Authors: Ray Bradbury
On the way into town, on a street near the school stood the nickel emporium where all the sweet poisons hid in luscious traps.
Doug stopped, stared, and waited for Tom to catch up and then yelled, âOkay, gang, this way. In!'
Around him all the boys came to a halt because he said the name of the shop, which was pure magic.
Doug beckoned and they all gathered and followed, orderly, like a good army, into the shop.
Tom came last, smiling at Doug as if he knew something that nobody else knew.
Inside, honey lay sheathed in warm African chocolate. Plunged and captured in the amber treasure lay fresh Brazil nuts, almonds, and glazed clusters of snowy coconut. June butter and August wheat were clothed in dark sugars. All were crinkled in folded tin foil, then wrapped in red and blue papers that told the weight, ingredients, and manufacturer. In bright bouquets the candies lay, caramels to glue the teeth, licorice to blacken
the heart, chewy wax bottles filled with sickening mint and strawberry sap, Tootsie Rolls to hold like cigars, redâtipped chalkâmint cigarettes for chill mornings when your breath smoked on the air.
The boys, in the middle of the shop, saw diamonds to crunch, fabulous liquors to swig.
Persimmonâcolored pop bottles swam, clinking softly, in the Nile waters of the refrigerated box, its water cold enough to cut your skin. Above, on glass shelves, lay cordwood piles of gingersnaps, macaroons, chocolate bits, vanilla wafers shaped like moons, and marshmallow dips, white surprises under black masquerades. All of this to coat the tongue, plaster the palate.
Doug pulled some nickels from his pocket and nodded at the boys.
One by one they chose from the sweet treasure, noses pressed against glass, breath misting the crystal vault.
Moments later, down the middle of the street they ran and soon stood on the edge of the ravine with the pop and candy.
Once they were all assembled, Doug nodded again and they started the trek down into the ravine. Above them, on the other side, stood the looming homes of the old men, casting dark shadows into the bright day. And above those, Doug saw, as he shielded his eyes, was the hulking carapace of the haunted house.
âI brought you here on purpose,' said Doug.
Tom winked at him as he flipped the lid off his pop.
âYou must learn to resist, so you can fight the good fight. Now,' he cried, holding his bottle out. âDon't look so surprised. Pour!'
âMy gosh!' Charlie Woodman slapped his brow. âThat's good root beer, Doug. Mine's good Orange
Crush
!'
Doug turned his bottle upside down. The root beer froth hissed out to join the clear stream rushing away to the lake. The others stared, the spectacle mirrored in each pair of eyes.
âYou want to sweat Orange Crush?' Douglas grabbed Charlie's drink. âYou want root beer spit, to be poisoned forever, to
never
get well? Once you're tall, you can't
un
grow back, can't stab yourself with a pin and let the air out.'
Solemnly, the martyrs tilted their bottles.
âLucky crawfish.' Charlie Woodman slung his bottle at a rock. They all threw their bottles, like Germans after a toast, the glass crashing in bright splinters.
They unwrapped the melting chocolate and butter chip and almond frivolities. Their teeth parted, their mouths watered. But their eyes looked to their general.
âI solemnly pledge from now on: no candy, no pop, no poison.'
Douglas let his chocolate chunk drop like a corpse into the water, like a burial at sea.
Douglas wouldn't even let them lick their fingers.
Walking out of the ravine, they met a girl eating a vanilla ice cream cone. The boys stared, their tongues
lolling. She took a cold dollop with her tongue. The boys blinked. She licked the cone and smiled. Perspiration broke out on a half dozen faces. One more lick, one more jut of that rare pink tongue, one more hint of cool vanilla ice cream and his army would revolt. Sucking in a deep breath, Douglas cried: âGit!'
The girl spun around and ran.
Douglas waited for the memory of the ice cream to fade, then said, quietly, âThere's ice water at Grandma's. March!'
Calvin C. Quartermain was an edifice as tall, long, and as arrogant as his name.
He did not move, he stalked.
He did not see, he glared.
He spoke not, but fired his tongue, pointâblank, at any target come to hand.
He orated, he pronounced, he praised not, but heaped scorn.
Right now he was busy shoving bacteria under the microscope of his goldârimmed spectacles. The bacteria were the boys, who deserved destruction. One boy, especially.
âA bike, sweet Christ, a damn blue bike! That's
all
it was!'
Quartermain bellowed, kicking his good leg.
âBastards! Killed Braling! Now they're after
me
!'
A stout nurse trussed him like a cigar store Indian while Dr. Lieber set the leg.
âChrist! Damned fool. What was it Braling said about a
metronome
? Jesus!'
âLeg's broke, easy!'
âHe needs more than a bike! A damned hellâfire device won't kill
me
, no!'
The nurse shoved a pill in his mouth.
âPeace, Mr C., peace.'
Night, in Calvin C. Quartermain's lemon-sour house, and him in bed, discarded long ago, when his youth breeched the carapace, slid between his ribs, and left his shell to flake in the wind.
Quartermain twisted his head and the sounds of the summer night breathed through the air. Listening, he chewed on his hatred.
