Fantasy of Fire (The Tainted Accords Book 3) (14 page)

I’ve learned there’s more to life than revenge. I’ve also learned that when you don’t take in the bigger picture, you make mistakes. I want to twist the head from the assassin’s body, slowly. I want to hear the murderer’s screams. I want to rule Osolis on my terms. I want to heal my people, fix my world, and rule with fairness.

I want these things so badly.

But am I going to ignore a civil war to rush headlong into something I’ll later regret? Am I going to sacrifice my own happiness to achieve these things?

Not if I can help it.

“I understand what this means to you,” he continues. “Wearing the veil is a terrible thing, and I wish with every part of my being there could be another way. But do you not see what it will mean for our people?
Your
people? They need you to be Tatum, and to be
Tatum
you must wear the veil. They cannot know you have blue eyes. You cannot show these…” he searches for the right word and hisses it. “Foreigners your face.”

The door swings open behind me. I don’t bother turning; only Jovan steps that lightly. The air between me and my brother is tense. How can I remind him of his position while signaling my appreciation for his opinion?

“Were it up to you,” I begin, emphasizing the first word, “what would you have me do?”

“Stop this foolishness. Limit the amount of people who know to those who already know. Keep your difference a secret. Return to Osolis immediately.” He scowls at King Jovan. “And take your rightful place as Tatum. The veil must remain. It is an upsetting sacrifice on your behalf—”

Jovan breaks his silence. “Upsetting!” I groan and glance over my shoulder, silently begging him to stay quiet. He glares at me and crosses his arms, straightening to his full height.

“I agree with you, in part," I say. "But I also believe one principal can be applied to most problems, and that is, we should learn from the past. Mother based her life on secrets, and now that a single foundation has weakened, she’s in danger of the whole building crashing down around her. Not only that, but her fear of discovery has leeched Osolis dry—no matter what her initial intentions were. Would you advise me to follow her down this path?”

I approach Olandon, being careful not to touch him. “There’s much I’m still trying to figure out, but I know if I'm unhappy, Osolis will eventually be unhappy too.” Jovan’s words from last night ring in my mind. “The two are tied. They are for any ruler.” I wonder what Jovan thinks of that. “I can’t be happy with the veil on. I've tasted life without it, and if I can find
any
way live with it off, I will.”

Olandon’s eyes harden. “Mother was right. You will destroy Osolis,” he says in a bitter voice. My shoulders slump as he pushes past me.

“Sorry you had to hear that,” I say in small voice. I face Jovan with a tired smile.

“It’s hard for him,” I explain. And it is. More than I’d previously thought. I talk of the Tatum’s world crumbling to the ground, but in Olandon’s mind, my actions are tearing at the unstable holds he’s clinging to. He probably feels like he’s still on the Oscala.

“They are assembled in the meeting room,” Jovan says in a stiff voice. He’s mad. Scary mad. My face falls.

“Okay, okay. Right,” I croak. I search for the veil, flustered. Where did I put it? Jovan bends and holds the material out to me, along with the band.

“T-thanks,” I stutter and grab the veil with trembling hands. He places a kiss on the palm of both my hands once the veil is in place.

“You’re making the right choice. The boy is young. He doesn’t understand the sacrifice he's asking of you.”

“He’s only a year younger, maybe two. I don’t really know,” I babble. I believed my mother lied about my age to distance herself from the peace delegation, but I had no proof.

Jovan shakes his head. “You know what I mean. You should be that young, but you aren’t. Circumstances changed you. You can do this. I’ll be there with you the whole time.”

My body is full of nervous tension. I feel like I could fight twenty people all at once. Then do it all over again. My eyes adjust to the new darkness and I make out the king’s frame.

Jovan will be there. I won’t be alone. “Let’s go.”

