Far Away Home (27 page)

Chapter 31

Although they
had agreed to keep their intentions secret, Moran made no effort to hide his
affection. He appeared nightly when the midnight crowd thinned and greeted her
with a touch on her arm, a hand on her shoulder or a pat on her head
accompanied by an endearing salutation. As blatant as his overt gestures were,
they paled when compared to the excitement in his eyes. At first, his attention
embarrassed Aislynn, but he was a potent, insistent force. She was carried
along like a leaf in a river current.

Residents of the
camp had long speculated Liam Moran was in love with Aislynn and intended to
marry her. By Aislynn’s birthday, it was common knowledge, information traded
in the street. Moran had insisted Aislynn celebrate her birthday with a party
at the Claimjumper, where everything would be done for her. With clandestine
assistance from Stella, he planned an elaborate affair. Expensive food was
prepared, ice was sculpted, champagne was poured, and music played. At the end
of the grand evening, Aislynn blew out nineteen candles. Moran raised his glass
and wished, “Happy birthday to my darling Aislynn.” The guests cheered and
sipped their wine as Moran slipped a square-cut, emerald ring on her finger,
covering her tiny Claddagh.

Moran commanded
Aislynn’s total attention. She rarely had a free moment he did not fill. He no
longer traveled, not even returning to the ranch at night. He conducted all his
business from the mine office and slept at the hotel. Overwhelmed by the
intensity of his esteem, she was learning what pleased him and trying to
conform. In deference to his sensitivity toward her former intimacies, she
began to refrain from references to Johnny and Tim. Her walks to the cemetery
were curtailed, only taken when she knew Moran was otherwise engaged. She
stopped mentioning the arrival of letters from Tim and did not share the news
they contained.

The restaurant
was quiet when the boy from the express office trotted in with the telegram.
Afraid the missive held bad news, Aislynn braced herself as she read the brief
message from Papa Nolan. Her heart filled with grief for Tim when she read Emma
had died, but her thoughts turned to Liam. She was afraid to tell him, afraid
of his response. Reconsidering, she realized her concern should rest with Tim.
She fell into a chair and remembered the shock, the void, the recognition, and
the hard-biting pain that could still stop her heart. Aislynn knew the
desperation Tim was feeling without Emma.

Aislynn
announced to her few patrons she was closing. She put up a sign and went home.
She was sorry Mother Maher was asleep; she wanted a companion. She made a cup
of tea, crawled into bed and wept for Emma, for Tim, for Johnny, her baby and
herself.

With the banging
on the door, she remembered Moran. She could see the concern in his eyes. “Oh,
Liam,” she sniffed into her handkerchief, “something awful has happened. It's
Emma; she passed away.”

He gave her a
tender hug. “But you can’t get yourself so upset about something you can’t do
anything about. Tim has his family and her family. He’s not facing this alone.”
Aislynn nodded behind her hankie. Liam tried to peek behind her cover, “At
least they had five months together.” 

Liam pulled her
close again, but this embrace felt different; it had direction. He asked,
“Makes you think about wasting time, doesn’t it? Why do we wait for things we
want when they’re within reach?”

Aislynn
struggled with her thoughts while the air seemed to drain from the room. Her
breathing became labored, and her heart raced. She wondered if she had to
protect herself or please him. She realized that once she gave in, she could
not get out. However, if she loved him, should she be asking or acting?
Hesitant, she tipped her head back, and her lips sought his.

He led her to
the bedroom. In seconds, his practiced hands had her robe and her nightgown
untied, unbuttoned and in a heap on the floor. Liam lowered her on the bed and
began to explore her body. His movements were slow, lingering each time he heard
or felt a reaction. It was the most pleasurable agony. He found a place where
he could break through her reserve, reveal her rawest emotions and drain her
will. She thought she was dissolving into him, yet she opened herself wider. He
was searching for a specific signal. When her body shuddered, and she gasped
and moaned and called out his name, he answered her.

He slipped off
and leaned over her, running his fingers over her lips. In the explosion,
Aislynn had scattered. Her breath returned as she was trying to pull herself
back into who she was. As ecstasy waned, guilt rose up to replace it. “Liam, we
shouldn’t have…”

“Regrets, so
soon?”

“We aren’t
married, and I wanted to wait.”

He said,
“Mourning is over,” in a manner that told her not to pursue the topic again.
“And for all intents and purposes, we are married. Except for a few legal ends
to tie up, our relationship is clear and consummated.”

