Fashionably Dead (48 page)

“Couldn’t or didn’t?” the wall inquired politely.

I’d had enough of the wall. “What does it matter? I was a bit tired from offing my parents and I had, um…other reasons.” Damnit, this was impossible. Was I really talking to a wall? Yes. Yes, I was.

“Ah, yes,” the wall said lovingly. “Your unborn child. That child will also be part of me.”

“Look, no offense, but you’re a freakin’ talking wall. I don’t really see the connection between you, me and my baby.”

“If you’re not going to be pleasant, I’ll leave,” the wall huffed and the heartbeat disappeared. WTF?

Fucking. Awesome. The wall was gone because I pissed it off. Not only had I made myself an orphan earlier and earned a lovely unplanned trip to the Land of Damnation, but I’d made a talking wall in Hell angry with me. What did a girl have to do to catch a freakin’ break? I’d done everything that was expected of me and still I got the shaft…I’d fulfilled the crazy Vampyre Prophecy. I’d saved the Vampyre King and proved I was indeed their Chosen One. Although I might have reconsidered the job had I known ending up in Abyss of Darkness was part of the description.

“Are you screwing with me?” I shouted at the wall as
Open Arms
surrounded me on all sides. The incredible urge to sway and sing along was almost debilitating. There had to be something subliminal going on here…Was Journey part of some evil plan? Was it laced with hidden references to Hell and debauchery? Was Steven Perry a succubus? Either someone downunder was obsessed with 80’s pop music or I wasn’t in Hell at all.

“Oh my god,” I gasped as crawled out from under the bed. I very slowly stretched out my cramped legs and arms. “I clearly fucked someone over in a former life to have to deal with this.”

“Why would you think that?” the disembodied wall voice hissed.

“Mother fucker,” I screeched, grabbing a pillow off the bed and hurling it at the wall. “Do not scare me like that. I’ve had enough surprises today.”

The wall chuckled in reply.

The Demons had unceremoniously dragged my ass through the portal to Hell insisting I was their new queen—
like that was ever going to happen.
If they hadn’t arrived in such large numbers, I might not be sitting in Hell right now talking to a wall and trying to make my body work, but I was…and I was furious.

However, as unhappy as I was about my new address, I would hazard a guess that my beautiful mate, Ethan, had gone ballistic. He would have arrived at the caves by now where my deadly family reunion had taken place and would know that I’d been abducted. My gut clenched at the thought of what he would do. His father, the King of the Vampyres, would have clued him in to the somewhat unbelievable story of my pregnancy and Ethan would…Shit, I didn’t know what he’d do, but I needed to get out of here quickly before he attempted to come to Hell and rescue me.

I’d lost enough. I would not lose the man who was my world and I flat out refused lose my baby. Unease skittered up my spine like little mice and I shivered involuntarily as Steven Perry began to belt out
Wheel in the Sky
. OMG.

Could the talking wall keep me from leaving? Time to find out.

On the far left side of the room was a bay window. I wondered how high up I was and if I could jump. What was I thinking? I could fly for fuck’s sake. I grimaced and stood. I just needed to find a way out of the garish bedroom and make my way to a portal that would take me back to Earth.

Of course since I had no idea what that portal might look like or where to find one, that might prove to be a clusterfuck in the making. Awesome. I needed to figure out where I was.

Walking hurt so I decided to fly to the window and check out the landscape. After two pathetic attempts that resulted in my ass hitting the floor—hard, I realized my powers weren’t the same in Hell as they were on Earth. Not. Fucking. Good.

“Looks like you lost some power, my dear,” the wall said.

“Ya think?” I snapped. Why was I even talking to the wall? It was a
wall
. I would ignore it and if it got mad—so be it.

My eyesight, hearing and sense of smell were still bionic, but my ability to cloak myself was gone along with my ability to fly. I needed to get the hell out of the room.