âGod, strike down those bastard fiends with fire!'
Sweating cold, he thought:
Braling lost his brave fight to make them human, but
I
will prevail. Christ, what's
happening?
He stared at the ceiling where gunpowder blew in a spontaneous combustion, all their lives exploded in one day at the end of an unbelievably late summer, a thing of weather and blind sky and the surprise miracle that he still lived, still breathed, amidst lunatic events. Christ! Who ran this parade and where was it going? God, stand alert! The drummerâboys are killing the captains.
âThere must be others,' he whispered to the open
window. âSome who tonight feel as I do about these infidels!'
He could sense the shadows trembling out there, the other old rusted iron men hidden in their high towers, sipping thin gruels and snapping dog â biscuits. He would summon them with cries, his fever like heatâlightning across the sky.
âTelephone,' gasped Quartermain. âNow, Calvin, line them up!'
There was a rustling in the dark yard.
âWhat?'
he whispered.
The boys clustered in the lightless ocean of grass below. Doug and Charlie, Will and Tom, Bo, Henry, Sam, Ralph, and Pete all squinted up at the window of Quartermain's high bedroom.
In their hands they had three beautifully carved and terrible pumpkins. They carried them along the sidewalk below while their voices rose among the star-lit trees, louder and louder: âThe worms crawl in, the worms crawl out.'
Quartermain turned each of his spotted papyrus hands into fists and clenched the telephone.
âBleak!'
âQuartermain? My God, it's late!'
âShut up! Did you hear about Braling?'
âI knew one day he'd get caught without his hourglass.'
âThis is no time for levity!'
âOh, him and his damn clocks; I could hear him ticking across town. When you hold that tight to the edge of the grave, you should just jump in. Some boy with a capâpistol means nothing. What can you do? Ban capâpistols?'
âBleak, I
need
you!'
âWe all need each other.'
âBraling was school board secretary. I'm
chairman
! The damn town's
teeming
with killers
in embryo.'
âMy dear Quartermain,' said Bleak dryly, âyou remind me of the perceptive asylum keeper who claimed that his inmates were mad. You've only just discovered that boys are animals?'
â
Something
must be done!'
â
Life
will do it.'
âThe damned fools are outside my house singing a funeral dirge!'
â“The Worms Crawl In”? My favorite tune when I was a boy. Don't you remember being ten? Call their folks.'
âThose fools? They'd just say, “Leave the nasty old man alone.”'
âWhy not pass a law to make everyone seventyânine years old?' Bleak's grin ran along the telephone wires. âI've two dozen nephews who sweat icicles when I threaten to live forever. Wake up, Cal. We are a minority, like the dark African and the lost Hittite. We live in a country of the young. All we can do is wait until some of these sadists hit nineteen, then truck them off to war. Their crime? Being full up with orange juice and spring
rain. Patience. Someday soon you'll see them wander by with winter in their hair. Sip your revenge quietly.'
âDamn! Will you help?'
âIf you mean can you count on my vote on the school board? Will I command Quartermain's Grand Army of Old Crocks? I'll leer from the sidelines, with an occasional vote thrown to you mad dogs. Shorten summer vacations, trim Christmas holidays, cancel the Spring Kite Festival â that's what you plan, yes?'
âI'm a lunatic, then?!'
âNo, a studentâcomeâlately. I learned at fifty I had joined the army of unwanted men. We are not quite Africans, Quartermain, or heathen Chinese, but our racial stigmata are gray, and our wrists are rusted where once they ran clear. I hate that fellow whose face I see, lost and lonely in my dawn mirror! When I see a fine lady, God! I know outrage. Such spring cartwheel thoughts are not for dead pharaohs. So, with limits, Cal, you can count me in. Good night.'
The two phones clicked.
Quartermain leaned out his window. Below, in the moonlight, he could see the pumpkins, shining with a terrible October light.
Why do I imagine,
he wondered,
that one is carved to look like me, another one just like Bleak, and the other just like Gray? No, no. It can't be. Christ, where do I find Braling's
metronome?
âOut of the way!' he yelled into the shadows.
Grabbing his crutches, he struggled to his feet, plunged downstairs, tottered onto the porch, and somehow found his way down to the sidewalk and advanced on the flickering line of Halloween gourds.
âJesus,' he whispered. âThose are the ugliest damned pumpkins I ever saw. So!'
He brandished a crutch and whacked one of the orange ghouls, then another and another until the lights in the pumpkins winked out.
He reared to chop and slash and whack until the gourds were split open, spilling their seeds, orange flesh flung in all directions.
âSomeone!' he cried.
His housekeeper, an alarmed expression on her face, burst from the house and raced down the great lawn.
âIs it too late,' cried Quartermain, âto light the oven?'
âThe oven, Mr Cal?'
âLight the godâdamned oven. Fetch the pie pans. Have you recipes for pumpkin pie?'
âYes, Mr Cal.'
âThen grab these damn pieces. Tomorrow for lunch: Just Desserts!'
Quartermain turned and crutched himself upstairs.
The emergency meeting of the Green Town Board of Education was ready to begin.