Aislynn chewed
at her lip as an unsettled feeling stretched over her. She reached up and held
his face in her hands, wanting to absorb his certainty. “Aislynn,” he
whispered, “the payroll is due on Friday. Saturday morning, I’m going to take
you to Sacramento and have Father Kelly marry us.”

He had meant to
reassure her, but the idea of marrying in a church raised a new concern. If she
married him in a church, would God make her spend eternity with him instead of
Johnny? Aislynn’s loyalties were conflicted. With a shiver, she passed from
confusion into apprehension.

“My poor
darling, are you cold?” Before she could respond, he said, “I’ll just have to
warm you up again.” 

His hand brushed
her breast, and she tried to assess him. “Liam, I am beginning to think you
only want me for my body.”

He was kissing
her neck, his beard scratching her shoulder. “No,” his voice was thick and hot,
“I want your mind and your heart and your soul and your spirit.”

Aislynn wanted
to ask, “What does that leave for me?” but he was stealing her breath, taking
away her words.

Chapter 32

Aislynn woke
when Mother Maher closed the front door. The first thing she felt was Liam’s
arms holding her and the weight of his leg on hers. She realized his hat and
coat were hanging in the front hall, and Mother Maher must have seen them. Her
shame escaped in a sigh.

Moran stretched
as he lay blinking in the sunlight. He brought his arms back around her, and
she could feel his intentions. He made hot, fast love to her. When he rolled
off, he took the covers with him. Aislynn yelped, “Liam!’

A soft laugh
came from deep in his throat. “I can touch you and kiss you, but I can’t look
at you?”

Aislynn tried to
grab for the blankets, but he held them fast. He bent over her and kissed her
belly, “You know Aislynn, we might have that baby sooner than we thought.”

She rubbed her
hands in his hair and said, “I hope so.”

He rose and
began dressing. “I want you to go to Ogden today. See Madame Dijon and get
yourself some dresses.”

Pulling a
blanket around her, she replied, “I don’t have money for clothes.”

“I know, but I
do.” He started to list the clothes she needed. “Tell her if she can just get
you the basics by Saturday morning, I’ll pay her double.”

Once Aislynn
arrived at work, she realized how much needed to be done before she left. She
began ordering food, reviewing bills, and teaching the women bookkeeping. She
had no time to take the eight-hour round trip ride to Ogden. She knew Liam
would be disappointed. As soon as he appeared in the restaurant, she promised
she would go the next day. He gave her a disapproving look, but she gave him a
public peck and his feathers seemed to unruffle.

Moran assumed
Aislynn’s nights belonged to him. He walked her home, and he led her straight
to the bedroom. Aislynn was a bit hesitant. However, she was easily persuaded
and slipped into bed with him.

“When you go to
Ogden, I want you to see Jim Flanagan. He’s an attorney.”

Aislynn,
squinting in the morning light, gave him a bewildered look, and he continued,
“I think you should turn the restaurant and the house over to Mrs. Maher.”

Aislynn’s mouth
fell open. “Why? They’re all I have.”

“Aislynn, I’m
surprised at you; you’re usually so generous.”

“Liam, you’re
asking me to give away everything I’ve worked for, everything I own.”

Moran buttoned
his pants and sat next to her on the bed. He scooped her into his arms, resting
her on his knees. “You have no idea how much we have.”

“You have...”

“We have; you’re
part of me, now.” He placed a kiss on her cheek. “Darling, you don’t realize
how much responsibility you have being my wife. You have a ranch to run, a
business to learn. You are going to have to know all about my holdings and how
to manage them. If anything happens to me, you can’t trust other people to
protect your interests. You have to do that for yourself and our children. You
are not going to have time to come into camp every day.”

“You do.”

He frowned at
her, “Aislynn, you know marriage changes a woman’s life far more than a man’s.
Your time and your attention belong to me, to our marriage and eventually to
our family.”

Aislynn
understood her role and his expectations. “But why do I have to give everything
I’ve worked for to Mother Maher?”

“Because she has
nothing.”

Selfishness
shamed her, but Aislynn wanted to keep her property. She put her arms around
his neck and purred, “Liam, can’t I just let her run the restaurant?”

He frowned and
said, “No. I’ll send the mine wagon down for you in an hour.” He tipped her off
his lap and deposited her playfully on the bed. He rose to leave. “And don’t
forget to see Madame Dijon.”