If anyone could have distracted me on the walk to the meeting room, it would’ve been Jovan. But though I hear his voice, and know he’s talking, I can’t focus on anything he’s saying. Instead, I go through the list of people in the room; Malir, Sadra, Rhone, Adnan, Sanjay, Roman, Fiona, Shard, Avalanche, Blizzard, Ice, Alzona, Crystal, and Jacquiline. Hopefully, seeing my face might make Jacky realize what I did wasn’t personal, or disloyal. I could regain a friend today. I trusted each of these people, in differing ways. But doubts run rampant in my mind. What if Alzona decided to sell the information for gold? What if Sanjay got drunk and said too much? What if they couldn’t get over their disgust of my mixed blood? At least Crystal would understand. But then she’d know I took advantage of her to escape Jovan last sector.

Jovan leaves me at the door. “I need to do something before we enter. Wait for me here; I won’t be long.”

I stay silent instead of asking him questions and exposing my fear.

He grips my shoulders. “I won’t be long, I promise you,” he reassures.

I wave him off with more courage than I feel. “I’ll be okay.”

I sit, back stiff with tension. What if Olandon is right? Will I look back on this moment and wish I could take it back, like so many other moments in my life?

I stare with unseeing eyes at the meeting room door. A dull murmuring hits my senses. They’re in there—my friends! Will they still be my friends in half an hour?

I move on shaky limbs to the door. When the walls start pulsating around me, I have a second of surprise that it hasn’t happened earlier. I lean in until both hands are on the door. I know what I have to do to make it go away. I’m in control. It’s coming from me. I’m the one who can make it go away. And it will go away. I know, because I’ve done it before. Eventually the walls, rather than pulsing, will throb, then vibrate. In the end, they’ll just shimmer.

The walls stop moving.

I stare at the heavy wooden barrier in front of me. The murmuring is still there. My friends are on the other side making that sound, not my enemies.

They are not my enemies, I repeat.

Good or bad, I need to know what attitudes I’ll be facing if I want any degree of happiness in my future.

I look over my shoulder.

The king said to wait for him to enter the room. But he won’t always be around to lean on. I shouldn’t grow accustomed to it. I take a fortifying breath as I force my clenched fingers to take hold of the weighted clasp on the door. I set my mind on the impossible future I can’t help desiring.

There is nowhere left to go but forward.

The door creaks shut behind me. My abrupt arrival snaps the conversation to a halt. I imagine that fourteen curious people are currently staring my way. Six of them will have no idea who this veiled figure is. Of all of them, Rhone may be the only person here that might be able to guess what’s about to happen.

They sit in two groups. The barracks to the left, and the delegates and their wives to the right. They must be wondering what they could possibly have in common that they’d be summoned here together. I doubt they’ve spoken at all, even though the men from the barracks spent several weeks at the castle training with some of the delegates. It must be hard work ignoring a group of people no more than five meters from you. Both groups do it anyway. A bubble of hysterical laughter spouts up and I clamp my lips shut.

“Tatuma Olina.” Malir approaches with a bow. Though always polite, he’s stepping up the manners for the present barracks company. “Do you know why we’ve been summoned?”

I wonder if Shard will recognize my voice.

“The king will be along shortly and you’ll be told what is to happen,” I say. I don’t mean my voice to sound cold, but it does—overcompensating for my nerves, I think. I watch from the corner of my eye as Alzona and the others turn their heads to face one another. My heart beats wildly. Have they guessed?

I rest against the stone-circle table, but quickly see my legs aren’t going to hold me up. I take measured steps past the barracks members and catch Crystal’s wide-eyed glance. She believes she’s looking at the Tatuma of Osolis. Do the others know what a Tatuma is? Am I really that different with the veil on that they can’t tell it’s me?

I take my usual seat opposite the throne and wait.

It speaks volumes of the tension in the room that Sanjay remains quiet.

The king throws the door open with a crash and I almost slide onto the ground in a fainted heap. If I could ever love that grating slam it would be now. My brother trails behind him. Is that where Jovan disappeared to? Emotion swells within me. He knew I needed Olandon here with me.

Neither of the men greet my friends with a welcome.

Olandon moves to the table in front of me and bends down on one knee. Subservient. He is dressed in robes. He must be freezing, but it’s a good move; the robes show our link to Osolis. And his deference will help as well.