There were only two there beside Calvin C. Quartermain: Bleak and Miss Flynt, the recording secretary.
He pointed at the pies on the table.
âWhat's this?' said the other two.
âA victory breakfast, or maybe a lunch.'
âIt looks like pie to me, Quartermain.'
âIt
is
, idiot! A victory feast, that's what it is. Miss Flynt?'
âYes, Mr Cal?'
âTake a statement. Tonight at sunset, on the edge of the ravine, I will make a few remarks.'
âSuch as?'
âRebellious rapscallions, hear this: The war is not done, nor have you lost nor have you won. It seems a draw. Prepare for a long October. I have taken your measure. Beware.'
Quartermain paused and shut his eyes, pressed his fingers to his temples, as if trying to remember.
âOh, yes. Colonel Freeleigh, sorely missed. We need a colonel. How long was Freeleigh a colonel?'
âSince the month Lincoln was shot.'
âWell, someone must be a colonel. I'll do that.
Colonel
Quartermain. How does that sound?'
âPretty fine, Cal, pretty fine.'
âAll right. Now shut up and eat your pie.'
The boys sat in a circle on the porch of Doug and Tom's house. The pale blue painted ceiling mirrored the blue of the October sky.
âGosh,' said Charlie. âI don't like to say it, Doug â but I'm hungry.'
âCharlie! You're not thinking right!'
âI'm thinkin' fine,' said Charlie. âStrawberry shortcake with a big white summer cloud of whipped cream.'
âTom,' said Douglas, âin the byâlaws in your nickel tablet, what's it say about treason?'
âSince when is thinking about shortcake treason?' Charlie regarded some wax from his ear with great curiosity.
âIt's not thinking, it's
saying
!'
âI'm
starved
,' said Charlie. âAnd the other guys, look, touch 'em and they'd bite. It ain't workin', Doug.'
Doug stared around the circle at the faces of his soldiers, as if daring them to add to Charlie's lament.
âIn my grandpa's library there's a book that says Hindus
starve for ninety days. Don't worry. After the third day you don't feel nothing!'
âHow long's it been? Tom, check your watch. How long?'
âMmmm, one hour and ten minutes.'
âJeez!'
âWhatta you mean “jeez”? Don't look at your watch! Look at calendars. Seven
days
is a fast!'
They sat a while longer in silence. Then Charlie said, âTom, how long's it been
now
?'
âDon't tell him, Tom!'
Tom consulted his watch, proudly. âOne hour and
twelve
minutes!'
âHoly smoke!' Charlie squeezed his face into a mask. âMy stomach's a
prune
! They'll have to feed me with a tube. I'm dead. Send for my folks. Tell 'em I loved 'em.' Charlie shut his eyes and flung himself backward onto the floorboards.
âTwo hours,' said Tom, later. âTwo whole hours we've been starving, Doug. That's sockdolager! If only we can throw up after supper, we're set.'
âBoy,' said Charlie, âI feel like that time at the dentist and he jammed that needle in me. Numb! And if the other guys had more guts, they'd tell you they're bound for Starved Rock, too. Right, fellas? Think about cheese! How about crackers?'
Everyone moaned.
Charlie ran on. âChicken à la
king
!'
They groaned.
âTurkey drumsticks!'
âSee.'
Tom poked Doug's elbow. âYou got 'em writhing! Now where's your revolution?!'
âJust one more day!'
âAnd
then
?'
âLimited rations.'
âGooseberry pie, appleâbutter, onion sandwiches?'
âCut it out, Charlie.'
âGrape jam on white
bread
!'
âStop!'
âNo, sir!' Charlie snorted. âTear off my chevrons, General. This was fun for the first ten minutes. But there's a bulldog in my belly. Gonna go home, sit down real polite, wolf me half a banana cake, two liverwurst sandwiches, and get drummed outta your dumb old army, but at least I'll be a live dog and no shriveledâup mummy, whining for leftovers.'
âCharlie,' Doug pleaded, âyou're our strong right
arm.'
Doug jumped up and made a fist, his face bloodâred. All was lost. This was terrible. Right before his face his plan unraveled and the grand revolt was over.
At that very instant the town clock boomed twelve o'clock, noon, the long iron strokes which came as salvation because Doug leapt to the edge of the porch and stared toward the town square, up at that great terrible iron monument, and then down at the grassy park, where all the old men played at their chessboards.
An expression of wild surmise filled Doug's face.
âHey,' he murmured. âHold on. The chessboards!' he cried. âStarvation's one thing, and that helps, but now I see what our
real
problem is. Down outside the courthouse, all those terrible old men playing chess.'
The boys blinked.
âWhat?' said Tom.
âYeah, what?' echoed the boys.
âWe're
on
the chessboard!' cried Douglas. âThose chess pieces, those chessmen, those are us! The old guys
move
us on the squares, the streets! All our lives we've been there, trapped on the chessboards in the square, with them shoving us around.'
âDoug,' said Tom. âYou got brains!'
The clock stopped booming. There was a great wondrous silence.
âWell,' said Doug, exhaling, âI guess you know what we do
now
!'