Fantasyland 04 Broken Dove (61 page)

So, regardless of their different ages and genders, they were close.

Élan wishing to be near me meant her brother was not around her.

This, of course, made the little girl cross because any time she tried to get his attention, he continued to evade it. She didn’t understand why and further didn’t know how to communicate that.

I’d noticed that Apollo was giving this situation a wide berth. I could see he was watchful but he wasn’t intervening.

I had agreed with him that night days before that Christophe should be given some time. He was a boy but he was keen to learn how to be a good man and I figured this was one of Apollo’s ways of teaching him how to be this.

But four days seemed long enough to me.

Apollo said I had a say in raising his kids and that was perhaps the most beautiful gift anyone had ever given me. And considering Apollo had given me a vast amount of beauty that was saying something.

But his assessing if I agreed with his course of action and me bringing it up that I no longer agreed with his course of action were two different things.

“He remembers his mother.”

This came from Finnie who was sitting at my side.

I looked her way.

She really was very pretty, all that white blonde hair, those fascinating ice blue eyes.

Though she didn’t look much like a princess and this mostly had to do with the fact she dressed like men from this world, in breeches, boots, sweaters and cloaks.

It also had to do with the fact that if she was not in the sleigh with me or with her husband and/or son, she was practicing knife fighting with one of Frey’s men or bows and arrows with Chris (and Frey
and
Apollo’s men).

Frey had joined our party a couple of days before and I enjoyed watching them together even as it kind of broke my heart (I didn’t think on this too much, if I did, the “kind of” part of that would be gone).

I loved how he called her “my wee Finnie.” I loved how she addressed him as “husband” and he returned that by calling her “wife.” I loved how they bantered and teased. I loved how his men were with her. I loved how they looked at each other. How they both clearly adored their son and equally clearly adored that the other adored their son.

It was so cool watching a man like Frey, in other words, a man just like Apollo in the macho department, who was entirely unconcerned with communicating to anybody who paid attention that his heart rested in the hands of his wife and the child she gave him.

No, it wasn’t cool.

It was beautiful.

Finnie wasn’t secretive about doting on her husband and son either. And I knew it wasn’t hard to do, considering Frey was as he was and Viktor was an immensely active child (in other words, the sleigh ride was akin to toddler torture), but a sweet one.

In another way Frey was like Apollo, Viktor looked nothing like Finnie. He had inherited his father’s dark hair and green/brown eyes (or, they could also be brown/green, I hadn’t yet decided).

I wondered if given another shot and they had a girl, if she’d get Finnie’s hair and eyes.

And I wondered, if given a shot with Apollo, if we’d make a girl (or a boy) who had my red hair and freckles.

“Maddie?” Finnie called.

I blinked and focused on her.

“Sorry, I was on another planet.”

She grinned. “That happens.”

At her response to my unintentional pun, I grinned back.

Her grin faded and her eyes grew assessing. “Would you like to share?”

I would.

In fact, I needed to share.

This, I found, happened when you actually had someone you could trust to share with. Then again, it happened when you didn’t have someone too. It was just good that these days I had people to talk to.

Yet something more Apollo had given me.

Since I needed to share, I did it.

“Yes, he remembers his mother,” I responded to her earlier comment. “We were doing okay. I’ve been on this world for months now but I’ve only known the kids a few weeks. He was fine until recently when Apollo and I went to the gale, something he saw his parents do often. I don’t think before that he put the two of me being around and the two of me being
around
together. That night, seeing me with his father the way I was, he put it together.”

“I’ll bet,” she replied.

“He’s been detached since then,” I shared. “He’s told his father things are fine. And even though Apollo knows they aren’t, he’s letting him work through it on his own.”

“That’s a big thing to work through,” she noted.

She was so totally right about that.

But I said nothing.

“Have you approached?” Finnie asked.

“I think I should follow his dad’s lead,” I answered. “And seeing as it’s me he has a problem with, I’m not certain that’s the way to go.”

She screwed up her mouth as her gaze slid to Chris and she murmured, “I suppose you’re right.”

I supposed I was right too.

But only supposed.

“I’m happy for him,” she said, her eyes still aimed in Christophe’s direction, so I was confused.

“Chris?” I asked.

She turned and my breath caught at the look in her eyes.

“Apollo,” she whispered.

“Oh,” I whispered back.

“I…he is…” She shook her head. “He went through a dark time with me. In his way, he helped me through it, actually.” Cautiously, eyeing me closely, she finished, “He understood.”

I nodded.

“You know?” she asked.

“That you thought you lost Frey and that he lost Ilsa?”

It was her turn to nod.

“Yes. I know about Ilsa and Apollo’s told me the stories of all the other women of our world and their men. Or, what he knows to tell.”

“Then you would understand how Apollo means a great deal to me.”

“I do,” I said quietly.

“So I’m happy. Watching you two. Seeing the way he looks at you. Watching him smile and laugh. Honestly, Maddie, I’ve known him now for over two years, and although I’d seen him smile, I don’t know if I’ve ever heard him laugh. It makes me happy he has that. It makes me happy to see he’s happy you give it to him.”

I loved that.

I absolutely loved it.

I just wished I could give him more.

Not just smiles and laughter.

Things like what he gave me. Big things. Important things. Precious things.

Everything.