Staying low and away from the walls just in case they had hands too, I slipped out of the bedroom and made my way down a massive hall. Ironically—or maybe not—Steven Perry belted out
Separate Ways.

Who in the hell knew Journey had so many hits?

Something was off besides the fact that the walls talked. Why was I able to breath and why in the hell did Hell smell so good? Was I even a Vampyre anymore? If descending to I-have-a-shit-ton-of-money-and-no-taste-and-Journey-is-the-best-band-ever Land meant that I had turned into a full Demon someone was going to pay.

Not wanting to show fear, but filled with dread that made my heart beat like the drum section of a percussion happy high school band, I stood in the center of the dimly lit hallway. If the Demons had wanted me dead they would have already killed me. I was creeped out that I’d been talking to a wall and had seen no one. It felt like I’d plopped down in the middle of a game with no rules…

This world was filled with dark magic and Steven Perry…and strangely, I found that combination appealing. Very appealing. It was unlike the foul magic of my Mother or my Father and his minions. This was smarter and a whole hell of a lot more dangerous.

Thankfully my body was becoming my own again. The pain was receding although I was still without my undead powers.

Voices. I heard voices…and they didn’t belong to Steven Perry or anyone from Journey as far as I could tell. A man and a girl.

Oh, I wanted to go home. Where were my ruby slippers or at the very least a Fairy Godmother? This was bad…very, very bad.

Moving quietly toward the sound with as much outward calm as I could muster my stomach roiled. Why, why, why did shit like this seem to happen to me on a daily basis? My karma couldn’t be that bad…I’d just defeated massive evil. I killed my vicious Father and my bat-shit crazy Mother in the space of twenty minutes. Not something I was proud of or wanted to brag about, but it was me or them and clearly I had more to live for…I was a kick butt half-Vampyre half-Demon who was pregnant. I was a virtual impossibility. I could do this. I’d talk my way out and go home. Or I’d whack a bunch more Demons and go home. Done. No fucking problem.

However, when I reached the source of the voices my courage disappeared. The sheer amount of magic in the room was like nothing I’d ever felt. The darkness wound around me like a perfectly cut cashmere wrap and the magnetic pull was intoxicating. There was no turning back. It felt right to be where I was in this very moment. I was positive this was where I would get some answers. Luckily I slipped into the room unnoticed. In the spirit of self-preservation and utter terror, I quickly hid behind a massive black brocade curtain as Steven Perry appropriately busted into
Who’s Crying Now.

***

“Dixie, this behavior is unacceptable!” the man bellowed.

He was magnificent and frightening. His magic was stronger than any I’d ever witnessed. I sipped farther into the shadows so I wouldn’t be seen. Fuckity fuck fuck. Every instinct in my body screamed at me to run away, but that was impossible…my chances of sneaking by them a second time were nil. This was a mistake—possibly a deadly one. But, I’d been drawn here by an unmistakable pull. As much as I wanted to disappear, I wanted to stay even more.

The beautiful man stood at least six feet six inches tall and had long raven black hair—identical to the girl named Dixie he was displeased with. She was stunning, yet her demeanor was meek. Their eyes were golden like mine, although his turned ruby red as his anger mounted. Was the girl related to the man? Who in the hell were they?

Their skin color differed. His was more of a pale mocha and hers was a peaches and cream. They were both long and lanky and reeked of magic. The girl, Dixie, appeared to be about nineteen or twenty and the man? Who knew…

“I’m sorry,” she muttered staring at her fingernails. She picked nervously at the chipped black polish.

“Would you like to explain these grades?” The air crackled with his anger and energy. He threw the paper to the ground at her feet.

Grades? WTF? This was Hell…people got report cards in Hell?

“Um…I studied?” she whispered, ducking her head to avoid a blow.

“No child of mine receives straight A’s.” His voice was soft and menacing.

I was so fucking confused I almost stepped out from my hiding place, but sanity prevailed and I stayed put.

“I said I was sorry, Dad. I’ll try harder to fail next time.”