Aislynn pouted,
annoyed by his “No.” In the back of her mind, she remembered something,
something she had nearly forgotten, something she knew she should not be
remembering.

In Ogden,
Aislynn met with Jim Flanagan. When she explained what Liam wanted her to do,
he asked what Aislynn wanted to do. She searched herself, but she could not
answer him.

Madame Dijon was
thrilled to see Aislynn. She slipped clothes over Aislynn, pinning and chatting
ceaselessly. She had heard of Aislynn’s engagement. “Je sais, I knew.” Madame
said in her affected accent. “I could see eet in hees eyes, I could hear eet in
hees voice. When he came last year, for zee green dress, he deed not say zee
name, he describe hees girl, and I knew. Eet was love. He was hopeful but not
sure. I could not eemagine, tres beau, tres reech. Then, vous picked zee boy.”
She shook her head. “Well, maintenant, vous mend hees heart.” 

Aislynn was
shocked to hear this information. Memories of Salt Lake City assaulted her. Her
heart sank as she recalled the past two years. She had met his advances with
callousness and cruelty.
Love? I didn’t even credit him with feelings.
The conversation made her regretful and ashamed.

Aislynn left the
dressmaker’s and returned to Mr. Flanagan’s. She fell into his empty office
chair and dragged the words out, “Draw up the papers to transfer ownership of
my property into the name of Mary Maher; I’ll be back on Saturday to sign
them.”

When Aislynn
returned to camp, she rode the wagon straight up to the mine office and
surprised Liam, who was still working at his desk behind a cloud of smoke. She
strode across the floor, threw her arms around his neck and announced, “I did
everything you wanted today.”

He gave her a
broad smile and a quick kiss. “That’s my good girl.” His expression changed.
His eyes grew soft and narrow as his hand moved down her leg, “Now, are you
going to do everything I ask tonight?”

“Liam Moran,”
she put her hands on her hips and shook her head, “are you never satisfied?”

Aislynn had only
been in the restaurant for a few moments when the door flew open, and the
express boy jogged in. Carrie and Kathleen had gone home, and Aislynn was
alone, preparing for her last midnight shift.

“You’re
popular.” He held his hand out for a tip. Aislynn handed him two pennies, but
when he offered her the telegram, she hesitated. She could feel the threat. It
was there, being shoved at her. Her heart was pounding so hard her hand was
shaking. The boy’s eyes were wide. “You gotta take it.”

Trembling, she
lifted her hand. He slapped the paper on her palm, raced out the door, throwing
it closed. The bang made her jump. Biting her lip, she opened the telegram. She
breathed a sigh of relief as she read it, “Tim in despair. Come home.” 

Five words
for a dollar.
A sob broke in her throat.
At least, he’s alive.
She
folded the paper into a small square and slipped it into her waistband.

Aislynn
considered Papa Nolan’s request as her customers came and went. Moran breezed
in as the restaurant cleared. She was washing the last dishes when the final
miner strolled out the door. Liam came up behind her and cupped her breasts.
She bolted upright and spun. “Liam! Not in public.”

“Let’s go
someplace private.” He handed her a towel.

As they reached
the parlor, his arms went around her, and the paper at her waist made its
presence heard. “What’s that?” His eyes were bright, “A surprise?” He was
reaching into her waistband.

Aislynn grabbed
his hands, “No, Liam, stop.” He pulled out the telegram with a flourish and
shook it open. “Please. I was going to show it to you.”

He stared at the
message. He set his jaw, the muscles in his face grew taut. He crushed the
paper in his hand and tossed it into the stove. He turned his hard expression
on her, “I believe we were on our way to bed.” His voice was cold, and his eyes
were sharp, poised for her response.

“Why did you
burn it?”

“You can’t go.”

“Oh, Liam,” she
rested her hands on his shoulders, “can’t we get married in Ogden and…”

“No, I’ve made
plans for Sacramento. People have been notified, guests. No, we can’t.”

Aislynn
surrounded his face with her hands. “Would it be so difficult? New York would
make a wonderful wedding trip.”

Liam pulled away
from her, “With Tim in mourning?”

“But,” she
stammered. “Papa Nolan says he needs me.”

“He has his
family.”Aislynn heard his increasing irritation.

