Fast Connection (Cyberlove #2) (18 page)

“Like what?”

“Like you’re going to suggest we go fuck instead of exercise.”

I didn’t deny it.

He smirked.

I pulled up my quad and glanced around. It was an unusually warm day for November, so we wore sweatpants and long-sleeved compression shirts. There were a couple of other walkers in the park, probably enjoying this last bout of warm weather like we were. When I’d called Dominic and suggested running together, the excitement in his voice had made it clear how much he appreciated this change. Dates weren’t really my thing. They’d never been my thing—going out to eat or to the movies and paying for overpriced food and being around… people. Ugh. But this? This I could do. And Dominic was in a stellar mood, so I’d made the right call.

Two men walked by—probably early thirties—wearing workout clothes. I did not acknowledge them for fear of being drawn into a pointless small-talk conversation with strangers, but of course charmer Dominic nodded at them with a smile.

“How you doing today, guys?”

I rolled my eyes as the redhead smiled back, clearly eyeing him up, while the blond tugged on his arm to get him to keep walking. The blond was smart.

A little bit of jealousy reared up, until I remembered Dominic was mine. We’d decided that. It was a done deal. As he swung his arms, blond hair ruffling in the breeze as he smiled at me, a sudden surge of energy bolted through me. I was going to tear this run up.

“Ready?” he said.

As an answer, I took off at a slow jog, until Dominic caught up with me. After that, I picked up the pace. He was shorter than me, but his legs were long, so our strides were evenly matched as we took a long route through Willowbrook Park.

About a half mile into our run, the sweat began to trickle down the back of my neck. Dominic seemed barely winded, which figured. Young bastard.

He’d been quiet so far, but I could tell he was working something out in his head. I knew how that was. Running always gave me time to get some clarity, so I stayed quiet and waited for him to share whatever he was thinking about.

As we headed into mile two, he did just that.

“Is it normal for me to feel this unsteady as a civilian? I feel like a totally different guy, and I…” His paused as we separated so a man with his dog could pass between us. “I guess I don’t know how to deal with it.”

It had been a long time ago, but I still remembered vividly what it had felt like when I’d been in Dominic’s position. Every single decision had felt like the wrong one, and no one had known
me
anymore. It’d been one of the reasons I’d shut out my pre-army friends. Connecting with people who had no idea how much my service had meant to me had been difficult, and it’d been part of the reason everything with Jake had turned into a disaster. “It’s normal. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.”

“How’d you do it?” He glanced at me before facing forward as we rounded a bend in the trail. “Especially when it wasn’t your choice to leave.”

“It sucked,” I said. “I didn’t take it well. I pushed Jake away—the guy I was caught with on base, and he… didn’t take it well.” That was an understatement. “I drank and fucked anything with a pulse after we broke up. I didn’t shape up until Nadia smacked me around and told me to get it together for the kids. I used what savings I had left and started my business.”

Dominic took a moment to inhale and exhale, finally winded, before squinting over at me. “So you’re saying I need to find a new normal?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what I’m saying.”

“And how do I do that?”

I laughed softly. “If I had the perfect answer to that, I’d sell it for millions of dollars. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it takes time, I think.”

“I know you’re right. I can’t stop worrying that if I don’t get my life together soon, I’m going to be just another unemployed ex-soldier. I don’t want to start regretting the last ten years, you know? I did so much in the army—and maybe fucked up my chances to ever go see fireworks on the fourth of July—but I came back and feel like a loser.”

I stopped running.

Dominic kept going until he realized I wasn’t next to him. He turned around with his hands on his hips, breathing hard. “What?”

“Come ’ere.”

He grumbled something as he walked toward me. When he was within touching distance, I clapped my hand over the back of his neck. “Listen to me. You’re not a loser. Don’t say that shit around me. Okay?”

Dominic nodded, face flushed from the cold and our conversation.

“When I was booted out,” I said. “I had to make myself move forward for my kids. I didn’t give a shit about doing it for myself at the time. Now that’s changed. So if you can’t get up to do it for yourself, you do it for your sister. And you can maybe even do it for me. Got it?”