He glances up at me and I gesture to my right. He moves his head back in slight surprise. No doubt he thought he’d be banished to my left. The king approaches me, leaving his conversation with Rhone. He leans close to me over the table.

“You didn’t wait,” he says.

“I wanted to do it myself,” I whisper back.

He makes an exasperated noise in the back of his throat. “Of course you did.” He pushes against the table and turns to the room.

“Take a seat,” he booms. I roll my eyes at his rudeness.

“Who of the two groups are sitting next to each other?” I ask Olandon.

“There is a seat between them, but Rhone and a man even larger than him with scars all over his face,” he says. Avalanche.

There’s silence in the room. I start when I realize Jovan has turned my way.

“Tatuma, I believe you had something you wanted to say?” he prompts. Dread doesn’t just slap me in the face; it rolls through me with the force of a galloping herd. I hadn’t given any thought to this exact moment. Getting through the door had consumed me entirely. How was I going to tell
them?

The walls begin to shimmer.

I must make some sign because Olandon grips my hand beneath the table and squeezes.

“Y-yes King Jovan, I do.” I stand as he moves around the table. He doesn’t take the position to my left. He doesn’t sit down either. He stands just behind me, giving me the floor and quite literally watching my back.

I clear my throat wondering where to begin. The silence is so loud, and I know everyone wonders why I’m not talking. Fear beats in my chest.

Words so low I barely hear them sound behind me. “From the beginning, Lina.” Jovan saying my name is like a key. The block in my mind opens and I know exactly where to start.

“Likely you are all wondering why you’ve been called here today,” I say, relieved my voice is clear. “The truth is, though you don’t know it yet, you’re all important to me.”

“What’d the girly say?” I hear Ice whisper. The others hush him.

“For those of you who aren’t … accustomed to me, I am the Tatuma Olina. In Bruma terms, this means I’m the princess, the heir to the throne of Osolis.” I take a calming breath. “I’ve been veiled since birth by my mother. You may have heard of her dislike of me, even here—it is certainly no secret on my home world.” I sigh heavily. “In truth, I don’t like to talk of my childhood. Most of it was spent locked in a room, and when I was allowed out at ten years of age, it was only to discover a dark and twisted world.” There’s a sharp intake of air behind me. Oops, I don’t think Jovan knew that particular detail. I continue. “I suffered greatly at the hands of my mother. I was beaten bloody too many times to count. What was done is too horrific and personal to repeat.”

Someone gasps. Fiona.

“Luckily my brother, Olandon, helped me as much as he could. He, along with my young twin brothers and an old friend, made life bearable.” I rest a hand on my brother’s shoulder.

“My life continued this way, and I didn’t expect it to change until the peace delegation came from Glacium. Some of you were in that party,” I say, gesturing to where Roman, Adnan and the others sit. “But I came to know one in particular. Prince Kedrick. While the accords were renegotiated, we got to know each other well. He eventually came to ask why I was veiled.” I glance over to where the assembly are sitting. “Those of you who knew him can imagine how much control he had to exert not to ask me before that moment.” Sanjay chuckles at the back of the meeting room.

I pause for a few moments, trying to perfectly form what I want to say.

“Can you believe I had never seen my own face before coming to Glacium?” I ask.

It is so quiet I can hear Jovan’s breathing.

“I know you’d think it near impossible. But my mother went to great lengths to prevent it happening. Mirrors were destroyed, lakes were filled in, and still water was forbidden.” I look around the circle. Though I cannot see them, I know the action will make them feel like I can. “Osolis is not like Glacium. The population is much smaller and there is nowhere to hide from the Tatum. To break her rule is instant death—for you, and for your family. She made others fear me. People in the court loathed me because they thought they might garner favor with my mother. But not only did she make others fear me, she made me fear myself.”