“Yes, but I know
them. They’re out of their realm; they can’t help him. How can I turn them
down?”

“They turned you
out.” His voice was a low growl.

“Not Tim, never
Tim. You know that. He’s always been there for me. He stayed, Liam; he stayed
when he wanted to leave, had good reason to leave. I simply can’t say no.”

“Yes, you can.”

Fretting,
Aislynn tried again, “You’ve never had a relationship like ours.”

He crossed his
arms over his chest. “What exactly is your relationship?”

A hand went to
her hip. Her anxiety was drifting into anger. “You know very well. He’s my
friend, my family. Oh,” she huffed, “can’t you see?”

“I see you’re
running to him as soon as that impediment Emma is out of the way.”

Aislynn was
shocked, “It’s not like that!”

“Then explain it
to me, Aislynn.” His words were cold and critical. He was building a wall. She
sensed he had already decided there was no explanation.

“He held my
hand.” She was grasping to find the words to describe what she meant. “He
reached down, gave me his hand and pulled me up. Tim’s always held my hand.
It’s what I have to do for him.” Aislynn met his unreadable stare. “It’s what
we do for each other.” She sighed, “I know them. He needs compassion. The Nolans
can’t give it to him.”

Aislynn bit her
lip and waited for his response.

“It sounds as
though you’ve made your decision.” His words frosted the room.

“Liam, maybe
you’ve never loved anyone like…” She was trying to reassure him.

“Like you love
Johnny and Tim?”

Something
terrible was stalking them. She could feel it ominous, expanding and ready to
spring. She had not invited it, but she realized she had known it was coming.
She bolstered herself with a breath and handed him what he would not accept.
“Loving them does not mean I don’t love you.”

He was hardening
himself against her. “Is this how you show it?”

“I have to go; I
won’t be staying there; I’ll be back in a few weeks.”

“You made me a
promise, Aislynn. In fact, there isn’t a man in this Territory who wouldn’t
agree you’re already my wife.”

Recognizing the
truth, and the consequences of what she had done, for what she was doing, she
said, “I know. I intend to keep my promise.” She felt contrite.

“Fine, then
you’ll obey me.”

The word bit
into her. Aislynn stepped back. Her memory was vivid, “Aren’t loving and
honoring enough?”

“No.” He threw
the word at her. “Tell me, my darling, are there limits to your love for me?”

Trying to reach
what she feared might no longer be reachable, she pleaded with him, “I have
tried to show you; I’ve done everything you’ve asked.”

“But there are
limits.” He sounded as though he were at the end of a tunnel, his words echoed
in her ears.

Her hands
crossed over her heart. “You can’t tell me how to feel, what to think and do.
Being your wife doesn’t mean I stop being me, the woman I’ve always been, the
woman you love.” Her statement was a question. Holding her breath, she waited
for his answer.

“But you’ll put
him above me,” he sneered. “He’s first, Aislynn, always first.” She felt Liam’s
love draining away like the color in his face.

Her hands
gripped her head. Everything was changing. The earth shifted, and she was being
thrown off balance. The room blurred as her eyes filled. “Please Liam, don’t.”
Aislynn tried again, “Can’t you just trust my love?”

“You’re choosing
him!” He seemed to be growing larger, more threatening.

Understanding
settled its weight on her; she was not going to New York for Tim. “Liam, I have
to live with myself, with my choices.”

“And you don’t
have to live with me.”

There was
nothing left. Her strength and her feelings were exhausted. She fell into a
chair and shook her head slowly, “You want too much.”

His body was
ready to pounce. His hands were rolled into fists. His face was distorted with
rage. “Go to New York, Aislynn,” her name slid out like a curse. “Go to hell!
But I won’t come after you, and I won’t be waiting here for you to come back!”

The door
slammed, its wood split, and she wondered why she wasn’t crying.

Aislynn bought
her ticket at the Ogden depot and struggled out to the platform with her
luggage. Her carpetbag slipped from her hand, hit the ground and her delicates
tumbled out, scattering in front of her feet. A gentleman started toward her,
“Can I be of assistance?” he asked.

“No, thank you.
I’m fine by myself,” she answered.

Aislynn gathered
her clothes, laid them in the bag and snapped it shut. Up the line, the roaring
locomotive rolled. Its whistle screeched and the earth shook. Belching steam,
spewing cinders, the engine ground to a stop. Aislynn picked up her bags and
boarded the train.