He blinked at me, breath leaving his lips in harsh pants. Finally, the corner of his mouth lifted. “Yeah. I do get it.” He leaned into my touch. “You’re good at these pep talks.”

I dropped my hand. “Yeah, well, I have to give them to myself a lot.”

“That’s insane to me because you seem together. And confident.”

I shrugged. “Sometimes I do feel together and confident. Other times, I don’t. Those are the times I have to give myself pep talks.” I shoved him gently. “Let’s keep running.”

We ran in silence for another half mile before Dominic said, “It’s not a maybe.”

“What?”

“There’s no
maybe even
for you. It
is
for you. I don’t want to be some troubled guy you fuck around with.”

“Dom, you’re not—”

“Hey!” He held up a hand. “This is my pep talk to myself. Don’t ruin it.”

I laughed, and Dominic’s troubled expression faded as we ran alongside each other.

Dominic

After my run with Luke, I showered and went to the bagel shop. I was late as hell, and wasn’t too surprised when my presence prompted a sneer from Duffy.

“Just get in, huh?”

Tying my apron around my waist, I walked around the back of the deli counter. It was a mess, which meant he’d been trying to do everything himself. Guilt niggled at me, and I watched him stock a shelf full of premade pastries and muffins. No one bought the damn things, which meant he’d likely just thrown a couple hundred bucks worth of expired product in the trash and replaced it with more. Sometimes I didn’t understand how he ran this place.

“I’m sorry, Pops. Won’t happen again.”

“Right.” He stood from his crouch. “You talk big about your next move, but how’re you going to have a next move at a different job if you can’t even handle coming here?”

I wiped down the counter with sharp movements. “I’ll get it together.”

“Heh. I’ll believe it when I see it. You’ve always been more worried about pussy than grades or responsibilities.”

The bell above the door jingled and John, my goddamn irritating frenemy, entered in the middle of Duffy’s mini rant. A broad smile spread across his face.

“I feel like I’ve been hearing you say that to Nicky since high school, Big D.”

I had no reaction to John’s jibe, but my father looked ready to punch him in the mouth. If I could say one thing positive about my father being a shithead to his family, it was that he thought he was the only one allowed to do it.

“Still driving your daddy’s car, Johnny?”

John’s smile fled his face, and his mouth tightened into a slant. “He gave it to me for my birthday.”

“Must be nice.” Duffy looked John up and down. “Give Officer Connolly my regards.”

“I will next time I see him. I don’t live at the house no more.” The words prompted John’s eyes to settle on me as he sauntered up to the deli counter. “After twenty-one, that would have been kind of pathetic.”

Annnd he finally found a way under my skin. I wanted to shove his fucking head into the meat slicer.

“Can I help you with something, buddy?” I asked instead of murdering him.

“Yeah. Gimme turkey and swiss, tomatoes, lettuce, and mustard on a pumpernickel bagel. Meat sliced real thin.”

“You got it.”

He stared at me as I made his fucking sandwich, and I pictured myself doing unmentionable things to him the entire time. And not the fun kind.

“I heard you’ve taken up running again,” he said suddenly.

I made a face. “Fascinating gossip you got there.”

“You might be surprised.”

The smirk on his face put me on edge, and I wondered if he’d seen me with Luke. I concentrated on what I was doing without reacting, and he changed the subject entirely.

“Speaking of my dad,” John said. “He heard something about you lately, Big D.”

“Oh yeah?” Duffy sounded as concerned about this as he was about John continuing to exist on the planet. “What’s that?”

“Just talk. About you looking for a loan shark.”

My eyes rose to take in John’s smarmy grin. There was no sign of deceit in his face. And when I glanced at my father, I noticed he’d gone white as a sheet.

“What the he—
fuck!”

The blade to the slicer bit into my finger, and I stumbled back. Blood rose in a slight arc until I pressed my injured hand against my chest.

“Nicky!” Duffy hurried around the counter. “Shit, you didn’t cut it off did you?”

“No,” I gritted around the pain. “It’s fine. What the fuck is this about a loan shark?”