I let out a bitter chuckle. “It seems strange, doesn’t it? To be afraid of yourself? I knew I could take the veil off. However, I also knew what she would do to those people who saw me. I knew, because once, while still young, I showed a village girl. The young girl’s throat was slit in front of me. Her blood was all over my hands. It still is.” The hollow confession causes me physical pain to say aloud.

Someone’s crying. A woman.

“Whenever I was tempted to show my brother, memories of blood spurting from the girl’s throat would quickly remind me it was not worth the risk.”

“Olandon hadn’t even seen you?” Adnan asks, dumbfounded.

“No, no one had seen my face since birth, I assume, excepting an aunty who possibly cared for me,” I reply.

I walk around the table as I talk. I need to move. The tension in the room is unbearable.

“Over time, I began to fear the veil. What if it slid off while I was working at the orphanage? What family would my mother kill? What if it flew off in training? Would she kill Aquin, my old instructor? My mother carved this fear into me by design. But I only found that out later.” My movements become jerky. I plant my feet in the middle of the ring and screw my eyes shut.

“Kedrick eventually figured it out. The Tatum didn’t want me to remove the veil. It wasn’t anything to do with my degree of ugliness. She was
afraid
of me taking it off. It seems obvious, doesn’t it? It was to your prince. What was the Tatum trying to hide? Eventually, when facing a beating that likely would have killed me, I threatened to remove the veil. It is one of my favorite memories: the moment I saw my mother terrified.”

Someone speaks up. “Prince Kedrick warned us a month before we left. He didn’t give any details—just told us to be alert for danger.”

I dip my head at the person speaking. Roman, maybe. “It was because he knew I’d given Mother an ultimatum. Touch me again or hurt those I love and I will show everyone my face.”

I tug on the veil. A nervous gesture I can’t remember doing for some time. “Prince Kedrick saw my face just before he was shot saving me. His death sparked a cascade of events for me.”

Sounds of agreement from the delegates make me smile.

“Fiona, Jacky. Do you remember the day I asked you to teach me how to sew?”

“Of course,” Fiona says in a wobbling voice. It is she who was crying earlier. I suppose the pregnancy is making her emotional.

“You cut your hand on the mirror, and it brought up bad memories,” she says.

“A lie I thought necessary at the time. I apologize,” I say. “I looked at my face for the first time that day.” I toy with the bottom of my veil. The barracks are probably still wondering what’s going on. I keep expecting Shard to figure it out. Frost isn’t here, after all, and she said she would be.

“It took a colossal effort to remove this light material after years of habitual defeat. And, unfortunately, with its removal, all of my hopes and ambitions vanished into thin air. For the first time I discovered the reason my mother veiled me. It was not the happy ending I envisioned. You see, if I’d just been ugly, or beautiful, or deformed, it wouldn’t have been a problem…”

I take a better grip of the veil and face the barracks.

“You’ll soon understand your part in all this,” I say to my Outer Rings friends. “I’m sorry, but you come later in the story. For now, I wish to show you all my face.”

There are hushed whispers in the back of the room. The king clears his throat and the extra sound disappears.

“I show you because you’re all dear to me and I wish to live without lies. But I also show you because I wish for your support. Recent events forced me to show my face to an outsider. There are several others who have seen me too. I feel it is only a matter of time until the truth becomes known, one way or the other. I’d rather tell you in the way you deserve.”

I can’t resist the urge. I turn to find Jovan. He’s not there. I search for him and see he's stepped to my right. He stands just a breath away, but he’s there and I know he won’t leave me alone. I take off the Kaur band and look at my brother. After a few moments he nods, moving to stand to my left.

He’ll never know what that means to me.

Bunching the coarse fabric in my hands, I inhale, knowing my world is about to change, and then exhale, feeling some kind of peace that soon the secret will be a secret no longer. The burden will no longer be on my shoulders alone.

I’ve always closed my eyes when lifting the veil in front of someone new. This time my eyes stay open as I draw the veil up over the tips of my shoulders. I focus on keeping the tremble from my hands as it comes to my chin, my nose, and with a final tug, ridding my face of emotion, I pull it entirely from my head.