Fast Forward (15 page)

“So that guy works
with
you?” I asked, still watching the soft flame from the butt flicker.

“He works
for
me,” he spat out the correction.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to know anymore. He must have understood since he didn’t volunteer anymore information. “So what’s up?” I asked quietly. “Where did you go after that? We were looking for you. The police were everywhere. We barely got a ride home.”

“I had to leave—too many cops. I don’t want to go back to juvie hall.”

“Then don’t,” I said, actually thinking it was that simple.

He half laughed at my naïveté. “You really think it’s that easy, don’t you? You think all I have to do is just not go.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not. This ain’t some made for Disney movie, girl. This is real life.”

“Like I don’t know that? What I’m saying is that we all have choices in how and where we want to end up. Maybe you need to make another choice ’cause maybe the one you’ve made is gonna lead you back to where you don’t want to be.”

“You mean go back to school and all that crap.”

“Yeah, why not? What’s so bad about going to school? At least you have a chance for a better life and a future.”

He chuckled again. “You really believe that, don’t you?”

“I know that.”

“See, it’s that stuck-up bourgie private school that teaches you that shit. They brainwash you that all this can be better.”

“Didn’t I hear you went to private school, too?”

“Yeah, so what? Besides, that’s different.”

“How’s it different?”

He looked at me then shook his head like he knew this big secret that I didn’t. “You got this warped idea that life is any better than right now. It’s not. I hustle, that’s what life is. My dad’s constantly on my case to go back to school or get my GED. He’s pissed ’cause stuff be happening. He wants me to go work with him, but I can’t be about all that. That nine-to-five ain’t me, and that going to college shit sure ’nuff ain’t me.”

“So what do you think you’re gonna do, just sit around and do nothing the rest of your life?”

“Nah, I got plans. I can produce videos and rap. I can be like Diddy.”

“Doesn’t everybody want to be like Diddy and think they can rap? So what are the odds of you actually having a career in the music business?”

“My pops could help me out, but he acting like he won’t.”

“Maybe he
is
trying to help you out.”

“You know Tyrece Grant. Hook a brotha up,” he said. I didn’t respond. “See, you wrong and that’s some bull,” he said, louder than necessary. “See, you be talking to TB like that. That shit don’t fly with me. I got a rep to protect.”

“Your reputation, that’s why you were fighting tonight?”

“Don’t nobody disrespect me. I handle my business.”

“You act like you do whatever you do because you have no choice, but you do—we all do. The bad boy thing won’t last forever. Then what?”

“Then I’ll get a new hustle, ’cause that’s what you like about me and you know it.”

I was just about to say something when he leaned over and kissed me. I was too shocked to do anything but just sit there. It’s not like I never kissed anybody before, I have. But I was always kind of expecting it. Darien took me completely by surprise.

So he was kissing me, and I kind of kissed him back. We did that for a while. Then he leaned closer and started touching me. I let him then after a while I backed off. It felt funny. Yeah, I liked him and all, but I like lawn mower guy, too. Terrence was safe. Darien wasn’t. I think he was right. I liked that he had a reputation and that he was a bad boy. We started kissing again. He took my hand and put it on his thigh. He moved it higher, and I felt him hard and jumped back.

“What, don’t tell me you never been with TB before?” he said. “I know he’s got your number punched.” I didn’t respond. He looked at me and shook his head. He obvi
ously knew his answer. “Girl, he be playin’ you. I hear brother be all over the place at Howard. He’s got hunnies dropping at his feet morning, noon and night. Girl, you been played.”

“I gotta go in,” I said. This was getting way too real for me. I wasn’t ready before with LaVon, and I know I was not ready now. I stood up, but Darien took my hand and held tight.

“Come on, stay,” he said. “We don’t have to do anything.”

“I got church in a few hours, and after tonight, I need to get some sleep,” I said easing my hand from his.

“A’ight, next time,” he promised, “for real.”

“Night,” I said then headed to the front door. I unlocked it, went inside then locked it again. I didn’t stop moving until I got to my bedroom. I was still shaking inside when I looked around my room. It was just like I left it, but somehow it seemed different. Maybe I seemed different.

I changed my clothes and lay in bed with my eyes open. Every noise made me jump. I still couldn’t believe everything that went on that night. It was too wild. I never experienced anything like that before. It was crazy, everybody running around like that and the police all over the place. I couldn’t wait to tell my girls about it. Then there was Darien. My stomach was still fluttering and my heart was going wild.

So by the time I finally dozed off, my alarm went off and it was time to get up. Sunday morning, I woke up feeling like somebody else. I wasn’t me anymore. Last
night was like a dream. No, make that a nightmare. I remembered being in Big T’s car, closing my eyes all the way home, praying that we’d get there safe. I don’t know what I was thinking sneaking out like that. I vowed never, ever, ever to do anything like that again. And I meant it.

So I went to church with my grandmother, and I could barely stay awake. After morning service we came home and had breakfast. We talked about school and other stuff while we ate. “So why are you so sleepy today?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I didn’t sleep well, I guess. I think I’m gonna go upstairs and crash now.”

“Yes, you do that. You need to get your rest. Remember, I’m going back to church this afternoon. I’ll bring something in for dinner.”

I went upstairs and crashed. I must have slept for four hours. When I woke up, my grandmother was still out. I grabbed the newspaper and was checking out the metro section. There was an article in there about what happened last night at the go-go club. It mentioned that someone had gotten stabbed and was still in the hospital. The police were asking for witnesses to step up. Please, like that was actually going to happen.

Ursula called me and we talked a few minutes, mainly about the go-go club. She said that Darien had finally gotten home about four o’clock and that he was fine. She was still pissed that he left us there. She was just about to go off on a rant when my other line beeped. I told her that it was probably my dad so she hung up. I clicked over. It wasn’t my dad. It was Terrence.