One question answered…

“Where did I go wrong?” he lamented. I watched him pace. His presence filled the room completely, leaving little space for anyone or anything else. His very expensive black leather pants and black silk shirt matched his hair perfectly. It was clear the girl loved him and was upset with his displeasure.

He threw his hands up in disgust, “I’ve given you everything, and this is how you repay me?”

“Didn’t realize there was a price,” she muttered quietly.

“Everything has a price,” he hissed.

Damn, he had really good hearing
.

Dixie shrunk down low and waited. I held my breath wishing I hadn’t chosen this particular room to explore.

“You will drop the goody-goody act. You will be rude, promiscuous and scandalous. You will not be compassionate unless I am concerned and I expect you to flunk out of The Demon College just like all of your sisters did. Do you understand me?” he demanded.

“I’m really sorry, Dad,” she sounded like a broken record—this was clearly a familiar conversation for them.

“I am Satan,” he bellowed and the room vibrated. “I have a reputation to uphold. You are a Demon Princess, you have a Porsche, your own bungalow in the most exclusive zip code in Hell and certainly more money than anyone your age should have access to and yet you throw all this in my face? Why Dixie, why?” He wearily dropped down on the couch next to the girl and she put her arms around him.

“I love you,” she whispered.

The ghost of a smile touch his lips. “And I you.”

He wrapped his arms around her and looked into her eyes. “Is it true that you donated one million dollars of my money to feed hungry humans on Earth?”

“Yes,” she buried her face against his chest. “I did.”

He heaved an enormous sigh, “I have to punish you, you know.”

“I know.”

He put his finger under her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. “If I don’t punish you, all hell will break loose down here. No pun intended,” he grinned.

“Daddy, that pun was totally intended,” she giggled.

“That it was.” He stood up and ran his big hands through his hair and turned and mesmerizing gaze on her. “You are so like your mother.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” she challenged.

“It’s an
interesting
thing,” he conceded. His voice was melodic and hypnotizing.

“Dad?”

“Yes, Dixie?”

“What’s my punishment?”

He gave her a terribly evil and intoxicating smile. “I’ll have to think about it.” He turned and walked toward my hiding spot. Shit. Why did I have to be so freakin’ tall? Please walk by me. Please. He stopped a foot from where I hid. I held my new-found breath and prayed to everything and anything I could think of…including him.

“Come out, Astrid. I’ve been expecting you.”

Sweet baby Satan, this day couldn’t get any worse. Actually it probably could…

Chapter 2

Shitfire, hell and damnation
. This was bad. Satan was expecting me? How was that even possible? And how did he know I was hiding behind curtain number two? Although he
was
Satan or Lucifer or Beelzebub or the Prince of Darkness or...

“I prefer Satan. Lucifer is fine on Tuesdays and the Prince of Darkness will do in a pinch,” he said smoothly in his dark, rich voice.

Son of a—I quickly slammed my brain doors shut and hoped I still had at least that ability. Test it, my filterless and quick to come up with horrific ideas brain told me. Fine…
Satan is a douchebag who wears ladies underpants and picks his nose...
Nothing. No reaction. Thank you Jesus and Buddah and Moses and Judas and whoever else was kind enough to be helping me out at the moment. Wait. I take back the Judas thing. Don’t want to pray to a dude who gets people crucified. Dumb, dumb, dumb. I idly wondered for a moment if Judas lived down here. Focus. Satan was on the other side of the curtain I was hiding behind and he’d requested the pleasure of my company. Fuck.

I was southern and I had manners. If I could teach art to genital-obsessed seniors, I could converse with Satan. Right? Right. If he was expecting me, he was probably aware of my recent patricide and matricide…Would he be impressed or pissed? After all, my Father had been in charge of Hell. Wait. How was my stanky Father in charge down here if Satan existed? This made no sense. Were the Vampyres wrong? Was my Father a big fat hairy liar? Who in the hell did I kill an hour ago? Was he even my Father?