“It’s not my place to thank you.” She grinned. “But I’m going to do it anyway.”

I grinned back, it was a tad forced, but it was mostly genuine. “Pleased to be of service, especially that kind.”

“I appreciate you giving my wee wife a rest, Maddie, but I’ll take him now.”

I jumped slightly when Frey’s rich deep voice sounded at my other side. I had just enough time to turn my head and look up to see him already bending to me. Without delay, he whisked his son out of my arms.

He curled the tot to his broad chest, Viktor’s legs dangling over his dad’s forearm, his head resting on his shoulder, bringing to life the vision of one of those pictures with a hot guy and a kid that I used to see on calendars and such. Taking it in, I wondered if it would be hotter if Frey held a kitten instead of a kid.

Probably not.

Though, seeing him cradle his son, I’d like to see him cuddle a kitty.

Frey’s eyes went to his wife.

“I’ll put him down, my love.”

“All right, honey,” Finnie replied.

I felt something hollow out in my insides as I watched this exchange but I made certain my lips were smiling when Frey’s eyes came to my face before he dipped his chin and took off with Viktor.

I watched him go and when I turned back to Finnie, I saw she was also watching her husband go with a look on her face that I understood.

I felt that look. I felt it for Apollo. Maybe not that strong. Maybe without years and adventures and a baby making it stronger.

But I felt it.

Finnie gave her husband smiles and laughter. She also shared his adventures since they were both just that. Adventurers. She challenged his mind with her wit. She’d done brave things for a country that wasn’t even hers (though, now it was), going so far as killing a man.

She had much to give.

That empty feeling inside me grew.

When Finnie finally caught my eyes, she blinked and I knew by her expression she’d read my thoughts on my face.

Quickly, so she wouldn’t ask about it, I declared, “Frey and Apollo are a lot alike.”

“Cousins,” Finnie said.

“They are?” I asked and she nodded.

“Yep. Frey’s grandmother Eugenie was an Ulfr.” Her lips were quirking when she remarked, “You’ve met the Drakkars.”

I fought back my shudder before I confirmed, “Yes.”

“Well then you know there had to be some good blood coming from somewhere to make Frey and his brothers.” She leaned into me and her lips were no longer quirking. She caught me fighting back the shudder so she was now smiling. “That was Eugenie.”

Well, that explained that.

“Ah,” I murmured.

“Mm-hmm,” she murmured back and after she did, she giggled.

And since she giggled, I giggled too.

We then giggled more.

We only stopped giggling when another rich deep voice came from my side.

This one I liked a whole lot better.

It was Apollo’s as he said, “I’m loathe to disturb your merriment, but the children will soon be heading up for their baths.”

I looked up at Apollo, knowing what this meant.

We were riding back much as we’d ridden to Brunskar. This was with brief pit stops to stretch our legs, eat lunch, feed and water the horses, and then pressing forward.

But due to Loretta having an injury and Finnie having a toddler, we ended our rides early enough to settle in our rooms and get a good hot meal.

Therefore, the last few days, Apollo had set about making it so he and I spent time with Chris and Élan alone before they had their baths and went to bed.

This was, I knew, his way of dealing with the Chris situation as well as simply offering the children more opportunities to get to know “us” as an “us” and that meant more than just the Apollo and me “us” but the family “us.”

Normally, I would love this.

The way Chris was remote during these times, which Apollo kept brief likely in deference to his son’s feelings, I didn’t like it all that much.

Nevertheless, I pinned a bright smile on my face and said, “Okeydokey.”

The instant he heard me say that word, Apollo smiled a warm, intimate smile that should have warmed me through and through.

It didn’t.

It simply made me feel emptier.

I didn’t let him see this.

I said my goodnight to Finnie and took Apollo’s hand.

He pulled me out of my seat and led us to his children.

* * * * *

That night after Apollo made love to me, we were lying face-to-face in each other’s arms.

I was thinking of what Apollo would look like holding a kitten. Envisioning it in my head, I felt all warm and squishy inside (or warmer and squishier, I always felt pretty warm and squishy after Apollo made love to me).

I didn’t know what Apollo was thinking.

Until he told me.

“You are very natural with Viktor,” he murmured, his voice sexy-sleepy.

I had to admit, I appreciated his sexy-sleepy voice and I wished I could focus on that.

But instead, I closed my eyes tight and pressed closer to his warmth, visions of Apollo cuddling a kitty disintegrating and visions of Apollo cradling our redheaded daughter (or son) crowding in.

They were beautiful.

And they hurt.

I opened my eyes and shared, “It’s easy to be natural with him when he’s tuckered out. I lost count of how many times he made a play toward the front of the sleigh so he could launch himself on Anguish’s back.”

“His father’s son,” Apollo murmured.

That was the truth.

He gathered me even closer and his voice was still drowsy (and hot) when he said, “Watching you with Viktor, I now understand how you find me beautiful when you see me with my children.”

Oh God.

He was killing me.

Since he was and I was fighting that feeling (and that feeling took a lot of fighting), I said nothing.

Apollo, as was his way, read that I needed him to leave it at that. I knew it when he changed the subject to ask, “I must request a favor.”

“Anything,” I whispered, the feeling in that not hidden because I meant it.

A lot.

I’d give him anything. Anything I had to give.