“Hey Shorty,” he said happily.

“I thought you were supposed to be coming home this weekend,” I said quickly.

“I thought so too, but I crossed over. We didn’t know about it, it was a surprise. The whole line crossed. I’m officially a Greek.”

He seemed so happy, but I wasn’t feeling it. He promised that he’d be around, but he wasn’t. At least Darien was here and acted like he wanted to be with me. “Congratulations,” I said, not as delighted as I guess I could have been. He caught the bland tone in my voice.

“So what’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” I said, vaguely.

“You sound mad because I wasn’t there this weekend?”

“Nah, I had fun. I hung out at my friend’s house.”

“What friends?”

“Ursula and Darien.”

“Darien? What? You’re hanging with Darien now?”

“He said y’all knew each other, but he wouldn’t tell me how. You want to enlighten me?” I asked.

“You need to leave him alone,” he warned sternly.

See that’s something that pisses me off with Terrence. He thinks he can boss me around and tell me what to do. He can’t. He says that we’re hanging, but he’s never around to hang with me. Maybe Darien was right. Maybe he was just playing me. “Why not? He’s fun and at least he’s around sometimes.”

“You need to leave him alone,” he repeated.

“Since when do you tell me what I need to do?” I asked. I was already irritated. His attitude was just getting me more annoyed. “So what’s the beef between you two?
What, did he steal your toy in kindergarten or something?” I joked.

“I don’t want to talk about it, but you need to listen to me and leave him alone.”

“That’s not good enough, Terrence.”

“We’ll talk about it Friday when I come by.”

“Yeah, right. I heard that before.” I half chuckled.

“What is wrong with you? You’re acting all pissed off. I told you the line went over this weekend. I thought you’d be happy for me,” he said. I didn’t respond. “Kenisha. Kenisha?”

“I gotta go. I’ll see you around, maybe.” I hung up. I seriously don’t know why I was so pissed off, but I was.

I decided to call Diamond and Jalisa. I needed to talk to someone real. We did our usual three-way conversation. We caught up on some homework business, and they e-mailed my assignments. We talked a little bit about school and Hazelhurst. But after that, the next thing out of Jalisa’s mouth was that she saw the go-go club on the news this afternoon.

“Girl, I couldn’t believe it. That’s where Ursula was talking about going before, right?”

“I think so,” Diamond said. “I wonder if she went.”

“She went. We both did,” I said casually.

“What?” Jalisa and Diamond said in unison.

“You went there last night?” Jalisa asked.

“No way. Your grandmother would never let you go out like that with church the next day,” Diamond added.

“She didn’t, but I did anyway. I snuck out.”

“Kenisha,” Jalisa, said, stunned, “you snuck out?”

“Yeah, my grandmother went to sleep early, so I left.”

“Wait, so you were there when all the stuff on the news was going on?”

“Uh-huh. I even saw the guy who got stabbed.”

“No, you didn’t,” Diamond said chuckling. “She’s joking.”

“I’m not joking. I saw it, for real.”

“Kenisha, For real, for real?” Jalisa asked.

“Yep, for real,” I said proudly.

“Girl what is up with you? You are moving too fast lately. First you going to parties where they’re drinking and smoking pot. Then you’re hanging out with this street thug drinking beer. Now you’re sneaking out of the house and whatever else. You wrong and you know it,” Jalisa said.

“For real, Kenisha,” Diamond chimed in, “how can you just do that? Your mom would be so pissed if she was around.”

“But she’s not, is she?” I snapped. Suddenly I realized that this was going nowhere. My girls, my used-to-be girls, just didn’t get it anymore. “She’s gone, so I can do what I want.”

“No, you can’t,” Diamond said.

“Whatever,” I said dismissively.

“What is wrong with you?” Jalisa said.

“Nothing’s wrong with me. What’s up with you? Y’all acting all stuck up like you don’t know how to have fun anymore. All you two do is hang out in the mall and shop. Please, living in the burbs got y’all all bourgie. Y’all don’t know anything ’bout what goes on in the ’hood.”

“In the ’hood,” Diamond repeated with a chuckle.

“Like you do?” Jalisa snapped back. “Girl, please. Your butt grew up right down the street from us in the burbs, so don’t be frontin’ acting like you from the ’hood. And I don’t know who you’re calling, bourgie. You’re the queen of bourgie.”

“Don’t even try it,” I said, starting to get angry.

“Y’all need to chill on this and talk about something else. Who’s going to dance this week?” Diamond said, attempting to change the conversation.

“Hanging around people who stab other people isn’t exactly what I call fun,” Jalisa continued. “And you don’t either, remember? At least you didn’t.”

“You know what, I thought you guys would understand. I guess I was wrong,” I said.

“Understand what?” Diamond asked.

“Understand that my life is different now. Things can’t be the same as they were before. I live here. I go to school here.”

“So what? You don’t want to be friends with us anymore ’cause of where we live, is that what you’re saying?” Jalisa asked cautiously. It got quiet.

“I didn’t say that,” I said quickly, as I felt my heart lurch. “It’s just that everything is different.”

“We’re not different, Kenisha,” Diamond said. “We’re exactly the same as we always were.”

“And you’re not either. You just think you are ’cause you’re mad. You’re moving too fast, Kenisha. You need to slow down and chill.”

“I’m not mad,” I said calmly.

“Yeah, you are. You’ve been mad for awhile,” Diamond said.

“It’s true,” Jalisa added.

“I’m not mad,” I reiterated. “I’m fine. I just don’t see why everybody’s acting all different. Nobody understands anymore.”