Fargo Rock City (42 page)

To me, that was cool. Maybe the 8th grade Chuck would have scoffed at his desperate earnesty, but the 24-year-old Chuck was sort of touched by that sincerity. And when I look back at Jani's request today, I always wonder: Would Thom Yorke ever do that? Well, perhaps he'll never have to. But on that summer night in 1996, I was glad Jani Lane cared enough about his life to give me back 20 minutes of mine.

February 2, 2000

Mr. Charles Klosterman

Dear Mr. Klosterman:

We received a complaint this morning regarding loud music and jumping in your apartment in the early hours of the morning. After reviewing your file, it seems as if this is a recurring problem in your apartment. It distresses us to have to write this letter, but you are keeping your neighbors awake.

We realize that it is sometimes difficult to live with neighbors, but please understand that playing music loudly at any time, if it disturbs your neighbors, is expressly against your lease. Your lack of consideration for your neighbors is also very disrespectful.

Your status as a resident here at Cedarwood Village is very tenuous. You are currently here on a month to month basis. Therefore, if we receive just one more complaint about noise we will give you a 30 day notice to vacate your apartment.

Our hope is that we do not have to take any further action in respect to you disturbing your neighbors. If you have any questions, please give us a call.

Sincerely,

General Manager

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^A
I have since moved. Sorry.

^A
Of course, Cobain's victory as an icon does not necessarily mean he made better music; at least technically,
Appetite for Destruction
is a stronger album than
Nevermind.
They're weirdly similar, actually: Both open with songs that defined each band's aethetic; both track 2s are about testosterone-driven males (Nirvana hates 'em, GNR represents 'em), both track 5s are about drugs (one prescription, one illegal), and both albums conclude with alienated, spacey finales. The difference is that
Appetite …
always comes across as a tour de force and a classic rock masterpiece, while
Nevermind
will forever be remembered as a vehicle for “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and its subversive affect on mainstream culture. It's periodically brilliant, but half the material on
Nevermind
is filler. There's no doubt about which of these records is more socially important, but there's also no question about which one gets played in my apartment when I want to hear something badass.

^A
It must be noted that I recently spoke with Cliff for the first time in seven years, and he is no longer an angry young man. In fact, he now wears Hawaiian shirts in public and has become shockingly amicable. Cliff works as a beef inspector for the state of North Dakota (he actually has an office in the capitol building in Bismarck) and recently purchased a pontoon boat for the purposes of “beer drinking and womanizing” on Lake Sakakawea. I suspect he is the only meat inspector in America who talks like Paul Stanley in casual conversation.

^A
Driving around aimlessly and going nowhere is an aspect of small-town culture few people from urban communities truly understand, but it's pretty much the backbone of teen life in places like Wyndmere. We drove our parents' cars around the same path endlessly for several hours every weekend evening: The route ran from the Cenex station, north to Main Street (where you made a U-turn in front of the bankrupt lumberyard), down the residential stretch of Highway 18 for about a mile, east past the Tastee Freez (and through the town's only stop light), and then back to Cenex. The total distance of one rotation is 2.8 miles. Whenever you wanted to talk to someone in another car, you hit your brake lights twice when they passed you, which indicated that they were supposed to meet you in the parking lot of the high school bus barn. The fundamental goal was to make the local police officer follow your particular vehicle, which is why I'll always begrudgingly adore that Gin Blossoms song where the dude sings, “We can drive around this town / And let the cops chase us around.”

^A
This analysis was somewhat complicated by the May 11, 2000, issue of
Rolling Stone
magazine, which essentially described Rose as a nocturnal New Age freak who spends much of his time in Sedona, a pseudo-spiritual Narnia in the Arizona desert. The article implied
Chinese Democracy
will probably never be released, but I'm confident it will eventually come out—however, I have no clue when that will be. When I started writing this manuscript in 1998, I jokingly said I wanted to have it published before the next GNR record, and (at this point) I think I still have a legitimate shot. Meanwhile, my aforementioned buddy Mr. Pancake now lives near Sedona and told me he'd keep an eye out for Axl's aura.

^A
Or maybe vomit.

^A
Limp Bizkit also received much of the blame for the riots at the Woodstock '99 rock festival, prompting MTV's Chris Connelly to scoff at the “inexplicable anger” from the Bizkit's “white, upper-class audience.” I guess this aggression was “inexplicable” because white rich people are always unspeakably happy about being white and rich.

^A
We hope.

^A
Of course, they'll all be twenty-one by the time this book comes out, which might mean they're already irrelevant.

^A
Love's ability to fool intelligent people continues to baffle me. In 1991, she made
Pretty on the Inside,
and it was about as remarkable as a bucket of vomit warming in the afternoon sun. By 1994, she had married Kurt Cobain and—
surprise!
—proceeded to “write” a record that's pretty amazing (and seemingly unconnected to her debut in almost every possible way). Tragically, Kurt died the week before it was released. Courtney subsequently stopped making music … until she renewed her friendship with Billy Corgan and—
surprise!
—released
Celebrity Skin,
another exceptional record with virtually no sonic relationship to
Live Through This.
Funny how this keeps happening. I hope Courtney starts sleeping with Trey Anastasio of Phish, because I'd love to see Hole become a jam band.

^A
And I'm really afraid they will.

^A
Well, okay … I'm
sort of
a Mötley Crüe apologist.

^A
Funny (or maybe not so funny) side note: While I wrote
Fargo Rock City,
my standing joke was that I'd try to finish before the new Guns N' Roses album came out. It still blows my mind that I did. As I write this coda, it's March of 2002, and it appears that the softcover edition will beat
Chinese Democracy
again. I would also like to note that I've now heard about half of the yet-to-be released GNR album, and at least one song—“The Blues”—is as good as anything Axl has ever recorded. I'm still a fuckin' believer.