“Can we not talk about that now?”

“We’re
gonna
talk about it no—”

“You know what? I changed my mind about the sandwich.” John threw me a sarcastic salute. “See you boys later.”

“Get the fuck out of here,” Duffy snarled. “Little cocksucker.”

John just laughed and sauntered out. The jingling bell signaled his departure.

“Tell me he’s kidding.”

“Dominic,” my father said sharply. “Can we take care of one thing before getting into another?”

And just like that, the rope tethering my patience cut.

“You think this is something to worry about?” I ripped my hand away from my apron and shoved it in his face. It was cut deep and gushing blood, but I didn’t even cringe at the sight. He looked a little green. “Just because in your mind the war is over and we sat around a base playing games all day, doesn’t mean it is. There’s still a war over there, Pops. There’s still militants who fucking want us out of their country, who ambush us during patrols, and who plant IEDs to blow us up.” I waved my hand around again.
“This
ain’t shit compared to what I’ve seen and fucking done.”

I knew he wanted to say that we never should have been there in the first place, not that I didn’t agree, but that had shit to do with what I was saying. And for the first time he seemed to get that. Regardless of the politics, I’d signed up for the guaranteed salary and the benefits, and the promises of a future. Too bad that part hadn’t checked out.

“Let me drive you to the hospital.”

“No.”

“Nicky, you need stitches.”

“I’m
fine.
”

He blew out a slow exhale. “If I tell you about the money thing, will you at least go with me to Urgent Care?” When I stared at him flatly, still dripping blood on the floor, he nodded. “We’re gonna lose the business.”

“How?”

“Debt, Nicky. How the fuck you think?” Duffy slammed his shaking hand down on the counter. “I’m losing almost two grand a month, I’m behind six months’ rent, and we’re gonna lose the house if I lose the business. I have no savings. I got nothing.”

“Six months of rent,” I said without emotion. “How much is that? You don’t tell me anything except to ignore the stack of bills piled up in the back.”

His jaw clenched. “Nearly twenty grand.”

“Fuck,
Dad.” This time it was me who almost slammed my hand down. The blood and a flare of pain stopped me. “You didn’t take money from some loan shark, did you?”

“No. I couldn’t promise myself I’d be able to pay it back, and then…” He gestured vaguely. “Look, I know how these things work. I won’t put my family in danger.”

“Jesus Christ. What a cliché. You’ve been on this fucking island for too long, Pops.”

“Fuck you, Dominic. You don’t understand.” He furiously turned away from me. “You think this is fun for me? That I like taking this out on you and your sister and not being able to buy her things? That I’m just irresponsible? No, kiddo. Rent goes up, utilities go up, everything in this place has gone up—”

“—and you still charge the same for everything as you did a decade ago!” I shouted. “Your business plan sucks! I don’t know shit and even
I
know that!”

He looked ready to chop off my finger for real. “Just let me worry about it, and shut the fuck up on the way to the hospital.”

There was too much to say with this new development out in the open, but I swallowed everything and watched as he called my mother to come cover the store.

Luke

I’d texted Dominic two hours ago, and he hadn’t responded yet. For late Saturday morning, that was weird. He usually got up and went to the gym and was home by now bugging the shit out of me with random messages. At least, that was how it’d been for the last couple of weeks since we agreed to be… a thing.

His radio silence this morning was a splinter under my skin.

I stood in my bedroom with a towel around my waist, wet hair dripping onto my shoulders. I hadn’t shaved yet and was thinking maybe I should, when my phone chimed.

I frowned at the clock. It was close to noon. He never slept this late.

I stared at my phone.

Silence. Not even a lol. He usually responded with laughter to my gruffness or sneers about his social-media-speak and emojis. I gave up on texting and called him. The phone rang five times before he picked up. “‘Lo.”

“What’s going on with you?” My tone was more stern than I’d intended.

There was a rustle, like bedsheets. I pictured him with puffy eyes and messy hair. “I don’t know.”

I sat down on my bed and ran a hand over my chin. I took a deep breath and softened my tone. “Want to meet at Clove? Weather’s nice.”