward and reached out towards the dark
shadowy figure in the bed.

‘But it wasn’t your fault,’ she spoke
abruptly into the
darkness,
‘because I was lying earlier. I did enjoy it, every
second of it. You were amazing. And
when it . . . happened .. .
I just didn’t
let you know, because for some stupid reason I
didn’t
want you to know how much you affected me. So I
am
sorry . .

‘
Don’t,’ commanded Nico sharply. ‘Please don’t say
that. I
don’t want you to have to
make excuses to me,
for
me. I don’t
want you to feel
sorry
for
me. I can stand your disappointment,
Camilla,’
he continued, his voice bitter. ‘I can just about cope
with that. But the one thing I certainly
cannot
stand
is your
pity.’

As the
extent of the damage she had done sank axe-like into Camilla’s mind, she felt
something within her die. Nothing she could say now would succeed in convincing
Nico that he was blameless. He was Italian, extremely well known, and famously
irresistible to women. Having never known rejection before, he was now quite unable
to cope with it.

Realizing that he really hadn’t deserved this, Camilla hadn’t
any choice
other than to say what she did, after that.

‘
Don’t worry. I realize that I can’t stay here. I’ll
leave
tomorrow.’

And when he hadn’t replied, she felt as if she’d been kicked
in the stomach. So this was what it was like to hurt people.
No fun at
all.

Chapter 19

Nico was out and Camilla was packing,
hating herself, when
the
doorbell rang. Probably someone from the domestic agency
she had phoned earlier, requesting a housekeeper
who could
take over immediately. Someone safe and middle-aged, who
wouldn’t cause Nico any problems.

But it wasn’t,
quite.

Camilla drew back, feeling sick, as
for the first time since
that
night she came face to face with Roz.

Even more astounded, Roz said: ‘Good Lord! What on earth
are
you
doing here?’ And when Camilla didn’t
reply, she
continued, ‘Maybe we should talk.’

Once inside the kitchen, Camilla prepared coffee and
avoided
looking at Roz, while Roz found her
gaze almost irresistibly
drawn towards
Camilla, unable to believe how amazing she
looked. Loulou had very casually mentioned that Camilla had
‘got her act together’, but she hadn’t hinted to
what extent.
Shaken as she obviously was by this unexpected
confrontation, the difference in the woman was astounding. Previously mousy
and plump, Camilla now generated colour, from her
artfully styled tawny blond hair to her fuchsia pink Charles Jourdan
high
heels.

Roz experienced that momentary
uncomfortable sensation
of insecurity which only ever made itself felt when she was in
the company of a female attractive enough to present a
threat.

The
coffee-making ritual over, Camilla seated herself at the
opposite end of the kitchen table and forced herself to return
the gaze of
the woman who had changed her life. For several moments no-one spoke. Camilla
concentrated upon examining Roz’s white Ellesse track suit. She would have bet
money that
beneath it Roz was naked. Hadn’t
she come to see Nico, after
all?

‘
You’ve lost a lot of
weight,’ said Roz eventually, and Camilla
threw her an icy stare.

‘It’s been known to happen when a marriage breaks up,’ she
replied tonelessly. What did Roz really want to talk about? The Cambridge diet?

‘
You’re looking well,
anyway,’ said Roz defensively and for a
split second Camilla almost felt
sorry for her. She looked small,
and hunted,
like a wild animal. Her famous poise was slipping,
it seemed.
At
last.

‘
I’m
feeling well, considering. What else
would you like to
say, now that you’re
here?’

Roz considered the woman sitting opposite her,
appreciating that it wasn’t only her appearance which had undergone a drastic
change. Until today, she would have doubted that Camilla even
fully understood the word ‘cool’, yet here she was
now playing
the Snow Queen to the hilt.

Since it wasn’t in her own nature to
apologize, the words
didn’t come
easily.

‘
I suppose . . . I’m
sorry about what happened. To you .. .
and Jack.’